Don't look back, you can never look back.

Don't look back, you can never look back.

:: 2004 6 July :: 11.45 am

Mario Winans-Never really was
download this song its good!

[Talking]
I just need to talk to you for a second,
It won't take me long,
I gotta get this off my chest,
Listen!

I'm really glad that you can take out time,
Cause I got a lot on my mind,
I never thought that you would be the kind,
To do the dirt and hang you head,
Babygirl won't you make me understand,
Why you would say the things you said to me,
You made me believe we would be forever
But it was all a lie

[Chorus]
If it never really was what you seen in me,
Why did you say you believed in me,
It's all because of you my security,
It's driving me crazy baby,
If it never really was what you had for me,
Why did you say that you wanted me, needed me,
If it never really was what you meant for me,
Tell me

Now I know I've asked you time and time again,
Were you sure you didn't want another man,
I would of understood it back then,
But you had to wait until I gave in,
Now I know I've been a sucker for your love,
Baby tell me what the hell was I thinking of,
I should of listened to them when they told me
But I learned the hard way

[Chorus]
If it never really was what you seen in me,
Why did you say you believed in me,
It's all because of you my security,
It's driving me crazy baby,
If it never really was what you had for me,
Why did you say that you wanted me, needed me,
If it never really was what you meant for me,
Tell me

Why would you play with my heart,
When I gave it all,
It's tearing me apart girl,
All you had to do is say so,
I would of let you go,
You're making it so hard girl

Why would you play with my heart,
When I gave it all,
It's tearing me apart girl,
All you had to do is say so,
I would of let you go,
You're making it so hard girl

Tell me why, why baby

[Chorus]
If it never really was what you seen in me,
Why did you say you believed in me,
It's all because of you my security,
It's driving me crazy baby,
If it never really was what you had for me,
Why did you say that you wanted me, needed me,
If it never really was what you meant for me,
Tell me

[Chorus]
If it never really was what you seen in me,
Why did you say you believed in me,
It's all because of you my security,
It's driving me crazy baby,
If it never really was what you had for me,
Why did you say that you wanted me, needed me,
If it never really was what you meant for me,
Tell me

[Chorus (Girl's part)]
If it never really was what you seen in me,
Why did you say you believed in me,
(I just tried to give you what you needed)
It's all because of you my security,
It's driving me crazy baby,
(Would you just tell me why you lied to me)
If it never really was what you had for me,
Why did you say that you wanted me, needed me,
(don't know)
If it never really was what you meant for me,
Tell me

1 <3// | [xXx]

:: 2004 5 July :: 4.06 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Mario Winans-Never really was

bah wtf is wrong with me

I feel so disconnected... I miss my friends and I feel like I don't even know myself anymore either

BAH I worry about everything possible.. like I intentionally find something to make myself worry about

I guess I'm just starting to adjust to the summer... and not being in school and seeing every single one of my friends everyday... now I only see them like a day at a time... or not even

if I'm with the same people all the time I usually get annoyed.. but now it's the opposite. well I can never be happy I dunno what's wrong with me, I can never find the good in any situation

[xXx]

:: 2004 4 July :: 5.24 pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: Get Right

Happy 4th of Julyy :-)

Tonight Jessica's coming over... then we are going to the fireworks... either at Cloverleaf or at Coolidge with Jimmy and Robbie

It's always been a dream of mine to sit with the person I love and watch the fireworks.. :-[

I didn't see him yesterday... and he's leaving tomorrow I hope I can see him tonight ??

...I had a talk with my mom today...
she randomly told me she "doesn't like what I'm getting myself into" and that I shouldn't be wasting my time with Robbie.
What scares me is that my mom is ALWAYS right. What doesn't is that she doesn't know him like I do... but I also realized I don't know as much as I thought I did.
if I did, then this wouldn't be so damn hard...

I dunno I REALLY dunno...
all I know is that for the past (almost) year,
no one has meant more to me than him and I'm not sure if/when thats gonna change..

I'm only fourteen, but if I know what the word means then it's because of him

I can't say I love you I don't know what that means

2 <3//s | [xXx]

:: 2004 3 July :: 11.36 pm
:: Mood: pessimistic again..
:: Music: 97.7

why don't I feel close with them anymore..

I dunno why but I don't feel as close as I used to be with any of my friends anymore..
I dunno when it started but it's some random feeling..
I've had times when I've been closer with one of them than the rest.. but never a feeling that I wasn't closer to one more than the other.. like I'm not close to any of them. maybe it's because I'm just starting to not understand myself anymore..

ever since the last day of school..and when liz got in trouble, I feel like I'm starting to fall apart. I'm always so pessimistic about everything... like everyones out to get me.

all I ever did all day when Liz was grounded was sit around.. and think of everything thats wrong with me and all my problems.. I have a feeling thats not a good thing. I go out more now but I dunno I don't feel like I'm needed by anyone anymore. I've also gotten really depressed lately everytime I come down from being high, I dunno what it is.. but it's not good. And I can't talk to anyone about it... there's no one there

Happy 4th tomorrow

4 <3//s | [xXx]

:: 2004 3 July :: 12.32 pm
:: Mood: pessimistic

*Angelina-Forever

I never met a person quite like you
Someone that makes me feel loved
I wanna be the one that you are thinking of
The one that brightens your day
Because there's nobody else
That can do the things you do
Forever, I'll be there for you
So when you feel the need to love
Let me be the one you're thinking of
Because I will make it so right

Forever (forever) and ever (and ever)
I will always be there for you
Forever (forever) and ever (and ever)
I will always be there for you baby
I promise

I got to tell you what I feel in my heart
I wrote this song jus to say
No one's ever gonna love me
Nobody but you
I'm yours from this very day
Cause there's nobody else
That can make me feel the way you do
I promise I'll always be true
So when you feel the need to love
Let me be the one you're thinking of
Because I will make it so right

Forever (forever) and ever (and ever)
I will always be there for you
Forever (forever) and ever (and ever)
I will always be there for you baby

I promise.

[xXx]

:: 2004 3 July :: 12.29 am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Blink182-Down

bah wtf

I am mad once again...my day was going fine til I got high n for some reason it ruined everything..

I smoked a half pack of cigarettes in the last 2 and a half hours cuz im having like a panic attack or something.

and now I'm eating like a dozen ice pops... I need to calm down and go to sleep or something and stop trying to THINK.

I'm out

[xXx]

:: 2004 1 July :: 10.55 pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: punk rock princess

everyone reading my latest entries is gonna think I have fricken bipolar or something...

well I went to go meet robbie on elmwood @ like.. 9:30 cause I needed to get everything out that I wrote in that last entry.. it's not doing any good rambling on in my journal about it if he doesn't know..

but anyways I feel so much better now, I really needed to let all of that out.

I just dunno though I can't trust him or anyone anymore, too much shit has happened thats made me lose faith in everything I once had

krazykelc 1: i am the kind of person who always tells theirself to take every chance at happyness though
krazykelc 1: like i would rather take a chance n get hurt
krazykelc 1: like i have before.. then go thru life wondering wat would have happened if i didnt do it
x we4k inside: yeah i no :-\ me too
krazykelc 1: no matter how much i hurt in the end..
krazykelc 1: cuz i know i will always recover
krazykelc 1: and i will still have memories
x we4k inside: aw :-(
x we4k inside: yeah exactly

[xXx]

:: 2004 1 July :: 8.39 pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Jagged Edge-Walked outta heaven

bahhhhhhh!

god damn..

why am I so mad, he didn't do anything..
but it's the fact that he doesn't fucking do anything that makes me fucking pissed. He knows I love him it's not like I have to prove somethin to him...
he's the one who needs to show me that he means what he says

and the fact that he wastes his time telling me stuff that is obviously bs.. n then cant even talk to me about it in person without me dragging him away to do so?

ahhhhhh I can't take it anymore, if you loved me you would know how to act around me.. so obv YOU DON'T

you wanna know why I act like a bitch? it's cause you're an asshole..

hah yet I still love you anyway

[xXx]

:: 2004 1 July :: 11.29 am
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Matchboox Romance-Tiger Lily

I don't want to speak these words. cause I, don't want to make things anyworse.

we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if I could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go...
I'll never let go.
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"I'll be going through withdrawl of you for this one night we have spent."
and, I want to speak these words
but I guess I'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

and I... don't want to speak these words.
cause I, don't want to make things anyworse.

why does tonite, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if I had it my way,
I'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and I.

and I... don't want to speak these words.
cause I, don't want to make things anyworse.

[xXx]

:: 2004 29 June :: 11.05 pm
:: Mood: disappointed

there cant be any us if there cant be any trust

krazykelc 1: and i never thought they would endup like this i never thought he would ever love a person either.. til him and her were together and now that that has turned into this i dont know if i can put myself in that kind of position.. cuz one of the strongest relationships in my opinion is now going downhill.. there is just no hope for any1 else

krazykelc 1: she is hurting really bad now and i cant stand it because looking at her like this is just like looking into a mirror and seeing myself in a few months or WEEKS after he decides he doesnt "love" me anymore.
AbandonedApril35: idk
krazykelc 1: i am setting myself up for a heartbreak.
krazykelc 1: i cant do this to myself

My Piggy- I love you and I cant be happy if you arent. I swear to god only one of us can have what we want at a time... EVERY single time this shit happens its because one of our relationships ends... then the other starts up. But I really dont have faith in anything anymore after tonight. They are so much alike and they always will be.. I can't do this.

AbandonedApril35: guys r so gay

"It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you EXACTLY what you want to hear.."

[xXx]

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