crimson sky
tender eyes
an eager sigh
another perfect soul
is deeply quieted
into a soft, silent love

newest one
the countless stars
flickering sing
a song with wings
and i found love
resonating within
the delicious light

untitled
nights of echoing rain
voices inside
and soft cries
gasping for beauty
forgotten
the struggling silence
has wings

untitled for now....

beautiful laughter
trickling tears
soft shadows to
fantasies and
dying air
whispered to
the escaped
walls with
faces smeared
away

newest poem
::discarded lace::

you and the way you watched me
and me in the dress you loved
with the flowers sleeping in my hair

just something about the way you love me
that gets me like this all the time
and you with your smile beaming on me
and me with the blushing cheeks

just something in these moments that keeps -

dont let me lose you okay
dont ever let me lose you again
if the flowers fall out of my hair
and i never get to wear this dress you love
your smile never meets my eyes again
and i never blush from this feeling
just dont ever let me lose you again

your kiss that makes me feel sweeter
the taste of something that beautiful
dont ever let me lose it

there's something in the way you love me
just something in this moment that keeps-


by lindsey

***anything in caps is Chelsea Connor's FAVORITE lines
Like the time when spring arrives
your love, too, awaits me
with open arms
you hold me softly
and gently kiss the petals
on the flower in my hair
your eyes are beautiful as ever
and your loving heart is
shown through your touch
i want to love like this forever

TIME GROWS OLD BUT OUR LOVE
DOES NOT
AS AUTUMN'S FALL COMES BY
YOU'RE STILL HERE WITH ME
AND I THINK
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER
your lips are the color of the
faded leaves taht have
fallen to the ground
and when you kiss me i shine
like the stars that glow so bright
at twilight

LIKE WINTER'S COLD NIGHTS
WE TOO HAVE HAD OURS
but the warmth that comes
from your gentle voice
wraps me up in this beautiful
moment with you
AND THE SPARKS THAT STILL FLY
THE SECOND WE TOUCH
light up the lonely, cold nights
and get us through the fierceness
of Winter's silent wind

Just like spring and its flowers
coming through the ground
that once was covered with ice
our love has brought us through again
a new flower in my hair,
its dainty petals full in bloom
await your kisses that
have remained so sweet
and i await those kisses too
MY SMILE IS WARM AND
I FEEL MORE ALIVE THAN EVER
in your loving arms.


newest poem- by me. yay.
later - Lindsey

cake day!!!! the big 1-5....everyone watch out. she's only 5 feet, but she's 15 and can pack a mean punch. (not really) but let's pretend!!!
well I am the big 1-5 ---- TODAY!
I AM THE BIRTHDAY PRINCESS AND EVERYONE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!! yay. well i'm having too much fun to write in this journal so i'm leaving now to go party hardy. (not really) but let's pretend!!! :) i love birthdays.


birthday=cake.


nathan- 5 months. and i swear it seems like i only love you more. i am so blessed to be with someone as great as you. i don't know what my life would have been like without you in it. thank you. i love you - always...



-Lindsey

aloha to eiffel towers to you to cupcakes to llamas. this is to tyler. and tomorrow's my birthday- what?! heh i love....hmmm you can fill in the blank. thats a fun game.
let's see. this is for tyler. he is my friend. a very good friend indeed and he is going to buy me the eiffel tower and a llama to ride to his house on? and a hundred gazillion cupcake rings (whatever those are) yes he is. and our favorite word is aloha. because then you just never know. -lol- nope. not ever. love ya tyler- you're one awesome dude.




in all seriousness- thank you for always being there for me. there aren't words to thank you enough. :)


'aloha'

-Lindsey

truly happy
i finally discovered that if you stop analyzing, stop worrying, stop trying to make things go a certain way...they work out for you. or shall i say- God works them out for you. I'm realizing through my faith in him recently, that ever since I have handed my life to him, things have gone so much better. I believe that "time is just God's way of making everything not happen at once"...I really do. I have come to a place where I'm realizing what I want, without having to try every other option out also, and be content with the outcome of what I chose. I'm fine with who I am, yet am still willing to change- not who I am- but things that effect my character. I love my boyfriend, who I thank God for putting in my life. He makes things simple, when I sit there trying to find an answer, he always has the answer in the easiest way to understand. He is a Christian, and very different from most guys his age- which I love. He's willing to risk stupid reputations, and caring what people think, just for his walk with God- and that is so incredible. He keeps me on my feet, reminding me each day of what is the right thing to do; no matter how hard it might be to do the right thing at that moment. And most of all- he makes me laugh, and smile...and laugh some more. I love him; and I love the relationship we have, and how different ours is from most people our age. Also- my friends. I went through a phase where I loved the friends I had made and just wasn't willing to "let" anyone take any of their places. I met people...but didn't get close to them. (if that is understandable) But finally this year, I realized how stupid that was, and started allowing people to come into my life, and allowing myself to trust them. (Which was also a big issue I had.... trusting others.) And now I look back, and I have made so many great friends; I don't know what my freshman year would've been like without them. ... Chelsea, Heather, Gwyn, Erica (whose been there with me through it all), Rachael, Ali and Kara- all of you girls are so awesome and wonderful. I love you all, and thank you for being so good to me.

-Lindsey

this poem is for james hixon.....died 3/13/04
::Tear Stained Satin::

put the rose on the casket
but the flowers
won't heal the pain
gather together
by the empty presence
but in this goodbye
the words are lost in vain
they all wore black
and i swore i would scream
but nothing came out
just tears
the thought of your face
your hands so pale
against the satin
that will never be seen
the sweeping melodies
and floating notes
they played for you
but you'll never hear
don't leave me now
please not now
why a farewell so soon
i'm not ready
and neither are you
to carry this burden
when they bury you




the saddest part i believe was that you'll never know how many people came to your funeral....im sorry james but i couldnt stand to look at you in that casket like that...i had to break down crying- i didn't mean to make a scene- and i know you would've told me not to cry....

could it be another poem? no way! yes way. it is yet another poem. i swear im not depressed.
:: Midnight's Sleeping Silence ::
when the lights go out
the sleeping silence
is more than she can bare
quiet memories
and haunting thoughts
will not leave her head
wishes to sleep
but when she sleeps
she dreams
and is caught in a world
where only daylight
brings her back
but the darkness
lulls her into a softly weeping sleep
and she's trapped-
in a place
where no one can
save her
but the light
that sheds
upon the flower's dew
as the darkness
slowly creeps by...

little sentences- part 2
good friends are good.
i like nice friends.
patrick is mean.
all the time.
but nathan likes him.
so i guess he's okay.

good day today plus a new poem

"sixteen candles"

you sold your soul
for a pretty face
forgot your name
and lost your place
food thrown down the toilet
to lose the weight
hungry for something
you'll never taste
sadness stares back
each day from the mirror
nothing else matters
vision grows dimmer
obsessed with this sickness
that has eaten your soul
not what you wanted
yet you've lost all control
built yourself up
only to lose it all
you forogt what goes up
will eventually fall
blow out the candles
fading fast
black out after you wish
that breath was your last-

Lindsey

...this is about a girl who wanted so badly to be pretty and skinny and popular she lost sight of everything else in her life and forgot about what was truly important...she became bulimic and on her sixteenth birthday died...

random thoughts at midnight
sometimes i think that the person who loves me the most will give me wings so i can fly away...but i guess the person who truly loves me is the one who convinces me to stay. i think i'm slowly becoming unafraid of death. i guess what has scared me the most is not the dying...but the leaving. leaving everything just unfinished, mistakes unforgiven, and words unsaid. my life isn't so bad- i know i have it better than others but i can't help but sometimes want to get away from it all. a lot of times i wonder how many times can a heart be broken- isn't once the limit? if so then there's no hope of putting mine back together.. if heartaches had wings i would've soared away a long time ago -

christmas finally
wow this christmas has definitely been the best ever. i got the guitar i had wanted plus lessons and a case and strap and picks and an amp- wow that was a lot of 'ands', a new digital camera that is itty bitty- it fits in my pocket, a new cd player that is also an mp3 player, cds, dvds- both lord of the rings! and of course, clothes. i dont think i could have asked for a better christmas- and what better way to spend it than with your family? well im done talking for now... -Lindsey

"piercing pain"

remember the night
when you said the stars
shone like diamonds
as you played with my hair
and told me my eyes
glowed a different shade
of blue
as you kissed me
and told me your
secrets and asked
me new questions
about us
remember when we began
to argue when you
disagreed with the
attention i received
from others
and i told you not to
get jealous as you
screamed hateful words
at me and walked
out into the cold night
alone
can you remember
when we made up
only to argue more and
all the times you were
late to pick me up
because you were getting
stoned
and when you began to
hit me but i excused
it because you were drunk
and you threatened me
not to tell anyone
as you finished your
cigarette
do you recall the nights
i came to pick you up
from the bar
because you were to
drunk to drive yourself home
and our marriage although
new was already
falling apart
and i cried for you every night
and begged you to stop
your bad habits just to hear
you yell at me again
you dont remember the day
like i do
when you were put
in the hospital for drugs
and they asked me if you beat me
and i said no
just for you because somehow
someway i loved you
with more than i knew
and the doctor looked at
me funny as if he knew
my secret
and i left the room until
i knew he was gone
i remember the day
when we all wore black
and i mourned at
your funeral but
breathed a sigh of relief
all at once over you
and you alone
and everything you put
me through
and wished i could have
wasted my time
with someone else
that could have loved me
better.

tough stuff that makes you feel all blah inside
okay so this is how my best friend Erica describes her feelings for her boyfriend Rob:
"...I am head-over-heels; cant-sleep-at-night; cant-think-of-anyone-else; in love... everytime i see him, my heart starts to beat just a little faster.. just enough to get my stomach to tickle. then he looks at me.. ahhh. i love it..."

okay so imagine being as in love as that with a boy who doesn't express how he feels, and doesnt really call you, and doesnt know what to do in the relationship because its his first, and doesnt act like he likes you- but he really does- but it sucks because you have to keep convincing yourself of that. and oh i dont know- everyday you wish that something in him will change-even though you love EVERYTHING about him- you keep wishing for just one day that he'll kiss you instead of you him, and he'll look at you with that certain look and you'll get that feeling in your stomach, and that he'll just say something sweet, romantic- for just one day. one day. thats it. and then he could be himself and never speak another romantic word, or look at you in that loving way, or even kiss you perfectly- but you could be happy because you would have the memories of that one day, that one moment that he DID do it, and that would be enough to convince you for a life time that he felt for you as you did for him. that he actually loved you and had more to prove that he did besides the simple words, "i love you." imagine. try to imagine what that is like. when you're so in love with someone and you have nothing more than their words of "i love you" everyday to keep you going, keep you convinced that they feel as strongly for you as you do for them. it's so hard. and it keeps you confused. your brain battles with your heart and you start believing that maybe they just dont like you and the three words they utter so lifelessly and without expression everyday, just might be a lie. and that maybe they're sick of the relationship but dont want to hurt you and end it. you begin feeling like this more and mroe and soon- the happiness of just being with them is gone, and you find yourself longing for them to prove to you some other way, that they do feel for you as strongly as you feel for them. but it gets old waiting for this. and soon you're just - tired of waiting. and soon you just begin to give up- and happiness with them is no longer. imagine that.

just shut up
life isnt going so well right now...
nathan doesnt talk much
nor does he act interested.
exams next week.
frankie i miss you.
josh raney it hurts that you are gone
i miss you more than you could know.
too much going on right now.
voice concert tomorrow- very nervous.
band concert on monday night...
we sound bad.
no sleep hardly at all
in a bad mood
trying to do more than i can handle.
friends who hate each other
and im always in the middle
- without volunteering for the spot-
sigh
i'll stop complaining now
and just shut up.

Lindsey

words unspoken
this is a new poem i wrote late last night...it's dedicated to all of those out there who I've hurt...im so sorry.

Broken Pieces

this is a sorrowful apology
to all the ones who hurt from me
can not, will not sleep tonight
too many thoughts running through my head
too many words that have never been said
analyzing the truth
shredding it into lies
i hate what i love
yet love what i despise
the sound of heartbreak
will not leave my ears
the face of pain
does not escape my eyes
nor the feeling of sorrow
fade from memory
too many pages being written
and the ryhme is never real
so much ink being wasted
that cant express how i feel
my many thoughts will never be clear enough
to make this pen understand
and this paper agree
so this burden i carry stays with me
i hold the pieces of many hearts i've broken
and that will never be mended
from words unspoken.

and that's all for now. -Lindsey

the perks of being a wallflower
once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
adn his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it

once on a piece of paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all aobut
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
an dhis mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year that his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

once on a paper torn from a notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed it to her
that was the year that Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much make up
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

Thats why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

sick of thinking of a subject
okay i dont have much to say but i wrote this free verse poem a little while back and i wanna put it in here. im kinda shy when it comes to posting my personal writings but oh well. this one is entitled "evanescent"- and no i didn't name this one after the band "EvanEscence"- evanescent is actually a word. it means: tending to fade from sight, short lived; ephemeral, as to vanish--

Evanescent

he frightens me and i love it
his eyes withhold my stare
i get lost as i focus on his voice,
his words, his thoughts
spilling from his beautiful mind
and through his mouth
he makes me hate him
yet i love him all the same
i want to live inside of him
and get lost in his dreams,
his thoughts, his mind
and all that it contains
he leaves me speechless
holding onto every word
hoping the sentence won't fade
I'm evanescent to him
and yet he's everythign to me
I could never admit this though
not to a single soul
I'm so much safer trapping my
thoughts of him inside
I'm scared, afraid to lose
what we already have
I find myself hoping when we talk
it's more than just empty conversation
filled with empty words
he is so beautiful to me
yet i remain evanescent to him
--he frightens me and i love it--


yeah and thats it. its mainly just about a girl that is friends with a guy who she is in love with, and he just looks at her as nothing more than a friend and to him shes just another person in the crowd...she's evanescent to him- as in, when they're done talking, she dwells on it, and he forgets about it. anyways- that's all. peace.