Stuff
School has gotten so stressful and dull that's it's to the point where I hate everything about it. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw something very sharp and pointy at a big fat block of wood shaped like homework or tests, or maybe just the school building so that I can get out my anger.

Right now these feelings aren't as strong, but sometimes - especially after a nice vacation or something - any simple reminder of school is nausiating, until even the people there you just don't want to see for a very long time, or at it feels this way when it comes to the people that are your friends, but not your close friends ... if that makes sense.

At this school, everything is too __________
-- Too competetive
-- Too academic
-- Too french
-- Too slash-obsessed
-- Too liberal
-- Too much estrogen
-- Too feminist
-- Too depressed
-- Too many smart(er) people

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against competition, academics, the French, slash and yaoi, liberals, women, feminists, depression, or smarter people. It's just that at this school it's an overload of things. I'm all for women's rights, but this school is way too much into it! So much that we have to do projects on women -- Hell, there are entire classes dedicated to women at our school. Frankly, it's making me sick of women. Well, maybe that's a bit harsh, but I'm just sick of people that whine about "Women don't get this, women don't get that. This was the first woman to enter a hot-dog eating contest against men!" Why don't we focus on what women do have now compared to back then and be grateful for it, or only focus on the women that did really important things. It's just like this thing with racism. Why do we have to make it special just because it was a woman who did it or an african or hispanic person that did it? Can't it just be amazing because of the fact that someone did it? That's all that matters in the end, isn't it? If we separate people like that, that in itself is racism.

I also don't really care about slash. Hell, everyone needs a healthy dose of it once in a while - if not seriously liking a pairing - which is fine - then at least for a joke! But my God. There are some things you just don't slash, and some of the people at my school are pushing it way too far, and they do it with everything. I used to like some slash pairings. If the stories are cute or good, I still like them, but you don't pick random people out of a story or movie that would never ever go near eachother even if they were gay, and decide "This is my new fandom! How about I give ominous looks to friends every time their names are mentioned in the same sentence so that we can have a little giggle? And then everytime the story or movie is slipped into a conversation I can shout out their names and then chuckle madly like it's adorable and funny that they are now all I talk or think about!" -.-

There are those also that are obsessed with the french. In all honesty, I have nothing whatsoever against the french. If anything, I tease about them, as many people do, but I think France is fine and dandy and cool and stuff and if someone paid for me and I had the time, I'd go there (possibly avoiding Paris, where all the American haters are supposedly located). Some at my wonderful school though talk about France nonstop, insist on speaking the language to you, and then anytime any joke or something is mentioned about france, they get all sensitive and pissy (unless they are the ones that made the joke) and look like they are about to clean out your orifices with a blunt lead spoon.

Liberals, fine. I am really all for people having their own opinion about things. Hate Bush? Happy for you, and I can sometimes understand why. But one thing I am not for, on any side of the political spectrum, is extremety, and the people at my school are extreme. "I have a great idea. Let's hang up posters and have a meeting about the terrible torturous things the American soldiers are doing to the Iraqi prisoners. Nevermind what some of their extremists have done to our reporters with the actual approval of their leaders, we want to focus on how evil America truly is without the consent of the actual leader of the nation!" You may think I am exagerrating, which I very well may be, but if I am, it is really not that far from the truth. I can understand if someone is mad about the stories of torturing Iraqi soldiers because it might just be sinking as low as some of the terrorists, but there are so many people at my school that hate our government and bitch about it all the time that I have no doubt part of the motivation for that meeting was to show how bad our country really is. The school also has an issue with morbid things. Half of the things posted or announced is to make you depressed.
Say, it's Valentine's Day? Great! We can put up happy heart-shaped posters in the breezeways that give people a cheerful fact, saying, "By the time you're done reading this poster ... three children have died!" Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I shit you not, that is what was actually on the posters during Valentine's day.
Over the announcements: "Today is the anniversary of the brutal murder of sister Dorothy, who worked in South America helping poor children. She was shot six times in the chest only to fall to the ground and lay in a pool of her own blood. While she suffocated and drowned in her own bodily fluids, her attackers chopped her up into little pieces and fed her to the exotic birds of the amazon, who then most likely pooped her out on some plants to make the trees grow wild and beautiful, a memory of her love today." (Yes, that one was exagerrated)

Last but not least, all the smart Asians. I love Asians. I really really do. But damn them for being so smart. And it's not just them. There are so many people at my school who have 4.5s and such. I'm not a bad student. I'm actually pretty smart, but the problem is that I've gotten used to that, and now I feel so insignificant to all these other people with higher GPA and that still don't get as stressed out as I do about things. I don't understand how they do it, and it's so frustrating and dismaying that I can't do it, if that makes sense. I like being able to try at something and then work on it and finally be able to do it, but sometimes I just get so discouraged when I feel like I've tried and I've tried and I still can't.
Is it possible to spoil yourself with grades? That's what it feels like. In my old school I was used to getting good grades, and now that they aren't as good as they used to be, I feel like it's not good enough. That's what I think I am, really. A spoiled brat. I am spoiled when it comes to a lot of things (and I am also very grateful for many of those things) , but I don't like being the brat part, and hope I'm not (or if I have to be, I hope I am not the "brat" part of it too often). But I really am happy that I at least get the grades I do, I just sometimes wish I could have the capability to do both the extracurricular stuff, the homework, and get a decent amount of sleep (ah yes, and a social life would be kind of fun too).

Then again, there's always easter vacation.

Feeling pleasantly pessimistic,
Jess

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