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2003 5 September :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: silly stupid bouncy
:: Music: thinking bout limp bizkit's "eat you alive"
i know it's stupid, but...
i know this seems like a stupid thing to say esp. after all i went through this week, but...
i really really really really want to get married after high school & before i go off to college...
i want joey to be the one...
to pop the question...
but it's soon to think bout it...
WHICH IS WHY THIS POST IS STUPID...
& i'm really embarassed bout it...talk later.
4 you constantly make it impossible to |
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2003 4 September :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: stupid
:: Music: dead or alive - spin me right round
another long day...
i woke up this morning in a bit of a bad mood...i really needed a smoke & didn't get the chance to...my mom & i haven't been getting along anymore...i dunno what it is, but the friendship doesn't seem to be there much anymore...i kinda got to band late but it was really no biggie...i was left w/o a chair in my gov-econ class...JOSH GO TO FUCKING HELL YOU UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLE...ok...i think i'm a bit better now... :) ...he took my chair w/ no remorse whatsoever, so i sat on the floor for a while until dagan got me a chair from another class...i actually think i did avg. in anatomy...i surprised myself on the tests today, but they still weren't good scores...my bro got 100%...*ugh*...
hey someone is a very cute dork when it comes to driving...a little birdie told me today that joesmith hit a car a bit while parking for lunch today...*lol*...by the way...
I LOVE YOU JOEY!
i guess i had an ok day today...can't remember much of anything else...talk later.
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2003 4 September :: 6.10pm
:: Music: limp bizkit - eat you alive
last night's thoughts
i'm so fucking pist right now...i hate everyone who has doubted me & said so much shit to me today...it's not fucking fair to think that you can criticize me like this...& look at your own fucking lives...fucking drink every fucking min you get...get so fucking high & fuck everyone & have no remorse for it whatsoever...fuck you...every one of you little prissy assed bitches who are so fucking preppy & have the fucking life...you don't know what it's like for everyone else do you?...fucking heaven forbid you did though...damn like you'd be fucking caught dead like that...dude...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE CHEERLEADERS NOW?...how about using some fucking common sense & actually ASKING mr. macon to use the fucking room before sticking your fucking snobby asses in there & hope to god that fucking batting your eyelashes & fucking sticking your fake ass boobs is gonna let him use the fucking room...ASK MOTHER FUCKERS ASK!!!...& don't talk shit behind eachothers backs...you all know for a god damn fucking fact that joy has been a fucking asset to the fucking squad...you've all talked shit bout her...& tried to play it off as a joke...or "i'm just kidding"...you've all made fun of her @ one point or another...you've all dropped her during stunts...you've all blamed the fallen stunt on her...you've all given her so much crap & yet she still stays & tries her fucking best to do all that she can to make the fucking squad better...which by the way already sux ass...don't you even dare to think that you can still get away with all your fucking bullshit...sooner or later you're all gonna get what's coming to you...life's a bitch, revenge is sweet...you all are shit to me & shit needs to be flushed...which means you all stink...what the fuck is wrong with everyone...you need to fucking tell me what the fuck is wrong with you right now because i know something's up & it makes me feel like you don't care or you don't need me...you need to fucking stop playing around with me cuz i don't like it anymore & it hurts the way you play around, plus i don't give a flying fuck what you've got now cuz i know you are no better now then you were then, so stop fucking thinking you're so badass cuz you aren't...you need to get off my fucking case cuz you know you have fucking issues of your own; i swear on my life i'll hate you forever if you do it again, cuz you know how i feel bout it, & you know the pain we went through with it, & i know you know it's never gonna change; if you give into it, mark my words: I'M GONE...I'M LEAVING YOU FOREVER...I'M NEVER COMING BACK...I'M RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU & HIM FOREVER...you all stop fucking saying shit to me cuz you don't know shit & you get burned when you play with fire; BURN BITCHES BURN!!!...i just can't take all this shit anymore...leave me the fuck alone...there is already too much shit in this world...i don't need this...everyone needs to fuck off & fucking understand what the fuck i mean...you all only make my life worse with these things..."you're not real & you can't save me"...GOD DAMNIT...SHIT...MOTHER FUCKERS...AGH!...i'm killing myself on the inside & i can only hold up for so long...& i'm so fucking tired of the same shit all the time...GOD...you've all killed me...
"are you happy now?"
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2003 3 September :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: really upset.
:: Music: complete and utter silence.
i feel special.
d0ug1e06 (10:08:12 PM): hey jena
she ran away x (10:08:15 PM): hi
d0ug1e06 (10:08:17 PM): u looked nice today
she ran away x (10:08:24 PM): lol yeah.
d0ug1e06 (10:08:25 PM): i forgot to tell u
d0ug1e06 (10:08:30 PM): haha u did
she ran away x (10:08:34 PM): thanks, if youre being serious
she ran away x (10:09:09 PM): :-)
d0ug1e06 (10:10:10 PM): yeah i am being serious
she ran away x (10:10:57 PM): thanks.
that was just about the nicest thing anyones said to me in a long time. =] thanks david if you're reading this! you really made my day better.
6 you constantly make it impossible to |
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2003 3 September :: 6.29pm
:: Mood: annoyed & tired of so much shit/drama
:: Music: evanescence - fallen cd
another day @ shit&drama high school
*ugh*
why do ppl have to make my day turn to crap?
why do ppl have to be such jack-asses & not give a fucking shit bout ppl's feelings?
*ugh*
today had kinda started out alright...my mom yelled at me bout my cell phone bill coming out to over $120 in just less than a month...that's why i didn't want a fucking cell, but whatever...she then yelled at me saying that i shouldn't be hanging out with my friends & focus on being with joey...she makes it seem like she wants me to get married to him & that's exactly the opposite...so i don't get her with that...*sigh*...i don't understand her & i have a feeling that she's gonna get back with my dad...if she does... :( ...i'm sorry but i lose all respect for that woman if she does...
band was awesome...omg...i'm so excited for this year...i'm actually improving on the trumpet so i hope that 1st chair is mine soon...the music is awesome...we're playing one of my favorite favorite songs from when i was little..."You Can Call Me Al" - Paul Simon...if you've never heard that song it's cute...the video is funny too it has chevy chase in it... lol ... memories...ok whatever, but i'm really excited to be in band this year...
oh yeah i kinda dressed like avril today...i looked so cute...but i knew it would cause a scene today so that's what i unfortunetly had to put up with...
in gov/econ & math analysis today i had to put up with so much shit talk today it wasn't even funny...ppl said shit bout how i seem to be playing around with danny & joey...dude danny is my friend...& joey is my bf...so yeah...whatever...i choose my friends & i know that ppl don't get why i hang out with danny, but you know what...if you choose to see it the stupid way...THEN FUCK YOU!!!...
everything else today was great...i spent lunch with my friends denisse mark & tristan...DUDE, THOSE ENCHILADAS ROCKED!!!...i now am starting to enjoy my classes & actually doing the work...i got to spend the day with joey afterschool which was cool...i hope to be able to hang out with jorge &/or danny tonight...hopefully both...
this just made my day right now though:
What I've felt, What I've known, Never Shined thru in what I've shown, Never free, Never Me, So I dub thee "Unforgiven" says:
hey becky.. i want you to know that i love you and care for you as a friend.. ok?
without the mask where will you hide i can't find yourself lost in your lies says:
i do too, you should know that too
What I've felt, What I've known, Never Shined thru in what I've shown, Never free, Never Me, So I dub thee "Unforgiven" says:
and if it seems like i keep nagging and nagging..its cuz i care about you.. and i do worry about you.. ur a close friend of mine..and if i were to loose u.. i would be even more fucked up.. this all came out of nowhere..but i mean it
without the mask where will you hide i can't find yourself lost in your lies says:
i know what you mean...& to be honest...it makes me feel wanted when ppl do nag...but i don't think you are...but i totally understand & you must realize that exactly the same goes for you too
without the mask where will you hide i can't find yourself lost in your lies says:
& i mean it too
thanx to jorge & danny who have made this day really good for me...& joey too, but i've talked to jorge & danny more (sorry)...i love all you guys man...well i better get going i have h/w...*ugh*...talk later.
4 you constantly make it impossible to |
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2003 3 September :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: evanescence - everybody's fool
stupid retarded bf of mine...
we got in somewhat of a fight today...he accused me of something so stupid...it's just a rumor...i dunno what to do or say anymore...maybe i am gonna leave...i dunno yet...i just know he's stupid...*sigh*...
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2003 2 September :: 4.01pm
school is dumb.
"dumb people are always blissfully
unaware of how dumb they really are."
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2003 1 September :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: limp bizkit - eat you alive
[after the party]
soo everyone started getting at my house around 2:00.. and it's like BOOM everyone started drinking. man it was crazyness.
i'd say by at least 4 everyone that was there was trashed. except for me, jim, rochelle, amy, and randi. we didn't drink anything. kelly and her friend came around 4 or so? i don't really know.. i wasn't paying any attention. but anyways, a little bit later kelly and rachel left, so it was just us 5 again.. i think it was around 7 o'clock or so when we all got so freakin tired of sitting in the house, playing video games, that we went and sat out on my front porch.. oh god. then "the drunk lady" came out. (*we named her that* - but her real name is Karen) oh god, so many freakin memories from her.. we were out there for a good 45 mintes, just crackin up. man was she trashed..
the drunk lady: "EVIL EVIL EVIL DEMONS!" -swings the plastic fish around and then violenty harrasses the palm tree-
the drunk lady talking to rochelle in her ear: "6 6 6" -messes up rochelles hair- "6 6 6!!!! DEMONS!!!!!!!"
amy: "so did you get hay?"
the drunk lady: "huh? i didnt hear you"
the drunk lady: "GET THE BALLS TO SAY IT AGAIN, YOU SAID IT ONCE, DO YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO SAY IT AGAIN!? GET THE BALLS!! THE BALLS!"
-here we are falling off our chairs laughing our asses off.-
rochelle: "she said, DID YOU GET HAY"
the drunk lady: "not enough! nope let me tell ya, NOT ENOUGH!"
"GET SOME HAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!" -the drunk lady
the drunk lady: "so are all of you single?"
randi: "no, not jena" -points to me-
me: "this is my boyfriend jim" -points to jim-
the drunk lady: "HOLD ON. so let me get this straight, she has a boyfriend and none of you girls do!? now back in MY DAY........ when i got some hay, ALL MY GIRLS GOT SOME HAY!!!!!!!" -looks at me- "why aren't you hookin this girls up with some hay?!"
"CUT THE LAWN" .. "i need some hay" -rochelle
oh my god. that was the funniest shit ever. it might sound weird when you just read it like this.. but jim, amy, randi, and rochelle know what it's about. damn.. good memories.
later that night we took a walk.. hmm. thats all i can say. =] but i did have cotton mouth really bad.
great night. man.. great night.
-x|x- jena.
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viking-punk
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2003 1 September :: 2.27pm
:: Mood: still smiling
:: Music: juanes - mala gente
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viking-punk
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2003 1 September :: 2.16pm
:: Mood: i'm smiling right now
:: Music: black eyed peas - where is the love?
hee hee
Rini - "Little bunny"
Sponsored by www.life-blood.cjb.net
What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla
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viking-punk
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2003 1 September :: 12.42pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: evanescence - whisper
bored as usual
ok...so yeah i'm just kinda bored...
ha...that sux, that means i'd die near someone i hate...oh well...
i was reading this book i have called "Angels from Hell"...it's just a book of like anecdotes i guess...i found this in there:
life is loss, & loss is life. we lose & lose & lose throughout life, until we lose even life. how we know we truly had something if we never lost it? when you hold your breath, it does you no good - you must let it go, unless you're trying to make a point. so, in a sense, when we "lose" something, we actually "have" it. this is what the angels teach us.
cool huh?...yeah i thought so too...it's a funny book & i recomend it really...gosh...i wish i could talk to "miguel" today...i'm waiting to talk to him cuz i enjoy convos with him now...hmm...all i'm doing is waiting...oh well...talk later.
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viking-punk
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2003 1 September :: 11.32am
:: Mood: still kinda giddy
:: Music: lillix - it's about time
that's a shocker!
You are the American Poet himself...Jim Morrison of
The Doors. Jim (1943-1971) enjoyed the
"pleasures" of life...and he enjoyed
them often. Not only was he a sex god...but he
was very talented and brilliant. Genius
really. Oh and by the way...he died in a
bathtub due to heart-failure. At least he was
clean...
So if you were a dead rockstar...who'd you be?
brought to you by Quizilla
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viking-punk
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2003 1 September :: 11.27am
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: lillix - it's about time
(: *sigh* :)
"miguel" talked to me this morning...first time he's ever called me like that...actually awake you know...i unfortunetly was unable to answer cuz my mom put me to work around the house...i was really hoping "miguel" would call...i feel bad...it's not fair...i feel like even if there was a chance of possibly me & "miguel" hooking up...i won't have a chance...sometimes i feel like he's too good for me now...*sigh*...the thing i'm afraid of is how it would be with "miguel"...we're different now...i dunno...
wait!...wtf am i worrying about?...i have a bf...i love joey...*sigh*...wtf is wrong with me?...i don't understand somethings that are going on in my life...maybe it's the fact that i think that joey & i are different too...i dunno...maybe jorge & everyone else is right...i need to find myself...maybe i just need a break from it all...i'm just waiting impatiently for something good to happen...talk later.
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2003 31 August :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: the tv
nice night for a LONG ASS walk huh?
lately it seems like i'm in everyone's way of things...my mom has been making me feel like i'm not useful around here & to be honest i'm not...i don't feel like i'm in the right place at school & to be honest i don't know what to do about it...maybe i should start trying to figure out what to do in life...you know if i choose not to go to college...maybe just get an apartment around here...i need a job though...shit...
how is anyone gonna want to marry someone like me?...i'm worthless & i can't pick up after myself or clean up after myself...it's rediculous...i dunno...i wish things made sense & were easier than this...i wish i knew what i was doing...*sigh*...
i went walking with jorge today for bout a good 3 hours...wow that was painful...but really fun & i felt really good to get out...i felt useful today with just walking with him...it almost felt like something big like curing someone of cancer or something...i felt like i helped out a great deal...we smoked & laughed & talked...i'm gonna dye his hair sometime soon i think tomorrow maybe but i dunno yet...i have a feeling i'm gonna be busy :(...whatever...i'm really really REALLY tired though...JORGE->NEXT TIME LET'S JUST WALK A FEW BLOCKS & THEN CALL FOR A RIDE BACK HOME; WE'RE ALMOST THERE...NOT!!!...lol...stupid mesicans...:D...that's me!...guess i'll do some more quizes...talk later.
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2003 31 August :: 6.50pm
:: Mood: lost & confused
:: Music: evanescence - fallen cd
convo with friend bout miguel
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
hey you
stalker says:
heool
stalker says:
hello
stalker says:
*
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
what's up?
stalker says:
nothin
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
oh ok
stalker says:
whats up w/ u
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
nothing much
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
i feel like getting out right now
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
like walking or something
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
i dunno
stalker says:
ah
stalker says:
i just got home
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
from where?
stalker says:
el centro
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
oh doing what?
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
i was there earlier a bit
stalker says:
buying groceres
stalker says:
groceries
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
ahh
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
i went school supply shopping with my dad
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
so yeah
stalker says:
oh
stalker says:
so whatcha doin
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
nothing listening to evanescence really really loud right now cuz my mom was getting mad at me for something stupid with my dad so yeah
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
nothing much & writing in my journal & u?
stalker says:
just chattin
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
ahh
nothing's going right & everything's a mess & no one likes to be ALONE says:
coo coo
stalker says:
so what u been up to
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
nothing much...being my depressing self as usual around the house
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
hey...i need your advice on something really stupid
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
ok but before i tell you i must inform you that it is completely stupid & if you agree that it's stupid then you don't have to help me out ok?
stalker says:
alright
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
well...ugh...ok...*first step is admitting becky*...lol
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i think i'm having feelings for "miguel"
stalker says:
alright...
stalker says:
what do u plan to do about it
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
that's the thing
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i have no fking clue
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i can't think
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i've been like this all summer, thinking it'd be just some summer thingy with me & i'd forget about
stalker says:
u gotta do what u wanna do
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i just wish i knew what that was
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i just wish...ugh..i dunno wtf i would wish...
bid my blood to run before i come undone says: :( :'(
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
im stressing over something stupid
stalker says:
r u sure its stupid
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
well...i dunno what do you think?
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i figure it seems stupid cuz it's the same old shit
stalker says:
if this is a joke for u, then its stupid...if this is serious, u gotta choose
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
hmm....
stalker says:
what do u want to do, regardless of what anyone may think
bid my blood to run before i come undone says:
i want it to be the way things used to be
stalker says:
i think it is possible to do so
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
well...just from your opinion...what do you think of this whole thing...joey or "miguel"?
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
just your view
stalker says:
personally, i dont swing that way
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
lol i wasn't asking which one you'd sleep with
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
lmfao
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says: :p
stalker says:
another thing, i dont really know joey
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
yeah
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
hmm...
stalker says:
but i was never able to understand how u and "miguel" could be
stalker says:
u guys seem to have become something normal
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
yeah i know that's probably why i've been so irritable lately
stalker says:
everything seemed messed up now
stalker says:
yea
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says: :(
stalker says:
i know "miguel" wants it how it used to be also
stalker says:
he may deny it at some point, but i know he does
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
*sigh*
stalker says:
actually, hes been miserable since
stalker says:
hes never recovered
stalker says:
i think
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
how has he been during the day?
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
& classes?
stalker says:
he tries to be normal
stalker says:
but its too obvious to me
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
heh
stalker says:
me, greg, and kev know that he wants u
stalker says:
and i always had this feeling u wanted him too
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
lol
stalker says:
but u know what, im not fit to talk of such things at this point
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
what do you mean exactly?
stalker says:
i give and give advice but i never see it work
stalker says:
well not for me
stalker says:
im still here
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
oh
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
i see
stalker says:
actually i have a headache
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
oh i'm sorry
stalker says:
thinking isnt good for me right now
stalker says:
ive had it all day
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
lol yeah i'll stop puttin you up to that then
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
you should take something for it then
stalker says:
i never do
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
oh
stalker says:
have u ever stopped to think how lucky u are in some ways
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
yes actually
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
i've been thinking bout that very recently too in all aspects
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
why?
stalker says:
have u realized that there is no possible way for me to know how u feel or for u to know how i feel
stalker says:
ive never been where u are
stalker says:
its been so long since uve been where i am
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
well...that's actually what i was thinking recently...with you & the other guys & denisse
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
yeah but you may not figure this but i miss being the way all you guys are
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
i honestly miss that feeling where relationships didn't mean shit to me
stalker says:
what i think is that no one knows where im at
stalker says:
i dunno where im at
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
i think someone knows...just not us
stalker says:
yea
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
not ppl you hang out with at least
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
or maybe it's just not that big of a factor
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
i dunno
stalker says:
its like ive been so close yet ive never moved
stalker says:
im in the same place
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
yeah...
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
well i'm always moving
stalker says:
its like, if i ever got the courage to take that step forward, id be there
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
heh...gosh...you know what thinking hurts for me too right now but it's all good
stalker says:
my headache is so bad im just typing usless bs that sounds important
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
hey actually it does seem important for you
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
so go on if you need it out
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
cuz if it's important to you then it is to me
stalker says:
its not
stalker says:
i think i know but i dont
stalker says:
its not that simple
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
hmm...
stalker says:
i gotta go
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
ok well talk to you later then
stalker says:
alright then
stalker says:
bye
these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time can not erase says:
bye
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2003 31 August :: 6.12pm
:: Mood: stupid
:: Music: evanescence - going under
umm...alrighty then
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2003 31 August :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: evanescence - haunted
i've come to realize the dumbest thing on earth...
i had the dumbest thought today as i was going to eat somewhere...i think i'm scared to say it...but i guess i'll do it...but i'm using fake names & scenarios so that no one will deffinetly know wtf is up with me...
i was thinking for a few weeks now that "miguel" is a nice person to be around..."miguel" has been a cool guy to hang around with, though we don't hang out much..."miguel" has turned out to be like the perfect person for me except that i don't think "miguel" & i come from the same place if you kinda understand that...i've talked to "miguel" a few times & he's the type of person who i think needs someone to be with him & help him out with things...& i think...silly thing to say right now but...i think i'm falling in love with "miguel"...i mean i didn't think about it really, but i noticed it when i just happened to be excited when i saw him working today...i don't think "miguel" saw me but i deffinetly saw him...here's a few problems though with this...other than the fact that i have a bf, whom i am in love with..."miguel" is a friend..."miguel" has his life planned out for him right now & i feel that if i got into his life there wouldn't be room for me...now more than ever i'm not "miguel's" type...i've been thinking bout this for a long while...& still i find no answer...i'm sorry "miguel"...i dunno what to do anymore...
i just don't know...
1 you constantly make it impossible to |
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2003 31 August :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: victory music in my head
HA HA MOTHER FUCKER!!!
my dad just called right now...for the first fucking time he was actually gonna take me to see a new movie today...JEEPERS CREEPERS 2...even though i wanted to go see it so badly there really is no point...i'd rather see it with friends...dude, & all this time i've wanted to see SWAT & a bunch of other new movies...but no...he went to take his gf instead...now he's all alone & has no one to watch them with...i was so eager to say yes...but fuck that shit...aint no way in hell i'm gonna see that movie with him today...waste of my time...maybe my other friends that actually care about me would want to go see it instead of some "dad" who doesn't spend time with his own fucking flesh & blood taking me...whatever...
i'm better off alone...raul..."don't want your hand this time..."...
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2003 31 August :: 11.19am
:: Mood: sneezy
Your heart is grey, you hate the world some days,
but others you could really care less.
How Black Is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 31 August :: 1.02am
:: Mood: umm...heh
:: Music: tv comerical for igia instant cover
oh smirnoff, smirnoff, where art thou smirnoff?
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
yep...i drank when i lost danny & my dad...yep total emotion right there...talk later.
1 you constantly make it impossible to |
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2003 31 August :: 12.53am
:: Mood: drowsy & hungry
:: Music: fans in the living room
well well well...
well i had a fun time in ec today...i bought some flavored water thingies for 50cents each...so i got 5 dollars worth...now they take up space in the fridge...lol...i have fun now with denisse & danny...sometimes they don't get along but all 3 of us are great...
i was thinking bout the old times that i had with him & how i kinda miss it...i noticed i am better at being his friend than his gf...but then again you never know i guess...maybe it was just time for a BIG ASS break...whatever...
i am clueless as to thinking of something to say today...i guess...i have nothing really...just that i'm on my rag & that i've been irritable lately...
i really really want to talk to my bf...not just talk but to TALK...like an actual convo with something slightly important you know?...but i dunno...i've been stressed with him & i think it's just all in my head so i dunno really...
i think i'm gonna bore myself with yet another quiz...hmm...
You are Psalms.
Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
wow...that's kinda funny...i didn't really think that would happen...i thought i would've been something like revalations...but whatever...let's see what other bull i can find...
TRUE BITCH
You have great balance and know when it is a good
time to bitch and when not to. You get the
respect you deserve and you know it! You don't
over-do the bitchyness. Go you!
(results contain pictures) What type of bitch are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
well isn't that the fucking truth?...ok i think i have time for one more so here it goes...
attention
What is your reason for suicide?(with images)
brought to you by Quizilla
now actually i think otherwise on this...but whatever...
well i better get going...but i hope everyone had a great first week back to school...i kinda did i guess...i'm still trying to get myself to realize i'm a fucking senior...whatever...talk later.
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2003 31 August :: 1.41am
:: Mood: happy cause jims here
:: Music: just talking to jim.
[a survey thingy]
Have you ever...
1. Fallen for your best friend no
2. Made out with JUST a friend yes.
3. Been in love yeah, i am right now.
4. Used someone yes
5. Been used many times.
6. Done something you regret of course.
Last person...
1. You touched jim
2. You talked to - jim
3. You hugged - jim
4. You instant messaged - nick
5. You yelled at jim
6. You laughed with jim
7. You had a crush on jim.
8. Who broke your heart don't want to talk about it.
Do you...
1. Color your hair sure do, all the time.
2. Have tattoos - i wish..
3. Piercings - bellybutton, ears
4. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both a boyfriend, jim.
5. Floss daily ha ha ha.. no.
6. Own a webcam yeah, but it's amys.
7. Ever get off the damn computer not really. unless jim and i do something
8. Sprechen sie deutsche i have to think about that one.. haha.
9. Habla espanol no.
Have u/do u have...
1. Considered a life of crime fuck yeah.
2. Considered being a hooker yeah, 9th grade summer.. ahh i remember that.
3. Considered being a pimp yeah right.
4. Split personalities - sometimes.
5. Panic too much.
6. Anxiety - yes.. especially when i have to do something i don't want to do.
7. Depressed 99.9% of the time, but don't tell anyone.
8. Suicidal most of the time, but again, i don't talk about it.
9. Obsessed with hate - yes.. definitly.
10. If you could be anywhere, where would you be dead.
11. What are you listening to weezer
12. Can you do anything freakish with your body no.
13. Chicken or fish fish.
14. Do you have a favorite animal no.
Current
1. Clothes black shirt, pink stripped shorts.
2. Mood happy cause jims here, and sorta tired.
3. Taste pizza and pop in my mouth.
4. Hair black and in a ponytail
5. Annoyance no one and nothing.
6. Smell pizza.
7. Thing I ought to be doing laying on the bed with jim ;)
8. Desktop Picture a blinki that says "i kill myself to get back at you"
9. Favorite Group i have a bunch.. can't just name one.
10. Book nothing right now. though i should be reading something.
11. Worry babies. lol
12. Crush jim.<33
Favorite...
1. Drink orange juice
2. Color(s) black and green.
3. Shoes i don't know again.
4. Candy i don't know again.
5. TV Show don't really watch tv.
6. Movie moulin rouge
7. Dance uh no.
Are you...
1. Understanding i try..
2. Open-minded - definitly.
3. Insecure - every day of my life.
4. Interesting whatever you think.
5. Hungry all the time, but i try not to eat.
6. Friendly most of the time, although i can be a total bitch.
7. Smart not at all, if anything i'm seriously stupid.
8. Moody very much.
9. Childish - yes
10. Independent no.
11. Hard working when i want to be.
12. Organized sometimes.
13. Healthy not really.
14. Emotionally Stable haha no.
15. Shy only around new people.
16. Difficult - yes
17. Attractive fuck no.
18. Bored Easily - yes
19. Thirsty - yes.
20. Responsible most of the time.
21. Sad definitly.
22. Happy only with jim.
23. Trusting to much.
24. Talkative with people that i know.
25. Unique not really..
26. Needy no.
Who do you want to...
1. Kill yes.. not telling who. =]
2. Slap no one
3. Look like no one, anyone who looked like me would kill themselves.
4. Be like i'm not sure.
5. Talk to offline - jim, kelly
On you...
1. Name jena
2. Nicknames jen, P
3. Hair color right now: black
4. Eye Color - dark brown.
5. Siblings two little sisters, one older brother.
6. How do you describe yourself ugly, fat, stupid.
7. What's your sign aquarius
8. Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend yes, jim.
On friends...
1. Best Friend(s) amy, rochelle, kelly.
2. Friend(s) you hang out with - don't know.. no one really.
3. Friend(s) you have the most fun with - don't know
4. Friend(s) you've dreamt about don't know
5. Friend(s) you tell secrets to all of them.
On preferences...
1. Chocolate milk or hot chocolate hot chocolate
2. McDonalds or Burger King ick.. neither if possible.
3. Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend perfect friend. friendship turns into love.
4. Sweet or sour - sour
5. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper dr. pepper.
6. Sappy/action/comedy/horror horror.
7. Cats or dogs dogs
8. Ocean or Pool i hate swimming.
9. Cooler Ranch or Nacho Cheesier COOLER RANCH. =]
10. Mud or Jello wrestling uh neither.
11. With or without ice-cubes only water with ice cubes, everything else.. ew.
12. Shine or rain rain.
13. Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring - winter, fall.
14. Vanilla or Chocolate strawberry.
15. Snowboarding or skiing i dislike sports.
16. Cake or cookies - cookies
17. Cereal or toast toast.
i was bored, so i felt like doing a survey thing.. ahh yes.
-x|x- jena.
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2003 30 August :: 3.02pm
:: Mood: scared
what if?...
i think i just may have some (nonexistent) balls to just give up a lot of things...so what if i do?...i'm not sure what to do anymore...i'm just about ready to end everything though...i can't take it anymore...i just don't know what to do & can't think anymore...i need to breathe...
i can't breathe...
4 you constantly make it impossible to |
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2003 30 August :: 2.49pm
:: Mood: cranky
kill me...
drowning.
lock the doors
close the windows
draw the blinds
turn the lights out
i don't want to be seen
i don't want to be heard
i want to be anonymous
i want to be alone.
so many people
so many faces unfamiliar
such a large place
but i feel so confined.
a knock at the door
a ring of the telephone
i cower in the corner
please leave me alone.
don't talk
i won't listen.
don't ask
i won't answer.
don't look
you won't see me.
don't listen
you won't hear me.
anxiety's prickly fingers
scratching at my skin
pulling me under
drowning me.
one foot under...
reaching out.
two feet under...
holding my breath.
three feet under...
still hanging on.
four feet under...
tightness in my lungs.
five feet under...
blackness all around.
six feet under...
(from http://www.couplandesque.net/es/drowning3.htm )
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2003 30 August :: 2.15pm
:: Mood: evil
:: Music: evanescence - bring me to life
heh heh...
What Type of Villain are You?
mutedfaith.com.
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2003 30 August :: 1.22pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: evanescence - my immortal
what a bitch
for some reason it just bugs me the way she is...happy & giddy all the time...& somehow she manages to make me feel like shit...i swear she'll be the death of it...everything will fall because of her...she may not know it but she happens to always make me feel like shit...
i am ready to give up & lose the battle...i hope she'll be happy now...
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2003 30 August :: 1.04pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: evanescence - my last breath
whoo hoo i'm on my rag!
we had the yard sale today @ denisse's house again...i started to cry because i found out that i wasn't ready to let go to some of that stuff...i was really mad at myself for letting go of the frogs that danny gave me for valentines day...& i knew i didn't want it anymore...but i just felt stupid afterwards...i was really picky bout what was bought...i guess it just wasn't time to let go...it's sooner or later...i wish it never had to happen...
i have been thinking bout amber a lot this week & wish that there was some way to find her this year...i bet she didn't want to have anything to do with me...i always think that she moved because of me...i dunno...i wish i could talk to her again & hang out with her...i miss her being herself almost ditzzy but yeah...my goal is to find her before i graduate...i have a big feeling i am going to disappoint myself that night... :(
i feel alone right now...probably cuz i really am...no one is on msn right now or yahoo...no one is home...what a smart idea huh?...i was gonna go to ec but i didn't feel good since i'm on my rag...well speaking of which i better get going since i feel like throwing up a bit...i'm not gonna but i feel like it...i hope i feel better...talk later.
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2003 30 August :: 1.31pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: a perfect circle - juidth
sooo, school sucks. and i went to the football game last night with kelly and jim.
kelly and i look so funny together (we were actually talking about this before we left to go.) because theres me in all black, black hair, dark brown eyes, and then theres kelly with bright white colthes on, light blonde/brownish hair and blue eyes. we just thought it was quite funny cause we are just really good friends (and cousins) but i don't care what people think anymore. and this time i actually mean that.
we got to the football game around 7:30 (cause we stopped at giant eagle, and we went to pick up jim.) we were walkin around for like 2 seconds, when aj came up and talked to us. she only stayed for a couple minutes, then she left. and we went and stood by the fence for a while. dunno, we talked to some people.. after awhile we went and sat on the hill and then jordan came to sit by us. he's pretty funny. haha we were all laughin. i don't know how long after that we went to sit by amy up by the band.. and then randi and nicole came over and talked to. we were only up there for like not even 10 minutes, and this lady came and told then they weren't allowed to talk to us.. so we left, and just messed around until the game was over. then we went back to get amy and walk her to her car. so we did. =) then we went back up with kelly and casey, and went to caseys house until our ride came.. which it never did. (kellys mom was supposed to come pick us up, but nooo.) kelly tried to call her like 50,000 times.. but i guess her mom wasn't home or something. i don't know. so we called my aunt loraine and uncle don.. and uncle don and jeff (kellys dad) came to pick us up. at like 11:20 they got there. kelly was staying over nikkies, i guess. so jim and i waited for them to come in the rain.. lmao. it was pretty fun though. we did get wet, but oh well.
all in all, it was a good night cause i got to spend it with my baby jim.
What's your usual [mood]?
i got this test off of my friend kathy.
-x|x- jena.
yesterday was 9 months for jim and i.
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