*-|If there ever comes a day, When we can't be together, Keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.|-*
*-|If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.|-*
*-|We will be friends until forever, just you wait and see.|-*
- Winnie the Pooh
Goals are very important to have in one's life. Goals centralize the mind on reaching a destination that is wanted. All hopes and dreams are driven by the desire to accomplish them, so one could argue that life is an ambition -- a dream -- a hope -- some sort of strange goal -- and that life only goes on because of the wanting to go somewhere -- and anywhere. This could also mean that birth symbolizes the creation of a dream and that death symbolizes the completion and accomplishment of life. If life is a dream, then all we aspire in will come true if we believe enough.



 

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silversoldier

:: 2004 2 December :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: "Hammering in My Head" - Garbage

Santa Claus is dead, kids.
Though I'd love to be enraptured by the Christmas spirit, I am currently busy in other affairs. Mostly, the play has taken over my life. There are, however other causes, most of which I find no purpose in discussing.

Our Internet connection is dead at the house again (has been since Tuesday afternoon), so I can't really talk to anybody unless the phone is used.

I've got two injuries from the same blocking in the play. I'm supposed to stab at Bo with a sword, then he takes the sword, shoves me foreward, and I do a stage dive. Two days ago, I slid across the stage as I fell, and I got a REALLY bad canvas burn. Last night, I landed strange and my pinky folded much too far back, and now it's pretty well immobile.

Lacey hasn't called me in a week... I'm surprised, really. She always complains that she misses me and she can't wait to come home, and yet she hasn't called for anything. Maybe she's finally becoming independent. How nice for her.



I think I'll do something "productive" now.

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 1 December :: 3.47pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Marilyn Manson- The Love Song

I'm gonna be all Davey now. Even if I'm in a Marilyn Manson mood. O_o

Read more..

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chuckitatthewall

:: 2004 30 November :: 8.45pm

my life kinda sucks right now. At least to-day (oo look the english way). I love the English language way more than any other language on this planet. I don't like Ms. Gonzaga. Theres a reason why she isnt married. I dont like my mother. She is threatening to divorce my father. Dumb selfish bitch. I actually think she might do it. But i dunno. She has said this before but not this many days in row.

MY FAMILY IS SO FUCKING DISFUCTIONAL THAT IT WOULD MAKE A LOT OF FAMILIES LOOK NORMAL. Most of the people I know don't seem to have the screwed up relationships my family has but maybe they just don't wanna talk about them. Who can blame em? They are embarrassed like I am. I wish that people would talk about their issues cause I would like to know about them and help them if I can in anyway. I like listening but when no one will talk I like to fill the noiselessness with my own voice. I know that can be annoying. Sorry if I talk to much. Maybe thats why people avoid shy people cause they know once they get to know you you won't shut up. Thats the way I am at least. That can piss people off which sucks.
DUDE I'M FUCKING RAMBLING ON AND FUCKING ON!
Dudes whoever gives a shit about this and decided to read this I am so sorry.

I miss my Aunt Marie. I miss Mr. Vane. Bye dudes.

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silversoldier

:: 2004 30 November :: 1.58pm
:: Mood: pleasantly dispositioned
:: Music: Brahms' Sonata No. 3 in f minor, Op. 5

Sundried tomatoes have so much flavor.
^ For future cooking projects


Rehearsal felt so disgusting yesterday. I don't know why, but we were horribly flat. On the plus side, we started work with props.

I'm so glad that computer lit. turned into a study hall for me (I actually stay current on my assignments, giving me plenty of free time) because I have no time after school today. I forgot that pep band was rehearsing today, plus I have piano lessons and play rehearsal. The parents also want me to get a haircut... something that's likely not to happen today.

My overall moody attitude has (at least for the moment) dissipated. Since we're headed toward the last quarter moon, I should be generally pleasant. Plus, the show ends on a new moon!! It's perfect timing in my life. Beautiful indeed.

Well, class will be ending soon, so I guess I should say 'ta.

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silversoldier

:: 2004 29 November :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

Excuse the mess... and the blood as well
I've been horribly moody for the past week... Must have been the full moon.

Thanksgiving was OK. We went to the great aunt and uncle's house... They were leaving for Spokane the next day and they didn't give us leftovers. It's annoying A) because I really like Thanksgiving food and B) because it's all going to waste.

Whitney and I talked about Jesse's clinginess today. It's frightful how that girl is, and I continue to regret saying yes to MORP with her... Kaitlin would have been such a better date.

Our volleyball team lost our first game today... finally the ranks have begun to break down. People are going out of position and arguing... It's general chaos. I really like Ben though. He seems to keep things together for us. Not to mention he's gorgeous... Gah, there are a lot of good looking guys that happen to have lockers close to mine in gym... :P

I really want to go to rehearsal!! The Fantasticks is the only thing I look forward to in the day. I don't even value sleep right now... That's how screwed up my feelings are. I've realized that it has become my escape to depression, and avoiding sleep... well it doesn't exactly solve anything either, but it keeps me somewhat sane. I need readjustment. And as much as I'd love to be in a relationship right now... that may certainly screw things up even more, considering my social position at the moment.

Life is bloody wonderful when you're not trying to destroy something.




If only that feeling could last more than minutes.

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 28 November :: 10.25pm

Mreow. I'm a cat.

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 25 November :: 1.02am

MAKING FIENDS HAS GOT TO BE THE GREATEST THING EVER.

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chuckitatthewall

:: 2004 22 November :: 8.45pm

YO HOMIES!!! I'M BACK! YAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA.
Now on to my extremely boring life. Lets see...
I went on this dumbass retreat this weekend and that will be the focus of tonights entry.
So I left on Saturday morning and I told my mom that I really didnt want to go but she said that it was too late and that I had to. So I went. All the way up Sarah and Lynn drove me nuts. When we got there all Sarah and Stephanie and Lynn would talk about was guys. Its so fucking annoying! Stephanie had her little stupid ass boyfriend from Turloc (k?) come down to go. Hes not even Catholic. So the whole time none of them participated. I thought that you went to retreats to participate but maybe thats just us nerdy people. Not only did they not participate but they were rude when people were speaking and they were making fun of and laughing at everyone. Don't they realize how stupid they are? How not perfect they are? How fucked up and worse than everyone they are?
Stephanie's dude is fresh out of Juvenille Hall. On the trip all he could talk about was sex and they went off alone together and he fingered her. SICKNESS DUDE! THEY ARE BOTH SO NASTY.
I have to get off soon. So I did manage to learn some things. 1) I do not like retreats.
2) I am not like Sarah, Stephanie, or Lynn at all.
The third thing I learned was something that never occured to me until just this weekend. When I chose my Confirmation name I chose Cecilia who is the patron saint of musicians. I was sort of wondering why I picked it other than that it was my Great Aunts middle name. I did not play any real instruments back when I chose it. I now am learning the bag pipes. So I realized that now that name fits me more. It all works out and stuff. I thought it was really cool.

I GOTTA GO.

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LoupGarou

:: 2004 18 November :: 9.37pm
:: Mood: okeedokie
:: Music: We go on - From Illuminations in EPCOT, walt disney World

Reasonably quick update


This song always makes me feel sad. I miss Walt Disney World muchly *hugs it*. Anyway, as for how life it? Stressful. School as of recently sucks ass. The work is making me feel crappy. I imagine I'll get over it once I stop being so tired. Been having some ugly days lately. Ah, teenagers and their moments of insecurity, don't ya love it? No. Tis not loveable. I dont even know why i feel stressed. Maybe it's the makeup work from yesterday or the fact that the grading period ends Friday. I hope this week goes by fast.

I love Christmas songs.

Anyway, an update in the political world. The damn media is over exaggerating things again, but what's so new about that?
They're talking about how this marine soldier killed an innocent wounded Iraqi soldier, violating the rules of combat. The thing is, people arent getting the real story here. These Iraqi soldiers have been boobi-trapping the dead and wounded bodies of their own soldiers, so that they will explode if touched by a soldier. Recently actually, a guy from Gilroy and his friend who was over there was killed by one
of those people.
Sean Hannity played the video on his radio, which means we can only hear sound, really, but what I heard of it was the soldiers talking and then one of them going, "He's playing dead! He's playing dead! Shit! he's playing dead!" Then the gun shot.
It makes me sick how people can put a man on trial for protecting himself and his friends. And about violating the rules of combat.. what do you think these Iraqi soldiers are doing? Playing by the rules?!
Not to mention it's a soldiers reaction to kill someone if he feels he's in danger. I mean think of all the things these guys have been through! This man was shot in the face the day before and back on duty the next day.

This subject kinda reminds me of a question I asked my mom once and I asked her why they don't have people cleaning up the sides of the highways anymore, because it's pretty damn dirty. She said it was because the people think it's cruel and unusual punishment to put prisoners out there. After all, they might get hit! Oh no! These poor child molesters, rapists, and murderers aren't allowed to help the environment anymore because they might get hit by cars! Numero uno: if they stay far enough from the road, that probably wouldnt happen. numero dos: If the driver is a dumbass and hits them, get the license plate number and sue them or try them for murder or something lol. Then they can be the ones working on cleaning up the trash. Or, to prevent all that, they can close off a part of the road or one of the lanes or something.
Silly silly liberals.

NOW ON ABORTION! WOOHOO! Bunch of political crap here.
First of all, these people are whining "Women should have the choice on whether they want to give birth to the baby or not." HELLO HOME DAWGIES! Them thar wimmin had the choice to have sex! Simple as that. You talk about well they'll find illegal ways to do it if it's banned and then people will die because of it. Okeedokie. Then DON'T TRY TO KILL IT! What a concept. Give birth to the baby, and put it up for adoption.
Now there are a few exeptions, and I mean very few in my case. Rape, for example. I have been told that after someone is raped they take them into the hospital and clean things out to lessen the chance of the woman getting pregnant. Of course, if you're a little too late, man does that suck. lol. I guess depending on how strong of a person you are, if you were raped and got pregnant, try to have the baby and give it up. Though of course it would make me sick to have the child of the person who raped me, so I dont quite know my stance on that. The second condition, is if the mother is in danger of dying because of the pregnancy. She will be labeled by me as a complete dumbass for having sex and not considering the consequences, and I wouldn't think of her as a very honorable person, but I suppose if she has to get an abortion, then she has to. Though it also makes me feel gross to say that.

On the death penalty, people say that those who are pro-life should be against the death penalty as well. I'm not. It's a simple as this: there's a difference between taking an innocent life and a sick murdering bastard's life.

Now on a happier note, my mom told me a few weeks back that she was doing something at school. Actually I think it was the seventh grade zoo trip that she was chaperoning, and she had that Clark girl in her group. Mrs. Clark, who was that science teacher lady for the lower grades at some point, is in the army. Still in the U.S., but she's preparing troops to go in to Iraq I think. The clark girl was talking with my mom and she said very cautiously: "..So.. who are you voting for?"
My mom said "Bush" and then the Clark girl smiled and said "Good. Because he'll get my mom home faster."

Now out of politics and back into my life. Let's see, what's happening in my life? well, the play went well and was a lot of fun. how I miss it. So that means to practices, which, despite my missing the performances, is a good thing because now I get more rest. Maybe now I'll go back to being ridiculously hyper in the mornings. Of course that can't be good for everyone in my school, so maybe it's just good for me.
I'd talk about Ryan more, but I remember how we used to make fun of Sarah and Stephanie for talking about boys constantly, and I'm afraid I'm going to sound like them too much. I shall keep that to my paper journal I guess.

Doody Doody doody. I gotta stop eating crap, dude. Well at least recently I've been snacking too much. If I had a swimming pool I'd excercise a lot more often. Me Mum says I should ride "the bike", which is an excercise bike upstairs, if I'm feeling crappy, but I don't like it. Oh well. Gotta start somewhere I guess.

This Woman's Place Project is a peice of crap. I feel bad for those people who got the really boring women. I'm not even overly excited about doing a report on princess diana, which doesnt mean I dont appreciate it and think she was cool, but I just dont want to write a whole assigned report thing.

Anyway, I think that will be all I'll write for today. Tootles! And sorry everything's so political now-a-days!

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 18 November :: 1.00pm

MEOW I'M A CAT.

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 14 November :: 3.50pm
:: Music: none.

k so..
MEOW SAYS THE CAT.

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 11 November :: 11.44pm

BLANKET PLUS ALLISON EQUALS LOVE. o.o Yes, that's right!! LOVEEEEEE. kbye.

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silversoldier

:: 2004 11 November :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: Insufficient
:: Music: "Talk Show Host" - Radiohead

A pool of azure water, seeming calm upon the surface
But underneath its glossy pane, the dynamic is extreme. All life fights for survival, many hunting their own kind for food. What cannot be used is destroyed; worse yet, what can be used is coveted, plundered, and ultimately rendered useless after the masses carelessly fight for it. The dead are non-existant, or that is what is perceived: anything deceased becomes armor for the constant warfare. All this under the glass of the world above, perfectly ignorant: abashed to jump in.

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silversoldier

:: 2004 9 November :: 1.29pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "I'll Marry" - The Fantasticks

And, after a brief interlude:
We're script out of hand in rehearsals now, and I'm not doing too bad... thus far. Then again, I do practice every two hours, so there could be a reason why I've not messed up yet.

Miranda told me yesterday that her brother thinks I'm "a funny kid." I take it as a complement, seeing as he graduated last year and I wouldn't expect him to remember me. (Her brother is Kevin, the guy who used to work at Herbergers, the guy who fell asleep on my couch at my sister's graduation party)

Next week is the drama trip (!) I'm so excited... mainly because I can get out of town for a few days. Plus, we're seeing Les Mis. It's one of the bestest Broadways ever, yes?

Ha ha! We started reading Oedipus Rex in English today. Greek stories of incest and such... lovely. Mrs. Stubbs is having us act it out which, considering there are few people who've ever set foot inside a theatre, let alone understand voice influction, that exist in our class, left much to be desired.

Paul's trying to challenge me in band, which is really ok with me, except that play rehearsal has taken over the week... I just feel bad that he has to wait another week just so he can beat me. Yes, I'm really not a good trumpet player, despite what my director thinks.

Stephanie (girl I'm helping around, as she's in crutches right now) fell on her cast pins after band... Apparently her doctor's in Choteau today, so they can't examine it to make sure things are all right. Poor girl already has to be in the cast for three months. I can only hope she'll be fine.

Volleyball is so bloody annoying in gym. It's impossible to find enough people to stick in the same gym class that can actually play a real game of it. Such is the life though, eh?

Oh, I was so happy to see Josh yesterday. He was extremely depressed at the football game last week (like, I could pick up signs of suicide from him). I was worried all weekend that he'd be there on Monday, and thank god he was. It's not a good sign when a kid is checking the obituaries every day for his friends...

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chuckitatthewall

:: 2004 8 November :: 9.07pm

Wow..I havent been on here in a long time.
We moved. Ever since the internet hasnt been working cause the DSL thing is all screwed up and my dad wont fix it. So I'm on my sisters computer right now and can only be for a little while because this blocks the phone line and its on the first phone line which means no one can call us.

Lets see...lots has happened. Someone in my life is changing quite a bit but I'm not going to put their name in because I dont anyone to know (sorry Jess..I trust you but its better this way) So this person is changing for the bad. Maybe its me but I doubt it. Times are tough these days. I dunno if that made sense. Oh well. So anyway the person is pissing me off cause I dont like it when people change like that. I like people to stay the same and circumstances to be different which can't happen cause you cant stay the exact same when things around you are changing cause you have to adjust. I think this person is adjusting badly but thats just me.

Good news:
My favorite Giants player had his option get picked up by the Giants so he'll be there for another year! YAY!
I watched like a shit load of movies this weekend cause I was trying to relax and uh...take a "break" from school and stuff. As in not think about the people or the work. I deffinately did a good job. Every movie I watched had a hot dude in it. The exception was Hidalgo cause Viggo could be my dad so he's considered handsome.

Today I went with Lindsay to Valley Medical Center where her mom works for service hours. We worked in the play room. The 5 hours I was there we had 2 teenage boys come in. One was 13 and a was hit by a car while he was on his skateboard and was severely brain damaged. THe other was 17 and was in a car accident and had was also brain damaged but not as bad as the other one. So we read to them. I was reading Star Wars to the 17 year old but luckily he fell asleep..that book was boring. Lindsay ended up reading for a 1/2 hour to the 13 year old. It was a really good experience. The "child specialist" in there said they were both just short of being vegetables. Really sad...

I better go.

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