Leeder

:: 2005 10 August :: 5.47pm

what should my boyfriend get me for my birthday?

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:: 2005 9 August :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: hot
:: Music: Ice Age in the distant background

OK, let's try this again...
"The Ouroboros biting its own tail is symbolic of self-fecundation, or the primitive idea of a self-sufficient Nature--a Nature, that is which, a la Nietzsche, continually returns, within a cyclic pattern, to its own beginning."

Mmm... self-fecundation (and unnecessary commas). I want another tattoo, but I don't have anything that means as much as the Ouroboros does.

By the numbers:
- 2 enteries short of 1300 on the movie list (that's up 200 from April of 2003)
- 512 enteries on the CD list, down from 615 (I've gotten rid of approx. 65 CDs in the past couple of weeks.. some of which are for sale, inquire within)
- 2 more episodes of the delicious second season of Millennium to watch (4th Horseman & The Time is Now... EEE!!!)
- 4 Eddie Izzard stand-ups to choose from (thanks Bebe!)
- 5 more days until I leave

Random thought of the day: I'm really starting to like Michelle's apartment. It's homey (much more so then the cookie-cutter cubicles of Sterling) and it smells a lot better. Mmm... cherry-tastic entertainment centers.

In other super-happy news, last Saturday was my last day at Menards. Words cannot provide this occasion justice; you just either know what this means to me or you don't. Knowing I never again have to worry about breaking open another pallet of mixed freight, never have to print off additional sale bintags, never have to follow a maze of misplaced merchandise.... I get giddy, really. But to be honest, I've moved on almost instantaneously. I guess that stems from how overdue that milestone was; it felt entirely at home, even necessary, to get out of there and now I can't close that chapter of my life fast enough. That and I have trouble retaining feelings as of late.

OK, let's see if I can post this before Joseph's evil mouse erradicates my entry once more...

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:: 2005 4 August :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Nick Cave - Easy Money

"Change can be so constant, you don't even feel the difference until there is one." Life as a House

Words cannot express how much I love Penn Jillette. Soooo funny. "Michael Moore and Mel Gibson are the same person, except for a few sit-ups. Moore thought his cheesy political blooper reel was going to tell people how to vote. Mel thought that his little gay S&M movie about his imaginary friend was going to help him get to heaven. George W. Bush is president and there�s still no god. You failed boys. Someone should have told Mike that the bad guys are smarter than him and someone should have told Mel that the Three Stooges were Jewish." -- from the Aristrocrats website

Two more days of work. Can't come soon enough. Sick. To. Death.

Why am I so tired??

:: 2005 2 August :: 11.06pm
:: Music: Oasis - Champagne Supernova

"Hey! I have a dragon." - Joe

I read Michelle's journal and talk to her in person and I see that, as much as we have in common, as much as we gel, we are very different people when it comes to feeling. Not the feelings themselves, their content, but the quantity and quality of which we allow ourselves to feel. I stopped feeling to shut out the pain, and as successful at that as I was, I shut out everything else as well. My problem is the ambiguity of this divide between us. I don't know who's got the better idea; safeguard your emotions and live a more stable existence, or put yourself out there for a riskier, yet much more potential likelihood of emotional fulfillment. As with any sort of existenial crisis, you always have to take the cop-out and say that there is no one correct path. I do have to do that I'm glad to have experienced both though.

I just found out that I have an coffee table that's been in Joe's room since we moved in. Forgot it was there mostly due to the fact that he has a small topiary growing in there. Flippin' sweet.

:: 2005 1 August :: 1.26am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Mates of State - Seperate The People

this is my comeback.
PenDuffy sums it up:

"I don't understand why I am so disapointed. I just am.

sigh..

I don't get Fox I really don't . Why do they put some much money into developing really good shows, then allow them to wither on the vine.

Its like they bought a pure breed puppy. Got all the best toys and puppy gear. Sent the puppy to the groomer. Bought expesive dog food. Then when the puppy dies they go "oops I forgot I needed to water it"."

Looked around a bit tonight and found confirmation that the dumbasses at Fox axed another one of my favorite shows: The Inside. For all of you uncultured buffoons who don't have "appointment television" during the summer, it was a delicious blend of Se7en/The Silence of the Lambs/The X-Files that managed to get 7 eps out before the big bad reality beast reared its ugly head again (read: So You Want to Dance Like a Fag) and put a kibash on all that is holy in the world. Reading posts (among them some from one of the creators) I'm confident we'll be seeing the first and only order of 13 episodes on DVD before too long, but this is Nowhere Man-deja vu all over again. IMDB forum tells me that Rachel Nichols (lead actress) is being tied to the next season of Alias, but I haven't read that thread yet; if so, rock on, but still a small consolation.

BTW "bebe," sorry you had to find out like this... I guess this way we have more time to finish Millennium. Wow, that attempt to put an optimistic spin on this failed miserably. ::returns to sulking::

I'm really starting to get into forums for shows that rawk (i.e. Millennium, Inside, etc.) Reading is cool. Writing is better.

Read me, love me. Say hello, wave goodbye.

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:: 2005 25 July :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Nellie McKay - Really

Delicious quotes from Chuck Palahniuk's "Haunted"
"I used to think the secret to a happy ending was to bring down the curtain at the exact right time. A moment after happiness, then everything's all wrong again."

"The difference between how you look and how you see yourself is enough to kill most people."

"Americans are the world's best at doing their work. And studying and competition. But we suck when it comes time to relax; there's no profit, no trophy."

And this last one is from a great book/essay about how current pop culture is actually making us smarter instead of dumbing us down: "Everything Bad is Good for You" by Steven Johnson

"Out of obsession comes expertise, a confidence in your own powers of analysis -- a sense that is you stick with the system long enough you'll truly figure out how it works."

:: 2005 20 July :: 10.27pm
:: Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Death of an Interior Decorator

I'm a lot calmer the past few days than I should be. What's up with that?

Does anbody have any life-changing books I should read? I'm overdue.

Hey guys, does anybody remember Cock Day? Because I don't. Seriously, I can't remember the reference :-( Break out the quote book, stat!

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:: 2005 20 July :: 6.41am

it frustrates me that i am not good enough to be devoted to.

:: 2005 18 July :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: here
:: Music: Damien Rice - Older Chests

Wrote all this at work today:

"This whole NYC process was supposed to be about me becoming completely independent, function fully on my own. Instead, it has become a lesson in learning how to rely on others for their guidance and emotional support. Put simply, it's made me realize that for all I've ever done to try and do things on my own, that stubborness may have made things needlessly harder on myself. It's a screwed up time to realize a thing like that, I know, but for some reason, I've always been the sort of "don't it always seem to go/that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone" type of personality."

"Maybe this transition will work because it will force me to lose the very thing that has been keeping my psyche in chains for so long now: control. Perhaps by giving up my narrow repetoire of reacting to the world and forcing myself to adapt to new surroundings, I will break down the barriers that have held me back in the past. Over the years I have carved myself a very confined zone of comfort, and by choosing to release that comfort I am putting myself through one of the greatest trials of my life, but also engaging one of the greatest opportunities to enrich it."

Damien Rice says...
Read more..

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:: 2005 17 July :: 8.38pm
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: Soul Coughing - The Bug

Concerts
So a while back Michelle inquired how many concerts I had seen in my day. I thought I had pretty much covered it when I preceded to list about 20 off for her, but after I went home I found out I had only painted two-thirds of the picture. A listing, in order of preference, rankings based on musical performance, venue, crowd, intangibles, etc. (dates in parentheses):

1. Nine Inch Nails (4.25.00)
2. Eminem (10.11.02)
3. David Gray (10.6.05)
4. Foo Fighters (5.30.03)
5. The Verve Pipe (Celebration on the Grand) (7.?.01)
6. Dido (6.6.04)
7. Eels (10.26.03) & (6.13.06)
8. Eve 6 (10.8.00)
9. Green Day/Blink-182 (6.8.02)
10. Rod Stewart (5.9.04)
11. Creed (4.3.00)
12. Incubus (11.?.04)
13. Barenaked Ladies (9.26.00)
14. Nellie McKay (12.6.05)
15. Bush (4.20.97)
16. Modest Mouse (6.7.05)
17. Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds (1.23.97)
18. Red Hot Chili Peppers/Foo Fighters (7.5.00)
19. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers (6.14.99)
20. Red Hot Chili Peppers/QOTSA (5.10.03)
21. Incubus (11.2.01)
22. White Stripes (8.10.03)
23. Rod Stewart (8.9.98)
24. Green Day (1.22.01)
25. Weird Al Yankovic (11.10.99)
26. The Verve Pipe/3 Doors Down (10.13.01)
27. Creed (11.11.02)
28. Matt Pond PA/TV on the Radio (6.30.06)
29. The Wallflowers (12.14.00)
30. Korn (7.2.02)
31. Everclear (10.24.02)
32. Kid Rock (8.28.00)
33. Disturbed (12.5.00)
34. Filter (6.20.02)

Not Ranked (but I was there!):
Huey Lewis
Foreigner
19 Wheels x3
Penn & Teller
Lewis Black
Rent
Brooks & Dunn
Bob Newhart

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:: 2005 16 July :: 3.59pm

how much would you pay for this computer?

"selling dell dimension 8100

specs:
Intel Pentium 4 Processor 630 with HTTechnology
Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950
3.0GHz, 800 FSB, 2MB L2 cache
Microsoft� Windows� XP Home Edition
512MB Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 533MHz
Dual Layer Cd-R Drive
Floppy Disk Drive"

:: 2005 15 July :: 7.30pm

HEY!!

What about me? :(

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:: 2005 12 July :: 6.37pm
:: Music: Fiona Apple - Criminal

Well, I'm back in NY for apartment searching all this week. Started out well; ran through the list of brokers I had compiled before I headed back to the hotel room in the late afternoon. It's just frustrating because I don't know what to do w/ the evenings. I'm supposed to go out with some other students from the college sometime this week, but I'm waiting to hear back from them. I could take the subway to Manhattan, but for some reason I'm not up for sightseeing this time around. I'm just trying to get a firmer grasp on the Queens area and try to find a place to live. I've been staring at maps on and off since I've gotten here. I do have to say, since I've been here (and especially being on my own) I'm quickly becoming more comfortable and more "at home" here. My biggest adjustment is coming in the form of feeling like the other white male in this city who isn't in a business suit. I can't really relate to elderly Asian women, if you can empathize with that.

It has been nice, getting some focus to my life the past couple days, devoting my time and energy to a singular goal. I've also thought it'd be nice to get back on here (Woohu) more, or at least return to writing.

::looks at clock:: It's almost 7 o'clock, I'm in NYC and wondering what the hell to do. Sounds pathetic, but now that I'm thinking about it, that may be healthier than it seems. Might suggest I've got the tourist out of me (if I ever had that mindset with this place in the first place) and I'm eager to get down to business... to tell you the truth, I haven't looked forward to school so much since I started at Western.

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:: 2005 10 July :: 5.45pm

does anyone go to grcc and want like. a week of free parking tokens? i found some while I was cleaning out my car. i'll mail em to ya.