Because of you..

:: 2005 25 November :: 6.18pm

..The Basics..
Gender?: female
Sexual Orientation?: straight
Single?: no sir
Would you like to be?: no
Birthday?: march 8 88
Age you act?: 17 ish lol
Age you wish you were?: 18 or 21
Height?: 5-1
Eye color?: blue
Happy with it?: yeah i wish i was taller though well just so my legs weren't fat and short
Hair color?: brown
Happy with it?: sure
Left/right/ambidextrous?: lefty
Your living arrangement?: parents
Family?: dumb mostly
Job?: rosie's and lazer skate
Piercings?: ears
Tattoos?: not yet anyway
Obsessions?: love. eating :0(
Can you speak another language?: no
Favorite quote?:
Any webpages?: woohu
..Deep Thoughts..
Do you live in the moment?: not really kinda maybe
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yeah
Do you have any secrets?: not that i can think of . or not that at least one person doesn't know
Do you hate yourself?: not really hate. just dislike sometimes
Do you like your handwriting?: it's okay
Do you have any bad habits?: eating and being a baby
What is the compliment you get most from people?: eyes, smile
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: One Fucked Up Little Girl
What's your biggest fear?: roman or jess or friend or family dying
Can you sing?: anyone can sing. question is can you sing good.
Do you ever pretned to be someone else just to look cool?: Yeah i pretend to be eminem all the time. People think it's really him.
Are you a loner?: psh
If you were another person, would you want to be friends with you?: probably not for the most part.
Are you a daredevil?: not usually
Is there anything you fear/hate about yourself?: yeah just how i am. and my weight and fat content and my face sometimes
Are you passive or agressive?: passive mostly agressive sometimes! lol
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: compassion and weakness would be staying strong lol
If you could change one thing about yourself?: thinner and prettier
There are three wells, love, beauty & creativity, which one do you choose?: i already have love so i'd go with beauty
How do you vent?: to roman or cry or other people
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: no
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing?: probably
Do you think life has been good so far?: neh
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: al;lk
What do you like most about your body?: i'm not hideous
and least?: weight and fat
Do you find yourself attractive?: bleh
Are you confident?: no
What fictional character are you most like?: donald duck lol no
Do people know how you feel?: i dont know
Are you perceived wrongly?: yes
..Do you?..
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Read the newspaper?: sometimes
Pray?: yeah
Go to church?: not often or regularly
Talk to strangers who IM you?: yeah just to findo ut who they are
Sleep with stuffed animals?: roman's bear, Bryan
Take walks in the rain?: no not really
Talk to people even though you hate them?: no
Drive?: yes
Like to drive fast?: yes
..Have you ever?..
Hurt yourself?: whatd you say
Been out of the country?: no
Eaten something that made others sick?: um no i duno
Been unfaithful?: no
Been in love?: yes
Done drugs?: no
Gone skinny dipping?: no
Had surgery?: no
Ran away from home?: yes
Played strip poker?: no
Got beaten up?: lol no
Been picked on?: yeah
Been on stage?: yaeh
Slept outdoors?: yeah
Pulled an all-nighter?: yuea
What's your record?: i dont know
Talked on the phone all night?: yeah
Slept together with someone of the opposite sex but didn't have sex?: yes
Slept all day?: not realy
Killed someone?: yeah like 12
Made out with a stranger?: no
Had sex with a stranger?: no
Had sex at all?: a;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Thought you were going crazy?: ;aaaaaaaaaaaaaa yup
Kissed the same sex?: no
Anything sexual with the same sex?: no
Been betrayed?: pretty much
Had a dream that came true?: yeah
Broken the law?: yeah
Met someone famous?: no
Killed an animal by accident?: yeah POOR POSSUM!! :0( i cried forever!
Stolen anything?: yeah
Been on the radio/TV?: yeah
Been in a mosh-pit?: no
Had a nervous breakdown?: yeah
Considered a religious vocation?: no
Been criticized about your sexual performance?: no
Bungee jumped?: no
Had a reoccuring dream?: eyah
..Clothing..
Shoe brand?: steve madden lol o whatwever
Clothing brand?: forever 21 or whatever*cries
Scent?: britney spears lol or aura or mary kate and ashley LA
Normal attire?: whatever
Do you wear hats?: no
Do you wear make-up?: yeah
Favorite place to shop?: forever 21
Favorite article of clothing?: hoodies
Are you trendy?: TRENYLICIOUS babe
Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: no
..Beliefs..
Life on other planets?: prob not
Miracles?: yeah
Astrology?: no
Magic?: maybe
God?: yeah
Satan?: yeah
Santa?: no
Ghosts?: duno
Luck?: yeah
Love?: yeah
Love at first sight?: no
Yin & Yang?: yeah
Witches?: no
Easter bunny?: no
Is it possible to be faithful forever?: deffinetly
Is there a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: only in michael jackson's backyard
Do you wish on stars?: yeah
..Love..
Do you remember your first love?: yes
Still love him/her?: yes
Do you consider love a mistake?: not at all
What do you find romantic?: the beach, him singing to me, him playing guitar for me, telling me wonderful things
Turn-on?: strong back and arms, make me laugh, showers, being responsible
Turn-off?: smoking, irresponsibleness, stupidity
Do you go more by looks or personality?: a mix of course
Do you think the opposite sex finds you attractive?: well one does at least
What is best about the opposite sex?: getting love
and worst?: they dont realize mistakes sometimes
What's the last present someone gave you?: i dont remember
Are you in love?: yes
Is you signifcant other hot?: lol yeah
..The last person who..
Haunted you?: duno
You wanted to kill?: no one really
You laughed at?: jess g
Turned you on?: roman
You went shopping with?: jess g and jess h
Broke your heart?: roman
Disappointed you?: myself
Made you cry?: when i couldn't get into the college class at first
Brightened your day?: roman
You thought about?: well, roman
You saw a movie with?: jess g
You talked to on the phone?: roman
You talked to on IM: adam and dylan
You saw?: my mom
You lost?: hmm... duno?
You thought was insane?: myself pretty much
You told off?: duno
You trusted?: um.?
You turned down?: i dont wanna say!
..When was the last time you?..
Smiled?: like 2 secs
Laughed?: a while ago
Cried?: yesterday morning a little
Bought something?: movie ticket today
Danced?: a whiel
Were sarcastic?: every day
Hugged someone?: last nigth
Talked to an ex?: right now
Watched your favorite movie?: duno
Had a nightmare?: a few weeks ago
Talked on the phone?: today
Listened to the radio?: today
Watched TV?: today
Went out?: today
Helped someone?: today
Were mean?: today
Sang?: today
Saw a movie in a theater?: today
Said "I love you"?: today lol
Missed somone: today
Fought with a family member?: yesterday kinda
Fought with a friend?: a while ago
Had a serious conversation?: today
Got drunk?: ;;;;;;;;;;;
Had sex?: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Ten Song You Love
[x]: sprung
[x]: my humps
[x]: because of you
[x]: anytime
[x]: fur elise
[x]: jesu joy of man's desiering
[x]: christmas time is here
[x]: nutcracker shit
[x]:
[x]:
Nine Things That Make You Smile
[x]: roman
[x]: jess
[x]: jess g
[x]: hearing my humps come on the radio
[x]: dancing
[x]: laughing
[x]: roman's kiss
[x]: roman's laugh and smile
[x]: being tickled
Eight Things You Wear Daily?
[x]: underwear
[x]: mascara
[x]: bra
[x]: shirt
[x]: pants
[x]: perfume
[x]: a smile bitch
[x]: socks
Seven Things That Annoy You?
[x]: mean people
[x]: dumb people
[x]: college
[x]: future
[x]: parents
[x]: living here
[x]: not seeing roman
Six Things You're Looking Forward To?
[x]: living with roman
[x]: having a family
[x]: having kids
[x]: moving out
[x]: college (kind of)
[x]: being done wth high school foerever
Five Things You're Afraid Of
[x]: well there are only 3 spaces but okay
[x]: someoen i love dying
[x]: snakes

A decent but LONG survey brought to you by Bzoink

:: 2005 25 November :: 5.32pm
:: Music: heard em say

come back, lovey. :0(

PS: NEVER see the movie Rent!! It is... just ridiculous!! and i swear, i tried in every way to give it a chance!! I gave it numerous chances! but to no avail. it was just stupid and crazy!
"MOO WITH ME"

fuck that shit.

lol.

2 love me | do you love me?

brokenmentality

:: 2005 25 November :: 2.49pm

the first year has come and gone... and couldnt have been any more beautifull than it was. you make it beautifull... well actually... together we made it beautifull.

yesterday was perfect. lots of food, family, and togetherness. exactly how it should have been. :)

:: 2005 25 November :: 6.10am

brrrr bitches! it's fucking freezing. my parents are crazy. it's 68 degrees.

i have to go babysit. i hope this day FLIES BY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh !

:: 2005 24 November :: 11.13pm

Tonight, Dani told me that because we're out of high school, and are doing new things, I can't be down on myself for not finding "him" because I'm not allowed to have a "type" anymore. Because if any of you know what I've gone for in the past, it's all been about the same. I did have a major "type." So, I guess I'm not allowed to anymore. Which is fine with me. Anyways, my "type" went like this.

makes me laugh easily
a little taller than me
some muscles
smart
dreams
nice family
accepting of others
cute (cuz even when people say that it doesn't matter, looks do matter on some level)

and if you look at who I've fallen for in the past or had crushes on or went for in anyway:
Roman Garcia
Scott Wilde
Dan Krieter
Tony ??? (cancun)
Dan Laatz (but only for like a minute)
Brandon Bauer (but who didn't?)
Chad Kuz
Josh Kidder
Ryan Case

and then there's the very few, who weren't my "type" that I had crushes on, that never worked, or never would work, but they had some of the qualities that make me like someone:
Tyler Bauer (haha)
Jon Glerum
Gilly (muy poco)
yea, I can't think of anymore.

but anyways, my point is that my "type" doesn't work. So, I'm saying right now, that anything goes, as long as they are nice, and being able to make me laugh is a must, that's what first attracts me to anyone. and don't think that I only went for that type on purpose, I didn't it just happened that everyone I got a big crush on, fit that. I don't know. Watch me end up marrying someone who doens't fit anyones type. aahah! most likely, I'll prolly have to order a husband. ahah!!

OH, and whoever he is, he HAS to smell good. Seriously, that is so attractive. like the smell of laundry, and I don't really agree with this, but the smell of alcohol on a guy's breath just makes me...ohhh!!! yes, he def. has to smell good! (and I don't think alcohol smells good either, cuz it doesn't, I just think it's really hot) lol

And another thing, I don't like guys who are more sensitive than I am. I want the guy to be the guy! Not a wimp. I don't want to be a stronger person than my boyfriend/husband someday.I want to be comforted, not the comforter. Not that guys don't deserve it sometimes, and I'm not against it sometimes, I just don't want to have to make my boyfriend feel better all the time, I don't have the patience for that. I want someone who will take charge in certain situations, like I don't want to have to beg my man to go to church or something like that, I want him to want to go and to want me to go to. I want him to have morals, and the same political views as me, and the same views on family, and on what's important in life. I don't know, we have to click. We have to be able to have serious conversations and he can't make me feel dumb, or that my opinions don't matter, or arn't important. and we have to be able to have fun with each other, and be ourselves without feeling retarded. Like, singing in the car or dancing in the living room, you just have to be able to cut loose, and not care what I think, because it will be just us, and we will be totally comfortable with each other, and we will accept each other 100%, for the good and the bad. I want someone who is all of these things, and in order for that to happen, I have to be willing to give people a chance, like that guy in my math class......I know Dani, I'll try. I haven't given anyone the time of day since Dan, and I really need to, he will not ruin this for me. That's all there is to it! OOOH I WILL NOT MARRY OR DATE A SMOKER! SICK! and someday, I don't want to have animals in my house either. I don't like animal hair on my clothing, yucky. Animals belong outside, where they are born. Sorry if that sounds mean, but even cat people, we have a cat and she is outside in the barn, they don't freeze to death if you put them outside! Seriously, I think I'm just about annoyed at everything tonight. I wouldn't talk to me if I were you.

oh, and another thing about me, I don't care if people know that I like them, so most of the people on both of those lists, knew. I'll even tell you straight up if I like you or not, I say what comes to mind, which can be a bad thing, but I'm not wasting my time, waiting to see if he likes me too. Sometimes it's good to wait, and I can do that too, but most of the time, I can already tell before I ever say anything. Oh, but you already know that I don't make the first move when it comes to going out on a date, or first kisses, or anything, I think it's so much more romantic and perfect when the guy takes charge of that. Because then I feel more special, and wanted. yep, well I don't know what brought all that on, oh yea, I was feeling sorry for myself and it was Dani's pep talk! ahah! I love you Dani!

oh, and most of you, if you ever bother to have a real conversation with me about this, you would know how strongly I feel about some of this stuff. like saying "I love you," I won't say that I'm afraid of the words, cuz I'm not, I just WILL NOT say it, unless me and some guy have been dating for a while, and it seems to be going somewhere, and even then, I have to be sure. I can tell my friends and family that I love them, no problem, but this "I love you" is different, and I won't say it lightly. I've never said it to anyone I've ever dated, and I'm not going to start just throwing it out there now. I mean, seriously, people use it WaAy too casually these days. It's not casual, I think that's partly why there are so many divorces, because everyone is "in love!" awww how cute! OH YEA RIGHT! you people are DUMB! please stop gaggin me now, I think that's why I hate chick flicks too, they make me mad. Unless I'm in a sad mood already, that's the only time I can watch them, I'm warning you now...watch out if you ever sit me in front of a chick flick when I'm in a bad mood!

ok, this is like the bazillionth time that I've changed this.

another thing.....you can ALWAYS tell what kind of mood I'm in by what music I'm listening to. Like I can't stand love songs when I'm mad, it's either rap, or rage music. Normally, I only listen to love songs, when I'm feeling sorry for myself. ahah, and I listen to country whenever I want! aha! ok, that just might be the last time I change this entry! Unless, there is a mistake in it that just drives me crazy! ahah, then I might fix that!

ok ok ok ok, I don't know why I needed to give you all this insight into me, but I just had to ok! deal with it! it made me feel better, so maybe people won't be so stupid anymore when it comes to me! I'm so sick of people disappointing me, seriously. It really ruins everything. I hate when everything gets ruined.

yea, I know it's a lot to take in....but it doesn't happen all at once, it happens as you get to know someone. And then things just start to fall into place. I have high expectations, but I know that there is someone that will meet them, just for me! I know that there is, and I guess I'm gonna give people a chance now and see if I ever meet him, and not run scared when anyone shows me any attention. Unless your name is Curtis, then I will run away!

I'm a bitch, arn't I? don't lie, I'm feeling bitchy.

k, that made me feel a little bit better.

6 love me | do you love me?

:: 2005 24 November :: 11.12pm

be easy! don't make decisions when you're mad!
I miss that beautiful man of mine. He is having fun though and I'm happy for him. I think he needs a break from college stress.

Hey, I am officially a college student now. I am enrolled in Comparitive Governments at GRCC. Cool huh? Scoooore. I was supposed to be in Psychology 201 but then found out today that it was full. I was so mad and spent THREE HOURS finding a class that was available, that transfered into something for my ferris nursing degree and something that was relavent! or something.. yeah. cooliessssss

jess you a weird mothafucker.

I seriously am getting fat and i'm going to take pe next semester cuz i really UGH. And jess i'm trying those things again. Maybe they wont give me a heart attack this time. they'll just eat it away slowly. Whatever, I always wanted to be the first to die in a marriage anyway.

What am iI talking about? HA

I can't wait until things are just STRAIGHT.
I have to babysit at 6:30 AM tomorrow. It was supposed to be 4:45 am, but Jim will be home so i get to arrive a bit later.

i like stuffing and chocolate chip pumpkin bread.
*Sigh*.

goodnight,
jess.

1 love me | do you love me?

:: 2005 24 November :: 10.40pm

I hate it when I get slapped by reality. I hate it the most when my "friends" do it to me.

bigwilly

:: 2005 24 November :: 10.14pm

Greatest thing since the invention of the puke pocket:

5 love me | do you love me?

Paradox

:: 2005 24 November :: 12.18pm

The First Year....:)

1 love me | do you love me?

:: 2005 24 November :: 9.38am

happy happy happy happy happy happy HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

:: 2005 23 November :: 10.07pm

ugh people annoy me. i had fun with jess last night though

k i've had enough. come home. now.

:: 2005 23 November :: 8.21pm

oh my word, I think everyone is at home cooking for tomorrow and nobody is here tanning. I am so bored!!! Come and visit me, anyone! we close at 9 though, so come now! ahah!

:: 2005 23 November :: 7.31pm

as most of you know, my cousin Amanda is in Iraq, and wasn't supposed to be here until before Christmas, but we got the call a few days ago, that she is going to be flying in tomorrow, so we are SO excited. being Thanksgiving and everything. well anyways, we're having my whole family over for Thanksgiving tomorrow, just like we always do, but my sister just called me and WZZM 13 is coming to my house to interview my family, about her coming home and coming over tomorrow. They want to know what we're preparing and doing for when she gets here. Isn't that crazy!?!? I'm at work so I won't be there, but I think it's pretty awesome, Stacey said that she was going to hide! ahhaah! I bet, they'll want to talk to everyone. I'll watch it on tv, but I'm glad I'm not there! haha! Sometimes it's good to have a job to go to! My mom's gonna be cutting potatoes or something, preparing for Amanda! ahahah! My mom is so funny! Good thing we cleaned today for tomorrow! seriously, we are having 34 people over. It's gonna be so much fun, just like everyear! Anyways, I have a tanning bed to clean, so all of you have a VERY Happy Thanksgiving, and watch WZZM tonight, or tomorrow, I don't know when it's going to be on. NIGHT ALL! I love you! muah!

:: 2005 22 November :: 2.44pm

UGHGGHGHGHGHGH
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well since my page is already big, i decided i'd make yours big too.

sometimes i just want nothing more than to leave school WAIT a second. what did i just say? oh wait. i always want to leave school. i absolutely hate it. i'm thankful for a few things this year. Roman, friends, and having this be my last year of high school.

anyway. me and jess are going shopping and i am getting really excited. i have no money to spend but a few gift certificates and i dont really care because i just think it will be fun because me and jess dont spend enough time together anymore.

i must just have serious jealousy issues. i'm just not good enough. whatever.

wait one more thing, am i seirously like HIDEOUSLY UGLY or what? why does everyone do that to me??! i hate people! especially mean ones!

2 love me | do you love me?

brokenmentality

:: 2005 22 November :: 9.35am

on a side note... can we say irresponsible.

*rolls eyes... moron.