optimistic about a new role at LM. I really hope I get it. I'm nervous because they have a few people that they didn't hire last round they are considering, but I'm thinking

+ they have had this post up forever, but the recruiter really wants to move me to the next round

+ this recruiter is the same one who moved me forward in the last adjuster role I had. the remembered me and was very warm and friendly. I feel that she will fight a lil harder for me.

+ my boss gave me all the tips to win the interview. she has been so supportive of me my whole career

- I am leaving her team but I want to be on her team so badly

I just feel so stressed about meeting my numbers down there, by the end of the day I'm just completely fried. I shouldn't have to justify leaving to myself, it's a nice pay increase for me and after being here for 6 years I feel like I should be higher than a grade 9... it's a little embarrassing I guess..

I just want to get myself out of this hole and start saving and living my life. I feel like I spent all this wasted money on the shittiest part of my life and now I have to keep paying for it during the best years I've ever had. it fucking sucks.

but that's what I get for being irresponsible. and I still am. I don't know if that's a lesson I will ever actually learn. I think JP having this job will really help me spend less. it's just so hard to get to know someone when you have no place to go.

and let's be honest, my time is running out.

Where does my heart lie?