Because of you..

:: 2005 17 November :: 9.07pm

what the hell. i hate food and it needs to stay away from me. dammit i just got a papercut. fer real.

:: 2005 17 November :: 8.56pm

i really want to and i know it will decide absolutely everything.

i miss you

:: 2005 17 November :: 4.55pm
:: Music: Ben Folds - Emaline

"sometimes I dont know what she's saying. but i know what she wants to believe"
Ugh what a long, stupid and pointless day... And now I have to work in an hour.

I wish we could go to that one place jess tonight. Don't you? Jess? Don't you?
Sometimes, when you have a headache especially, pre-schoolers just AREN'T the cure for anything. But other times they just make you feel so good. They are so cute and innocent.

i'm glad i will never have to go through all those things again. ha.

"oh i wish I was a pretty girl why can't i be a pretty girl like her?"

you drive me nuts baby but i absolutely love you . What would I do without you? i'm sorry.

:: 2005 17 November :: 1.42pm

yeah okay cool people are so important. i must know everything about "them"

f ucking dumb.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 17 November :: 8.55am

yesterday was the first snowfall of the season... which marks the day keegan asked me to be his girlfriend.... it may not be the technical date... but its the symbolic day. I can't wait till the 24th when we can finally wear our rings engraved "the first year". just a symbol of our relationship.. not promise rings, just a symbol.

:: 2005 16 November :: 7.57pm

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

:: 2005 16 November :: 7.52pm

You got the best of me, and now I feel like shit. Trust me, it's not going to happen again.

Gilly it was wonderful talking to you! You always make my day. : )

I wish I oh nevermind...it is so unimportant, everything that I say is so pointless....most of the time.

2 love me | do you love me?

:: 2005 15 November :: 11.40pm

ugh
i want to go back

:: 2005 15 November :: 8.42pm

ohhh man!!! I'm so flippen excited for this weekend, it gives me something to focus on besides my world that is actually happening.

:: 2005 15 November :: 8.26pm

my day went like this.....shit shit shit shit fun shit shit, Dani called, shit, went tanning(unshitty for approx. 27 minutes), came home,shit, ALMOST fell asleep on the couch, ate dinner, and now I'm writing bout how shitty my day was and moping around somemore.

I wanted you to call me SO SO SO bad. And when I say I want a hug, I mean I really really NEED a hug. Just so you know in the future.

:: 2005 15 November :: 1.40pm

Gunnie, i think we're doing a page in yearbook about online journals and stuff and i was wondering if i can interview you sometime. maybe we could also incorporate some hanging out time into that. cooooooool.
let me know buddy

2 love me | do you love me?

:: 2005 15 November :: 7.51am

So i kinda forgot about how i said you wouldn't see me ever again so look stupid me i forgot to run away. i would totally go right now but i have to babysit after school anyway which is totally stupid.
I don't know if i'll be able to take anymore of life.
what do you have to offer because i dont know if i want it.

F uck this stupid place and everything else. i think i want out k.

:: 2005 14 November :: 3.35pm

number one: I definetely totally and completely love Roman and
number two: I DEF TOTALLY HATE SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mugggggggggggggawereereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee does anyone love me? because i'm running away and living with roman forever and you wont ever see me again so say goodbye loves.

2 love me | do you love me?

:: 2005 14 November :: 1.55pm

Honestly, I only try to please everyone, it's not like I deliberatly defy you, I don't tell you that I don't have time just to be a smart ass, just because you don't have time for anything doesn't mean everyone else is just sitting around not doing anything. I have a life too, and let me tell you doing the freakin dishes isn't my top priority at the moment. There are some things that are a little bit more important to me, and when I don't feel like stting around and listening to you bitch I'm NOT going to. You can't sit me down anymore and make me hear you. Especially if your only way of communicating with me is by yelling and being sarcastic and mocking everything that comes out of my mouth. I'm sorry that I don't have time to clean the house, I didn't know that I was the only one who freakin lived here who knew where the vaccum was. Don't yell at me if you're going to say shit like you just did, because I'm not listening to you. You may think I'm being a bitch but I'm not, I'm just not bending to your every will anymore, if it's not ok with you that I'm growing up and have things that I HAVE to do, then too bad for you. Get someone else to do everything for you, by you yelling at me and bitchin about how nothing ever gets done around here, and then not taking any inititive to do for yourself, I'm sure as hell not going to help you, when I move out and you live in a shit hole, because right now...I AM the only one who cares enough to clean around here, you're going to finally appreciate everything that I did. I wouldn't do a damn thing around here if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a neat freak and I get crazy when its messy, but because I do care, and I like where I love even more when it's clean, I do clean and so many other things that you never even notice.

It bugs me that I can be in such a wonderful mood, and then you come home and seriously are only here long enough to yell at me and tell me what to clean next and my whole day is messed up to the point where I don't want to be here anymore. Why am i the only one that you ask to do anything? Kourtney is here more than anyone else, why is it that she gets to take naps on the couch and we have to tip toe around while we clean, just so she doesn't get woken up? Who made her queen? GRR! I don't want to talk about this anymore, it's stupid and the only person who cares is me, and Kourtney, I know that you read this and I don't care what you think about it.

and that's another thing, why is it that everything that is mine is also everyone elses? Why can't you all just stay out of my room? oh I know why, cuz it's the cleanest out of all three of us, so you two have to trash mine, and I have to clean it like every freakin day, and you know that I will because it bugs me so much. I can't help it that I want to be organized a little bit! seriously this is so stupid. I'm getting out of here.

3 love me | do you love me?

:: 2005 14 November :: 1.37pm

I had a pretty exciting day, well actually just my english class, I got to sit next to Kyle and work with him on our papers, I think we're meant to be together....ahha, our teacher just had us count off and we both got the same number, but still...it's destined...don'tcha think!? ahah!