let's make this short...

okay well i haven't updated in so long because i was grounded.

and because my room is a total mess.
we moved all my furniture in and now all that's left is my bed, which comes April 7th, the mattress comes Thursday though, and that's good enough. it is freaking soft.

anyways.
i have to paint my bookshelf and night stand and mirror tomorrow. i think cody is coming home with me after school to help.
orange.
yeeeaah!

my carpet is... ugly.
plainly put.
it's ugly.
it's like this purpleish blue, gray, green apartment carpet.
do you know what apartment carpet is?
well that's my carpet.
oh well.

michelle comes in 17 days!
Michelle=Liz's step sister. Pete's daughter. Lives in Chicago. 20 years old. Blonde hair. Last time I saw her I was probably 4. I am beyond excited.

thursday and friday.
i wouldn't even begin to tell you what happened.
i presume nothing.

this weekend definitely sucked a big one.

i didn't do anything, really.
i primered my bathroom.
um, that was hard work.

today i went to school, you know, it was gay.
but, oh well, that's life.
7th period-Spanish. im in it with all seniors and juniors, im the only sophomore, well, that period seniors and juniors had an assembly, soo.. i went down with them.
i sat with cody and jimmy and jimmy's girlfriend.
after that was done, sophomores and freshmen had the assembly next, soo.. i went down again.
of course i made cody come with me.
i sat with cody, shaun, mary, and brent.
shaun and cody are really funny, so it was fun.
after that i walked to the field house with mary and brent and watied til 3:00 and then i walked to the elementary school to wait for Pete to pick up Shawn.

I came home and did shit downstairs and then I went to Wal Mart with my mum.
Cody was there so we walked around, talked to Amber, and looked at magazines.

anyways.
i'm out.
i gotta check e-mail and shit.
later.

I don't talk behind no backs, I'll say it to your face

haha. anyways.
today was a very cool day.
if woohu had smiley faces, id use one with glasses.

well im in a really good mood.
and i even made a new friend today.
*smiley face goes here*

so... life's like...
more than a big love triangle.
it's like a jewish love triangle.
here's the deal. your first love. that's love, right?
okay, well. each crush and relationship after that is just a rebound, you know?
it never does get any better, but the only reason your dating is mainly because you want to get over someone. well, it's neverending.
that's why relationships suck.
...that's definitely what makes me so brilliant.
when i was 14, i was like eh, fuck relationships.
but then you know, there was that one that everyone talked me into. big mistake. that one pretty much ruined me. that was what turned me into a psychotic bitch. that was where all my jealousy came from, because before that i didn't give a fuck. anyways. that sucked. and it lasted a while too. it was fun, which was why it went so long, it's just that, in the end, that was my ruin.

then you know, i had that whole "fuck guys, im never dating anyone, and im serious this time" attitude. HA. didn't last for long.
which was cool because the next time i actually DIDNT have a relationship. it was just a totally cool friendship.. with relationship qualities. it was fun. but no real relationship. i think that's why i liked it so much. it was just one big blow-off type of a deal.

...ahahahah then. that ended, as all things do. cause you know, you just get bored. so, thats what happened there. which, again, was cool, because we were definitely better off as friends. exactly alike. similiar views on everything. opposites attract.

...um. but that ended as well. and in hate. so.. hahaha um. okay. then you know, i cant hold a grudge so, again i was like fuck it, i dont care. and the "i dont care anymore" attitude wasnt mutual, so.. there's no friendship there. haha oh well.

then you know, that whole, "no more relationship" thing stuck with me, and i was serious this time... or atleast i thought... because i actually went for so long without a boyfriend-girlfriend thing going on, and i loved that.

..which, duh, didn't last long.
psht.
haha i just don't seem to stick with things do i?
anyways, what happened here was, there was the whole hottest-kid-ever deal.
haha yeah, it was.. hm.. there's not really a word comign to mind for this one.
so, i dunno. all the while i was feeling no... again no words really coming to me.. let's say.. chemistry. as Hollywood as that sounds, that's what the problem was. just wasn't feelin it, you know?
So.. this one didn't end up in hate, but, ended up exactly how it started.
i guess it was a kinda, "i can do this" thing, where i kept saying to myself, "yeah, i can make this work".. um, obviously not. when there's nothing there. there's nothing there. just simply put.

So!! Totally cool with everything.
As always, because.. duh.. i'm cool.
*cool smiley face here again*

Not being ontop of your shit...$500
A bag of 'dro in the same cuff spot...$125
An ass-whooping...*priceless*
(Sorry I had to be interrupted with that one)

Well.. totally cool with everything? Or so I thought. Cause as things go, I don't even know what I'm thinking all the time. I am one fucked up little girl, I realize. I can not help that I am a psycho. Anyways. So I get all jealous for no reason. And I'm like, "i dont want to date you, but you cant talk to any other girls".. well, that's fucked up. id probably punch me in the face if i said that to me. and he doesnt even care. hes like "okay".. like.. im such a freaking bitch. it's like a joke or something.
anyways. so im this big bitch after he blows off all other girls that want to talk to him, and when hes finally like, "i dont think wed make it in a relationship" im like, "why not??"... i dont even understand myself.

how. lame.

anyways. so just about this time all these other guys start talking to me. and im like "woo look at me im a dumb psycho bitch and i don't know what i want".. and i talk to all of them.
dumb idea.
guys are like a game.
and i'm gonna sit this one out.

So.. Liz just walks in the house from school bawling her eyes out. She doesn't know yet. She's now trapped in the jewish triangle.
Sucks. To. Be. Her.

*smiley face*

Okay. So I'm going through this big Beatles craze right now.
So lame.
I'm like obsessed. I listen to them all day, everyday.

G-A-Y.

It's my pal's birthday tomorrow.
*wishes buddy a happy birthday*
Last year he got play-doh.
This year he gets nothing.
Haha, well. Maybe when I get money I'll find him something nice, cause he's so easy to shop for.

*cough cough cough*
i hate being sick, *sad face*

um okay.
it feels like it's been forever.
i typed yesterday but it got fucked up.

this weekend.
i was supposed to go to Battle of the Bands, but i don't know what happened with all that.
oh well.
i was braiding Liz and Ashley's hair and Aaron and Cody came to my house and told me to come to the mall with them.
So I went to the mall with them.
Instead of going home we went back to Cody's and Boo was supposed to take me home, but.. he never GOT home.
With that, I called Pete and told him to pick me up and he told me to sleep there.
So.. I made a comfy bed on the floor and slept there.

On Saturday we woke up and walked to Cody's grandma's house and then to someone-who-i-don't-know's house.
The lady whose house we were at, Terry, took us to Eric's house.
Josh, Eric, Larry, Rick, and Brian were there.
So.. I sat in the corner of the couch, got all comfy with a bunch of pillows between Rick and Brian and us three drew a war.
It was a wonderful war.
Haha, I'm not joking, it was the best picture ever. It's hanging in Rick's locker if you don't believe me.
...it started out with Rick drawing this deformed, evil-looking bunny. Then Brian drew a guy with a midget head and a sword. Then Rick drew a monster shooting that guy. I drew a monster, people-eating frog. Then from there, we just each drew our own styled characters eating everyone else.
me=animals, rick=monsters, brian=military
...it was the best picture. haha. then eric came over and decided to draw. this kinda upset us, but it was cool cause he drew some space things instead of taking the stlye of one of our armies.
...it all ended when Brian drew an A-Bomb.

So. I sat there and watched everyone get drunk.
And Cody, shut the fuck up, you piss me off, I wasn't fucknig high. I think I would know if I was high.. especially more than you, so shut the fuck up.

Anyways.
At one point, it was really funny because Cody was sitting on the other side of Rick and Larry was sitting across the coffee table in a chair, and we were all watching TV. There was a moment of silence, when, all of a sudden, Cody leaped over the coffee table and tackled Larry to the floor.
We all laughed, ha ha ha, but then I beat Cody with a shovel.

Hahah, no no, that's not how it happened.
First he pissed me off, then I just hit him over the head a couple times with a shovel.
He makes me so mad. You wouldn't even believe how bad that kid loves to piss me the fuck off.

But anyways.
Brian and Rick left.
I made the stupid drunk boys sandwiches and cleaned up.
Terry picked us up. Dropped Larry off, dropped Eric off and drove me Josh and Cody to Cody's house.
We didn't go in Cody's house, but we walked to Aaron's.
I don't know what was up with that.
Me and Cody, of course, got in a fight on the way there.
Me, Josh, and Aaron smoked and I wasn't high no matter what Cody said.
#1. I barely smoked.
#2. I think I would know what I'm like when I'm high
#3. I would steal soup any other day so shut the fuck up
#4. I was not running you into the middle of the road. I wouldn't do that even if I was high, fuck you.
#5. I didn't MEAN to hit your phone out of your hand, don't be an asshole about it.

So. Anyways.
Moral of the story: Cody is an asshole.

So. I went home after that and then Sunday, I don't recall doing anything.
I think I had another psycho breakdown.

Today
School was fucking gay.
TClurry picked me up early and we went to the mall.
How about, gay Mrs. Shusta took my fucking cell phone and I was neither talking on it nor in her class with it... I was going to lunch.
...Haha! Oh! And also.. I was walking to the office when I was about to go home, and some teacher lady stops me:
Lady-"pass?"
Me-"I'm going to the office"
Lady-"pass?"
Me-"I got called down to the office..."
...i jsut walked away...
So.. I go down to the office and Tracy's there and I don't see my phone. So.. I had to go down Mrs. Shusta's and get it from her cause she never handed it in.
*the same lady from the hall was standing there again*
Lady-"i thought you were going to the office"
Me-"um i did, this is my sister"
lady looks at me like.. so??
Tracy-"um, she has to go get her phone. From Shusta"
lady looks at me like.. so??
Me-"so.. i have to go get it..."
we just walked past her
...so we get to Mrs. Shusta's room, and I open the door, walk in and ask her where my phone is...
Shusta-"i didnt turn it into the office yet"
Me-"well give it to me"
Shusta-"wait til the end of the day"
Me-"but im leaving now"
Shusta-"the end of the day"
Me-"I'm leaving NOW..."
Shusta-"who says?
Me-"my sister"
she looks at me like im a fucking moron
*...so i go out into the hall and drag tracy in...*
Me-"this is my sister. im leaving now. hand over my phone Shusta"
Shusta-"its on my desk"

...do they all have to make everything that difficult.
i hate that fucking school.
Damn.

Anyways, so we're all at the mall.
Pete calls and FLIPS OUT.
Oops.
He tells me to give the phone to Tracy and he's screaming at her.
Not like it's a big deal. She's my sister. We went to the mall.
I went home and painted my room with Pete.
Um. It's bright.
I mean bright.
Really.. really.. bright.

Anyways. That's all for today.
Later.

i am heaven sent. don't you dare forget.
oh damnit.
i just typed a whole journal entry and it got fucked up.
I accidentally closed the box without thinking.
I'm so fucking dumb.
damnit.

i didn't even finish that last journal entry becuase I left and didn't come back til just an hour ago.

I'll type later.
peace.

you're no elvis.

Well yesterday... i went to school and then at the end of the day Jess and Russ were like, "ohh come home with us!!".. so that's what i was about to do, til Jess decided she was gonna stay with Cowen.

So.. Jess stayed at school with Cowen after his hearing (poor boys, i hope none of them get expelled), and i went home with ludwick and nick.
Me, Russ, and Nick had a great ride home.
Hahaha. We sat in front of sarah's house having a "ten minute bullshit hour"-haha.

Me and Sluddy chilled all day.

Oh my gosh, listen to this.
So I'm sitting at Sarah's, laying on her bed, just, messin around, playing with her head board, tracing the wood grain.
I was falling asleep.
Cody calls and i was like, "um. im falling asleep..."
::killer voice::-"What's your favorite scary movie"
-"I like the one where the girl gets killed by that guy wearing the halloween mask."
-"Where are you at tonight?"
-"My friend's"
-"What room are you in?"
-"Um, I'm in them all."
-(still in a killer voice)"I'm in the house, what room are you in?"
-"Okay, whatever. If you were in the house, you'd know what room I was in"
-"That's right. I can see you"
-"HA! Okay, what am I doing?"
-"Playing with Sarah's headboard"
.at this point I jump up and across the room.
...What a fucking idiot, he was watching me from outside...
How. Dumb.

I got McDonald's. Plain McChicken with cheese and soem fries. Cody tried taking my food a couple times, but I punched him in the face and ran. I tried to keep my distace, but he is fast. He is also, so embarassing. We were walking with these kids, and even though

Breathing is the only thing I have left to keep me alive
And you even took that away the first time I saw you

School.
Nothin special.
I did, however, go over Mary's house after school.
We cleaned.
Chilled.
Ate... duuuuh.

i'm feelin' nervous, tryin' to be so perfect... cause i know you're worth it

well yesterday i did about nothing.
school was crazy.
my mom gave me prescribed cough medicine, but i svaed it for before school and i didn't think it was even gonna work, because i only drank a little bit, and then first period it hit me.

yuck.
i thought i told you to remind me how bad i hate cough syrup??
i definitely wasn't as fucked up as last time, because i definitely did not drink no three bottles, but still, i was fucked up.
it made me kinda sick, but nothing i couldn't handle.
i dont really remember too much else.

...came home and tried to take a nap but people kept calling, *mad face*
and then when i finally fell asleep pete came in and woke me up, *double mad face*
i went to wal mart and then lowe's with my mom.
we bought textured paint for my ceiling and picked out paint samples.

umm i went to sleep about 1:00am.
that's pretty much it though.

.today.
i went to school and came home.
nothing special.

.the funny things of the day.
#1*Me and Kelli in Math*
-Haha we were acting like Mad TV, when they make fun of Jenny Jones and theyre all chipper and the lady's like,
"Haha! Yeah!! Yeah!! I'm your mom! Haha! No! Not really! Haha! But she is on the show! Haha! Yeah! Your mom's here!"
..haha it sure had us cracking up like all day.

#2.
Well, i think you may all knwo the annoying kid Bryan that's in my art class/club.
I hate him.
I don't think noone even fully understands the extent of my hatred towards that kid except Justin Cowen.
He heard how bad I hated him everyday for about 5 months.
Oh, and Rachel Kuskie's getting close to the point where she well understands.
Anyways, in art class, 4th period, it was like this:
*Bryan sat there and ~Justin Morgan this, Justin Morgan that~*
Me-"wow, it sounds like a pretty serious relationship"
*everyone laughs*
::we all make smart remarks about Bryan bein gay and this and that, and Bryan threatens to stab me with his carving knife...::
Rachel-"is that a threat?"
Bryan-"no, its just a good idea"
Me-"haha Geez! I am scared of you Bryan"
Rachel-"you're homophobic??"
*everyone cracks up*

#3.
*me and racquel are in biology*
Racquel-"are you a lesbian??"
Me*confused*-"no. what??"
Racquel-"well, why do you like Jessica Alba and Britney Spears so much?"
Me-"um i dont know racquel i just like them"
Racquel-"yeah.. i mean, i know, but.. why?"
Me-"i just like them!"
Racquel-"do you like them like them or just like them"
Me-"um. are you beign serious??"
..haha how weird she is..
*a little bit later*
~Racquel started to brush my hair.
She brushed all my hair over my face and discovered how amazingly close it was to looking liek the back of my head.
So... we put my hoodie on backwards, and brushed my hair over my face.
She drew a face on the back of my neck
I walked down the hall like that.
She is such a weirdo.

#4.
Okay so this is pertaining to #3.
*Picture This: Spanish class.*
Bobby sits in the seat by the door, I sit in the second row next to him.
Joelle sits behind Bobby, with Megan behind her.
Katie sits behind me, with Alan behind him.
*So.. we were all sitting there and Katie started to like, brush my hair, well, noticing something behind my hair, she pulled it up, away from my neck to reveal...
*dun dun duuunnn...*
THE FACE ON THE BACK OF MY NECK
Now, just imagine what she was thinking.
"What the...?!?!"-Katie.
*everyone is cracking up*
I really didn't have a chance to explain, I mean, I didn't know what to say.. it was like "Racquel did that!"
--"uuuh huh..."
hahahaha

#5.
Hahaha Mary got kicked out of 8th period for no reason.

#6.
So i'm on the internet..
Not really talking to anyone but Josh.
All of a sudden..
Chelsea IMs me with a list of Spanish prefixes. I was liek what the hell???
Hahaha. Chelsea, you're an idiot. *smiley face**kiss face*

Okay, I think Aaron is on his way to pick me up sooo.. I have to go get dressed, I'll catch ya on the flip side...

Tricks of the Trade...

Drinking cough medicine is okay.... if you follow the rules:
Rule #1. Don't drink down 3 bottles at once.
Rule #2. Chase with Kiwi~Strawberry Twister.
Rule #3. Not before bed, unless you don't have school the next day.
Rule #4. You must never eat 12 cups of velveeta noodles while intoxicated.

Good News...
Woohu.com is going strong!
However, all this talk about it getting deleted really gave me a scare.
Since I don't have a job, there is only one thing I can really do to contribute.
That's to start a woohu.com collection cup.
At the end of each day, I'm putting all the change I find into this cup I have set aside. Never ommitting any change AT ALL. At the end of each month, I'm going to wrap the coins and cash them in, mailing the cash to Andy.

...isnt that a good idea?... Sorry I can't help out any more than that. But I love woohu.. soo i'll do my best...

total organized update...

okay i think i have a lot to say this time... we'll make this organized...

#1. Is Woohu Gone?
well last night i talked to andy, and he's really thinking about deleting woohu...
if you want to know the story click here. and read that post. it's a really serious thing because i love my journal and i love this site. i told him we're like family and he just can't do this, but if he does, it is understandable because it's a lot of work for him, and really selfish of us to not cut him a break. id pay each month to stay on this site.. i really would.

#2. Late Night Conversations
Well.
I talked to Jessica last night for HOURS. We were up til like 6:00am, and we both had to get up early for church. It's just that, I love the girl, and I really want to help her out as much as I can.
And as for Cowen.. i don't hold grudges. I don't like the kid anymore, I don't see us ever having a relationship again in the future, so I don't really see why we would hate eachother.
As for him despising me, I don't think there's any reason to. You know? I don't do anything to him. Mind my own business, and although he might think when I talk to Jessica I am sitting there trying to ruin everything for him, I really actually try to help her out the best I can, and give her my best advice. I'm really not that immature to be selfish and dumb like that...
Him blocking me... was totally random. I mean, at the time of his doing of that, I hadn't even made an attempt to talk to him for over a month. It was liek, one day he just decided he didn't want to look at my name anymore on his list. haha that's hate.

#3. MINE!
Haha, Okay, if you would look back through this journal and see how long I knew about The Postal Service, you'd be surprised. It was actually Justin Marish. He always finds everything first, and in this case, he told me to download a couple songs. Yeah they were good, if you were into that kinda music, which I was. So yeah, i listen to them nonstop. Constantly, without exaggeration. They're one of my favorites. And now, I'm always seeing them in infos and away messages, and hearing them playing in stores at the mall. I guess I'm glad I got to have my own special time with them before they became a fad.

#4. Boys
Well, actually, I just typed a big thing to Cowen about basically what I said up there. I told him if he actually does hate me that much, I'll respect that. Yadda yadda yadda...
Me and Josh.. i don't know what's going on. I'm not into relationships, really, most of you may know that. But I think we're just going to take it slow and not rush into things.

#5. My Weekend..
I went home with Mary on Friday and me her and Brent just chilled. Hung out.
Me and Brent watched this totally weird movie, Deep Rising, and it was soo disgusting.
Saturday...we hung out all day, and then towards the night we, as well as Crystal went to the mall. It was so much fun. Crytal bought me a new charm bracelet that looks like a belt.. and a garbage can for my room.. haha it's so cute. it says French Fries.. haha.

Today.. i didn't do much of anythign yet. Probably won't do anything either. Maybe work on my room.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure that might be it for now.. later on

okay listen.. i have a lot to write about and everything, but i think im gonna call jess right now, so i can't be carrying on a conversation and typing in my woohu, it jsut doesn't work like that, soo.. i'll be right back..

we'll start talking again and you can tell me how vile i already know i am...

ha. it's friday morning.
last night i said to josh, "it feels like i havent been in school forever", and he said, "you havent"

...as for that subject, i don't know what me and him are right now.
i don't know whether he knows or not.
it's all a confusing subject, i guess.
josh, if you're reading this, and you think you have a clue what's going on, let me know.. cause i'd like to know.
and also josh, if you're reading this, you can know (as well as everyone else who loves to know about my life that they read this religiously) that i like you a lot. i hope you know. everytime i talk to you i like you more. i jsut don't know how you feel or what you think.

you are second hand smoke.

i'm downloading so much music.
i feel like.. i dont even know.
a music master...
...
hahhahahaha.. what the fuck?

*~::~*~::~*~::~*~::~*~::~*~::~*~::~*~::~*

that reminds me, yesterday pete flipped out like 5438957348 times.
it was hilarious.
liz is ungrounded today
~well she would be except for the fact she was regrounded at like 11:00 last night.

wow.
it's 1:00 in the morning, and i have to wake up for school at 5am.
i am so badass.
(this is where i would throw in a *cool* smiley)
...damn, woohu really is screamin for some smileys...
...what do you think??

okay, i think this entry is entertaining enough...
im done.

some rules are made with all intentions to break

Wow.
I Just got invited into a chat and accepted, naturally, to check out who the hell these people were that were inviting me into some random chat.
They were from Bethel Park.
...and SO mean... i'm definitely screaming hurt feelings.
I mean, they invited me, and then they sat there yelling at me to get out of their chat, when i so totally wasn't even saying anything to them at all, i was just totally clueless as to who they were.

wow.
how totally fuckign rude.
geez.

anyways..
woohu.com hasn't been working all that well. i think andy's trying to fix the server or switch something around. i'm not sure. but it's not working. im hurt.

i've been listening to brand new all day.
i kinda feel addicted, you know?

aside from 'lisa3019', i have been signed on as 'FourTwntyChimera' today. this screenname is so catchy, it's really growing on me, although i'm not quite sure about taking the next step and replacing 'lisa3019'...we're just too close.

so me and jessica had liek the biggest talk today.
again.
we have big talks frequently.
Dedicated to Jess:
(with some of my own infractions)
i wanna tap your ass...kapow!
i wish you were on top of me right now
but i cant, because youre justin cowen's bitch
i have poison ivy on my ass and boy does it itch

when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am

Email Adresses:
lisamariemeehan@hotmail.com
lisameehan22@aol.com
lisameehan@dazedandconfused.com

Screennames:
lisa3019*
lisameehan22
a3brand0new1me9
euphoricbliss420
FourTwntyChimera
SoCondescending9
Utopian xDreams9
fabricatd truth
ConceivedBlunder

do any of these make better email addresses?:
lisameehan@phayze.com
lisameehan@beenhad.com
lisameehan@crazedanddazed.com
lisameehan@crazysexycool.com

this is a lesson in procrastination...

well this weekend i was with mary and brent the whole time.. cause why? cause theyre my absolute favorites.. haha..

if i could i would shrink myself
sink through your skin to your blood cells
remove whatever makes you hurt
but i am too weak to be your cure

on friday night, frank dropped me off at jenna's, and mary and brent off at brent's house..
i sure did miss jenna...
me, brandon, jenna, adam, jenn, and jared layed around and watched TV and ate chips and stuff and then brandon and adam went home and me and jenna got ready to go bowling...
we picked adam and brandon up and went bowling!
~mardi gras~
...my sister got all these beads and she gave them to me and i gave them to jenna...

i slept like all weekend haha.

sunday.. i was at justin's ALL day.
haha yes. we smoked a blunt and watched School of Rock (by the way that movie so sucked) with John Mike.
well i got beat up and i also got mountain dew spilled all over me.... how nice.
luckily, i had a shirt over justin's and i wore that.
later, becker came over and i drove aroudn with all of them.. then we came back and my mom picked me up.. this was after i got the "smoking pot while driving in a car" talk.. dont worry mum, i got it all under control...
..haha, kinda...

anyways, after that i fell asleep.. school on monday SUCKED. i wanted to leave but i couldnt.
school on tuesday SUCKED EVEN WORSE.
i hate how things work.
especially because i didnt even do anything, i dont know what people think but OKAY. and i guess it doesn't look good on my part but im just not like that, and what upsets me the MOST is that.. i dont want people to think i am like that... you know?
...but anyways, i just hope things turn out better than they are i guess.
considering i did lose a friend for someone i really like... really like.

um.. i didn't go to school today and i slept ALL DAY yesterday. i slept all through the night.. minus the time i woke up because of a really scary dream and couldnt fall back asleep because of this terrible cough.

i slept all through the day today til my mom woke me up to dye her hair.

this is what i wrote down when i woke up in the middle of the night: (p.s. feel free to scroll through all this...)
mood: sick. sleeping all day
music: punchline - action CD on repeat
March 9, 2004
I went to bed and dreamed...
(More or Less...)My friends were all gathered in a building, in different rooms, figurign out rides to Laga to see a A Week in July show.. Jen Cowen told me she wasn't going because she said she hates awij.
noone else would give me a ride, either because there were too many people or that whole type of deal.. i felt so hurt and screwed over.
i had to walk home in the dark, and see if my mom could give me a ride to the show.. i had to crawl under buildings and through scary alleyways.
out of nowhere i see Justin Brumley. So.. he walked with me to his sister's house in Fayette City. (in reality, i dont have a clue where his sister lives or anything.. but in my dream world, thats where we were going) i was goign to walk to bubber's house, because that was basically the only place i could go.
it started to snow really bad and everything was freezing. i didnt have a coat on so, of course, walking to bub's house was out of the question.
i called my mom to see if she could pick me up and she said she couldnt because she didnt have a car. again i was stuck.
anwyays, obviously i got home, but im not sure that i remember HOW i got home.
i remember that i walked in my house whcih was surrounded with police cars, to see my mom laying on the ground in the kitchen. she was dead. it was the most horrible thing ive ever seen, dream or not. she was shot in the head... her face was exploded all over the room in an awful scene. people were gathered all around. i didnt know how to react. i jsut stood there screaming.

..i woke up in a panic, crying really bad ebcause it seemed so real. i cried myself to sleep and went back into a dream..

in this dream, i was so happy, i was sitting in a car, driving, with a girl, my friend but i have no clue who she was, was sitting in the passenger seat, we were driving, passing something weird.. people, in cheerleading-like mounds, kind of making a ribbon up against the sky.. dont ask how that got into my head.. i cant even explain how weird and pretty it was...
.. then all of a sudden, as if i was watching it from another view, i saw a huge bug crawl down my back. my friend screamed. i swerved. then i woek up...

on the back of the paper.. i wrote...

"I jsut remember. Also...
In the dream hat my mom died, the next day, i was eating chickem and realized it was made from a dead chicken (duh). it really freaked me out to be eating a dead, cooked corpse. i threw up.
P.S.
I am also so jumpy. i turned the light on because i am scared someone is in my house and they're goign to kill me. i cant seem to make myself see how ridiculous these thoguths are. i waant to sleep with my mom because i misss her and i ahd an awful dream that she was dead, but i cant because pete is in there. it's 4am, and i am making a journal listening to Punchline. but i know if i don't, ill forget it all in the morning. i cant stop coughing and i cant fall asleep. everything feels like a dream, i cant tell whether my dreams are really happening or not. this is way weird..."

anyways, i hate being sick because everything puts me in a panic. everything feels sooo weird.

i guess im done here... later

i could really go for a sandwich right now, and a twice baked potatoe.. you know the best food cravings are when you're on youre period high.. plus i eat a lot anyways haha....
first, i want to start off by saying.. hey, thanks for the opinions, really guys.. i appreciate it... if anyone else wants to help at all, pick one of these:
lisameehan@phayze.com
lisameehan@dazedandconfused.com
lisameehan@beenhad.com
lisameehan@crazedanddazed.com
lisameehan@crazysexycool.com
...just click "Give a Quick KiSS" and paste it in there... you dont have to write your real name, you can just click Annonymous...

lisameehan@dazedandconfused.com was chosen by two... noone picked anything else...

yesterday: i went home with ashley merella and then we went with jeremy and alan to get jeremys guitar fixed and then we ate gyros and got ready and went to the vfw... that was cool... summer aura did such an excellent job... and fatal cure's little guitar player is like amazing haha...
then i went home..
friday: i went home after school becayse i was supposed to do something with josh.. nicole called me, asked me what i was gonna do, she said she jsut walked out of work, so she picked me up and we drove around, we went to shop n save and then we went to mary's house and chilled there for a little bit then nicole left and josh picked me up there with josh green...
we went and picked ashley jeney up..
...me and ashley pretty much told stories of when we were little the whole time...
...we went to josh green's house and smoked and watched The Leprachaun in the Hood.. that movie is hilarious, we laughed our asses off the whole entire time...
then jsoh took me and ashley home and here i am...

wow. tonight was pretty crazy. it's cool though i had fun, and it was definitely crazy hanging out with ashley jeney.. haha...

well im done... peace out..

i love what you do
heyyyy guys.. haha.. hmm

blatant proof: your lips touching mine in the photo booth

well, since i last wrote, on sunday that was... i sat there and fought with ludwick and then um i went to josh's.. (this is where i need the smiley faces, cause right here id use a big dumb happy one, haha)
...okay my boyfriend is liek the nicest kid ever, just to let you all know, hes probably better than yours.. haha no really, hes not like the typical assholes i usually date..

haha and today is his birthday.. haha yay..

um yeah anyways, so sunday i went over josh's and we watched tv aaaaall day.. adam sandler movies haha.. then we went to port royal and he took me back to tracy's

noone was home at tracy's all day so i was pretty much alone, even when josh took me back, all the lights were out, and since noones ever downstairs i didnt even see anyone. they must have been sleeping or something. i got a bunch of food to eat and fell asleep watching mtv...

monday i went to school. no big deal.

tuesday i went to school, again.. no big deal.

today i went to school. no first period for me. i was sitting in the abthroom doing homework when in walks sarah ludwick. she couldnt see me because i was sitting in one of the stalls, but she came in and picked a big wedgie and adjusted herself pretty well.. it was funny so i let out a big laugh. sarah stopped, startled. it was hilarious. "sarah..," i said. she must have not heard me, so i said, "do you ever go to class?" she looked around at the ceiling and the walls as if she was hearing voices. it was so totally hilarious. i swung the door open, and she turned around to see me sitting in a stall, on a toilet, with a book in my lap doing homework. her-"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" me-(as if everyone does it)"um homework" her-"YOU'RE SO WEIRD" me-"um okay" haha then she was like, "are you in your 'fuck first period' mood again?" she asked me. "...yeah pretty much..." i replied. "wanna go to my class with me?" she asked. me-"um, can i?"... sarah-"sure"

...^so i went to first period with sarah and stood outside the door while she asked rood if it was okay that i came in..
sarah-"she has a study hall this period"
rood-"oh really? with who??"
sarah-"umm uhh uh i think finley..."
rood-"oh! great! then why dont you go join her?"
sarah-"uh um uhhh sure!!"
..hahahaha sooo uh yeah we ended up sitting on the steps the rest of the period, eventually mary came and joined us.

second period, i was awfully TORTURED. it was horrible. justin marish, i hate you. he punched me in the head, broke my pencil after throwing across the room several times, slapped me in the face, and oh it was terrible.
...the rest of the day went on like that...
~i was walking to seventh period with josh (when he finally came to school) and justin ran around the corner and hit into me and then smacked me in the face (*sad face*)... walking to eighth period he punched me as hard as he could in my back right in my kidney. i couldnt breathe. it was like, sarah-"why didnt you hit him back?! if i were him i wouldve punched him in the face"...me-"um sar, the only thing i could do was walk, i couldnt even lift my arms"... and thats soo true, he really knocked the wind out of me, i didnt even see him behind me. grr.
...ill get him tomorrow.

so um.. heyyy josh stole me a pencil from work.. not just any pencil.. a really nice one.. and green cause thats my favorite color. haha yay.

my hair was pretty.. hm.. funky.. today.. haha.. it was all criss-crossed at the top on my part. it was pretty easy to do but it looked difficult. it was lame becuase i had to take a shower in the morning, so my hair was kinda all frizzy but oh well.. awww i lvoe lindsay mcmasters... she told me like 5 times how nice my hair looked and she even said it was like a model.. shes so cute.. haha

haha i soo failed this world cultures quiz, but thats okay because i know jen must have to.. i mean, she did have more answers than me, but we both only did like half of a page on teh study guide and we used them for the quiz, so both of us only had like 8 right answers out of 40.

haha oh well.

me and my mom went *house hunting* today. it is pretty much an excuse for us to get lost. haha. me and my mom looove driving arouind and getting lost. its like, "hey lis, wehre are we?" me-"uhh i dunno mum, take a right here"... or.. mummy-"haha heyyy THIS looks like a windy fun road!".. haha, so yeah, we have fun.. and after we ran out of gas we went to shop n save... and then we saw nicole josh and chelsea... haha how cute.. i laa 'em...

anyways, my eye is all watering and stuff and its 20 after 12.. and well, i have to take a shower and then go to bed to wkae up for school. (haha see? right here is where id put the "yikes" face.. haha).. soo um i have to go.. but first, i gotta ask you..

will someone please help me out a little?!? i am so stuck on one of these email addresses, and i really need one bad...
...Pick one:
lisameehan@phayze.com
lisameehan@dazedandconfused.com
lisameehan@beenhad.com
lisameehan@crazedanddazed.com
lisameehan@crazysexycool.com
...whatever one you want, leave a "kiss" and paste it in there or whatever. im in need of some desperate help!!! PLEASE!!!! you dont even have to put your name, just check annonymous, i dont care, i just need to make a decision and i cant... (i hate making desicions)

haha well gee thanks guys, way to remind me that i need a major update. haha

i think AOL should get a couple new smileys, don't you?? we need the "sick" smiley, and we need the "frustrated" one... i would say we need a "thinking" smiley, but everyone is always using that "undecided" face for that type of deal...
...jsut thought id add that in today haha

i really cant remember the days i didnt write... i am pretty sure i missed school wednesday and thursday...
i went to school on friday.. nicole, mary, tim, mike, and nick came and picked me up.. we were a little late but it's cool.. walking to first period i was just like, "fuck first period".. so i skipped and went to first period in mr. rood's room and had a pretty cool time...
...i went to fifth period for a couple seconds, told mrs. kozel i was going to the nurses and never came back (although the nurse wasnt in that day)... i walked out the doors on the side and met nicole by her car.. me her and josh went to shop n save for nicoles interview, then drove around, then dropped josh off becuase he said he didnt wanna go back to school...
me and nicole went back after eating her pothead packed lunch, and she let me in the side doors and i went to lunch..
the rest of the day was pretty much a big blur to me..
nicole dropped me and mary off at mary's, i rode all the way home laying on the boy's laps in the back... and you couldnt even see me.. haha it was sooo comfy, suprisingly, i fell asleep haha..
me and mary went for a ride on her dirtbike and got something on it fixed by crystal's dad.. crystal was making french fries, so you know i had to eat some of those... haha

we went back to her house and then nicole came to pick me upo and we went to the VFW after going to nicole bakosh's house and picking her up, and then picking john mike up and taking him home... we drove around charleroi for a little bit and then went in the VFW a couple times
..mary got there so we drove around with her and then went back in the VFW, me nicole and nicole left and went to mcdonalds in belle vernon, but accidentally left mary in charleroi (i knew there was something wrong with her not being with us, haha geez)..
so then i slept over mary's house that night and chilled with her during saturday

on saturday, my mom came and picekd me up and i went to a dinner thing with her at church, we sat in the corner by ourselves and ate soo much haha...
after that we went to pick ludwick up because she said she wanted to go over tracy's like all week.. so i told ehr we could..
yes, i screwed over all other plans to hang out at my sister's with sarah...
so anyways, i call sarah on the way there and tell her im by wal*mart, she tells me to "hold on a second", puts me on hold for a little bit and then hangs up.. so by this time we're at her house, i go up to the door, knock on it and her dad says she left already.. okay.. right...
so meanwhile, my mom doesn't have any fucking gas or gas money because there's a lot of problems in my family right now and she was nice enough to drive all the way out to belle vernon to pick sarah up to take us to my sister's house..
so okay, i call sarah and tell her i stopped at her house and asked her where she was, she said she is sleeping over hoss's house, but she doesnt wanna be there.. too fucking bad.. she could've told me she wasnt going to be there when i called her and told her i was on my way, insteading wasting the gas my mom barely has.. thats cool though.. fuck it, what the fuck ever...

um so anyways, i woke up this morning and here i am.. haha, im about to go get ready for the day.. peace

everybody had their day when things just seem to go their way.. anything is possible, no matter how incredible
well today i went to school.. nothin new.. it was just school

came in late, skipped first period..

haha it was a little fun going to 7th period because me and leah put some random lock on my locker to stall for some time and ran around the school haha..

eighth period um, sat and talked to jay pretty much the whole time.. mary a little bit too..

then i missed my bus because i didnt feel liek taking it and because i was standing with josh..
evan told me he had to stay til 4 to wait for jill's driver's ed class to be over, and asked me to keep him company becuase it was soo boring, so thats what i did...
i ate chinese food with danica and then when my mom came to pick me up i threw up (as well as she) because there was a jap hair in my noodle... ugh... how disgusting...

anyways, i came home and went to sleep, got up and went on the internet, i talked on there for a while and talked to josh.. hmm yeah me and him are actually really together now as of today... and um, i love sarah ludwick.. okay.. im done...

baby, you'll be the reason why...
okay well this weekend was so totally burnt out.. haha...

um friday i went to school with nicole and then stayed for detention with her.. i went to her house after dropping people off..
...we watched her little brother and little sister... got some pizza.. you know

and you know what? i remember that we went out that night, but i cant remember what we did.. we drove around for a long ass time... we got a lot of food.. some fucking disgusting subs, or no, as i put it before that josh thought was so funny: "we wanted them hot with the cheese melted, and you know what? well they weren't hot! and the cheese wasn't melted..." in fact, the meat had green stuff on it, and it was disgusting...

we went to some kid's house, i cant remember his name.. i think it was dean.. i was kinda out of it, so i sat there and stared into space the whole time.. they all kept making fun of why i wasnt talking, but actually, everytime i opened my mouth to say something, i felt liek none of my words were making sense, so i gave up

i drank, but only a little bit, i was sick from those sandwiches.. and plus it was FREEZING... me and nicole went in and sat on the couches.. i was like passing out i was so tired...

i woke back up when everyone came in and staretd talking, then me and um.. adam bell?.. yeah thats his name.. sat there and made fun of this jim kid for eating soup.. now dont get me wrong, we werent actually making fun of him because he was eating... no, it was how he was eating.... he'd scoop a big huge clump of nooodles on his fork and then he would quick, shove it into his mouth, bringing the cup up to his face... it was pretty funny...

saturday morning nicole woke me up and i forgot where i was, all i knew was i did NOT want to get up, in fact, i was sleeping on this big huge comfy couch with all these pillows and blankets, and although i didnt remember going to sleep, or who put the blankets and pillows on me, all i knew was, i didnt mind at all...

me and nicole went to dunk'n'donuts and got some bagels and some coffee... and then she dropped me off

i came home and passed the fuck out, i was tired!... then sarah or josh, i cant remember, called and woke me up and i talked on the phone, i pretty much slept all day, and i was going to do something with josh but um his car broke haha.. yeah...

soo.. on sunday morning, josh called and i woke up at like 10... or maybe it was sarah that woke me up, but josh caleld anyways.. so um, i went with josh and brian, drove around, dropped brian off, then went to josh's house..
we helped his little brother with homework and then nicole picked us up with josh green..
we drove around for a long time.. we went to duquesne, and to clairton and stuff, haha and actually, all we did there was go to a gas station so me and nicole could get crackers and a drink...

me and josh went back to his house and noone was there so we watched tv and then we watched Uptown Girls.. haha that was a good movie, i cant really remember actually what happened in it, i just remember it was kinda sad and it was about a snobby little girl that deserved to be smacked...

then we went to port royal and chilled there for a couple hours until liek 11, and then he took me home...

p.s. haha- i got flowers and they wont even die.

um, yeah i went right to sleep after looking at free phones with my mom because i didnt really knwo what was going on, all i knew was i had to go to sleep...


i woke up this morning feeling as if i had slept a half hour even though i was in some deep sleep..
nicole mary and mike picked me up and we went to school which was gay except.. you know, there's some benefits... ::..sigh..:: haha, who said i wasnt allowed to be a dork?? geez...

um.. i came home from school and took a nap, nothign too exciting, sarah called and we made fun of christina (cant wait to do it again tomorrow guys) because she is just one fucked up little girl and she was playing with a voice changer...

i talked to josh on the phone the rest of the night, and now im going to bed because it's 12:37, which would make today TUESDAY, but let's pretend it's monday for sake of less confusion... okay im out.. i have to take a shower tomorrow morning, good night...