leftofcool
|
::
2002 3 September :: 8.43pm
:: Music: sage francis
'we live in a breakable takeable world...'
and it makes me want to tell her to stop doing it to herself, because she is way too beautiful...
free tibet
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2002 3 September :: 8.17pm
and the days go by like broken records...
free tibet
|
DayDream
|
::
2002 3 September :: 5.35pm
:: Mood: anxious
We have half days all this week due to the heat, hooray! That means only 30 minutes classes...Reike's Physics is kickin my ass tho, ehh i'll get over it. The other day in choir Mr. Fred made this announcement about how St. Mary's needs female singers to sing the national anthem at the guy's games...he pretty much directed that one at Erin and I so i guess we're going to be doing that...or auditioning at least. It should be cool, as long as i don't screw up in front of everyone. Damn, that would really suck...all guys school...yeesh.
So today was Meg's first day at Webster. I know she was kinda worried last night..so i decided i was going to kidnap her tonight. I'm going over to her house around 6 and taking her out to eat. With any luck she'll still be all gross from field hockey...it makes it so much better when the person your kidnapping has no idea. Heh, i hope everything went alright for her today...from tcs to webster i'm sure is a bit of a culture shock, but i'm sure she's doin just fine.
I've been thinking alot about what's all gonna go down for homecoming. No one's asked me yet, but then again i haven't asked anyone either...i just don't know what to do. I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to say yes if i asked them. Everyone tells me i should ask Brandon...the only way he would go is out of pity. And then there's Joel, this guy I met at a mixer. Good thing every other girl in St. Louis likes him too...grr. Who knows what's going to happen. I sure as hell don't.
So I should probably start getting things ready for the kidnapping...
5 freedom fighters |
free tibet
|
|
DayDream
|
::
2002 2 September :: 7.32pm
:: Mood: Hungry
seven things you can't do:
1. I can't: cry infront of people.
2. I cannot wait till: Sept. 12...Incubus concert
3. I can't stand my dad's: Can i just leave it at i can't stand my dad?
4. I can't stand my mom's: Constant questioning
5. I can't eat without: something to drink
6. I can't stand that: I might not see Matt or Joey again.
7. I can't wait much longer: For Freshman year to be over.
top seven songs people should listen to
1. Hands Down-Dashboard Confessional
2. Make Yourself-Incubus
3. Pretty Girl-Sugarcult
4. Boots-Noe Venable
5. Wasted and Ready-Ben Kweller
6. Why Georgia?-John Mayer
7. Casey Jones-The Grateful Dead
top seven things you say the most:
1. Well hey
2. Festive
3. Yea well
4. You'll get over it
5. Good deal
6. Umm
7. Classic
i find: Myself lost.
i want: A boyfriend.
i have: Great friends
i wish: I was heard.
i hate: Brussel Sprouts
i miss: Mexico
i fear: Being alone
i feel: Hungry.
i hear: The tv and the air conditioning.
i crave: A baked potato...don't ask, i don't have an answer.
i search: For why i'm here.
i wonder: all the time.
i regret: Certain things i do, tho i have a rule with all my friends, no regrets, no worries not with me.
i love: Music.
i ache: In my shoulders.
i long: For next summer.
i care: For my friends.
i am always: Singing.
i am not: Tall...tho it would be nice.
i foolishly believe: That everything, no matter what, will always turn out ok.
five favorite trips you have taken:
1. Field Ecology
2. Mexico
3. Alumni
4. Any and all adventures with Sarah and Lillian.
5. Europe with P2P
stuck in your head frequently:
1. Song lyrics.
2. What i still have to do that day, or week.
3. DayDreams...heh
4. Guys
four things you'd like to learn:
1. Italian
2. The guitar
3. How to cook/bake well.
4. How to dive.
four beverages you drink regularly:
1. Vanilla Coke
2. Ice...does that count?
3. Milk
4. Juices
four tv shows that were on when you were a kid:
1. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
2. Family Matters
3. Saved by the bell
4. Full house
four places to go in your area:
1. The Mall
2. The Loop
3. The CWE
4. The Movies
four things to do when you're bored:
1. Write
2. Call people.
3. Listen to music...but that's all the time.
4. Sing
four things that never fail to cheer you up:
1. Meg Strange
2. Music
3. Kisses
4. Being held by someone
about 20 years ago...
1. I wasn't alive.
2. It was 1982
3. Big hair bands were popular.
4. I think my parents still lived in New York.
about ten years ago...
1. I was 4
2. We lived in Fenton.
3. I was a tomboy.
about 5 years ago...
1. I was 9
2. I was in 4th grade
3. My parents started fighting.
4. I went to Europe for the first time.
about 2 years ago...
1. I was 12.
2. Chris and I were together.
3. Nathan and i started hanging out
4. I had an eating disorder.
about one year ago:
1. Sarah and i started hanging out.
2. I had pink hair.
3. It was my last year at TCS.
4. I was 13
Today...
1. I got the nerve to call up Chris, Brandon, Nathan, Kevin, and Steve...no one was home.
2. I haven\'t eaten.
3. Nathan called me back.
4. Did homework.
2 freedom fighters |
free tibet
|
imation
|
::
2002 1 September :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: lonely
i almost started crying when my dad walked in the room.. just because he walked in the room. now hes sitting in my living room, talking on the phone and laughing. he doesn't want to go to dinner. i found out a few minutes ago that my mom called him up and told him to ask me. thanks, mom. well i told him i'm not hungry. i'm not in the mood to do anything with somebody who doesn't want to.
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet
|
|
imation
|
::
2002 31 August :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: sugarcult- pretty girl
thats what you get
...i've been dead all day today. after yesterday, getting up at 4:30am to swim for 2 hours before school, going to school all day, and going straight to Lauren's house with Elyse and Lisa after school... walking around all night and staying up till 4am watching movies, i was so tired i couldn't move this morning. but i had to get up again at 9:30am, so i could go to swimming again this morning- didn't get home till 12:30pm and still was moving in slow-motion until i fell back asleep at 3pm today. i just woke up. i can't bring myself to fully wake up tho.. i'm just moving through the motions right now, pretending i'm fully awake. god, its saturday night and i'm sitting in my pajamas, filling up time until the next couple hours i can sleep.
ahh... lowell told me he missed me last night... sighhhh. he also told me he had missed me while he had been talking to sonia rao. damn. i don't know why that's a "damn" statement but its definately not a great statement. but its cool. i'm really just happy lowell and i are still friends and close and whatnot even though i hardly see him during the school day. that sucks. a lot. i wish he were here right now
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet
|
|
DayDream
|
::
2002 31 August :: 6.16pm
:: Mood: accomplished
Answer questions using lyrics from only one band.
Ok, I know i've already done this before...but i wanted to see if i could do it with a different band...
Band: Sugarcult
1. Are you male or female?:
She kisses everyone goodbye
and waves her middle finger high
they're never gonna mess with her again.
2. Describe yourself?:
I'm bouncin off the walls again woa
I'm lookin like a fool again woa
threw away my reputation.
And what you see is what you get with me.
3. How do they feel about you?:
Wasting all your time
going all the way, looking so helpless
everyday
Daddy's little defect
all the same.
You know cause everyone says that I'm not the same
since I changed my name.
4. How do you feel about yourself?:
I couldn't sleep last night
my ears were ringing in my head.
Best friends with the Boogie man
I may be better off here dead.
Running on empty once again
too tired for tears I dread.
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?:
She's beautiful as usual
with bruises on her ego and
her killer instincts tells her to be aware of evil men.
But that's what you get for falling again
you could never get him out of your head.
That's what you get for falling again you cab never get him out of your head.
6. What would you rather be doing?:
Break out cause i'm better off on my own.
7. Describe where you live?:
Every town feels the same
I'm different and you're distant
add it up and it makes no difference.
Everybody's talking about blowing up the neighborhood
everybody's gonna break it up today.
Everybody's talking about blowing up the neighborhood
running fast just to get away.
Stuck in America.
8. Describe how you live?:
Cause i'm here, ready to take it all here
everythings feeling unclear.
I wish it was raining
cause i hate every beautiful day.
You can not convince me anymore.
You can not control me like before.
9. Describe how you love?:
I'm in love but it's only temporary.
I've got something up my sleeve that I don't want to show you
cause everytime i bleed i make a fool of me.
10. Share a few words of wisdom?:
You better keep it in control or you'll go crazy.
free tibet
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2002 30 August :: 7.09pm
:: Music: keller... freaker by the speaker
Which Pee-wee character are you?
free tibet
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2002 30 August :: 4.18pm
"its friiiiday. we aint got no jobs. we aint got shit to do"
after a long day of school, i've made no conclusions or realizations.
just an appreciation
for the end of the day
and no polo practice...
the guys on my team said i would be awesome on a womens team, but not so much on ours... because i 'wont grab nuts and i'm not butch enough'. i'm not sure how i feel about that. i dont think i feel anything at all.
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet
|
|
DayDream
|
::
2002 29 August :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: drained
Dashboard got the Mtv2 award! Hooray!!
Anyways, ya know how somedays are "just one of those days?" Today, was definitely just one of those days. I've been talking to Matt alot lately. Yea he definitely has a girlfriend and doesn't even live in this state..erm...country.Argh, he's just a cool guy to talk to i suppose. He might come and visit me next summer...heh, fun times. Joey's been pretty cool lately too. He's just such an easy person to talk too. It's nice.
So today was the 4th day of classes. They just seem to get hotter and hotter..oh wait, it's not air conditioned, i forgot...so yesterday was TCS's first day. I went over to throw waterballoons at the yougnins...that was fun. I feel bad saying it, but it was really nice hitting all the kids i don't like. Chris was there looking insanely gorgeous. Of course i was in my little school uniform, i walked in and he just looked at me...then he started laughing. I'm sure i did look pretty funny, the little plaid skirt and blue polo with hemp, shell, and bead necklaces, a dickie's bag, topped off with some navy converses. Ya gotta love it. So we talked for a little while and Meg came and we ended up going out to lunch. I apologized to Chris for the 4th and he just laughed and told me not to worry about it. But i don't know, there was just something about the look he gave me and the tone in his voie. Hmm...maybe i'm just too hopeful for unrealistic things. I asked him to come with me and Meg and he said he wasn't hungry...and again, i felt like an idiot. Travis wasn't there yesterday and it scared the shit out of me because no one knew where he was or why he wasn't there. I've been meaning to call him and now i'm really upset i haven't. I haven't talked to him in way too long of a time, i really hope he's still ok. I should really call him...this is just making me crazy nervous.
So SLUH and CBC are both having mixers this weekend. I think i'm gonna go. Like i have anything better to do...it's just really kind of embarassing when all of you're "friends" know everyone and their brother and you're just another face in the crowd. I can't just go up and start talking to people, I just can't. Diana and Meaghan are spending the night tomorrow night too..i really don't want them too, but Mom wants me to be making friends. Yea, good call Mom. I haven't talked to my Dad in a few days. I don't even know if he's in town...he's just a guy that lives in and out of the house now. Best part is he's like tring to be this now active father in my life. You're only like mmm 4 years late Dad. Thanks. Really. I'm just bitching now...argh. So the Fall Festival's comin up...good thing i have a date to that dance...hah. Homecoming too...woohoo, this is lookin like a stag year, let me tell you...hmm sounds like last year. Hell what do i know, i'll find some sucker to go with me...
free tibet
|
|
imation
|
::
2002 27 August :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: ani difranco- this bouquet
fun ani lyrics
got a garden of songs
where i grow all my thoughts
with i could harvest one or town
to some small talk
seems like i'm starving for words
whenever your around
nothing on my tongue
but so much in the ground
half the time i got my gaze trained
on your motel door
(4th door from the end)
rest my gaze on a stain
on the carpeted floor
if it weren't for my brain
i'd just go over and make friends.
too bad about my brain
...i'd like to make friends
see the little songbird
unable to make a sound
you never know she follows your words
from town to town
we've both got gardens of songs
so maybe its ok
but i am speechless
so i picked you this bouquet
yep sure am speechless
but i picked you this bouquet
free tibet
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2002 27 August :: 3.54pm
:: Mood: hot
humid as hell
last night i went to bid a friend farewell that is going away to school. he asked me if i ever thought that we would be close friends. it made me think, 'whats the rush' so i said, 'yeah, but i think we're the kind of people where it will take like, 10 years'then he said that it only takes three. "to be close friends or to know if we should be?" "to be close friends". so i guess we're behind schedule. but, in the immortal words of greenday, 'you cant go forcing something if its just not right.' then again, its not so much as it isnt right... because it is... but to expect a friendship to play out like you've always known a friendship to do so is fairly absurd...
free tibet
|
|
DayDream
|
::
2002 27 August :: 1.52am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Sugarcult~Stuck in America...isn\'t that the truth?
Ahhh the second day of highschool...what fun. It's actually not as bad as i thought i would be. I haven't been pushed down any stairs by upper classmen yet so i think i'm ok. I can already tell that some of my classes are gonna be kicken my ass...
So yesterday i went to the Dave Matthews conceert. It was actually a really great concert. We missed all the opening acts and like 4 of his songs due to traffic..but it was really cool. We met up with some of Ariel's friends...I personally think Jay's hot. (don't you say a word Meg lol) I still think Ariel has a thing for him but she'll deny it till the day she dies. So the concert was just fun, i talked to people, people talked to me...and it was just a good time ...until i get home. I had fallen asleep in the back seat of Anna's car because we were in that damn car forver. Me Meg and Anna all had to leave our bags with Maddie's mom because they wouldn't let us take them in. So we had to go to Maddie's house and get them...by now it's like 12:30 and i have to get up in 6 hours and go to school...fun fun. so we get our bags and they drop me off and there was this tv in the isle, and i couldn't get over it. so i just kinda scooted across and i think i accidently stepped on it. Well my mom took that as i was like stoned or dunk or something. So we get in the house and she's like allie, what's wrong? are you ok? which in her language means you little whore, who'd you do and what'd you take? And it just really pissed me off. I had, had a great night and she was gonna ruin it by accusing me of takin something. So i, naturally, got defensive and was like mom, i'm not high and i'm not drunk. And so she's all then why are you walking away and taking this so defensively? So i turn around and got like 4 inches away from her face so she could see my eyes and i just lost it. And so she gets all hurt and still thinks i'm high on something and does this whole hurt routine about how she's my best friend and told me to never speak to her that way again. So i go upstairs and wash my face, which i guess she thought i was trying to like hide something when really, i was just washing my face. So she comes upstairs with this bullshit disspaointed little hurt face and i just wanted to scream at her. So she assumes that since i went upstairs of course i took something that night. So i turn around and i'm like ok listen, i know you don't trust me and everytime i come home from somewhere you think, ok, so what did she take tonight? And it just really pisses me off. And she just got really quiet and was like, well not EVERY time. And then she goes into this whole thing about how many times i've screwed up and how i have to prove my trust back to her. And it's like well how the fuck do you want me to do that when you give me the 10th degree every time i come home. Of course i'll get defensive, you just accused me of being on drugs for the 9863645 time. Funny thing is, i really didn't do or take anything last night. It was just all goodness, you didn't need any. So this morning, she's all chipper and happy and kiss ass and i just wanted to be like no. You left my room last night accusing me of being a druggie and now you're making me breakfast? What the fuck? So she didn't even mention anything today, which is good i suppose...she knows she was wrong, that's all that matters.
Grr...so i already have homework, but i have all half days this week which is a plus. I'm goin up to TCS tomorrow to throw waterballoons at the little children...heh heh this'll be fun. I wanna see Travis, see how that kids doin. I should call Meg...
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet
|
|
imation
|
::
2002 26 August :: 11.41pm
i don't know if i can take anymore of this pressure.. there couldn't possible BE anymore in this house. Lowell and Elyse are talking online but everything feels like its running SO slowly.. i need a smoke.. if this place were bigger, i'd light one up right here and smoke out the window. i'm so tired of not being able to do what i want around here. sigh..
my mom finally went to bed but not before crying all day and misplacing her taples and drinking and yelling. this would be her 2 year anniversary with Jim. would be is key. she always says they'll get back together eventually, but who really knows for sure. she's a mess. so she's a mess and i can't be one. so i cleaned up her messes in the dining room and kitchen and did the laundry and tried to reason some sense into her. i'm such a parent tonight..
i need a car so i can take off away from here for awhile. roll the windows down and blare the music and smoke down some long country road... sigh.
free tibet
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2002 25 August :: 7.25pm
i just got back from water polo hell. eric nyman and i got out of the clinic at 4:00 and are just now home at 6:25. thats ABSURD. we got stuck in non-moving traffic on the highway for TWO HOURS. we had to stop for gas because we burned the rest of his by just sitting on the highway, and when we got there we got snacks and i got a MAXIM to read in the car for entertainment/education. when we make it up to the register, i see a piece of paper on the counter that had magic marker letters/#s on it. i asked what it was and the guy said "an alternate route to the traffic". i love quicktrip. everybody buy stock in quick trip. so about 2.5 hours we made it home. luckily, my pops told me to get a beer when i got home so perhaps the hell is worth it. probably not, but i can never turn down a sunshine wheat beer. never.
free tibet
|
|