liz
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2005 22 November :: 10.23am
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything, either good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you!
7 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 22 November :: 10.06am
so yeah.
yesterday.
that was one killer of a day.
tiring. to add to my dismay and shit filled day it was the night of the xbox 360 release. haha losers who wanted one but didnt get one. we only had 10 with about 30 people in line for it. cant put it on layaway cash or charge only. haha.
i laugh at you.
that might be the only time i laughed all night.
it was horrible.
so much damn crying and so i have resolved to myself that I am not going to let YOU make me cry. I am above that. I control myself and at the command of mike I am no longer going to talk to you because you get me riled up too bad and I dont need it. Ray and I talked though. about the stuff that you and I talked about and about the whole one person what If i already found him and threw it away. he is cool and he understands but i think that the way i was last night scared him and now he is moving out.
so there is that. he says he is but i dont think he will. i hope not. I like him here with me. he makes every day better, knowing that at the end of the day he is going to be waiting for me is the greatest feeling. as for my "friends" I pretty much decided whatever you all have your opinion and what i say will never change that. As far as me being a whore and a bitch I didnt know that doing the things that i need to do made me those things but whatever. I guess next time i should stay stuck in a relationship where I am unhappy as long as no one gets hurt. at least not right away those things would never go away and it would drag on, yeah I found a new boyfriend pretty quick but i think that is life, why would i pass up a great guy just because i just broke up with another one. I love Pj he knows that. I always will but Im not going to sit around moping for him. I am better today, after talking to ray. yeah pj its unfair I know but its life and its the right that he gets because he is my boyfriend and at this point i think that you are just saying some things because you know they will bother me but i refuse to let them bother me anymore
2 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 21 November :: 1.08pm
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town.
When I wake up, I'm willing to take my chances on the hope I forget
that you hate him more than you notice I wrote this for you (for you, so...)
You need him. I could be him...
I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
That's more than I can say for him.
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town.
Someday I'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... {but for} the meantime I'll sport my
brand new fashion of waking up with pants on at 4:00 in the afternoon.
You need him. I could be him...
I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
That's more than I can say for him.
1-2-3-4!
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town.
(won't find out) he won't find out
(won't find out) he won't find out
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town.
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. (he won't find out)
Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town.
3 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 21 November :: 12.59pm
well i talked to leo today. apologized about being a bitch to him and he was cool. he said that i was in a new relationship and he could understand how ray would be a little jealous of him, leo is too good to me. hopefully other people can be cool like him too.
as of right now the only friends i seem to have as constant are joslyn, amber, and kristin.
everything is turning out so differently than i had ever expected.
im bummed that you people who have claimed to be my friends can turn around and say things like that about me. kelly especially. he said that he was neutral and that he would still be friends with both of us after we broke up. i see how true that was. im really upset about that kelly. thanks a mil.
pj I am bummed because i feel like you are trying to use things against me that you think will make me want to go back to you. I dont think that is fair at all, especially the whole ring thing. i love you regardless im just saying.
today is really upsetting me.
I need something a drink or sleep, yeah sleep. good.
4 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 21 November :: 11.34am
SO
Kelly,
Kevin,
Bill,
Yakaly,
Michelle,
YOU CAN ALL FUCK OFF!!!
You don't know me, you don't know Pj and I's relationship so keep your damn opinions to yourself.
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 20 November :: 9.52pm
so yeha. im am wiped the fuck out
i mean literally ray and i just skatedboarded for two hours.
it was damn cool.
only i wiped out and my hand is all filled with gravel and my elbow is bleeding.
but i feel happy.
we had a good night.'
now he is going to the medcenter because he has been pretty sick and his mom said that he needs to go and so he is.
whatever.
Kick My Bucket
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eyesofcrystal
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2005 20 November :: 9.12pm
Holy Crap!! These past 4 days have been INSANE!! I spent most of those 4 days at school. On Thursday, i was at school for 16 hours (7 in classes and the rest doing stuff after school for the play) Friday I spent 17 hours there, and then Saturday I spent 13 hours there. All of this was for the play. And after being there early in the morning and then late at night, i had to wake up again today and spend 4 hours sewing with my mom for school!! Yikes. I love being with my mom, but not when all we are doing is sitting there sewing!!
So i should sleep good tonight...and thank God there are only 2 days of school this week!!
2 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 20 November :: 6.00pm
F"UCK
that is me screaming fuck in frustration at you.
\okay.
he is angry at me. damn damn.
3 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 18 November :: 12.24am
JOSLYN I love you.
come see me.
i want to cry and i dont know why.
what is going on.
everything is falling so fast
stupid stupid fall out boy.
2 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 18 November :: 12.13am
do you ever feel like every choice that you make is wrong. like your happy for the moment but fucking yourself over in the long run.
i dont feel it.
im afraid of what i do feel.
its odd.
different.
i dont want to get bored.
i went to meet him at work and he was like so what are your plans for midnight and i was like, sleeping and he was like well there is this movie that i guess you were kinda interested in seeing and i was hoping you would let me take you and i was like.
awww.
i am going to take my little sister on saturday though, and then we were going to go see it anyway.
but then i said no save your money we will go see walk the line or jarhead or a movie that you want to see and he was like, i want to do something nice for you though. i love you and i know youve been waiting for the release for awhile and i was like, sweetie you would not enjoy yourself lets just sleep, you have school in the morning and all.
so here we are and im okay with that.
he is a really great guy.
not sure why he loves me so much.
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Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 18 November :: 12.11am
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
Lord, it just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right
Oh and i don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, hold me tight
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 17 November :: 2.21pm
GOWD
I hate college.
No I hate myself for being such a slacker and not trying at all.
I am totally going to have to retake this stupid ass prereq stupid ass algebra class again.
why?
because I dont try at all and I have put forth no effort and I got a test back today that I got a 36% on.
DAMN YOU LIZZY.
im so upset with myself I am so so SO much better than that. I am smart. not like yeah liz is smart but like SMART.
I should be doing really well in an entry level sort of class like math 110. .
I am just really really upset with myself. I don't know If I can dig myself out of this algebraic hole that I am in but by god I am going to try.
the teacher gave us this big whole lecture too.
he is all talking about how it is his last semester and that if he likes a student he is going to take that into account when he gives them a grade and that policy doesnt matter to him because what is the school going to do? Fire him. nope he doesnt care. so its time for liz to buckle down and start kissing some major teacher ass.
or just study and do good on the next test and ace the final because what the fuck liz you are smart and better than an F.
so angry with myself.
you dont even know the resentment i feel for myself and for being a big old failure at life.
god at least ive got ray.
where is he anyway.
not at school cuz hes just as big of a slacker as I am. he hasnt been to school in like three days.
stupid high school boys ill tell ya.
to bed. i need to sleep. im going to have some pizza with my ma later. so yeah.
i should study instead.
hugs and shit
2 -Buckets Kicked |
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tonyp.
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2005 16 November :: 2.12pm
god damn im a victum of a bad hair cut.
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liz
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2005 16 November :: 11.20am
Today is the Liz and Ray do nothing but be in bed all day adn drink hot cocoa and watch gilmore girls and other stupid girly shows day.
Mostly because I got up this morning and it was snowing and I am so not ready for that yet that. mostly because I lost my winter coat. well the outside shell at least and I cannot take that. coat where are you and fuck you snow. silly silly snow its only november.
oh wait i guess it does snow a little in november. sucky suckness.
Kick My Bucket
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liz
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2005 16 November :: 12.34am
well to finish off a good day, i went to the gym.
yeah iknow right.
and on the way home who should i see but.....
i know you want to know who?
jAKE mellema, and jake moerdyke.
and then josh gates.
so i brought them back to my dorm and we ate tacos.
it was cool.
they are all way cool.
jake mellema is way super hot these days too.
my roomate was like that tall guy is HOT! and i was like yeah he is.
it was cool.
we hung out for about an hour and half,
it was a good day.
3 -Buckets Kicked |
Kick My Bucket
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