"every mistake i've made, i couldn't have made it without you."

hits all too close to home, i'm pretty sure. i've decided that having a deep thought process while under a lot of stress is a deadly combination. i've just felt like crying all day. picking up bits and pieces of conversations during lunch period at an all girls school is usually quite comical. but for some reason, most everyone was refraining from their usual gossiping ways. it made for a very boring walk past the "popular girls" lunch table. i think other people noticed it too..or maybe i'm just crazy. i trudged through the day tho. not wanting to be there, not wanting to participate in anything.

i hate it when teachers call on you because they know you're not listening to a word of what they've said. and you just look back at them blankly, wondering what was asked, if you know the answer. stammer a few times, apologize, and politely ask for the question again. i hate being polite to people i don't like. i really do. mean, yes...but also the truth. hopefully this break will do me some good. kat's having a party friday night...she asked me to go...and denise told me i have no choice, so i suppose that's what i'll be doing. but, the strangest thing happened. i was standing there talking to kat, katie, and chelsea (one of the "popular girls") and they were all talking about the party and whatnot. and katie, heh she's so much fun, she's like so chelsea, i'm staying at your house after kat's and chels's like yea that's cool...allie do you want to come too? now, i am, by no means, a "popular girl". and chelsea, by all means, is. and katie, well katie's whatever the hell she wants to be. and kat is-ish, but she had left for class by this time. anyway, chelsea tells me that she'll call me and that we should definitely hang out more and she hopes i come to kat's...and by now my eyes are popping out of my head. so i smiled and said thanks and that it would be fun. she leaves, so katie and i walk to class and she elbows me and starts singing the jefferson's theme song. you know, "well we're movin on up..." so i can't decide what to think of this. but, like, oh my god, whatever will i wear to kat's?

mm i love listening to songs you haven't in ages. the who is currently in my cd player right now. i grew up on this cd. this was me and my daddy's cd, along with manford man three dog night, the doors, and this really cool mix tape of all old motown classics. all the credit in the world goes to him regarding my musical tastes. i'm so thankful that he start me off right from the beginning. that is one thing we still have. we like A LOT of the same music, which makes for enjoyable car rides and pleasant conversations. he bought me literally, a stack of cd's for christmas. all of his old favorites. it was the best present i got all year because i knew he really thought about which ones to get. i hope he knows that.

anyway. i have much homework to do this evening. but, i found out that i will be getting out of school a week earlier then planned. excellent news if i do say so myself. and with any luck, i'll be able to talk moma into letting me go up and visit sarah that weekend. i really, really need to. i miss her so much. enough of this...off to physics...

oh hey, on one last note. does anyone know who recorded freak show first? ani difranco or keller williams? if you know please, please, please tell me...this has been making me crazy since sunday afternoon. much thanks.

2 freedom fighters | free tibet