The Korean Lover's Life

:: 2006 5 October :: 6.14pm

you see...

this is why I don't...

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:: 2006 2 October :: 11.53pm

so just me and the captain tonight...

we got together and asked ourselves a question...

how long is 85 years?

is that a good long time to live?

other assorted questions ensued...

P.S. I have a devastating fear of mediocrity...

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:: 2006 2 October :: 9.36am

I hate john mayer...

I try to break up with him but he always smooth talks me back to him..

I love john mayer...

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:: 2006 22 September :: 2.57pm
:: Mood: annoyed

I am a fucking homecoming princess, and that would be WAY hott, except that I have no PRINCE!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!! Stupid parents. My parents are letting me go to Homecoming still, and to Red Flannel. HIS DON'T EVEN WANT HIM TO GO TO FUCKING PROM!!!!!!! NOT COOL!!
I'm so pissed right now, it's unbelievable! I should be happy, I should be freaking out and telling everyone, but I'm not! I'm MAD. I want to be with Josh, I would give up all this crap just to be with him. Screw homecoming, I was only excited because of him! I love dances, but I wanted to dance with HIM... that's it. No one else!!! Now I'm gonna' have a nice dress, a nice sash, and no date. Fun.

:: 2006 22 September :: 9.14am

So I did the annual read through all of woohu thing... yeah whatever...

I was talking with a friend of mine named Patrick the other day about a mutual friend named Dilshod. He had this wierd change over the summer from kind of a geeky chemical engineer to an abrasive seth green-esque wegro. We decided that the reason he acts like he does ( he's got this urban ukrainian thing is going on, thinks he's a girl magnet because he has an accent, claims he's a model, etc... ) is because somewhere during the summer he found out that as a human being he has the potential to be cool...

Which he does, he's a really fun guy, he's always ready to go do anything. But it's become annoying to an extent that it makes me depressed watching him. That sounds really awful and conceded but it's like watching a train wreck when he talks to women.

Plus he's always trying to pick up the drunk sleezy ones...

During this duscussion I said out loud to patrick, " god knows I never went through that phase"... which ofcourse is completely untrue. Being that I didn't remember it, I decided to check the only chronologue of my life that is semi in depth, and that is woohu. So I checked it, and low and behold, I was annoying and abrasive for looks too. fuck me man.

Thank you andy, for making all those forgettable moments stick in our heads and slowly eat us away...

and for stealing all my friends...

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:: 2006 21 September :: 7.52pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: 89.9 Way FM

Scared...
I told my parents. I couldn't help it. I couldn't explain to them why Josh's parents didn't want us to go to homecoming without lying or telling them. And I am SO sick of lying. I'm sick of all of this. It's exhausting. Luckily my mom said that this feeling is punishment enough. She said it's easier to be punished by someone else than by yourself. That's what she likes about Steph and I, we punish ourselves before she even gets the chance.

My dad wasn't home when I told my mom, though. So I have to figure out what he'll say when they get home from the store. Josh scared me by saying that my parents were "there". I thought he meant his house, but he meant Meijer. I was FREAKIN' out! I do NOT want my parents and his parents to be talking about all this. I somehow think that'll make things worse. So yea, it was scary.

Anyway, I should go before they get home and freak out on me for being on here. Love you all. Hope to see you tomorrow, not dead.

Chao,
Jacqui

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:: 2006 20 September :: 7.23pm

the good old days
Pick a BAND and answer with LYRICS

Band :: The Strokes
Are you male or female :: was an honest man
Describe yourself :: is this it?
How do some people feel about you :: he wants it easy, he wants to relax, he says I can do other things but I can't do that, 2 steps forward and 3 steps back...
How do you feel about yourself :: I can't think cuz I'm just way too tired..
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend :: the room is on fire, and she's fixing her hair/ watch her as she wipes her eyes, you don't make me sorry, now I know, that you never listened listened
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend :: Meet me in the bathroom
Describe where you want to be :: so you think things move pretty fast out here, well just wait my friend, till you look out there...
Describe what you want to be :: I want to be forgotten, and I don't want to be reminded
Describe how you live :: Friday nights have been lonely, we can go and get 40s , fuck the way to the party
Describe how you love :: Can't you see I'm tryin? I dont even like it, I just lied to get to your apartment, now I'm stayin there just for awhile
Share a few words of wisdom :: THe end has no end

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:: 2006 19 September :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: drained

Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head.
So things were a bit better today. Josh had his car back. The notebook wasn't the one with the songs, his dad just wanted him to think it was. He had his phone back, and now he's just grounded. He went to taco bell with Ron after school and was SO excited. He said if his parents found out, though, he'd be shot. He still has to move out immediately upon turning 18. I don't get it. How can you be that terrible to your child. Especially after the crazy terrible mistakes you made? Honestly! It's just stupid!!
I didn't tell my parents. I couldn't do it. I kept thinking "they love me and are proud of me now... they won't be if/ when they find out." I guess Josh told his parents that I told mine though, and they made it sound like they'd talked to my parents already. But they haven't. They couldn't have, my parents would not be the type to wait for me to admit it. That flat out shoot me. I don't know what to think I guess. I just want everything to be back to normal. I almost stopped by his house on the way to work to say "hey" to Tyler (he was in the yard with Zeke), but then I realized I'm not allowed there at all anymore. So I waved as I passed, it sucked. It sucks that they've lost all respect and love for me. It sucks knowing that I lost what I'd just recently gained, and it sucks even more because it was over something stupid that I didn't need to do.
Ugh, I still shiver when I think about it. I can't stand the tone that his dad had, or the look of dissappointment on his face. I hate the scared and sad look in Josh's eyes. I hate the look he had when he was trying to pretend that everything was okay, when I knew nothing was. I hate remembering all of it, but I can't make it go away. This just sucks. I love him, and loving someone should not cause this many problems.

Anyway, I should jet. Love you guys. Thanks for the support, I really do appreciate it. You rock.

-Jay-

Tuwang

:: 2006 12 September :: 6.42pm

I think Kid A just about sums it up

edit: I mean the whole thing

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:: 2006 6 September :: 9.39pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Acoustic #3

What's the point in all this screaming? No one's listening anyway.
Josh and I, ONE MONTH tomorrow. Seems longer, but shorter at the same time. It's weird. I like it though. I love him. I love the feeling when I see him for the first time of the day. And then the feeling everytime I see him after that. I love that we don't fight. Our first official argument was over him not going to the doctor. His wrist has been hurting him for a while now, but he refuses to see a doctor. He finally said he'd ask Julie (a nurse and family friend) about it. I agreed to that compromise. Anyway, the point is that I love him. I really can see this lasting. It's different than JD and I... it's more real. He makes me better, and I do the same for him. He's like my gaurdian angel or something. It's amazing.

Yep, pretty much awesome.

I should probably jet though. Can't go to sleep late anymore... not when I have to wake up at 5:30 in the morning. So check ya' later peeps.

Mucho amor a todos,
Jacquelyn