lisalion816
|
::
2004 22 April :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: depressed
I dont understand guys at all. That whole species is a complete mystery to me. Chris and sam are all touchy feely in fith and sixth period and if i go near him he spazes out and says "no touchy" and im getting the vibe of "eeww, go away, u disgust me."
The thing is, sam has a boyfriend and was telling me how she doesn't like it when he does these flirty things but she flirts back anyway. I dont get it! Im not going to admit that i like him nor tell that i don't. Honestly im just a little jealous since she gets all of her attention and im left out in the cold. Am i really that bad? They walk around the hall with their arms around eachothers waist and now hes wondering why i feel left out. He doesn't see that hes doing anything out of the ordinary. He wasn't like this before brad told him and sam that i liked him and sam keeps asking him if he likes me and its all very confusing and now hes all standoffish.
And people wonder why im depressed.
Honestlly people.
Guys are just problem causers who make u depressed one way or another.
Im leaving here at 5 to go to XFEST! im so excited. Jules and i are going so it will be a ton of fun! ok
later
1 comment |
leave comment
|
Rina
|
::
2004 21 April :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: hyper//ecstatic
HOLY FREAKING MOTHER OF COWS.
i heart the WB. you have no idea.
3 comment |
leave comment
|
|
Rina
|
::
2004 21 April :: 2.52pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: brand new colony
run away for this place is no longer stable
i am so tired. of everything.
i am tired of tying on little bells to my feet and dancing for everyone. they expect me to be so happy all the time. its just way too hard for me right now.
besides that, im sure everyone already knows that i am getting glasses. and that they are rectangular. no, they are not "emo" glasses. and you can keep your stereotyping to yourself. i know it can be hard though.
i had my prism concert yesterday. no big. i played when they told me to. that was the extent of my excitement.
off to do schoolwork.
4 comment |
leave comment
|
|
lisalion816
|
::
2004 20 April :: 10.43pm
:: Mood: tired
Heres the new look for my journal....i like it and i dont care what you think! muha ha ha ha...ok whatever. Im going to bed and perhaps i'll write something of interest tomorrow.
Later.....
*Lisa*aka *swede* yeah ok thats enough
1 comment |
leave comment
|
|
lisalion816
|
::
2004 19 April :: 10.19pm
:: Mood: awake
I can't sleep and it pisses me off!!
Whats the deal today you ask?? Nothing too thrilling i regret to report. Day started out normal enough for a monday i suppose. Little did i know when i woke up this morning that i would continually hurting myself through out the the day. Not to mention, spill sam's coffee all over her desk, the floor, my school bag, books, and myself. I smelled like half coffee half sour milk for the rest of the day....wonderful. I did have fun 6th period though...the gang proceeded to wander aimlessly through the halls....then ofcourse i was tormenting chris during every opportunity that presented its self. I dont know why i get a kick out of it but it seems to me he does as well.
I hope Jules is okay, she didn't seem too happy today, but then again shes a little on the sick side. I feel really bad about not talking to her as much in 5th. What happend? As soon as chris entered our little group, she has strayed away from us. i admit, it is partially my fault for being so um...can we say absorbed with chris?? does that even sound right?? oh well......Jules and i will have a blast at the concert.
Lately i've been having a hard time falling asleep. I dont know why either and to tell you the truth it is starting to piss me off.
I've been thinking alot lately and I really need to start working out again. I was doing great with my whole yogurt diet and walking with sam thing till we just lost track of everything. Everyday im going to be making my way over to the gym after work or after school and i was even contemplating getting up at 5am but i hardly get up at 6 so i doubt i will be thrilled when i roll out of bed in the morning with an hour less of sleep.
Lately i have been feeling so unaccomplished. i feel as if im doing nothing with my life and im just wasting away. Isn't this supposed to happen in your 40s?? Is there such thing as a teen mid-life crisis?
There has to be more to being 17, staying home, the computer, work, and school. Yeah yeah, weekends are ok but then again hardly bareable. There is nothing to do around here and everything requires money, which sucks. I want to be able and go out on school nights with my friends and hang out and do all that crazy stuff. But alas, all my friends' parents are strict and wouldn't hear of such blasphemy. Granted we wouldn't stay up all night being "hooligans" 8:30 ish is respectable right?? And as long as we have no school work all should be fine right?
I am soooo looking foward to next year. More freedom and no parents
(which can be good and bad).
Like i was saying....its repulsive, just sitting here, bored out of my mind with no real homework to do and endless space to stare into. Oh the joys of being 17. Who in their right mind wants to be young again?
I think i just need to be hugged. Haven't been hugged in a while. Its kind of depressing.
Sam gets all the attention when it comes to guys and i have to admit i do get a wee bit jealous but then of course i should be used to not getting attention. I should know better. Even chris for God's sake practically drools all over even in my failed attempts to distract him. But so they story goes.
Once again i have caught my self blabbing away into nothingness and find myself getting on the sleepy side.
Alas, my bed calls to me as my pillow sings a soft low tune of the sirens in ulyssys. Honestly, why do i think up these lame ass things??? Where do i get it from?? Well im going to go before i burry my self with all the lameness floating around.
Untill i am bored, fustrated, or depressed again.......later
leave comment
|
|
lisalion816
|
::
2004 18 April :: 2.51pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Vendetta Red
Hokay. Sam and i got in to a fight. I just didn't know about it untill Friday night that we had been mad at eachother starting 6th period. I was lik wtf when i got a voice mail her. Unbeknownst to me, Brad had gone up to the deans office where sam,chris, and santos were. He then proceeded to tell them that i hate sam and never want to talk to or see her again and that im jealous of how chris flirts with her along with other crap. Then sam was like WTF and went down stairs where mrs. kenndy pulled her into the office and asked if we were fighting and kept asking what was going on and stuff. So now along with everyone in the deans office, the front office knows too. While this is all happening im running passes. I have noo idea whats going on. After i was done i went back and i saw sam take her stuff and leave. i was like...umm okay??? I didn't think anything of it at all, figured she was going to talk to danielle for a while.
So, yesterday i tried to get ahold of her all day, to no avail. Finally she called me back and we put the puzzle pieces together and the picture was clear....BRAD this was all his doing!
i had chat with him. ooo its all true! HE thought sam would think it was a joke bc he said he was laughing the whole time. what an asshole. He caused this massive thing between us. It took a while to figure it all out.
Anyway...its all good now...except that everyone now thinks i have a thing for chris...good god! sry but i dunno if i want to think of him in that way.
i think im going to be evil and see how it all plays out though....see what he does, says, u know what i mean?? According to sam he didn't have any objections i think......mu h ha ha ha ha ha im sooo going to use this to my advantage.
Hokay, I saw "Ella Enchanted" yesterday with my sis. it is such a cute movie! i like it! before that we went to chillies. good stuff. Carina was like "we must have cheesecake!" and i said fine so we split a slice..mmmmgood.
omg im so bored.
I want to hang out with my friends but everyone is busy.
Heard through the grape vine that Josh's truck broke down. How fucking convienient.
I swear he is the root of all my misery. I dont see how im not good enough for him, or anyone else for that matter.
Life blows....
...what else is there to tell???
......nothing......
leave comment
|
|
Rina
|
::
2004 18 April :: 11.58am
:: Mood: sick :/
:: Music: the postal service
lets stay forever in a star-wrapped imagination
and im looking through the glass where the
light bends at the cracks and i'm screaming
at the top of my lungs pretending the echoes
belong to someone i used to know
and we become silhouettes when our bodies
finally go
4 comment |
leave comment
|
|
lisalion816
|
::
2004 16 April :: 2.49pm
i dont understand people.
leave comment
|
|
Rina
|
::
2004 13 April :: 8.58pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: in the shadows - the rasmus
cobwebs of silence echo through my ears
so here is my easter, and the joys of easter-ness. feel the burn, santa.
i got a gift certificate for a cd and chocolate. i also now share the brother bear dvd with my sister and brother.
went over to aunt sue's house. sue is cool. we talked. i ate food, and my grandmother gave me one of those big bags of m&m's. yum. it couldve gone better, i know. but hey. at least my cousin wasnt stoned.
as most of southwest florida knows: angry rain sucks.
i had no power this morning. well, i did. but you see, it flickered on and off like a hyperactive six-year-old with a lightswitch obsession. and you know that can never end well. so my power went completely out and had to do almost everything in candle light. oh. joy.
my computer is fried. im updating on my mom's. but, im pretty sure i cant fill you in on much more because she is having a fit that i take too long online.
anyways, here is a poem i wrote. feel free to point your fingers and laugh.
"Alone with myself"
Soft jasmine fills the night air
the ivory scent a sweet pleasure
as i walk into the drizzling horizon
the tiptoes of cold dancing on my face
alone with the stars as they wink and fade;
alone with myself
Dew-covered grasses cold from the night
the feel of emerald between my toes
i make my way through deepening rain
the embrace of chill skies a rose in my cheeks
alone with flowers soaking in life;
alone with myself
Small whispers and secrets seep into thoughts
a smooth flow of music given by clouds
stepping in the symphony of ebony and pearl
the caress of sounds soothing rogue dreams
alone with the wishes of thunder and fog;
alone with myself.
9 comment |
leave comment
|
|
lisalion816
|
::
2004 12 April :: 6.20pm
:: Mood: indifferent
Easter weekend is over. Can't say i had much fun at all. Thursday was nice though...went to barnes and nobel with my buddy. Other than that it blew...work and weird relatives. wonderful combo right?
Went to barnes and nobel again today. Its been rainy all day and it was a perfect excuse to go get a mocha latte and an expresso brownie. Yummie :)
Im so sick of people. I cant wait to get out of this place (highschool) and into the real world. Too much drama and its just so boring. People are so naiive. Id like to see them fall backwards when reality smacks them in the face, it would be mildly amusing.
Carina is being a dork. I wanted to see a movie or go get some stuff at target but no, she waits untill the last minute to do anything. idiot.
next week is x fest. ^_^
I dont have to work this week untill friday night...but thats only 3 hours so i'll be home by 10. Watch me have to get up at the crack of dawn to go back though. thats going to blow.
Id really like to hang out with my buddies more often but no one has time or money anymore...what happened to the good days where no one worked and ur parents paid for everything? i need to make some calls.
Id be nice to hang out with stang...Josh...hmmm. Im so fed up with him and his bs. But none the less i think we should all get together and hang out.
Sadly im looking foward to school tomorrow. As soon as wednesday comes along i will wish for the weekend and the whole vicious cycle will repeat its self.
I need a hug.
Bored now.
Later.....
leave comment
|
|
Rina
|
::
2004 11 April :: 12.08am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: spitting games - snow patrol
run through the constellations in a breeze of loneliness
i thought i should update. so here am i, look at me update.
happy easter, everyone :)
i went to old navy with sydney yesterday. we got the most awesome bags. they say 'rock & london roll.' how sweet is that??
erg. i dont want to be here. i hate doing nothing. and then knowing that i should be doing something.
one of these days, i will write a long entry. it will have poems and stories and jokes and you will enjoy it very much. i kid you not.
5 comment |
leave comment
|
|
lisalion816
|
::
2004 10 April :: 4.01pm
:: Mood: mellow
okay. Where shall i beginith? Yeah ok that was dumb who cares. Just got back from work which sucked ass. Like big harry monkey ass. Like that picture??? Last night i closed so i got home around 11:30 and this morning i opened so i left home at 7 this morning. Good God. Ah i hate work, lothe, dispise, with a burning passion. You get the picture.
I wanted to go to a concert last night but i had no one to go with. I would do anything to see the Lost Prophets in concert! They were playing at FGCU along with hoobastank and im a robot.OOOOO the sorrow! :*(
Im going to x fest. Floor seats. YES!
Alright. I haven't talked to Josh since prom night. Sure i could have imed him but why should I? I always do. He ims Sam....but not me. My philosophy you ask? Fuck him he can im me if he wants to talk, and if he doesn't ever want to talk to me again ( is it b/c jonelle is on the jealous side??) then fuck him b/c im leaving the damn country.
Okay, so maybe thats not exactly what i want.
If i had it my way, we would at least talk, hangout more than we do (which is never b/c "jonelle would get jealous"), and be all buddy buddy. BUT NO. Maybe he will grow up in the time that im gone and by then i'll be witha wonderfull person and i'll look sooo good and he'll think to himself "God i was a moron to let her get away from me!" Only in my dreams....i know i know....
BORED.
I think umm....yeah im not going to say anything. okay i need to find something constructive to do because im just overwhelmed with boredom over here.
Alright then...leave a comment any comment and it'll make my day. Kinda sad huh? oh well....later
leave comment
|
|
Rina
|
::
2004 8 April :: 11.15pm
:: Mood: geeky
:: Music: this is who you are - beautiful mistake
when you wake in a world of darkness and mystery, remember me along the way
oh man. hey you know that math test that i christmas-tree'd? 55% BABY! all guess, and i almost passed. how much does that fucking rock!
ana, you are too cool.
me and sydney are british geeks!! dont hate. we are going to be the coolest children in london!
my dad's friend tim came down from pennsylvania. he brought his wife and two daughters. (alliy and beverly). we went to the bistro 41. then we went to brookstones. then we went to black hawk cafe and i got a mocha. mmmm boy. i didnt talk that much. it was kinda boring, really. alliy is sixteen and beverly is in college i think.
i think im still a bit wired from that coffee.
8 comment |
leave comment
|
|
Rina
|
::
2004 5 April :: 7.50pm
:: Mood: sigh..
watch me fall into stories and pages with a flourish
hm.
i am a geek.
[GEEKER JOY! haha andrea]
moving on. biology is haunting me now. i need to start cracking on that studying.
here is something to do. when you go to a movie premeire, dress up as a frankfurter and look around terribly confused.
6 comment |
leave comment
|
|
lisalion816
|
::
2004 4 April :: 3.22pm
:: Mood: depressed
Prom was last night. It was fun i guess. Didn't dance with any guys which sucked but oh well, so goes my life. After prom, sam, josh, mark, julie and i went to denny's since thats the only place open late. Josh and tony met us there. Im still killing myself over josh. He made little comments, like, u look really good in that dress, and so on and so forth. I just dont get why he is flirtatious and makes these comments if he doesn't like me. we had a long talk online after denny's...sam was talking to him too and relaying the info to me. If im such a great person, and attractive and stuff...why won't he date me? It sounds like hes making up excuses to not have a girlfriend. I asked him about jonelle and he said they are not a couple and they just hang out. I asked him y we couldn't do that and his response was because jonelle would get pissed. fuck her i say. if a person wont let u hang out with certain ppl then they are not ur friend. is she jealous? hmmm.....sam told me that he liked/likes her but she totaly blew him off and if she did like him then she would be trying harder to get him. i just think she likes the attention he gives her.whatever. im just lost about this whole thing. he also said that he might want to back off a little since every time we all go out he hurts me and feels like a jerk. im glad he feels like a jerk because at least he knows hes being one...maybe not at the moment hes acting like a jerk....but afterwards. I see past ppls flaws......and i really like him still and it just makes me crazy that i can't have him. there is just something about him that rips my heart out and makes me miserable that hes not mine and im not his. i can't help it god knows ive tried. Im never like this. god im so stupid. i will be miserable for the rest of my life because no one wants me. my plan is to keep hanging out with him and try to change things around. i can do it..it just takes time...by the time i leave for sweden i hope to steal a kiss and i will.
1 comment |
leave comment
|
|