ducky
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2003 2 July :: 1.43am
:: Mood: determined
well well well ~ i jus found out sumthin that skareded me perty bad but ya no wat basically i think this is jus another thing i need to work on~ like i said before i really need to get things straight i need to find out who i really am and what i want to become...a couple months ago jill wrote me a letter and told me to write down tha things that i thought made a person a good person ...i didnt write back, wanna know why? because i have clue what makes a person a good person ...fuck tho what does make a person a good person i mean really, but i do know i am not a good person i hate myself so much rite now and i just am gonna try so hard so i can actully like myself, but im not sure if i will ever fully like myself or say im a good person but i think im moving towards it today was a major step backwards but its also motivatin me to be better, maybe this is wat i need a huge slap in the face so all the important things will stand out
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ducky
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2003 1 July :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: nothing.
im barly feelin anything anymore jus like nothing. i feel like im always in a dream or sumthing, like the minutes are passin by so fast that there a blur...i dont really know why..actully i dont know ANYTHING anymore tha only thing i do know is tha the only reason anything is worth anything anymore is because of jill...i dont know whats gonna happen thursday..cuz i really cant loose that anymore, i really dont know why im so depressed lately i really dont, but jill helps that even know she thinks she doesnt she she thinks i dont trust her and wont tell her things but the truth it i CANT open up to people its jus something ive been never able to do..i jus kant ande its not un healthy its just sumthin i dont want to do, but im gonna try to change. im gonna try to change alot of things lets jus hope that when iget my shit together it wont be too late
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ducky
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2003 30 June :: 1.25pm
:: Mood: depressed
I AM: SAD
I THINK: 2 much
I KNOW: nothing
I WANT: everything to be perfect
I HAVE: nothing
I WISH:life was better
I HATE: life
I MISS: jill
I FEAR: loosing her
I HEAR: beepin from aim
I SEARCH: for hope...and the remote control
I WONDER: why things are the way they are
I REGRET: alot of things
I CARE: about jill
I ALWAYS: let people down
I AM NOT: there for people like i should be
I DANCE: when im happy
I SING: where no one can hear
I CRY: when no ones around
I DO NOT ALWAYS: act myself
I FIGHT: with everyone
I FEEL: sad depressed unhopefully
I WIN: hardly anything
I LOSE: alot
I CONFUSE: myself
I LISTEN: to people i think
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: ON MY BUM
I NEED: to know every thing will be ok
I THANK: jill for being there for me, and god for blessing me with her
I PRAY:that everything will be ok
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: NOTHING.
I SHOULD: clean my room, take a shower, get off my ass...
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