godessalthena
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2006 3 September :: 3.32pm
my zen microphoto is driving me crazy. it's more like my media player's sync option is driving me mad. i hate them.
sigh
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 2 September :: 8.59pm
i hate money.
why are people so god damn greedy?
i think i'm ready for bed.
grr.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 1 September :: 4.29pm
:: Music: ldoa - from here to anywhere
i applied for three on campus jobs... hopefully i will aquire one. i really want that camera.
[edit]
always yours to throw away
from here to anywhere
will you be there to catch me?
the world's so small from up here
there are things you held from me
things confuse and things scare
out the door, for you to see no more
I never thought I could forgive you
I found this place now
this place where I'm fine
for you to see no more
for me to breathe much more than air
a place where I am fine
a place where I don't mind about you
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 30 August :: 8.15pm
i really like my group of friends here. they are so silly! tomorrow we are watching howl's moving castle. it's going to be so fun!
i'm really excited for just spending all year with these awesome people. they are all so nice and wonderful! i'm really glad i made friends like them...
i got andrew to wear my kimono! hehe! it was so cute. i'll try and find a way to take a picture with all my friends. so you all know who i spend all my time with.
'this is your life... is it everything you dreamed it would be..?'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 28 August :: 10.05pm
i went to get my camera today, and i'll be able to pick it up wednesday/thursday. oh yeah, just in time for bumbershoot.
<3<3
i miss banana.
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 28 August :: 8.41pm
some days... i really hate this.
it hurts. and i hate hurting like this.
sometimes i don't think it's even worth it to wake up in the morning... if this is what it's going to feel like.
wow, that sounds sooo emo. i swear i am not that emo.
i'm just... sad... and a llittle disappointed...
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 25 August :: 9.48am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Savage Garden - Affirmation
love surviving death into eternity
so, last night was totally awesome and i just have to say that i really love the asians on our floor. they are the most awesome people ever and they are so nice! i felt so cool having them all in my room sitting on my bed and admiring my rice cooker! and watching their famous stars and all that good stuff. it was tons of fun!
i wish i could take pictures and show everyone how cool my new friends are. and how my room looks and all that cool stuff. i'm considering buying a really cheap webcam. but i'm not sure yet. but i miss all you guys and you haven't been replaced...
today i'm going to pike's place because curiously i have never been there that i can remember. so a group of us are going... namely charlotte and jason and andrew. i think alex might come, too but i don't know...
but it's hanging out with my kirkery that i'm excited about! that's going to be fun too! <3 but i still have two hours until we leave to the market, so i'm just kicking it here in my room with my room mate sleeping... it's boring, but it's okay, i like relaxing.
hehe, i love it here.
'so, alone into the cold new year...'
love,
amelia
7 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 24 August :: 8.44am
boring...
lonely...
mornings suck.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 23 August :: 8.36am
hmmm... i hate feeling like an outcast. but i kind of put myself in that spot... so i should just accept it... or change it... depends on what i want to do.
it's been cloudy and cool here lately, a super nice change from the hot and sunny spokane.
but i want it to rain (even though frisbee would be cancelled) just because i haven't seen rain for a while and it's neat. and it smells good.
hmm...
yesterday was really great! Kirk and i went to blue c sushi which is a conveyer belt sushi resturant here. it was good and then we went and looked at shops around us and that was really fun too. and then i met his brother's girlfriend and she's nice, even though i don't really know her.
i also talked to my sister yesterday! and my dad! it was nice to hear their voices... it would be so nice if i got cookies from loved ones to make me feel less sad and alone here... (hint hint)
'you are my sunshine, my only sunshine...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 22 August :: 11.38pm
i really hope you arent in too much trouble stina bo bina.
cause that would ruin my day, my week my month. my year.
well. i love you and im sorry
<3<3
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 22 August :: 6.52am
:: Mood: sad
i don't want to be around strangers today... i just want to be with him.
i want this homesickness to go away so i don't have to cry when i go to bed tonight. i probably won't be alone this time, which would make it so awkward...
it's the finding a person i really, really connect with that's hard, and it's waiting for the memories and time to pass before i feel close to them...
i miss the closeness and comfort i felt at home with my friends...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 21 August :: 9.06am
god i'm tired.
seattle is soooo noisey. how do people seriously live here? it's like there is always some noise somewhere that's loud and obnoxious.
yeah...
sleepy sleepy sleepy.
showering here is weird and strange.
eh....
i miss anyone and everyone who i love!
'and baby you're all that i want... when you're lying here in my arms...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 20 August :: 6.40am
ah, sleep... why hast thou forsaken me?
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 19 August :: 7.52am
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: angels and airwaves
so here's my good bye
this morning i put giraffie in my sister's bed... i'm really sad.
and last night was my last night in my bed...
and yesterday was my last day in town...
(of course this is only for three months, but that's so long)
and this is my last morning here in my own house... and my last time to see anything i want to see...
sigh...
tomorrow i move into the dorm. i'm pretty much all packed. i just have like... four things i need to pack. sigh...
i didn't get to see kirkery yesterday... i wonder what he was doing...
'kiss me here and hold my hand... let me feel like i'm the only one...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 18 August :: 7.33am
today is my last day at home... i'm really nervous and a little scared...
i know it's a little silly, but i'm really worried that i won't be able to make it in college, especially without my family here.. i've never been away from them...
and i'll be leaving this beautiful house and wonderful neighborhood and giraffie... i'll miss all this stuff so much... but at least kirk will be there, so it will be a little like home...
but i'll really miss my family. and my giraffie.
and i'll miss my friends... the ones who aren't going to seattle... and i'll probably miss the ones who are going too, since... i don't know... they seem like they don't care much about me anymore.. which is fine, they can do that.
i think i'm hungry, but i'm afraid to eat because i don't want to throw it up.
sigh.
'things will be alright...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 August :: 6.22pm
:: Music: snow patrol - you could be happy
over and over again
before your name was always on my lips... every "i love you" always tried to end with the wrong name... but now... now i never have that problem. i always know what name i'm going to say...
it's beautiful outdoors today. i want to go and sit in the grass with someone special and feel important. or at least feel like i'm not so alone... i hate feeling alone...
but i love the feeling of the grass with the warm air wrapping around me and the endless sky of a beautiful blue... it's even better when there are clouds and the sun is just starting to fall and the edges are a burning gold and pure white... it steals my breath everytime...
i'm so sick of fighting. i'm so tired of hatred. i'm sick of feeling all these negative things and feeling awkward and like i'm stupid... i hate not belonging and feeling alienated.
hmm...
'i'm not going anywhere...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 14 August :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: sad
sigh...
things are so...
they seem so hopeless sometimes...
why do i seem to just... suck... sometimes...?
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 14 August :: 6.40pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: heatmiser
i dont like myself right now.
and i dont like you much either.
but i dont want to loose you...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 14 August :: 8.12am
four days...
and i'm gone forever!
hells yes biznatches.
i feel sad, though too. i don't want to miss all these people...
sigh...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 14 August :: 1.40am
dont you hate those days that feel like they're the best and worst day of your life?
i feel like shit
and i just wish it was easy for me to cry, cause thats all i want to do right now.
i need a hug and someone to talk to, but no one is around... i feel forgotten..
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 August :: 9.05am
5!!!
i hate drugs. i really really hate them.
sigh.
five days!!!! lyiek omgh1!!tkwagagjasdlsad that's soooo soon!!!!
i'm starting to become scared and nervous and anxious and omyahgkaen god this is going to be fucking awesome!!!2111
(except that i have to say good bye to the people who really matter)
but it isn't the end of the world...
i'm so excited i can barely type@!!! hahaha i feel so happy and giddy and scared!@!! ehehehehe.
i just ant to smeile and alugh ahah. i feel so good because everything is oging to be so fun in seattle@!! and it'll be the best ever. i can't wait!!!
<3 i love those friens who are really friends...
and i love being alive sometimes... (when drugs aren't around me)
hehehe i can't wait1
!!
'hold on hold on to me...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 12 August :: 9.45pm
:: Music: snow patrol - you could be happy
so... it kind of feels like.. well... it's kind of like i'm losing all my friends again...
in addition to my moving away, i've just been drifting away from people and others have been pushing me out of their lives and some are just making choices i could never, ever be okay with... but i'm used to this and this time i'm strong enough to be okay with it... i love the friends i have, very dearly, and i love those who i'm losing. i don't understand why this always happens, but it's not like it's a devastating thing anymore...
because i've become so much stronger than i used to be... and i have the courage to face my fears and push forward. and i have some really great friends to help me through, like lauren and like kirk... and adam...
people who i don't feel like they could ever betray me.... at least in the near future...
i don't know what to say...
i had a really, really great time with lauren today! i love lauren! she's so wonderful! and nice and sweet... and i feel sad when she's feeling sad or frustrated... she's so great...
and talking to adam was nice because he makes me feel like i'm important to someone who i never see. and he's funny and clever. i love that.
and then just getting to see my baby kirkery. that was nice, even if he was in a bad mood.. he's so wonderful...
and hopefully (!!) tomorrow will be wonderful too.
'i love you'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 August :: 10.02pm
i love him. he makes things so wonderful...
thank you, my darling...
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 August :: 6.36pm
:: Music: angels and airwaves - do it for me now
my party is in two days. i'm a little nervous that it's not going to be totally awesome. i half wish that i didn't throw it for everyone but just a select few friends...
but it should be fun at least... maybe not as sentimental as it could be... but that's okay... i'll have another one next time i come home... and i won't spend money or anything, we'll just hang out together and feel the love... if there is love to be felt... i know there will be at least a little...
but this whole dale thing... sigh... i don't really know what is going on there... i'm probably just reading too far into it...
sigh... why do people have to disappoint me? and i was having a good day too... but whatever... life is life.
i feel a little sad for no real reason. maybe it's the weather... the sun isn't out... or i'm just coming to terms with.. nothing... i have no clue anymore...
i want to talk to someone and fall asleep. i feel sad.
'if only you'll hold on...'
love,
amelia
p.s. i hate people.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 10 August :: 10.19am
the descent was pretty good... but caves are a little scary... and i don't know if i want to go into one... because caves in themselves are scary... and then watching about monsters... ah! scary.
i have to get motivated! i have to go and look at shoes and call cassie and do college stuff... and pack. siiigh....
i'm too lazy for this.
hehe, today i woke up at ten... i'm pretty frickin awesome.
and yesterday.. was awesome! i love having time with kirk... and the dinner he cooked was amazing!! i wish i could have eaten more but i got too full! kirk is soo good at cooking and i'm so glad that i could help.
and talking was fun. and the raccoons were funny. and the kirk was wonderful. he was the best part. i love going on dates with him! he's so great.
ahh...
'to be in love must be the sweetest feeling that a girl can feel...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 9 August :: 9.29am
and now i can love you with all of my heart. and it's a wonderful feeling to not have any doubt or second thoughts or unsureness...
i love it. i love you. and i can't wait to spend the rest of everything with you... with our cat and kids... it'll be the best ever...
because you are so perfect for me and for who i want to be. you're so amazing and wonderful to me and i love everything about you... i love touching you and smiling at you and hearing you talk and watching your face do things and the way you laugh and your smile and your thoughts and your goofing off and everything else... you're so amazing...
you're so wonderful.
i love you, kirk!
'could you stay here for a while with me..? or just forever..?'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 August :: 8.09pm
kiiirk!! cooome hoooome!!
i'm so bored... and lonely....
sigh.............
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 August :: 9.14am
:: Mood: happy
Yesterday was totally awesome! it was the best day of thw whole summer!!
I played tennis, where i found out i have very little depth perception... which makes tennis really funny. and then we went to baskin robbins and it was nice because kirk was there <3. and then we just played games at his house, which is awesome and makes my day wonderful anyways. and laserquest was awesome....
just doing stuff and having fun and sweating and being with kirk was awesome. and i am so in love with him.
i love you, my kirkery.
'i need you here with me...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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