godessalthena
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2018 2 March :: 5.43pm
My timing is so fucking wretched
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 24 February :: 11.08am
After some tears and a few fits I got my files taxes
I just fucking hate all this fucking bullshit they take my money and I have to request they give it back to me in an overly complicated transaction.
Bleh.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 23 February :: 9.41am
White coffee is one of my favorite things
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 22 February :: 10.16pm
maybe I'm looking for something I can't have...
every song coming on YouTube feels so significant right now. I hate having these stupid fights over nothing. I hate feeling trapped but paralyzed by social anxiety. I have such a hard time making it into a friendship after the first part.
I need to do something with myself I'm losing my God damned mind but nothing sounds like it would be interesting... And cheap. Ugh.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 20 February :: 12.11pm
It's a lonely world, I know
Gonna get a lonely girl that's for sure
Knowing I hurt you
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 19 February :: 2.06pm
There's always going to be an excuse for you to not come over to my house.
Always.
So no matter how much or often I tell you it hurts my feelings, it's never ever going to change.
Sometimes I really wish I hadn't taken a chance. So I could just be alone and lonely. And I wouldn't have to feel bad about everything because I'm not over my trauma and I'll never be normal.
I'm not worth this.
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 15 February :: 6.52am
When all you can think about is how lonely you feel
When all you can think about is how lonely every family must feel after losing a child
Or how lonely the best friends of those children feel
Or how lonely the dead children feel
How lonely the world feels
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 13 February :: 9.42am
Found the journal entry my first boyfriend posted after we broke up... Daggers in my heart but I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I did so long ago. That was 12 years ago, but it still is deep in my heart.
I say often that I am atoning for past sins in my current days, the scars on my heart from all the people I've wronged or hurt still throb in my mind.
I know I can't make up for everything and I know holding onto these things are detrimental to me. How do you let go, how do you leave the past in the past?
I can feel all the pain in the world, and it mixes with my own. The paints blur together into a grey and dismal portrait and we all know once mixed they can't be separated. Will these paints ever dry and allow me to paint over with something beautiful?
What is even beautiful for a life?
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 6 February :: 1.09pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: bleachers - dont take the money
When you're looking for your shadow
Standing on the edge of yourself
Praying on the darkness
Just don't take the money
Dreaming of an easy
Waking up without weight now
And you're looking at the heartless
Just don't take the money
You steal the air out of my lungs, you make me feel it
I pray for everything we lost, buy back the secrets
Your hand forever's all I want
Don't take the money
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 5 February :: 4.02pm
I have a very difficult time relating to people who love life
What do you mean you don't want it to end? That's the only part i am looking forward to...
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 3 February :: 11.40am
I find the face of a woman very comforting
I miss many faces I used to know
But I'm very happy about the faces still in my life
And hopefully I can help them smile once in a while
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 28 January :: 10.51am
I just want to feel loved
How do you keep.gping when all you are at the end of the day is a number
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 26 January :: 11.59pm
I've been dying to reach you... But my extension cord doesn't reach that far.
There's just no fighting the sadness
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 26 January :: 9.47pm
Would we even really care cuz the world has ended?
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 26 January :: 7.18am
What do you do when someone doesn't think people give them a chance when it's really them not giving anyone else a chance?
Idk. Life is way more challenging than I ever dreamed it would be.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 22 January :: 6.49pm
Big birthday plans for a special work friend
I'm kinda hoping she's kinda underwhelmed with the stuff and then when she comes back she's hella surprised!!
But I didn't want ta make her too sad that we "forgot" her birthday so I'm bringing french macarons and we got her a beautiful card and some flowers... Then on Wednesday she'll have 12 rainbow balloons 2 unicorn balloons and a desk covered in streamers and confetti!
I don't usually go too far out, but we always kinda forget her birthday when she always goes all out for our birthdays... I love her so much, and her family doesn't appreciate her like they should! So I want her to feel appreciated at least once this year!!
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 10 January :: 7.31pm
Watching the land before time, not even 10 minutes in and I'm all ready bawling
Brings back a flood of memories... What would my life be like if all that stuff never happened to me... Who would I be without little foot?
The sense of loss is definable now, back then I resonated so strongly with this movie.. growing up way too fast, but never losing the kindness inside.
Now I'm a hedgehog, prickly with you get too close. I'm hard to hold and even more difficult to grab onto
Impossible to keep close...
I just wish I could go back and do it over again without everything else. I don't think I would be very different. Maybe I'd just be better.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 10 January :: 6.47pm
feeling small and a million miles away
I just want to shrink until I cease to exist
The thickest dirt and the darkest mud
Deepest charcoal soot and dirt
Mix up the ashes until I disappear
No warrior no Amazon no savior
Just weak and pathetic
Minimalist imprints breathless walking
Leave me behind and forget
I am gone
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 10 January :: 7.53am
I've been sleeping a lot lately, but not the nice restful kind, rather the kind where you just spin all night then wake up 2 hours early and can't get back to sleep.
I'm sad today. I just want to hide under a rock and pretend I don't exist. Hopefully I get an early out today.
My last check was $200 short, which hurt a little, but it's nice not having to worry about rent or a car payment. What are student loans going to do? Rape me and steal my dog? Well maybe with this new president.... Should I worry? Haha
But 2 appointments with my therapist costs about $200 and having so much time away from work has really helped my mental health lately. More than seeing my therapist, so I'll take the loss and mark it as a win.
I just have to say, after spending close to $500 on gifts for my sweetie for Xmas if he doesn't get me a good damned bathrobe for a super late gift I'm going to he so mad.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2018 2 January :: 8.46am
I hate feeling like a conspiracy theorist but the older I get the harder it is to ignore that every problem in America was and is manufactured by the government/the wealthy to keep the masses controlled, weak and leached of any resources.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2017 31 December :: 8.28am
there ain't nothing better than blowing smoke screens into sunbeams on a lazy weekend morning
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2017 30 December :: 7.34am
Discovering my dairy allergy has been the single most depressing thing that has happened to me in a while.
I miss cheese. And eating food like a normal human being. I miss not waking up to a nuclear holocaust in my GI tract for having some cheese & cream sauce.
I miss cream cheese on bagels
I miss cheese bagels
I miss food.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2017 18 December :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: pensive
Freedom is what you do with what is done to you.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2017 18 December :: 10.59am
When I say the bridge is burned it stays fucking burned
When I say things are over they are over.
If you all want to waste your time worrying about what I'm doing, help yourself, but I don't give a fuck about you or what you think.
Leave me the fuck alone.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2017 3 December :: 12.58am
You insist I stay home when you go out to have fun
Makes me feel like I'm the secret
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2017 2 December :: 9.48am
when the puzzle is made of squares and you are a hideously deformed circle piece
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2017 23 November :: 10.52pm
I try to be sweet and loving and caring and helpful and yet I ALWAYS manage to ruin the night by being a psychotic bitch
Im not made to live on this planet. Im not made to love other humans. Im just worthless. A sack of shit. A piece of useless garbage.
Same as I always have been same as I always will be. You can't change the core of a person, only the nuances surrounding them. I give up.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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