a-demons-angel
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2007 17 September :: 1.11am
:: Mood: dead
:: Music: A Perfect Circle - The Noose
I couldn't find it
And that depresses me more than anything.
God...
I just don't even want to move anymore..
I just want to go to sleep.
And not have to get up again.
<3
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 17 September :: 12.30am
:: Mood: I'm internally screaming and ripping at my flesh
:: Music: Stabbing Westward - What Do I Have To Do?
I'm losing it.
I'm really losing it.
I'm stumbling closer and closer to my breaking point.
I think I'm going to fall.
And I can hear the laughter of lunacy escaping my lips.
While my ears are about to burst from the screams ricochetting inside my head.
My whole body is in agony.
I can't take this.
I think I'm going to vomit.
<3
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 16 September :: 11.53am
:: Mood: hurt
:: Music: A Perfect Circle - The Noose
I don't feel..
I don't feel like I'm a part of anything anymore.
I don't feel like I have a meaning or purpose anymore.
I don't feel like any of this does..
So what do you do with the meaningless..?
[Get rid of it]
<3
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 12 September :: 2.34pm
:: Mood: hopeless
:: Music: Deftones - Passenger
I can't.
I just can't do anything right anymore.
I'm ruining everything.
Why can't I just shut my fucking mouth and go through the motions?
Why?
T.T
<3
2 more shards |
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 1 September :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: Like that little star getting sucked into oblivion
:: Music: Evanescence - Give Unto Me
It's not that I don't have anyone I can talk to
I have everyone to talk to
But I don't have any I feel like I can talk to
Not about this.
I don't have anyone
And I have everyone in the world.
Anyone I want
Just not the one I want
The one I need
<3
break my being
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chaosdecrepit
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2007 30 May :: 8.51pm
:: Mood: despondant
:: Music: N/A
sorrow by name and sorrow by nature
I'm so lonely I could die.
1 more shard |
break my being
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chaosdecrepit
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2007 26 May :: 2.55pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: Around the World - Daft Punk
I met Win Butler of The Arcade Fire.
The show was amazing.
The trip was fantastic... sans having no money and seeing cute clothing everywheerrrreeeeeee.
More things added to my materialistic list:
(or repeated)
+ Sundress!
+ Kitten heels!
+ A floppy straw hat!
+ Tights of various colours, patterns and lengths!
+ Weird shirts/dresses that look like they come from the 70s! eg. hippie attire!
+ Chinese tea set!
I went to this glorious store that had all of the above, however, it was a silly chachi store because all of that is in style right now. It's funny because in five years I'll still be dressing the way I always have while everyone is trendy in... tinfoil.
We drank tea with a man in China town named Daniel. He is the best. Ginsing Oolong left me throat sweet... and made me calm. There are tea balls there that bloom into lotus flowers when you put them in hot water.
Add that to the list.
1 more shard |
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 10 May :: 9.16am
So yeah.
Life's amazing right now.
Not really.
I don't know.
But I want this rift between Emily and I to go away.
I don't know if she knows it's there, but it's there
I mean, I don't want to take away from her friendship with Naomi.
I just don't like feeling so distant from her.
And my mom needs to grow up.
Kthxbai
<3
1 more shard |
break my being
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chaosdecrepit
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2007 4 May :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: despondant
:: Music: Another Version of The Truth - Nine Inch Nails
god have mercy on our dirty little hearts
Let's pretend like I was never gone.
Like I'm a missing lover that walked back in the door. Set a cup of tea on the table. There was no absence.
My bangs are irritating. I need a haircut and dye. My natural colour is pushing through. How I hate it. Shawna says that having dark hair makes me look washed out... I disagree. I also don't understand North America's abhorrant attitude towards pale skin. I'm very white. Deal with it.
I haven't seen Spiderman 2 nor does the series hold great interest for me but James invited me to Spiderman 3 and offered to pay. I can't turn down an offer like that, nor the kindness.
I'm going to make a list of things I hope to acquire because I'm petty and commercial.
+ A filing cabinet for writing clutter.
+ A bedside table.
+ An ugly lamp from the 70's. (or mysterious 80's lamp)
+ A strapless bra.
+ Zelda: Twilight Princess for Gamecube.
I'm going to go put on pants.
4 more shards |
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 25 April :: 6.00pm
:: Mood: =/
:: Music: Raver's Fantasy - Tune Up!
So it's my birthday tomorrow.
And there's a possibility that I might not see my Muffin.
Surprise surprise.
=/
I don't really feel like having a birthday anymore...
It's just...
I just can't shake the feeling that nothing is going to go the way I want it.
That it's just going to be shitty.
Like last time.
<3
3 more shards |
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a-demons-angel
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2007 8 April :: 12.13pm
:: Mood: Happy/Well-fed
:: Music: VNV Nation - Beloved
Hey you!
Happy Easter!
:D
I'm gonna go get Malic an Easter basket now.
Love you guuuuise!!!
<3
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 6 April :: 3.42pm
:: Mood: Yeah, okay
:: Music: VNV Nation - Dark Angel
The Queen of Bitch Moves and Keith's obsession
LotusLE98 (2:32:51 PM): Weee
deathbyjisatsu (2:33:39 PM): Hiiiiiiiiiiii
LotusLE98 (2:33:45 PM): Hiiiii
LotusLE98 (2:36:49 PM): Hm, how many vnv songs do you have
deathbyjisatsu (2:37:01 PM): 34
deathbyjisatsu (2:37:08 PM): I don't think it's all of them though
LotusLE98 (2:37:10 PM): yea
LotusLE98 (2:37:15 PM): Let me weed out my duplicaters
deathbyjisatsu (2:37:17 PM): VNV's site says they have 35
LotusLE98 (2:37:20 PM): They have more
LotusLE98 (2:37:25 PM): Remixes, anyways
deathbyjisatsu (2:37:29 PM): Yeah
LotusLE98 (2:43:26 PM): Aweoms
LotusLE98 (2:43:28 PM): w
LotusLE98 (2:43:31 PM): Awesome*
LotusLE98 (2:43:31 PM): XD
LotusLE98 (2:43:35 PM): I'm getting a new computer
LotusLE98 (2:43:36 PM): For free
LotusLE98 (2:43:40 PM): Well, it's not *new*
LotusLE98 (2:43:41 PM): New to me
LotusLE98 (2:44:15 PM): So I'll now have an extra to run for specific things only
deathbyjisatsu (2:45:00 PM): ....?
LotusLE98 (2:45:35 PM): lol
deathbyjisatsu (3:31:32 PM): Keith
LotusLE98 (3:31:35 PM): yo
deathbyjisatsu (3:31:46 PM):
~~~~~~
srpgoaliegurl (3:30:32 PM): but i didnt do anything
srpgoaliegurl (3:30:40 PM): we hung out thats all
srpgoaliegurl (3:31:15 PM): he was the one that was rubbing my leg and grabbing me and hugging me
srpgoaliegurl (3:31:19 PM): i didnt do anything
srpgoaliegurl (3:31:23 PM): i have brittany
~~~~~~~
LotusLE98 (3:31:53 PM): Bull shit
LotusLE98 (3:32:00 PM): I didn't touch or grab or hug her
deathbyjisatsu (3:32:13 PM): I know
deathbyjisatsu (3:32:16 PM): She's trying to save face
LotusLE98 (3:32:25 PM): In the mall when I was sitting on the ground, with her and sarah, I grabbed the bottom of her jeans and tugged, that's it
LotusLE98 (3:32:30 PM): and that was just figiting
LotusLE98 (3:32:33 PM): Not sexual in the least bit
deathbyjisatsu (3:34:37 PM):
~~~~~
deathbyjisatsu (3:32:53 PM): I don't believe that.
deathbyjisatsu (3:33:48 PM): So I'm going to end this conversation right now before I put you in tears
deathbyjisatsu (3:33:54 PM): Bye
~~~~~~
LotusLE98 (3:35:26 PM): LotusLE98 (3:34:43 PM): Not she's telling Jade that I was the one "flirting"
LotusLE98 (3:34:45 PM): now*
naomicote@mac.com (3:35:00 PM): yeah she sent it to me, too
LotusLE98 (3:34:57 PM): ..
LotusLE98 (3:34:57 PM): LAWL
naomicote@mac.com (3:35:06 PM): she's trying to save face.
~~~~~~
LotusLE98 (3:35:33 PM): Haha, you both said Save face
LotusLE98 (3:36:23 PM): <3 Jade
deathbyjisatsu (3:36:49 PM):?
LotusLE98 (3:36:50 PM): <3
LotusLE98 (3:36:51 PM): xD
deathbyjisatsu (3:36:57 PM):?
LotusLE98 (3:36:59 PM): just
LotusLE98 (3:37:00 PM): <3
deathbyjisatsu (3:37:53 PM):
~~~~~~
srpgoaliegurl (3:37:14 PM): but i didnt do anything...
srpgoaliegurl (3:37:29 PM): but whatever if u want to b mad about something i didnt do whatever
srpgoaliegurl (3:37:31 PM): bye jade
~~~~~~
LotusLE98 (3:38:02 PM): ~.~
deathbyjisatsu (3:38:15 PM):I know!
LotusLE98 (3:38:18 PM): lol
deathbyjisatsu (3:38:20 PM):Like, wtf?
deathbyjisatsu (3:38:28 PM):Fuck her.
deathbyjisatsu (3:38:48 PM):Is she still online or did she block me/
LotusLE98 (3:39:15 PM): No idea
LotusLE98 (3:39:16 PM): I blocked her
LotusLE98 (3:39:19 PM): Yesturday
deathbyjisatsu (3:39:53 PM):Whatever, fuck her
deathbyjisatsu (3:40:01 PM):If she wants to play liar with me
deathbyjisatsu (3:40:03 PM):Fuck her
LotusLE98 (3:40:09 PM): Yea
LotusLE98 (3:41:00 PM): Hm
LotusLE98 (3:41:02 PM): I think this calls
LotusLE98 (3:41:04 PM): For..
LotusLE98 (3:41:06 PM): SABRINA
deathbyjisatsu (3:41:16 PM):xD Wtf?
LotusLE98 (3:41:19 PM): Dude
LotusLE98 (3:41:22 PM): You don't understand
LotusLE98 (3:41:26 PM): I love Sabrina the teenage witch
LotusLE98 (3:41:27 PM): xD
deathbyjisatsu (3:41:31 PM):xDDD
LotusLE98 (3:41:39 PM): No, it's like.. beyond love
LotusLE98 (3:41:40 PM): xD
LotusLE98 (3:41:46 PM): I record every episode
LotusLE98 (3:42:03 PM): There are 2 on weekdays (4 and 4:30pm), 0 on saturday, 4 on sunday
LotusLE98 (3:42:05 PM): lol
<3
4 more shards |
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 17 March :: 5.24pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Tool - Rosetta Stoned
This week has been the worst ever
I just want to scream my guts out, rip all the remaining hair out of my scalp and dive through a fucking window.
Jesus fucking Christ..
Just shoot me in the face already
Get it fucking over with
<3
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 14 March :: 3.36am
:: Mood: Crushed
:: Music: Stabbing Westward - Shame
I'm so stupid.
I'm the stupidest person that ever existed.
I deserve to fail
And I deserve my mother's contempt
And I deserve my father's neglect
And I deserve Mark's abuse.
Because I'm so stupid.
I'm so, so stupid.
And I hate it
break my being
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a-demons-angel
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2007 13 March :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: Depressed
:: Music: Stabbing Westward - Shame
I can't do this anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:44:14 PM): My mom is so annoying
Lucifer Ann (9:44:24 PM): Orly?
deathbyjisatsu (9:44:41 PM): "Have you ordered the phones yet?"
deathbyjisatsu (9:44:49 PM): "No. I've been really busy"
Lucifer Ann (9:44:58 PM): Lawl
deathbyjisatsu (9:45:47 PM): And I'm thinkin "Oh gee. I know. It takes forever to send a little email saying we want this phone, this phone, and this phone."
deathbyjisatsu (9:46:28 PM): I'd take her less time to do that than it would for her to go outside and chain smoke while reading some pointless mag
deathbyjisatsu (9:46:45 PM): I didn't say that to her because I didn't want to get in a fight
Lucifer Ann (9:46:57 PM): Truth
deathbyjisatsu (9:46:56 PM): So I asked her if she'd like me to do it
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:06 PM): And she said "I need to find his email"
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:20 PM): And I asked her if Mark had it
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:29 PM): And she was all "No!"
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:57 PM): So I said "Well, surely Mark has his number, I'll call Mark, and call the guy and tell him what phones we want"
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:01 PM): And then she blows up at me
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:15 PM): I can't even fucking talk to her anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:40 PM): And here I was
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:43 PM): Being the mature one
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:53 PM): And not naggin her for not doing
Lucifer Ann (9:48:57 PM): =/
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:54 PM): it
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:59 PM): But offering to do it for her
deathbyjisatsu (9:49:03 PM): What the fuck?
deathbyjisatsu (9:49:37 PM): I can't wait until I don't have to live under her roof anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:50:14 PM): She's gets harder to fucking live with and deal with as I get older
deathbyjisatsu (9:50:25 PM): Hell, Mark's easier to deal with than her at this point
deathbyjisatsu (9:50:57 PM): I can't even carry on a normal conversation with her without feeling like I'm sucking up to her now
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:08 PM): That's how bad it is
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:39 PM): It's like she'd perfer it if Asja and I weren't seen nor heard
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:51 PM): Always did everything we were supposed to
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:56 PM): Got straight As
deathbyjisatsu (9:52:00 PM): Never did anything wrong
deathbyjisatsu (9:52:30 PM): There is no room for error with her
deathbyjisatsu (9:52:49 PM): When that's all her life has fucking been
deathbyjisatsu (9:53:02 PM): I hate how she makes me feel worthless
Lucifer Ann (9:54:12 PM): <3
deathbyjisatsu (9:54:09 PM): I hate how now that I'm not some depressed mute who has no friends and who always gets good grades I'm not good enough anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:54:33 PM): Suddenly, I'm not acceptable
deathbyjisatsu (9:55:39 PM): I hate this Emily
deathbyjisatsu (9:55:52 PM): I wish I were 18 this April instead of 17
deathbyjisatsu (9:56:00 PM): I don't think I can take another year of this
Lucifer Ann (9:56:29 PM): Just try, dear =/
<3
break my being
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