St. Robinson's Cadillac dream

:: 2002 15 September :: 7.22pm

friend's birthday + 2 cases of beer + lots of green + big group of fun people + Lillian + outside, no parents + bon fire + great weather + darkness = good times. i had missed nights like that for so long... other than the panic attack, it was so much fun. Lowell "helped" with my breathing or whatever.. and we ended up away from everybody else, just laying in the grass... talking.. my hands were cold, so he put them inside his sleeves and it was just.. comfortable. we walked back to the group and it felt different than before. (on top of the fact that i could now breathe) it felt like lowell and i knew something that no one else did. and those are the moments i love to remember..

leftofcool

:: 2002 15 September :: 12.49pm

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to talk, mad to live, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars" - j kerouac

:: 11 13 September :: 11.44am
:: Mood: Starry eyed
:: Music: I've got Incubus goin through my head...

I ment to write yesterday. I really did, and i'm mad at myself that i didn't. But tonight was much more interesting...

So the Incubus concert was tonight. Wow. It was so amazing, they sound just as incredible live. I called my house and recorded "Drive" onto the answering machine...hah i'm such a dork...eh, i'm over it. I'm just so in love with that band. Unfortunaly every person i asked to go with me bagged me. I went with Lisa and her boyfriend which was fine...we had fun. I saw Mario. Heh, that was interesting. Some of his friends got to meet Incubus through a contest the point was running. I entered...but i didn't win : (. Heh, i wasn't really expecting too tho so it's all ok. We had really good seats too...except for the giant that was infront of me. Fortunatly for me he was a smoker and left every so often to have a puff or two.

I seriously think Brandon Boyd could be one of the most gorgeous people on this Earth. Heh listen to me, telling my tales of being star struck, it was nice tho. Today was really awful, but the concert just made my month. Unfortunaly i still have to finish a poster for geography and answer questions for english. Haha...good thing i'm doing that. I suppose i really should...

"...if i had a dime for everytime you walked away, i could afford to not give a shit, buy a drink, and drown the day..."

-The one and only.

:: 2002 9 September :: 6.55pm
:: Music: norah jones still

so i haven't really written in awhile.. been soo fucking busy. lets just list the stuff i'm involved in right now (leaving out the emotional ish and everything social):
-student council, ran, won, THEN realized the work i have to do
-swimming everyday
-homework, tests, essays that never end- big one due wednesday that i should probably start. shit.
-newspaper article due this thursday... gotta start that too.. shit.
-speech for the whole highschool tomorrow about why people should join the school writing club.. grr..
-oh yeah, pres of writing club.. good..

aaaaah siigh.

but anyways. enough whining- i do that alot lately. this past weekend was really cool. elyse's on friday... literally kayaking and "kayaking" the st.joe river with lauren justin and lowell.. crashing that night early because every bone in my body was so exhausted.. i love those nights.. saturday i went to a cbury soccer game, swam, and did homework and whatnot.. took a night off from everything, which was pretty nice. watched ghost world, but wasn't really a fan of it. i wasn't paying attention much tho.
sunday i swam again, finished my homework and saw swimfan avec lowell. that was a good night... physicalness was sparce but on account of other things and i was soo fucking tense. sigh..
today's monday.. i hate mondays.. but today actually wasn't that bad. well, then i start to think about all the shit i have to get done and start freaking out.. but thinking about the weekend is fun and time-wasting... ahh...

"crooked little smile on her face.. tells a tale of grace. that's all her own...."

i should go get something done

What Kind of Relationship is Right For You?

:: 2002 9 September :: 6.54pm
:: Music: norah jones

god as if i didn't already know

What Kind of Relationship is Right For You?

:: 2002 9 September :: 3.38am
:: Mood: heh heh

6 freedom fighters | free tibet

:: 2002 9 September :: 1.12am
:: Mood: exhausted

Gotta love the half days. I haven't gone to a full day of school yet. Heh, i get a half day tomorrow too...hooray for heat. So i haven't written in a few days but a lot has happened actually. Saterday i went over to Lizz's house and we went to this Sunset in the Park thing over at Fenton Park. It was cool seeing everyone, but i always feel like the off man out. Like people are thinking, "what is she doing here? She doesn't go to our school." But it's ok i guess. I saw Brandon. Good thing we talked...grr, i just need to not like him anymore. Paul was there which was cool, he always makes me laugh. But there was this creepy kid named Chris who kept hitting on me and trying to use all these cheesey pick up lines and it was just like wow, ok you really need to stop. I was in the middle of him and Paul for the firerworks and he would put his head on my shouler and hold my hand it was just creepin me out. Not to mention those damn lines he would use

"Those colors are really beautiful, but nothing like the colors in your eyes."
"Umm i have brown eyes."
"Oh, well...they're still beautiful."

Give me a break! Who says that and actually has any other intention besides trying to get in your pants? I'm kinda scared he might ask me to his homecoming...maybe i'm being to self centered, but it could happen. And I couldn't say no because that's just harsh. Eh, i shouldn't even worry about this. I doubt it would even happen. So the park was fun i suppose, i saw Mario...yea good thing he knew who i was...heh, i'm over it.
I stayed at Lizz's that night and we were on a movie marathon or something. We of course had a Tequi Fairy visit and looked at pictures from Mexico. :sigh: i really miss it there. I miss the people too. I'm pretty sure we're going back next year...hah if only we could take everyone with us.

Sunday i came home and did 75848 hours of homework. I talked to Lil and she wanted to go to a movie so we went and saw Serving Sara. It was cute. I guess you would call it a chick flick...it was kinda weird, there were only 6 people in the theater and the lights just never turned on. The whole evening was kinda nice though. Just Lil and I never hang out, there's always a 3rd or 4th person with us so it was cool with just her. Unfortunatly everything in the galleria closes at 6 or so we couldn't shop around before hand. On the car ride home my mom gave me the silent treatment because i don't respect her or her authority...because she respects me so much and all. We get home, doors were slammed, dad looked confused and she gave a very dramatic exit up to her bedroom. I laughed, opened a soda and dad just shrugged at me. One of the few moments i knew, that he knew i had really done nothing. She just likes to make a big scene over everything. Of course this morning she acted as if nothing had happened. I guess acting really is a good profession for her.

Both Lizz and Lil started journals...hooray for new comers. Grant that it took Lizz and i forver and a year to get hers to work, but it's up and running.

I go to Incubus on Thursday...yea, i'm definitely looking forward to that. I still have three extra tickets tho...i really need to get rid of those...maybe i'll ask Chris.

daydream

:: 2002 6 September :: 10.04am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: John Mayer~83

So, good thing he called. I knew he wouldn't...but part of me was hoping he would. But this definitely marked the end. No more. I just can't take getting dissapointed by him. I talked to Ray for a little and her "boys" arrived so she had to go. She always tells me to write her. Why doesn't she ever write me?

"...these days, i wish i were 6 again. make me a red cape, i wanna be superman..."

Isn't that the truth.
Lizz is telling me that we're going to the mall tomorrow with Steve and them. Brandon will probably be there...hooray for hot boys. Maybe, just maybe i'll muster up some courage and talk to him...maybe. I've called him twice, both times he wasn't there...ehhh, the only downfall to goin up to crestwood is that's were lauren, jess, and sam will be ..and i pretty much blew them off. I'm a bitch, i know...i just didn't hang out with them this weekend...at all. I wanted to see my old friends, that's why i didn't go to CJ tonight. That's why i wanted to see Nathan...

Grr i need to stop. I've listened to the same cd 5445 times tonight simply because i'm too lazy to go get another one.

"...so tired of being alone, so hurry up and ger here..."

I just need to stop. I'll think of something else in a few minutes and make another entry. I was sad to see no one responded to anything...sad, but then again if i were someone else i probably wouldn't want to read about some crazy girl's life either...

:: 2002 6 September :: 7.14am
:: Mood: whatever
:: Music: John Mayer~3x5

So he called me back...to tell me he was gonna go to a party. Thanks bud! He said he would call me in an hour tho because the only reason he's going is because his friend needs a ride. He wants to hang out then...like he'll actually call in an hour. It'll be like 10 "so, umm sorry this didn't work out." My ass. Whatever, maybe he'll actually pull through...it'd be a first, but there IS a first time for everything...or so i've heard...

4 freedom fighters | free tibet

:: 2002 6 September :: 6.42am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: John Mayer~ St. Patrick's Day

So it looks like Nathan's standing me up tonight...again. Why do i do this to myself? Get all excited that someone actually wants to hang out with me...and then nothing. And for some reason by Nathan just makes it worse. Mabye because it took me so long to get over him...and when i do hear from him, it's like it all comes back. He said he'd call me back in a half hour almost 2 hours ago..i should have known. I should have known not to fall for it again. He just sounded so sincere this time, like he actually ment it. Like he used to sound when he called me. I miss those days. So it looks like it's just me and my cd player tonight. Maybe Meg will wanna do something. She said she probably wasn't goin to CJ...which is good i suppose. I'm talking to Matt and it's making me miss him and Mexico like none other. He keeps telling me to come and stay with him for a little while..."umm Mom. Can I go stay with a guy you've never met that lives in England for a week or so?" Yea, good call. She said he could come here tho...heh i guess it would be the same situation for him at his house. I found out we have a couple weeks of in January and we might go skiing then. I'm pushing for Denver so i can see Joey and his crew...that would be festive. But who knows, it probably won't even happen and i'll end up standing my own self up. Fun. I need to go, or something.

2 freedom fighters | free tibet

:: 2002 5 September :: 5.37pm

...i miss lowell.. i know you're gonna read this and whatnot, but its the truth. ..i just don't see you enough. sigh. well i have homework from yesterday, day, two tests tomorrow and swimming in like an hour.. goooood. if i wasn't so scared i'd have a panic attack, i'd go smoke like 987 cloves. i think that's a good plan for the weekend though. as long as i'm with other people...

:: 2002 5 September :: 5.36pm

:: 2002 4 September :: 3.34am
:: Mood: ecstatic

I got my dashboard ticket!!! Hooray!!! For a while the 'rents weren't gonna let me go, but she gave in and got me the ticket!! Hooray for caving parents. Heh. That means no New Found Glory, but i'll get over that...well classic, it's been a good day.

So the kidnapping went well last night. I freaked the hell out of her...well i did kind of throw a shirt over her head and shove her in a car, but she liked it. Adam's older brother was the guy behing the counter at Einsteins which was definitely a plus. Strange, i've managed to like both Macbride brothers and they're friends...heh go figure. So we wandered around Old Orchard for a while and finally went back to my house. We took Meg home and i was stuck doing homework till 11ish. Festive eh? That's what tonights kinda lookin like too...Reike is seriously gonna be the one that digs my grave and shoves me in. But i'm just bitching now. I'm not in a very intellectual/insightful mood at the moment, so i apologize. I have a random question tho, does anyone actually read this other then the usual suspects? If so, let me know, i'd like to read what people's intake is. Thanks.

:: 2002 4 September :: 4.09pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: I have that song "The Remedy" stuck in my head

Well hey, you learn something new everyday.