sendmemoney
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2002 25 February :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: get up kids - valentine
11-19-01
*~i wonder if they can see the black soul i hold within. on the surface i am fine. always perfect, always a smile. but inside i am not. what can help me ? an emotionless nothing. no true happiness. the only joy i find is that which can never be mine. one of life's little ironies we lauigh about, but tears us apart inside. defense mechanisms in place, we fight out daily battle. masks to cover us; protect our most valuable part. our true self, which we can cover so no one can see how we are dying inside, dying for something, someone to be with. dying for affection. desperately holding onto what we have, barely in our grasp, praying we don't lost it. and dying when we do ... we always do.*~
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sendmemoney
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2002 25 February :: 9.19pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: cristian castro - por amarte asi
1-28-02
*~i look over casually and notice you watching me. you quickly glance elsewhere ... i am sorry ... like you could not believe. i told you what i wanted. we agreed it was for the best. so why did you cry ? why did you get hurt ? how could i let myself hurt you ? that was what i was trying to avoid but it happened anyway. and i now i do not know how to tell you - if i should tell you - that i found someone to be with. i wish i could go back to that night this all started and change something, anything. so that the outcome would be different. anything to not make you cry. you never cry. i am not worth crying over. please do not put me in this position. i thought you knew. i thought everything was okay. you were my best friend. please do not take that from me ... stay with me ... i will never hurt you again.~*
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sendmemoney
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2002 25 February :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: saves the day - jukebox breakdown
so i finally decided to create a journal, even though i doubt anybody will read it at all, except marc maybe. te amo mi vida :)... but i want someplace to post my writing, and get anonymous comments to see if i really suck as much as i think i do, or hopefully, not. here is my first one, then i will post more of my past writing that i believe is half decent. this is from yesterday. i told marc i would write him something, so i did.
*~The night replays over and over in my head. That night that I held you in my arms forever. Lying there wrapped up in you … I would give you the world if I could have that night back. But right now you are so far, and I sit here alone, picturing your eyes, your hands, your smile. The way you seemed to feel the same things I felt. Lying content in a perfect world where you and I existed alone, free from the distractions of everyday life. Holding on to you so tight I thought my arms would break the way my heart would if you ever let me go.~*
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Liquid
[ Admin ]
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2002 6 January :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: cynical
bleh
Life's a bitch sometimes. Especially when you're completely lacking in direction.
9 clever lines |
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