Leeder

:: 2004 21 August :: 11.50pm
:: Mood: dejected

lost in translation
Yeah, so I've lost my taste for ice cream (at least at the present moment)...

and that makes me sad. :-(

JediBumblebee

:: 2004 20 August :: 5.55pm

I had a birthday a little while ago. Thanks for remembering, friends. Bah.

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:: 2004 19 August :: 12.11am
:: Mood: tipsy
:: Music: Doggett & Scully in "Badlaa"

I love the Olympics...
So, just finished watching Paul Hamm make the most unbelievable comeback in gymnastics history. I'm not a huge gymnastics fan, but for some reason, the last few Olympics I've watched, it's maintained such a heightened sense of drama and storytelling perfection, that I can't help but be taken in. But to have the presence of mind to keep your wits after such a huge mistake with so much on the line and with so many expectations coming in, it was all just so amazing.

I was rooting for him so completely to a great extent because it was a storybook comeback and victory and because he was the favored American, but I also responded to something about him and his personality as well. There's just this sadness and maturity in his eyes that I can't ignore. Some weird connection... I don't know, I can't explain. I have this inituition that we've been through similar experiences even though our situations are polar opposites, we're both the same age... I don't know. Either way, I'm very happy for the USA team, after a couple of impressive victories tonight, and I'm very happy for myself, after enjoying a couple of very successful days as well.

:: 2004 16 August :: 10.10am
:: Mood: taken in
:: Music: the fountains of the Wyoming Public Library

You Can't Go Home Again
I think there's a lot of bittersweet irony in the following paradox that I think we all encounter at some point: There's this fresh and novel stimulus (yes, I realize I've used that word in like 5 of my last 6 enteries, but I'm a behavior analyst... just imagine how we talk when you get five of us in a room...) Anyway, this stimulus could be a new surrounding or even a person, and you begin to have positive experiences with this thing or place, and as a result of that positive reinforcement, you seek out that stimulus more and more, but the problem with turning to it too regularly is that you inevitably become satiated, or full, of said stimulus. Best example I can think of is my job at Studio 28. I grew up wiith that establishment being a backyard safe haven, and I would enjoy being in the place just as must, if not more, than the actual movie itself. So I did what any normal person would do when they turned of age; I applied for a job there. After working there for a bit, things changed. I saw the inner-workings of the place and I was there much more than I had been previously. You just simply get used to it. If the stimulus remains as reinforcing as it was initially, you're lucky enough to have a very safe and steadfast outlet when you need it (see a loving partner or a supportive parent). Don't get me wrong, my job at Studio was the best I've had so far in my life, but things changed, and I carried on my love and loyalty to the place because I had achieved a completely new set of memories, albiet under very different circumstances.

My whole point for this was I'm at the Wyoming Library right now, writing this up. This place has an even stronger reinforcement history than Studio... and I just discovered a novel stimulus in an old friend. Grabbing a muffin and an OJ and sitting down with my new laptop in the cafe they have here, the one I never took the time to check out... it was just a harmonious balance of a fresh and extremely reinforcing experience intergrated into an old and familiar one.

Long story short, I had a moment.

:: 2004 13 August :: 5.43pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Matchbox 20 - Hang

I think a day like today serves as a pleasant message that there can exist some sort of middle ground when it comes to my anxieties and my compulsions, and my attempt to dispel said irritations. It is a good thing to put forward that I can have a stressful or unpleasant day, then return to the safety and comfort of my home and engage in some routine and comforting activities (i.e. straighten up the house) while not going overboard, trying to overcompensate (e.g. cleaning the entire house top to bottom, in the process creating more stress than the initial stimuli). Knowing what I need or what I need to do to address a given situation or stressor and proceeding to do said thing with minimal hesitation...

I mean, even look at this entry; it's evidence enough. Streamlined, to the point, attempting to convey my message without a lot of extra padding. ::curses his use of sentence fragments::

To address some other business:
- Center for Autism ended for me today. I will be continuing my work with Chris (the grad student whose Masters' thesis I am helping with), but as far as the practicum that I've been doing all this year, I have ended my obligations. Good run, I learned a lot, but it's nice for it to be over and we ended on a good note I thought. The directors and the grad therapists even pitched in and gave us (the three undergrads who are leaving) each a card and brought in some treats, so that was pleasant.
- Still waiting (impatiently) for my laptop. UPS attempted to deliver it to my father's house today, but no one was around. We are going to pick it up, just a matter of when that will be. I have to go back to GR on Monday, so I might have to wait until then to get it.
- Funny side-story in regards to the laptop thing. We had some difficulty ordering the system and ended up accidentally ordering two systems. Well, when we finally got a hold of someone to address the problem, they transferred us to the billing department which canceled the charge for one of the computers. However, my parents are not convinced that the shipping dept. did the same. So we might ::crosses fingers, knocks on wood:: have a two for one deal going on here. Checking the UPS tracking system, there says that there are two packages, however, my dad just brought up a good point that one of those might be the free printer that comes with the laptop. We�ll see.
- Bought Kill Bill, vol. 2 (and Jackie Brown, rock on for 2 for $25 at Best Buy!) today, complete with a cool little sleeve to house the complete saga. Tonight�s entertainment, done and done.
- I have become re-addicted to Tecmo Super Bowl for the original NES. I must play more now� and eat� I can�t forget the food.

:: 2004 9 August :: 10.14pm
:: Music: Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the Devil (Neptunes Remix)

New look for the journal...

From now I do what the man in the clouds tells me to.

:: 2004 8 August :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Alanis Morrisette - Ironic

My quasi-aunt/second-cousin Pam from California had some really good advice for as I left the party today...

"Everything is reversible. Do your best, be goal-orientated, but don't forget you can change your future." That's a decent paraphrase, but that first sentence is verbatim and it struck me. It struck me as much for its sentiment as it did that there are still plenty of fresh voices and sentiments out there; that a new piece of advice can still stop me dead in my tracks.

:: 2004 8 August :: 12.53pm
:: Mood: bouncy

Enjoying a quasi-tranquil experience in the BCC is one thing; taking the university for oh, I'd say, 250 sheets of printer paper in the process, well sir, that's just bliss.

I'm off to South Haven to see some family and get my annual peak at the home of my dreams. Lakefront property, boo-yah!

P.S. Collateral = such a good movie.

JediBumblebee

:: 2004 6 August :: 6.11pm

I can't WAIT until I have the internet in my house again.

:: 2004 5 August :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: The Postal Service - Natural Anthem

"i'll write you a song and i hope that you won't mind/because all the names and places i have taken from real life/so please don't get upset at this portrait that i paint/it may be a little biased, but at least i spelled your name right..."

It's a small (Menards) world after all...

We should probably get together and catch up. It's about that time.

Dude, I'm getting a DELL! Just like everybody else... but hey, they are good machines.

Hmm, what else? I can't wait for Saturday, that should be fun.

:: 2004 4 August :: 7.04pm
:: Mood: perky
:: Music: The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Tonight

Here I was walking around the last 24 hours in all of my excessive mopiness, complaining how inconsolable I was, and telling the people that were trying to help me that there was nothing they could say or do to cheer me up. And then Meruan and my father do just that in a pair of repsective conversations. Damn, I love being wrong.

Potential is the word of the day. A lot of opportunities arose out of today.

Sunday = horrible day, Monday = good day, Tuesday = horrible day, today = good day... starting to see a pattern here. Think I'll call in sick tomorrow. :-P