Tell me why you care.
So seriously why do people care? I really don't see why but if you really do then it's up to you. I'm not powerful enough to change any of your minds. All I know is that I want an answer. I want to be able to have a reason for someone to care. I would love to know how people really honestly feel about me.

whatever
I want to leave you all. I want out. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to put up with it. I can't do it. Does anyone want to come with me? I think that a lot of you want to but I want to go alone. So what do you think of me now? Wanting to see you somewhere else. Wanting to leave you alone all by yourself. What's up with this? Where did all these feelings come from?? I haven't done so in so long. I don't know where I am I want nothing out of anyone. So what do you want?

This week
Hey so this week was boring. The only great thing about it was Addison. Obviously. Yesterday we were suppost to have a game vs Wyoming Park, but they didn't show up so we didn't play. It sucked because we sat there for 2 hours doing nothing but waiting for someone to show up. Tuesday is our last game vs Sparta. I hope that we win. I know that Addison and Erin are going but I don't know of anyone else. It's weird before Addison and I started going out Bill never talked to me unless he had to, now he always talks to me. And of course it's always about Jacki so I think that he's trying to make me jelous. But it's not working. Science was so boring we had a different sub everyday and all we did was watched a movie on Dinosaurs and had to write a page and a half report. It sucked I'm so glad that it's over. Modisher is a jerk off and is being stupid like always. He's been bitching at me for everything. Even if he's wrong and I'm right. He's suck a dick. I hate him. I miss Addison. So at softball today we practiced for about an hour and then we packed eleven people in a mini van. It was hard but luckely I sat up front and didn't have anyone sitting on me and I didn't have to sit on anyone. So how is everyone doing? I'm so fricken tired. And it sucks the one day we have off of school I have to do a band thing for Memorial Day. But oh well it's not that bad cuz I get to see Addison for a couple of hours. This weekend I might go to his house and otherwise I'm going to go golfing. I really don't want to but my dad wants to so I'll probably end up going sometime. Well I really don't know what else to write so LYSYB.
ME

TODAY
Yeah so today I had to get up at 5 this morning just to go to work. And I was suppost to go somewhere with Addison but nope that was out of the question. I'm so fricken bored. I'm home alone with no one to talk to besides myself and I'm hungry but too lazy to cook anything. I miss Addison.

Things I want right now

1) To be with Addison
2) sleep
3) someone to talk to
4) the new Stained cd
5) Sims Hot Date
6) to get my audition over with
7) tickets to Ozzfest
8) tickets to lolapoluza
9) ADDISON
10) the new Blink 182 cd
11) cable tv
12) someone who cares
13) alcohol
14-100) none other than ADDISON

Family Problems
Yeah so if you've read Addison's journal you practically already know what's up but if not here it goes. My mom got all pissed at me because Addison drove me home and not Adam. Then when I went to my dad's house after softball practice my mom picked me up at 6:00 to take me to the band thingy I went to last night. She saw that Addison was there and was just like "what's up with that whys he here?" So I told her and that's when she started ignoring me. Then we went to the band thing and I sat with Addison, Erin, and who ever else was at the table. She went off and sat by herself when she was more than welcome at our table but no she didn't want to. So she bitched at me for not sitting with her when she already said that it was okay if I didn't sit with her the day before. And I even got my band letter and she didn't say anything about that. She just sat around and moaped the rest of the day. And now today she still hasn't said anything to me except for "good". The only reason I talked to her was to tell her that I didn't have a game or practice today. She's being such a bitch. And now she's being all friendly with Adam just to piss me off even more.
Anyway who cares about her. Addison came over yesterday and we watched Jackass. It is the best movie ever but some of it is really sick. And we had our band Banquet last night. It was great all the food there was deserts. So much chocolate. And I got my band letter so I'm happy for that. Now I get my varsity jacket. Which my mom doesn't want me having. She's probably going to tell my aunt not to get me one. I get whatever one I want with whatever on it. It's so cool. Well I got to get going. LYSYB

Bored
Hey. It's amazing I actually woke up before noon. I got up at 8:00. I'm so bored. I haven't done anything interesting today. I've did my math homework and I've been on the internet off and on. But there was one good thing that I did today. I talked to Addison. It sucks. I've had all weekend without my stepmom. She came back today. but oh well I leave today to go to my mom's sooner or later. Well I don't know what else to write and I don't want to bore anyone. LYSYB

today
Yeah so today I went to the movies with Addison. We went and saw X men 2. It was okay, not the greatest. It had the stupidest ending ever. It could have been so much better. After the movies we went back to Addison's house. There we watched Saturday Night Live. And also Orange County. He asked me out and of course I said yes. I am really ecstatic about it. I'm really happy and I don't know why anyone ever had a problem with Addison. He's so sweet and funny. He's really polite and respectful. And yes Bill I know that I said that I wanted time to myself, well obviously I have had enough time to myself. And no this doesn't make me a whore or slut or anything. Adam was so freaking out though. I called home from Addison's to see if I could stay longer so we could watch Orange County and Adam picked up the phone and was sying alot of shit about nothing. But it was funny.

friendship
Hey it's me again. I'm so confused, Bill thinks that I hate him and that I don't care, but really I do care and I don't hate him. I really would like to be friends with him still. But it's up to him, it all depends on what he wants. I know that he probably will want to be friends but its up to him. It all depends on what he wants. Nobody really cares about what I want.
Yeah so I actually have plans for this weekend that is if my dad will let me go. I might go to the movies with Addison and go watch X men 2. Hopefully I get to go because I've really been looking forward to it and I know something that nobody else does, well except for Addison and I.

friends
Yeah so I'm sure that you all heard that Bill and I broke up. I'm glad that we did, he's so obbsesive and follows me around. Now one of my friends, Nicki, told him off and to leave me alone. He even followed me at lunch. I really don't know why. He already figured out that I didn't want him to sit there but he never left. My friends are very happy that we finally broke up. I've been thinking about doing it for a very long time but I never had the guts to do it.
So now I hang out with Addison. As many of you could figure out if you ever see me with him that I have a crush on him. But the bad thing is that he really doesn't feel the same way and because I just want to be by myself but I want to be with him. I really don't know what to do. And plus I know that Bill would be really mad but frankly I don't care.
For softball now our record is 3-13. We suck so bad. I can't even play and it sucks. I have tendenitise of the rotator cuff. I wish that I could play but really my mom won't let me.
well I really don't know what else to write so LYSYB.

Today
Bill came over today. From 1:30 to 7:45. We went to the movies and watched Anger Managment. It was an okay movie. It wasn't Adam Sandlers best movie but it wasn't his worst. After the movie we went back to my house and watched tv and then hung out in my room. After that we ate and then watched more tv. I miss him. I didn't want him to leave. But I can always see him later.

Woohu
I'm so damn depressed. It sucks so bad. I got controled by a 4 year old. It sucked so bad. I have absolutly no autority over her. She is so stupid. I can't stand her. Shes my niece Ashely. Not many people know her but some do.
I'm also really happy I get to see Bill for 6 hours tommorrow. I can't wait. Well till then I'll write later. LYSYB

whatever
Yeah so today sucked bigtime. They cancled softball practice which is cool cuz my arm hurts. But it sucks, Rob hates me and everone is trying to talk me out of suicide. I wish that things would go back to how they were before I got my depression. I was so opptimistic and carefree. Now I'm very pesimistic and to myself. I hate being alone but yet I can't stand being around people. They all think that I'm happy, but I do what I can just to please others. I don't care about myself I just want people to leave me alone about whats wrong and shit. If you want to know then get to know me. Otherwise leave me the hell alone.
Yesterday I got a hug from Addison. I don't think that he was expecting it though. It was cool. We also lost another softball game yesterday. We really need to win a game. We haven't won one all year. well I'll write more later. LYSYB