I'm not saying that I have the ability to turn my thoughts on and off as of yet, I'm not to that point, but I am starting to gain some control over how long and how intensely I focus on an issue. My thoughts are becoming more fluid, more instinctual, while remaining for the most part objective. I can say point A is true and the logical course of action, and without totally dismissing point B, understand that it is the more irrational answer of the two. I am also finding myself better able to find a stable, middle ground between what I believe to be true and what those around me attempt to convince me of. I listened to a good piece of advice from Mike tonight, albiet about a rather trivial matter (what to use my Best Buy gift cards on), but I found myself for once being logically convinced that I was taking the right path. I still looked back on my decision, it'll be a little while before I'll be able to dismiss that instinct totally, but everything about the process felt somewhat easier to cope with.

I know I'm right about some things, and wrong about some others, and I know the road that I'm on, where I'm at, and where I'm headed. I can take a step back and put the situation in prespective. I can look at the entire mountain now without seeing just the rocks right in front of my face. I know I will once again lose my footing and some of the progress I've made, but I also realize that I've lived enough and made enough mistakes to start learning from them and break a cycle of behavior that has dogged me for years now. You know, I think too many get the impression with me that I'm always trying to fix something, and it's a valid point that may have applied to my personality in the past, but I'm honest when I tell you the second half of this year and especially these past few months have been a honest and passionate attempt to lead myself onto a more stable, fulfillling, and ultimately more beneficial path. I mean, don't we owe it to ourselves to try and always better ourselves, to do the things that we believe will make us happy?

If I could offer one piece of advice to everyone who is struggling with their own demons right now (and I'm not out of the woods yet, so I will continue to suffer with you) it is that do not allow yourself to remain in one mindset. There are so many paths and patterns and approaches to the mind and your problems, why limit yourself to one stubborn point of view? No one has been more guilty of this than myself, and if I've been able to start to pull myself out of that pit, then there is hope for anyone. Truly listen to the advice your friends and family offer, and objectively decide whether it's epiphany material, just plain BS, or somewhere in the middle. Most fall in that middle category, and you have to piece together your own agenda out of the mess.

I still wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm just more apprehensive to roll it up now.

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