:: 2004 31 October :: 11.27 am

I love halloween! This halloween was the best! I had so much fun. I have never gone all out for halloween but last night was great. Me and Katie were flappers. We looked like twins and Jess was a sluty devil. We were all quite sluty looking last night but who cares its halloween. Travis and Jonny were me and Katies pimps hehe I loved it. The best thing about last night was that it was alot of fun and I was still good. I realized that you dont have to do that kinda stuff to have tons of fun. Kinda a point less entry but oh well that was my Halloween!!!

1 love me | do you love me?

:: 2004 29 October :: 3.48 pm

Uh today fucking sucked so bad. I HATE TODAY UHHHH. Nothing happend to even make it bad like no one pissed me off or anything its just I am running on about 3 hours of sleep and well I am a bitch when I dont get sleep. The only good thing about today was I got my new phone. Wow isnt that just fucking great! Thats my excitment for the day..thats sad. Alls I gotta say is I better do something fun tonight or I am gonna hurt someone.

do you love me?

:: 2004 27 October :: 6.46 pm

3rd update in one day now thats a record for me but yay I get my new phone on friday this is the best news I have gotten this week other than katie jo's news hehe!!! Oh and I have decided I am over it and moving on...

do you love me?

:: 2004 27 October :: 5.32 pm

Another plus for tomorrow.. I am getting my stitches taken out so I won't be at school for prolly the first 3 classes. Those are my least favorite to. Tomorrow is looking like it might just be an ok day!

do you love me?

:: 2004 27 October :: 4.10 pm

Yesterday was just a bad day and I think I am just going to forget everything that happend. I seriously cryed like 4 or 5 times over nothing. Things that wouldnt make people cry I cryed over. I cryed when my dad yelled at me I cryed when my mom yelled at me and on the phone with katie then watched a movie and cryed again then went to bed at 8 and cryed myself to sleep. Uh thats so sad I need to get a grip on my life. I never cry. Never. I think everything just got to me cause I have build up all of these emotions and just let them go. Today wasnt much better tho so thats just great.

Well the first time didnt bother me but the second time oh ya it bothers me. I dont even know what to do about it either but for now I guess I will just let it go. But tomorrow should be better. Parents are gonna be gone fo the whole night so I dont have to deal with them. Thats one less thing I dont have to deal with. ok enough of my bitching.

1 love me | do you love me?

:: 2004 25 October :: 10.13 pm

uh so you really confused me. I like you plan and simple. But the real question is do you like me for more than just a "fling"? Is that all I am to you? Uh right now I just need answers..

do you love me?

:: 2004 24 October :: 9.38 pm

So I am really trying to be happy right now. I just feel so helpless. I just want this to work out but deep down I know it won't and its killing me. I just want more, I deserve more...

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:: 2004 24 October :: 1.00 am

Uh I could seriously go crazy right now!!

do you love me?

:: 2004 17 October :: 10.33 pm
:: Mood: scared

Uh so tomorrow is the big day. I am getting that surgery done. I am so scared for what it might be. It could be something really little but it could also be something really serious. I just hope its nothing. They had to tell me what it could be and when the word cancer is used thats not the greatest things you want to hear. Since I went to the doctors i have not once stop thinking about it. I just hope all this worrying is for nothing. Not only am I scared about what it could be but for the actual surgery. I hate needles and i hate all that other stuff and alls they are gonna do is numb it uhhh this sucks:(

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:: 2004 17 October :: 5.17 pm

Homecoming was really fun, I am so glad I decided to go. And that I decided to go with matt he is such a nice guy. After the dance was another story. They all decided they wanted to go bowling till 2 and I hate bowling but I went anyways but didnt bowl and still had to pay $13 for it. uh not cool. But then me and jess went to barkers which was really fun untill the whole fight thing went down. Uh I dont understand some people god. But overall it was a great night!

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:: 2004 14 October :: 8.08 pm

Please let tomorrow be a better day.

2 love me | do you love me?

:: 2004 13 October :: 9.28 pm
:: Mood: confused

I wish I could just know excatly what I wanted and then just get it....?

do you love me?

:: 2004 10 October :: 12.08 pm
:: Mood: scared

Last night had to have been one of the worst days of my life. I never wanna have to go though anything like that ever again. I realized I am not as strong at I thought I was because I couldnt handle that. It was one of those things that really makes you think twice about your life. I just hope he is ok. If something more happend to him I dont think I could ever fogive myself.

do you love me?

:: 2004 8 October :: 8.35 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: breakaway~Kelly Clackson

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:: 2004 7 October :: 9.07 pm
:: Mood: tired

So I am really happy I decided to go to homecoming, I think it will be really fun and I am going with Matt. He is such a nice guy! I still don't know any of our plans for that night so I should prolly get on that. But I just thought I should update since jess always yells at me to but I have just been to busy and to tired. I am so sick of what my day is like. Go to school, go to work, do homework, shower and get ready for school then get up and do the same thing over and over again. But at least I have someone to complain to all day and every day to lol I love you Jess.

Well on another note I don't really know what to do about either of you. I want you both in my life but I dont think I can do that. I still love you but I just cant go back to that right now. I am not ready for it I know you are but I just cant do it and i dont know how to tell you. And thens there the other one.. uh I hate you and dont really want anything to do with you but then again I do theres just something about you. I dont know what but there is and I dont wanna give up on that even though I' am sure there will never be anything there uhh why am I so stupid why do you do this to people uhhh I hate you!! But most of all I hate what you are doing to me and to everyone else people don't deserve to be treated like this. And you say the problem is that I havnt changed but really the problem is that you dont want to change, you cant change you dont know whats its like to be different cause you are so use to your ways. Uh for once i would just really like to know whats going on and what you want but no you dont talk about your feelings uh god get a grip on your life! Well I guess thats enough bitching for one night but I hardly ever write in here so just get over it!!

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