i cant believe what you tell me.. your lies have come undone.. now im living on the run, looking out for number onee.. one day, you'll see me, but only when you're dreaming, onee day you'll say i was the one..
music video code by urbnmix.net

 

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yadiffy04

:: 2004 25 February :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: faint- Linkin Park

Hey, srry. bout not having an entry yesterday. I was sssoooo busy. I am today too. I still need to get my homework done.
l8r

Yadiffy

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 25 February :: 12.04pm

the passion comes out today...... i cant wait to see it.




hate is a viscous circle.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2004 23 February :: 5.46pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: none

hey, Today was, an ok day,the beginning band SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The flutes couldnt even play a high B flat, and they hold eighth notes for TWO counts!!!!!!! Anyways, l8r

Yadiffy

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 23 February :: 12.03pm

my mom is always on the phone when i try to call her. doesnt she know that shes just not supposed to be busy when i need her, i take all priority.

The Passion comes out this week, i suggest you all go see it.

some people i seriously think are sent from god. when you need help the most and you never get it you start to question your faith, and then somehow god provides when you least expect it... like when you're on the way home from church.......... religion is a beautiful thing, i'd be lost with out it.

becky and i are gonna get tatoos. Where you ask.... on the bottom of our feet. oh yes, thats it, right where nobody can see it. we have our reasons, we have them alright.

theres just one thing that bugs me, ok well theres a million, but this one thing just really "urks" me. what a stupid word. "urk" damn the person who thought up that word.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2004 22 February :: 4.30pm
:: Mood: loved

Yo,
The party yesterday rocked. Davids band played all oldies, we played Halo on the comp., played truth or dare, and the girls got really pissed at Cameron and David for saying something to them. Im not in the mood to type that much, so, today Wade came over, I havent seen him scence Christmas!! We messed around with finger boards and played video games. Thats all I did today.
l8r

Yadiffy

make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2004 21 February :: 3.36pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: United States of WHATEVER!!!!!!!!

Yo ppls or should I say HI Aubrey!!!!! Cause ur the only one reading this. Im so boared and lonely :( all I can say is that I can go to the party tonight, but Ill hardley know anyone thats there, execpt Morg., Aubrey, David, Waylin, Harm., and thats about it, Im going to go because its something I can do, and it sounds kinda fun. I need someone to go with!!!!!! All this morning I have been doing work, and Im the only one my parents call, while my other bro. get to hang around and play GameCube and PS2. Its not fair!!!!!! I even have to do more work in order to go to the party. My dad is pissed, because my bro and I said that we didnt want to go camping.Sometimes I wish I was just in my own little world where I could do anything I wanted, and I only had the ppls that I want there with me. My parents are so lame, they wont let me do anything, the only reason I get to go to the party, is that Its at Waylins house, If it was at Davids or Someone elesis house, I wouldnt be able to go.

l8r
Yadiffy

P.S. Aubery, can you give out my cite to some ppls.

P.P.S. Morg wants a journal too. Can u help him out???

P.P.P.S. Try to hook me up with someone to go to the party with.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2004 21 February :: 9.30am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: none

HEy, I so happy, because I can go on the comp. yesterday I went to ski club, and some chick came and cutt me off and we both flew like 20 feet! Today has been ok because I don't have to go to my gay ass camp out. I might be able to go to the party today. OOhh yah, during the bus ride home from ski club, I sold halve of a powerade bottle with water in it for ten bucks and, Brian C. in band bought it!!!!!! Thursday was like any other day. Friday at school me Josh, Morgan, David, and some other kid weremaking techno sounds, and J-osh was stripping to it, it was sssooo funny. I cant wait until tonight.

make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 20 February :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: drained

i'm at jims house right now, i'm going to rochelles later tonight though.

happy birthday amy. love you!

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 19 February :: 2.06pm

by the way kevin, i want ur best friend jon glerum!!!hahahahahhahahahhahahaha. truth hurts!

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 19 February :: 2.06pm

heh... i just had to post this.....



What Is Your Battle Cry?

Skulking on the fields, brandishing a studded crowbar, cometh Brokenmentality! And she gives a mighty scream:

"I'm going to hump you beyond your expiration date!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys





fits me well i spose.....

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 19 February :: 12.06pm

i forgot that nothing is private anymore. that everything i go through somehow has to do with everyone else. im sure its the same with all of you people. dont you ever get sick of people analizing your life.

pathetic people amaze me, they just amaze me.

make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2004 18 February :: 6.15pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: none

hey, Im so pissed at my parents, Im like grounded from the comp. for three days, the only reason Im doing this is cause Im on Mr. Drains comp. I wont have another entry for a while.

Yadiffy
P.S. Im gonna change my icon back when I update again. Dont worry, it will be a very long entry.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 17 February :: 11.55am

i just love people who over exagerate. fuckers.




i fell in love yesterday, yes... that quickly. stacy and i were in forever 21 and there was this guy.... *remembers* who worked there *remembers his hottness* and ya know, i cant even put it into words. except "mini", stacy can vouch for me on that one. i cant even go on, im still just blown away by his hottness. what a fun word to overuse... hotness. lets say it again shall we. hottness. hmmmm, im going to to just annoy the hell out of you now.

*rethinks plan of annoyance* nevermind.

i've got practice tonight and i desperately dont want to go.

march 12th... im counting down the days.... not literally, but secret window comes out then, we all must galavant off together to see it. yes i said galavant.

eat the peppers.

7 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2004 16 February :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: ugh

I dont even want to think about skool now.
Hey, Im sssooooo tired right now, and I still have to work on my project and go to practice. I wish I didnt have a project, all they are are a waste of time, and you just end up throwing it away, or shove it somewere never to be found again. My dads waking up and Im not supposed to be on the comp. ........bad Stephen....*Thwak*....ouch....now that Im done killing myself I can go to skool tomorow. l8r

Yadiffy

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2004 16 February :: 2.14pm
:: Mood: busy & excited
:: Music: Headstrong-Trapt

Hey wazup, I happy I just got this up...Yay! so I am so overflowed with stuff I have to do, I have to get two teeth pulled, clean my room, mow a lawn, work on my project, and go to baseball practice,I dont know y Im typing this right now, Im so pressed for time, oh well. Today so far has been prety good, I hope to keep it that way. l8r.

Stephen (aka Yadiffy)

P.S. Thanx Aubrey for giving me the idea to start this. :)

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 15 February :: 8.01pm

lets recap yesterday shall we...
so yesterday.. all in all, good day.

what did i do on valentines day? Brandi and i cut chickens in half, and then cleaned out their insides. *licks lips....... yummmm.*

really though, we helped out at my church's valentines banquet, which included cleaning out the insides of mini chickens. i think the 7 of us did about 100 chickens in about an hour and a half....... revolting, yet strangly intriguing. we were there from 1 till 9:30, long day. fun but long.

i think brandis coming on the missions trip now, kick ass.........

i do believe i have a sickness with holding my finger down on the period button...........

stacy says she wants you to all know that shes a raging homosexual.

14 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 14 February :: 9.38pm
:: Mood: depressed

my pap died today.

..happy valentines day

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 14 February :: 11.15am

some people suprise me..... i guess i misjudged a few people. and it makes things so much easier.......

brandi and i made heart cookies last night...... for our moms. tear*

Beckys still gone, damn you being in florida...... COME HOME!!!!!

6 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 13 February :: 8.41pm

valentines day sucks.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 12 February :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: finding nemo on dvd

i didn't go to school today, i felt/feel like shit. i stayed up my aunts came down the house around 6:00 a.m. i went back to sleep until 6:30 [i catch the bus at 6:45] and then i woke up and just told me mom that i wanted to stay home. so she let me.. and i didn't do anything all day except go on the computer and eat soup. blah.

my aunt bettys being layed out tonight and tomorrow. my mom wanted me to go tonight- but i told her i didn't want to because i'm sick, and just don't feel like doing anything. so i'm going probably tomorrow night. i don't know, i hate those things.. :(

my paps heart rate was only 27 today.. but my aunt said it goes up and down all the time, but this is the lowest it's ever been. my gram called her son [my uncle dave] he lives in flordia. she told him that he better come up to see him.. which means he's not doing well at all. it's kinda scary to sit and watch him like that, and not be able to do anything. everyones always crying- and so am i. i know everyone has to die sometime, but it's too soon. it's too soon.

i don't think i'm going to go to amys, jims or rochelles this weekend. i don't know yet- i guess i'll see how things go with everything. i don't want to leave my pap right now.

i wish jim was here with me. i need someones shoulder to cry on..

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 11 February :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: upset

my aunt betty died a couple days ago. her funeral is tomorrow and the next day i think.

my pap isn't doing well. he got back from the hospital last night- they put him on morphine pills to help him breath. his heart is so weak that it's hurting him to breath.. and they're only giving him a couple days i guess. but we'll see how things go..

todays my sister annas birthday. happy birthday anna. we're going up my aunts to have a little party for her so my gram and pap don't have to come down here. it's to hard for them.

no school friday. inservice day.

the staind concert was good, i had fun. i called jim and talked to him for about 5 minutes. and what people get mad over these days. i just laugh cause it's so trivial. amy and i didn't really even sit by each other. her mom sat between us so she could lean back. amy was talking to some guy anyways. we got home fairly early, and i went to bed cause i was a little sick and really tired. i called rochelle like 5 times and left her messages of staind playing on stage.

the guy from try again homes came to get an update from me again. he said "your attendance is good, but it looks like your grades went down in a lot of your classes." i was just like "yeah, i'm trying harder now" stupid people- stay out of my life. i'm fine.

everytime i call jim it's either busy, or no one answers. he said he'd come to annas party- but no- of course not.

thursday after school i'm going to amys to do our history project and staying til friday. later friday i'm going to jims and staying if his moms home, then saturday i'm going to rochelles, and coming home sunday night probably. valentines day is saturday. :) i got jim something cute.. i love his card i got him to.

my sister sams been sick, she went to the doctors the other day. now i'm getting sick. i think i have strep throat.. but i don't know if i really do or not. all i know is that i feel like shit.

oh, i was talking to doug [my cousin] up aunt loraines, and he said that he might be able to get a job for jim working with him in pittsburgh. that'd be great. buuuuuuuut- georges son matt and his friend dusty [doug got them a job there to] didn't come to work half the time, and didn't actually work when they were there.. so dougs boss might not want someone else that doug recommends. but i really hope they need someone else, and do hire jim. that'd be great for him.

thats all i can think of. that was a long entry.

xx.jena

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 11 February :: 11.49am
:: Mood: fuck you

so i've decided that im a clingan natzie... and im to lazy to look up the spelling of that word.. so fuck you.

i've never had so much hate for anyone before. if he ever threatens my family again..... which will most likely be in a matter of days because he thinks he has this strange hold over us still.... he'll be the one that will "be sorry". thats what he says to my mom all the time. "you'll be sorry" so of course stupid me.. i speak out against him. all he does is hurt me and make me feel like a horrible christian becase i just want to kill him.. and im the one who did something wrong. i spoke out against the all mightyfull clingans and look what i did. now they all hate me, thats great, fucking great. i'd like to say i didnt care, but they were my family for 7 years, and because they're all psychotic and stick up for chris i've caused them all to hate me. they're insane, yes i know that.... but i thought that i was part of the family. thats what they always told me.. but i was never good enough. or maybe i was too good. they're all losers, worthless WORTHLESS people they are. between chris, his sister, and his brother they have 5 divorces, 2 alcohaulics, 3 chain smokers, an embezzeler, a convict, a potential rapist, and more enemys then i could ever explain... but in their eyes they're perfect. nobody messes with them, nobody even compares to them. *in their eyes* i think they should all just die. they're all going to hell anyways...... i left that on chris's answering machiene...... but compared to everything hes done to me.. its minor...... nothing. i've never felt so hopeless in my life. i feel like a nothing, we're in so much debt because of a lawyer that doesnt do anything, we have literally no money, things keep breaking in our house... and chris has our huge house. he has our house, our pool, our yard, our neibors, hes still insured by my mom, he hasnt payed childsupport for shelby EVER and its been 4 months. i just dont know what to do anymore. i cant vent because if i do.. like i attemped to do to his sister..... it comes back and bites me in the ass. now im just "cast" out of the family. its like... thanks for lying to me ALL these years. now i know what im worth. nothing.

and if that wasnt enough....... god, if that wasnt enough. its never going to end is it? the fighting and shit..... its just going to keep going on until we do something we both really regret. i told you it'd be hard for me to see you with other people.. i told you that, and so that gives you the right to be mad at me when im in a bad mood, or if i dont talk to you. like my life isnt bad enough, this is just what i need, that fucking slut pointing me out to her friends. Ok world..... IM THE EX GIRLFRIEND....... look at me.... would it help if i just stapled a fucking sign to my forehead? im the invincable bitch that broke up with kevin..... point at me please, i find it amusing. talk to them about me however you want, but dont bring me into it. and no.... im not mad at you... just saving brandi from having to answer that question later.




id love to leave hear, and just get away from it all. i'd miss nothing except a few people and my mom. but lately it seems like nothings worth it anymore. nothings worth trying for. nothing matters anymore......... high school is a complete joke. lets make drama all that we can, lets make peoples lives miserable, because thats what matters. or is it something else? like what we wear.... that matters. people are so shallow, it makes me sick. label me whatever you want to label me......... just leave me alone.

7 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 10 February :: 11.57am

i love brandi....... you're always gonna be my best friend ok? And you're such an awesome person, dont ever forget how much i love you!! agreed? agreed.

some people really suck.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 9 February :: 10.57am
:: Mood: bouncy

yeah, i'm in school. jim went home last night, and i went to amys. right now i'm talking to nichole and becky. nothing is really going on, it's quite boring anymore.

1st period was boring, so was 2nd, 3rd we didn't even do anything.. and this period i actually did my work. and i'm almost done. yeah thats good.

going to history next..

later tonight is the staind & three days grace concert with amy! woohoo. can't wait.

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 8 February :: 7.29pm

That was the best dance I've ever been to.

7 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 7 February :: 8.55am

everyones sleeping....... lol, im afraid to make to much noise, stupid key board.

well in about an hour we're going to the school to decorate, im excited about swirl... all my friends are going.... cept for jess..... *tear.* Becky, Jamie, Lyndsey, taryn and i are all at jessies house. its nice to just be with people you do, and dont know that well. havent really talked to them all that much before, but they're all really "tyte"... ghetto language..... how homosexual.

im actually content in the place i am right now, its nice to be just "ok" not great, but ok.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 6 February :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: staind - outside

"all the times that i felt insecure, for you. and i leave the burdens at the door. but i'm on the outside, and i'm looking in. i can see through you, see your true colors. inside you're ugly.. ugly like me."

i haven't been doing anything really, going to school coming home being with jim. [he's been at my house for about 2 weeks] going on the internet less and less. i dunno why, i guess cause jim's here and he keeps me occupied.

i got my report card.. english-74%, global studies-60% u.s. history-70% science-83% algebra-88%, advanced word processing-88%, child development-97%, health-65%. hip hip hooray?

anyways, i've been going up my aunt loraines a lot to visit them and my gram/pap. my pap still isn't doing well. i think my aunt said his pulse is only 32, and usually people don't live when it's under 50 or something along that lines. i forget what she said exactly. her and my uncle went to lancaster for their anniversary. they'll be home late tomorrow.

i think jim's going home tonight- i'm staying here til sunday then going to amys. we're going to school monday and her mom is picking us up and taking us to a Staind concert. [[i promise you jim that i won't do that. i swear on your life, and mine.]] so i'll tell everyone how that went after i come back.

i'm "getting involved" in school.. oh joy.

thats all i have for now.

xx.jena

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 5 February :: 4.07pm

kick ass
im at school..... woohu is working... AT school. woot woot.

just thought i'd let ya know.

so yeah, i found his road yesterday.....

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2004 1 February :: 10.32am

at beckys
"pickles, sauce all over my body"

meh he

becky and i bought 54 fish yesterday..... so much fun, so much. they're for swirl, so now.. if you were considering going.. you just have to now.. cuz really, KICK ASS! te he

brandi came over to beckys last night.... we danced provacatively for her..... it was interesting. he he. we love her. * I LOVE YOU BRANDI!!!* "you are soooo beautiful... too oo meeeeeeeeeee. Cant you seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, you're everything i've HOPED for, you're EVEEEERRRYTHIING i neeeed... you are soooo beutifull too oo me." cough, got that out of my system.

we rented once upon a time in mexico. i love johnny. im going to have his children some day.. but all love aside, that was quite the interesting movie. loved it, but interesting...... GIVE HIM HIS EYES BACK ASS!

ok.........

go to swirl... its great, no one has dates, no one cares! so its really not a big deal if you dont have one, you're WHOLE world isnt caving in. mehh.... go.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


Aaron

:: 2004 31 January :: 3.37pm

lyrics
The Noose Lyrics

So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heaven's help
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curiuos
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead

Recall the deeds as if they're all
Someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn
Before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead

With your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin'
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippinn' down

Your halo slippin' down
(I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends)
[repeated]

Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin' down to choke you now


Nine Inch Nails Something I Can Never Have lyrics
i still recall the taste of your tears.
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore.

[Chorus:]
come on tell me.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll you make this all go way.
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have

you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now.
this is slowly take me apart.
grey would be the color if i had a heart.

you'll make this all go away.
you'll make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll you make this all go way.
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have


in this place it seems like such a same.
though it all looks different now,
i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see.
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.

[Chorus]

i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
i just want something i can never have
think i know what you meant.
that night on my bed.
still picking at this scab
i wish you were dead.
you sweet and perry ellis.
just stains on my sheets.


Nine Inch Nails That's What I Get lyrics
Just when everything was making sense.
You took away all my self - confidence.
Now all that i've been hearing must be true.
I guess i'm not the only boy for you.

But that's what i get
That's what i get
That's what i get
That's what i get

How could you turn us into this?
After you just taught me how to kiss you.
I told you i'd never say goodbye.
I'm slipping on the tears you made me cry.

But that's what i get.
That's what i get.
That's what i get.
That's what i get.
For trusting you.
That's what i get.

Why does it come as a surprise.
To think that i was so naive.
Maybe didn't mean too much.
But it meant everything to me.

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
i've been alone all along


I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way


Once it smiled a silent dell
Where the people did not dwell;
They had gone unto the wars,
Trusting to the mild-eyed stars,
Nightly, from their azure towers,
To keep watch above the flowers,
In the midst of which all day
The red sunlight lazily lay.
Now each visitor shall confess
The sad valley's restlessness.
Nothing there is motionless-
Nothing save the airs that brood
Over the magic solitude.
Ah, by no wind are stirred those trees
That palpitate like the chill seas
Around the misty Hebrides!
Ah, by no wind those clouds are driven
That rustle through the unquiet Heaven
Uneasily, from morn till even,
Over the violets there that lie
In myriad types of the human eye-
Over the lilies there that wave
And weep above a nameless grave!
They wave: — from out their fragrant tops
Eternal dews come down in drops.
They weep: — from off their delicate stems
Perennial tears descend in gems.


We're going to north town...hey, that was before we were dating. don't worry about it...I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me.I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me...........

12 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

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