DayDream
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2002 9 August :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: blah
Quiz fest round 2
Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?
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DayDream
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2002 9 August :: 6.45am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: just the A.C
Today has gone by so fast. I really didn't do anything, but it just seemed to go away. Last night i went and saw Less Than Jake with Rachel and Amanda. Nathan was there, but i didn't see him. It was a really great set. They didn't play for very long though. Their opening acts were pretty good too. The first one, Whippersnapper sucked hella, but Teen Idols and Sugarcult kicked ass. I couldn't help but think about Matt. And how he almost pushed me in the pool when i told him i was going. "they're my third favorite band! i can't believe you're going!" add a British accent to that and you've got Matt. I hope he writes me back soon...i'm sure he's still really jetlagged. 10 hours, yuck.
Sarah and Elyse are comin into town next week. It should be cool to see them, i'm excited. I talked to Elyse last night, heh she's so cute. She seemed really happy to be coming. I have to do this sports camp thing that week unfortunately but it's in the morning and they probably won't even be awake by the time i get back home anyway.
Ahh, i'm still so tired. And i'm still really missing Mexico. Every time i look at the clock it's like wow, i could be on a beach right now. Or at night, after 11 it's like wow, i could be at a club dancing with hot boys. Argh, i'll just have to go back....heh.
I need to call Lizz. Last time we talked she was not okay. I don't know what happened to her though. I think she just got really stressed out when she realized that school would be starting soon and she has cheerleading stuff to deal with. Poor girl, i really should call her. Her and Sarah, i need to cal her too...she's on, but not talking...hmm. Maybe i should go make those phone calls...
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2002 9 August :: 4.07pm
i've been doin things that i don't want to do for at least 2 days... after last night at 10:30, when i was already exhausted of people, i got online and i had to deal with a couple different fights with people in my class. why is it that people feel the need to confide in me? even people that i don't even know very well....?
then lowell called around 12:30am and we ended up talking till 2:30am, and by then i was so wired from people that i stayed up till 4. sigh. i need some sleep. i think i might try to take a nap before we go pick up lowell around 8. hah, like that will happen..
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2002 8 August :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: phish- billy breathes
slow it down some and have some space.... fuck you too
every time we say hello
to some new encounter
we're on our way
toward goodbye.
some distance
from the actual phrase
but moving toward it all the same.
the distance between those two words
becomes a little less
as we grow older.
be aware then
that tomorrow
is only tomorrow.
there is nothing to fear
except the coming of another day.
but two against a summer morning
are sure to claim one more victory
over chance and trouble.
if i seek your eyes
i'll do so with my own eyes only.
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2002 8 August :: 10.24pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: ben folds five
amen
so.. today was... fun. i went to Lauren's with Elyse for like 4 hours... came back here, and immediately Ben Walker called.. i talked to him for like an hour.. and then Rachel called in, and i talked to her for about an hour. that was.. awkward at first, but then i kind of enjoyed talking to her. she was so ..forlorn and sad though. seriously. it wasn't like dodge-insecurity it was.. just sadness coming through the receiver. complete sadness. so i listened and said "uh huh" a lot and laughed at her jokes and told her we'll get together and i think made her feel better about the semester although at the end of the call i was feeling worse. then JK called in the middle, and invited himself over.. so then i called lowell until he got here, and he just left about 5 minutes ago..... ahhhhh.. so i've been occupied with people since noon. sigh. i'm exhausted. j'ai fatigue.
i think im gonna go sit on my ass and pretend to read my summer reading. i wonder where my mom is...
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DayDream
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2002 7 August :: 8.55pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: I'm singing now...heh
Quiz time
You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.
Find out your color at Stvlive.com!
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discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com
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DayDream
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2002 7 August :: 7.30am
:: Mood: Dreamy
:: Music: It won\'t work : (
Ahh Mexico...
I got home from Mexico today...i haven\'t really talked to anyone though. Sarah was going out with some people so we didn\'t really get to talk. So many amazing things happened though. It was like a fairy tale at times.
There was a club in the hotel that anyone could get into, so Lizz, Kellie, Allison and I went everynight. You only have to be 18 to drink...or be able to flirt with the bartender. We met so many people, I have no idea how old anyone really is. None of us actually told the truth, but i had my fair share of alchohal that\'s for damn sure.
It was really cool though because random people would come up and you\'d just start dancing. I danced with seriously one of the hottest guys i\'ve ever seen... so i was happy. He was always around the blonde nazi though. I think she got kind of mad that i stepped on her turf...hah.
So We met many people, i mentioned that. But among them was Matt. He\'s so wonderful. He\'s from England and has the hottest accent ever...he\'s not to bad lookin either...lizz kind of claimed him for her own though. She has to, it\'s like her nature or something. She only really pissed me off once this week though which was good. We were talking to these guys in the pool, Matt being one of them and they started talking more to me or something like that and she got like all pissy. So we were all messin around in the pool, trying to includer her, but she had to mope around on her raft and make stupid coments trying to embarass me. But, later, after Matt had left. We were talking to these guys from CO and they asked how old i was and i said 16. And Lizz, trying to steal some glory was just like oh, i won\'t say anything. So of course they were all like wait, wut? And she would just laugh and flip her hair and giggle a nothing....grr. So we got passed the age deal and we started talking about schools. I said i went to an all girls catholic highschool...which will be true. And of course, she had to say something about that too. Tyler, one of the guys...just being stupid asked something about when my first lesbian experience was and Lizz just started laughing and was like ohh i can\'t take it anymore, you lie so much. And starts saying all this crap about how she\'s been telling the truth the whole time and about how i was the only one lying and i was like wut the fuck is going on. So she was like she\'s really 14 and she\'s been lying the whole time, i\'m the only one that\'s been truthful which was a bullshit lie in itself and so i started to say something and she was all lie, \"oh my god, chill drama queen.\" and i really wantes to shoot her. Right then and there. So of course she succeeded in making me look like an idiot and prety much got me to tell them about sarah. Which, somehow turned into me telling them on my own...yea, i don\'t tell anyone. I really didn\'t like her that day. But, like always, she got her attention back and had guys all over her thay night. If i remember correctly, she spent alot of the night pretty much on top of Matt...and she also decided that he was \"hers\". Now, that\'s fne. wutever. But she\'s a walking contradiction. I had met this guy Jordan and because she talked to him first she decided that we should share him or something. Tho, i don\'t think she even liked him at all. So she gets to know matt and so did i and we were talking about him and she was like yea, he\'s mine, back off. It just made me so mad. I asked him to dance and she glard at me the whole time...a few songs later he came up behind me and put his arms around my weist while she was standing right next to me...i don\'t think she was too thriled.
we got over it.The Nazi was usually the one with all the guys around her, and i\'m gong to sound like a bitch...but the last two night...that was def. not the case. So skipping to this morning...we went to the club our last night and we all decide to watch the sunrise on the beach. Lizz and i still had to pack but she ended up passing out around 3. However, i\'ve been up since 9:00 Tuesday morning..i\'m just a little tired...i slept maybe a half hour combined on the plane and bus...maybe. But anyway, so we said we would meet all these people at the pool entrance at 5:00am. So i wake Lizz up and we go over to the pool entrance and there\'s no one there. So we\'re thinken well fuck, we got stood up. But Matt and Tyler did end up showing up. So we walked over to the beach and all just kinda sat there and watch the most gorgeous sunrise ever. Lizz, of course. Made herself right at home sitting inbetween Matt\'s legs, and Tyler and i just kinda watched the oceean. It was strange ya know? It was like wow, i feel like i\'m with Aaron in a really weird way. I guess only because of the age difference. Matt eneded up throwing me in the ocean and Tyler dragged me out even farther. It was so cold. Heh, but he would just put his arms around my weist and tickle me. So we got out around 6:45ish and Tyler pushed me into the pool. Heh. So we swam around in the pool for a little while and he would just hold my weist. He could hold both of my hands in one of his and i felt like such a little girl. They all teased me because i finally told everyone my real age and they all told me how young i was and all that greatness. Lizz loved every minute of it. Everyone believe i was 16. Travis was the only one that sai the lowest i could pass for was 14. And of course she was like see he knew you were lying and proceeded to get friendly with him. I\'m bitching too much. Maybe i\'m jelous. That would be unfortunate. Eh...
I need sleep, i haven\'t slept in too long. Mexico was amazing...the mother said that next summer, if matt and i stayed in touch he and his sister katie could come stay with us...hehe.
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leftofcool
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2002 7 August :: 9.15am
i am going to see yellowcard tonight for seven dollars. finally something i can afford...
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imation
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2002 7 August :: 9.28am
in the end we're found
i should have told you
that love is more
than being warm in bed
more
than individuals seeking an accomplice.
even more than wanting to share.
i could have said
that love at best is giving what you need to get.
but it was raining
and we had no place to go
and riding through the streets in a cab
i remembered
that words are only necessary after love has gone.
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imation
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2002 7 August :: 11.07pm
:: Mood: restless
shortcuts can slow you down
you lie bent up in embryo sleep
below the painting
of the blue fisherman
without a pillow.
the checkered cover kicked
and tangled on the floor
the old house creaking now
a car going by
the wind
a fire engine up the hill...
i've disentangled myself
from you
moved silently,
groping in the dark
for ciggerettes,
and now three ciggerettes later
still elated
still afraid
i sit across the room
watching you-
the light from the street lamp
coming through the shutters
hysterical patterns flash on the wall
when a car goes by
otherwise there is no change.
not in the way you lie
curled up.
not in the sounds
that never come from you.
not in the discontent i feel.
you've filled completely
the first july day
with sausilito and sign language
canoe and coffee
ice cream and wide eyes
and now unable to sleep
because they day is finally going home
because your sleep has locked me out
i watch you and wonder
at you
i know your face by touch
when its dark
i know your profile
your sleeping face
the sound of you sleeping.
sometimes i think
you were all sound
kicking free of covers
and adjusting shutters
moving about in the bathroom
taking twenty minutes
of our precious time.
i know the hills
the gullies of your body
the curves
the turns.
i have totall recall of you
and Ely street
because i know
it will be important later.
its quiet now.
only the clock
moving toward rejection tomorrow
breaks the stillness.
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2002 6 August :: 5.14pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Jack Johnson
you're not the only one who's afraid of change
i'm stalling to get ready to go out... meeting Elyse to see a movie in an hour.
ehh my hip hurts. running on pavement sucks.. i wish my pool were open. wow. i just realized exactly what i feel like today... the most shallow person ever. anti social, socially inept is a better description. and its so easy to get out of the deep end of the pool...
1 freedom fighter |
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2002 4 August :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: dirty
all i really know is i don't wanna know
....ahh things go awry when sarah goes to sleep at 3am, only to get up at 5:30, get on a bus at 7..... ride 4 hours to indianapolis. ....things get worse when sarah starts talking in 3rd person. but yeah, the bus was hell on wheels. i got on late to say goodbye to my dad and had to sit in one of the only seats left- the very back right in front of the "washroom" which should, as i look back, be called the "shit hole"... every time someone would come back to go in it, which was about every 10 minutes for 4 hours, the smell would just hit me like a cold glass of water... but not a refreshing one either. ehhhh...
and my seat partner, a nice lady that gave me gum, just happened to paint her nails about 22 times... only to asphyxiate (?) me even more. hoo-rah. god i was light headed about the whole damn time. also, since i was the seat in front of the "washroom," it just happened to be the only seat on the bus that didn't recline..... fuck me... guess who didn't get any sleep while everyone else was snoring... damnnnn.
the only highlight of my day was a tiny 4 year old girl walk by me on her way to the "washroom" and wave...
god my head hurts.
i need some sleep.
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2002 4 August :: 1.34am
i love my brother... and lowell and lil and elyse and allie and everyone. mgc and mike's hard lemonade adn smirnoff and budweiser are the best. hoo-rah.
3 freedom fighters |
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2002 1 August :: 9.58pm
i'm sore sore sore sore...... i just sat down and wrote a private livejournal deal- 10 pages on word. 12 font. i even made the margins bigger and everything. sigh. i would put it on here, but then i'd have to kill everyone who read it- and that'd just be messy. so i'll just pretend like everything's cool and go drink some orange juice and read my book because everything will be better in the morning. .... but it won't. i hate sleeping on things- then my head just hurts and i'm still fucking sore
2 freedom fighters |
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