Leeder

:: 2004 17 April :: 9.14pm

sick, sick, sick.

:: 2004 17 April :: 6.13pm
:: Mood: super-accomplished
:: Music: Gary Jules - Mad World

BOTB X
So every year around the time school gets out, I take the time out to make a mix tape(s) of songs that were my favorite, most meaninful, overall best, etc. in the past year. It's a varied and sure to be suprising list, but these are the best songs of the past year (and in most cases, they weren't released in the past year) in my opinion. Or better put... they are the most meaningful. It's the closest thing I can construct to a soundtrack of my life. It's an extremely personal list (I have qualms even posting it), so don't comment unless it's a positive one (I like those :-P). Enjoy.

50) Santa Esmeralda - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
49) Gary Jules - Mad World
48) Tomoyasu Hotei - Battle Without Honor or Humanity
47) Pink Floyd - One Slip
46) T.A.T.U. - How Soon Is Now?
45) Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
44) Eric Clapton - I Get Lost
43) Incubus - Here In My Room
42) Elliott Smith - Needle In The Hay
41) Sheryl Crow - The First Cut is the Deepest
40) Coldplay - Everything's Not Lost
39) Audioslave - I Am The Highway
38) Sarah McLachlan - Stupid
37) Eels - Dirty Girl
36) The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
35) Talking Heads - Heaven
34) The Jesus & Mary Chain - Just Like Honey
33) Ben Folds - The Luckiest
32) No Doubt - Running
31) Tori Amos - Me and a Gun
30) Modest Mouse - 3rd Planet
29) Dashboard Confessional - Screaming Infidelities
28) George Thorogood & The Destroyers - One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
27) Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl?
26) No Doubt - Simple Kind of Life
25) The Turtles - So Happy Together
24) Jeff Buckley - Hallejuah
23) Badly Drawn Boy - I Was Wrong/You Were Right
22) Celine Dion - It's All Coming Back To Me Now
21) Incubus - Sick Sad Little World
20) 19 Wheels - Really Stupid Girl
19) A Perfect Circle - The Nurse Who Loved Me
18) Bob Dylan - Not Dark Yet
17) Modest Mouse - Here It Comes
16) Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
15) Eels - Love of the Loveless
14) Counting Crows - Colorblind
13) OutKast - Hey Ya!
12) Van Morrison - Moondance
11) Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - People Ain't No Good
10) ELO - Mr. Blue Sky
9) The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love
8) Badly Drawn Boy - A Minor Incident
7) The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You
6) Johnny Cash - Hurt
5) Dido - White Flag
4) Tori Amos - Silent All These Years
3) Modest Mouse - Float On
2) Pink Floyd - Learning To Fly
1) Evanescene - My Immortal

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:: 2004 15 April :: 2.51pm
:: Mood: relieved

How's It Going To End?
I realized a few minutes ago, sitting the grass in front of the Honors College, soaking up the sun, reading a Blender... that it's over. Forget the exams that still remain, this semester, in my eyes, is finally compete and I can shut the short but potent chapter the last three and a half months have been. It's yielded more than I could have ever hoped for, but it damned near killed me in the process. Time keeps slowing down for me. Two years ago seems like three, and so far, this year seems like a year onto itself.

What it basically boils down to is... I love this f'ing weather.

I'm really anxious to see what happens next.

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:: 2004 15 April :: 8.52am

Newly anticipated grades:

ACTY 210: CB
ECON 309: B
MGMT 250: BA
ADA 225: BA
BUS 270: A

A 3.3 for the semester. Not too bad.

:: 2004 15 April :: 3.29am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Incubus - Mexico

"If I can't serve as a example, let me be a warning."
Today was normal. Normal is good.

I wonder if I'm going to be able to see you all again. I hope so.

Just finished the second and last paper for this semester. I love my work, but I hate writing them. But tonight went well, I just took my time and went with the flow. If I hit a block, I didn't stress out, and just waited for it to come back to me. "You have a gift. You should use that," my dad said to me last weekend in regards to my writing. I do enjoy creating things though... like babies. Just kidding.

TaoMan1121 (3:20:51 AM): i could make love to this chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream if it wasn't so damn cold...
ElentariMalore (3:21:51 AM): hee. eww.

I hate to tell you this, but I have a feeling that I'm only going to become progressively weirder in the near future as I become even more uninhibited. Just letting ya know...

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:: 2004 13 April :: 3.34pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Outkast - Roses

i know you like to think your shit don't stink...
My last three tests have gone worse than I expected them to. And when I say I'm going to do below my average this semester, they will still be grades that some would give a nonvital organ for, but screw that, I've got standards that need to be maintained. In my world, Bs are Cs, and a C is a failure.

It doesn't help that a good number of people I interact with on a daily basis annoy the living shit out of me. I've tried to be accepting and empathtic to everyone in my life, to understand why they do the things that they do, but when the person next to you is shaking their head at the same time, their is a certain amount of assurance that you aren't just being an ass. Just a smack across and the face and a quick "STFU" is all I'm asking for here.

Almost there. I have a good feeling about this summer...

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:: 2004 12 April :: 4.11pm

uurrrghh...
i think i may finally be done with the paper...everything except my one interview....

**cough...cough... ELIZABETH... cough**

that i am still waiting on.

So I can check one thing off of that list at least. It's gonna be a long week.

:: 2004 11 April :: 10.10pm
:: Mood: lonely

Where are you? I could really use some help right now...

God, this is so tempting, just to do what I always do. I'm ok, I promise. Just cutting it close tonight.

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:: 2004 11 April :: 2.43pm
:: Mood: ambient
:: Music: Sigur Ros - Track 1

It's so weird. I can't put this mood into words. I've tried several times in the past couple of days, but every time I sit to write the words, nothing comes out. Ironic, Mr. Writer-Man being at a loss for words. What I can say though is I'm here. I'm good. I'm happy and accomplished and proud and... "at peace" is a good the best phrase I can attach to it (that just struck me). There have been so many chances to have the same emotional reactions to life as I always have, so maybe that's it. New responses to the stimuli in my life leave me calm, but unnverved. I've been feely floatly like Modest Mouse's new album and also sort of transient like Sigur Ros' (which I'm listening to right now). This is one of those enteries that I'm going to look back on and shake my head in disgust for wasting my time and sounding like a moron, but I just had to get something down.

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:: 2004 10 April :: 9.37am

Tonite I slept for 10 hours. But its the last time until school gets out.

Updated to-do list:

MGMT Interviews (eliz!)
MGMT Paper (but i need the interviews first)
ACTY Hmwk (last one)
Study for ADA final
Take ADA final
Take the rest of my finals.
Work like hell.
Write study abroad paper.
Pack for Europe.
Take car and computer home.
Get the heck out of here.

:: 2004 9 April :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: David Gray - This Year's Love

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"Indeed, the oldest sex manuals in the world came from China, dating from approximately 200 B.C."

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
a tube of Triple Antibiotic Ointment

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
a couple episodes of "24" a few days ago

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: 11:10pm

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 11:00pm

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
David Gray

7: When did you last step outside?:
Came in from work around 10:30.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
my email

9: What are you wearing?:
TMNT T-shirt and Nike shorts.

10: Did you dream last night?:
I think so, but I can't remember what.

11: When did you last laugh?:
Listening to Denis Leary in my car earlier today.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
A lot of posters.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
I see weird things all the time.

14: What do you think of this quiz?:
It's holding my interesting, but I feel like I'm not committing to it.

15: What is the last film you saw?:
Matrix Relovutions last night... see previous entry.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
The rest of my X-Files seasons. :-P

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I have a bruise on my arse from sliding down a stair rail today.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
I don't want that kind of responsibility, give it to someone else.

19: Do you like to dance?:
After a couple beers.

20: George Bush:
Overexposed.

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Samantha

22: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Bruce

23: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
If I knew the language, I'd do it in a second.

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:: 2004 9 April :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Modest Mouse- Bury Me With It

We were aiming for the moon, we were shooting at the stars, but the kids were just shooting at the busses and the cars...
1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"simultaneously swirling your tongue around, looking her straight in the eye all the time. It's guarenteed"

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
picture of me and andy at prom

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
i think i watched part of "The Swan" last night but i dont really remember.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
6:45PM

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 6:36 PM

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
Modest Mouse, and loud cars outside.

7: When did you last step outside?:
Came in from work around 4:30.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
my email, and kalamazooanimalrescue.org

9: What are you wearing?:
foo fighters tshirt and sweats.

10: Did you dream last night?:
nope.

11: When did you last laugh?:
i laughed at this dumb guy at work around 4.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
lots of clocks, robby's picture that he painted for me, ugly wood paneling, beefcake calendar, pickle dishes, and a bulletin board.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
that oddly misshapen girl at the ben folds concert. that was weird.

14: What do you think of this quiz?:
different. but my answers are still pretty boring.

15: What is the last film you saw?:
i watched american pie, most of the virgin suicides, and some parts of chicago while jess was over.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
a pimpin new ride. and a house.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
that i'm hungry.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
rid the world of sexism.

19: Do you like to dance?:
love it. its been too long.

20: George Bush:
only a little while longer, and we'll get him out of there.

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Sera

22: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Donavin

23: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
It could be considered. But I am going to Europe in three weeks anyway.

:: 2004 9 April :: 12.37am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Pink Floyd - Yet Another Movie

It's about not giving into myself. It's one isolated instance, but it's the one I'm dealing with at this moment. And I perservered, and that means everything to me.

I just finished watching "The Matrix Revolutions" a little bit ago. As suprised as I was on how the second film dropped so utterly in quality, I was equally suprised of how much I enjoyed the third one. Still, nowhere near the quality of the first one, but I honestly don't know why everyone hated it as much as they did. Very entertaining, the visuals were spectacular, and while the dialogue sucked a big floppy donkey dick, the story themes (one of the most important aspects of the trilogy to me) returned to the importance they had in the first.

My learned lesson in meaning, faith for the night, courtesy of Mr. Smith and Mr. Anderson:

"Why do you go on, why do you persist?"
"Because I choose to."

Grade: B+

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