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:: 2004 10 February :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: tired and annoyed

today is bad. woke up at 6:45 and then fell back asleep till 7:00 when my mom came in with the dog, cubbie. cubbie is a really good dog and i love him but at 7:00 in the morning having a dog put his big fat head on your pillow isnt exactly nice.
went to school and we took our history test. i was really tired the whole morning and jessica and i both wanted to go home. so at recess we figured out how we would do it. jessica was going to go first and say what was wrong with her which was real. then about a half hour later which only ended up being 20 minutes i would go to mrs. saunders and say "i really dont feel good may i go to the bathroom" like i had to barf or something. so i did that then i came back and told her i still wasnt feeling well. so she said i could go home and i went to the office to wait for my mom. i didnt really have a stomache or headache but i was extremely tired and i told my mom that so she said i could just lay on the couch for the rest of the day. the one really nice thing about my mom is that shes pretty good about letting me have the day off when i'm sick or stressed or just tired. i even got the day off once just cause i started crying cause we had a science test the next day and i was really worried. i ended up getting sick but she didnt know it when she let me stay home. i just talked to lynn and she said that some people asked her if i faked it. i did but i was tired so technically i was sick. well i watched this show and stuff and saw some depressing stuff.
ok so theres this guy, alex, and i guess he likes me but i think hes pretty annoying and ugly (not like i'm beautiful but u know). whenever i talk to him and he says he has to go he says "luv ya". i dont love him. in fact i only like him as a friend. i dont want to be mean and not say "luv ya" back but how can i if i barely know him? so i havent and i wont unless i've known him for a long time and decide i like him a lot. i just dont get why after knowing someone for like 2 days poeple say "oh yea she/he is my boy/girlfriend and i love him/her." maybe i am dumb for thinking that but its so stupid. its kind of hard to love someone unless you know them well and care about them a lot.
today ashley, a girl at school who i usually dont like, had surgery for scoliosis. i used to be friends with her but her hygene wasnt very good starting in about 6th grade. i make fun of her a lot for her greasy hair and disgusting blackheads and greasy skin. its really really gross but right now i'm worried about her. i also have a lot of sympathy for her cause her parents have known about her scoliosis since she was baby and they did nothing about it. instead they bought a lot of clothes and unnecessary (sp.) junk for her and themselves. her mother has barely worked in her life and they complain about being poor but they have noone to blame but themselves. i believe i said before that we are not rich and that everyone thinks we are cause of my dads profession and stuff. well i realized we should be rich and that we should have lots of stuff but my parents spent their money wisely. we dont have big fancy nice cars and stuff and we dont have a big fat house. they spent the money they had and even money that they borrowed on sending us to a private school and all my older sisters through college as well as setting aside money for vacations and extra stuff. well her parents should also be rich but they arent. not because they spend it on important stuff but because they spend it on crap. good parents would make sure each of them had a job and make sacrifices to make sure ashley got the surgery. at one point 7 people were living a little 3 bedroom town house because my parents decided that my sister needed to be placed in a mental institution for her own good. nobody ever complained or whined about it. ashleys parents would rather live in a larger house with a whole shit load of crap than get her surgery. its absolutely disgusting. i can remember that she was so spoiled that she complained about not being able to shopping after school one time and spend money that they didnt even have. her parents have made me appreciate mine.
i feel like i was just bragging about my family. sorry i dont like doing that but it was the best comparison i could come up with. well i have to go do my homework and write up part of my paper. bye

:: 2004 10 February :: 7.09pm
:: Mood: sore, tired, pissy, about to cry...
:: Music: Incubus - Megalomaniac

FUCK.
My mom said she would wash my coat. She didn't and put it on the little kids' pile. So I emptied everything out and washed it last night. This morning, me being stupid, I forgot about all my stuff till after everyone was up. The little people went through my stuff and found the ONE Prozac I had left. I totally did not think any were left. They then ran to my mom. JOY. I claimed it was a pain killer and stuffed my pockets with IBuprofen (which I should have taken for my back. Stupid me..) and she did not believe me. But I left all quick, fast, and in a hurry. As I was walking, it turned out my lip thing came unscrewed. So I ended up losing my pink spike = (. JOY. Then school started.

First I had the super stupid test. It is only 25 questions, 6 points for each right answer, 2.5 for each left blank, and 0 for wrong. I understood like 6.

FUCK. mom home. I will continue later. MOBILIZE!

Alright. English....I did not get any credit on my flash cards because I had 19 out of 20. So my grade dropped.

Socials Studies....WW1...I knew all the answers and that is becoming my favorite core because it it so simple due to lack of activity.

Music: We were so quiet. The notes were supposedly right, and I got a thing right when she said "This is do. Sing sol." Yay me. Concert next Tuesday.

Science: math skills.....acceleration

Gym: I ran the mile. Everybody else running is slightly fit, and then there was me. Only 4 girls ran today. Everybody was all watching us and stuff. We did shuttle run today; I will make it up tommorrow.

Thank god my day was over.

I do believe I am getting sick. I kept coughing up brown chunks that felt like they came from my lungs...then I sneezed during each coughing fit. Weird combo. I am all sore and have been for some time. I keep puking. But it is the puke when you puke, but it is not enough I guess, and it ends up being swallowed. It makes my throat burn. I am incessantly cold.

I began to cry around 5:30. I have no clue why.

I am going to bed now.

*sneeze*

:: 2004 9 February :: 10.32pm

i have lots of homework i need to be doing but i want to take a break.
tomorrow there are 3 tests and on wedneday there are tests (2 or 3). we have winter break next week so i guess the teachers want to load us up with extra work and get all our tests done right before. normally it would be okay and i would manage but i think i'm starting to get a cold. my head really hurts and stuff and we have to study and take tests. its gonna suck.
this morning i had to write all these fractions, decimals and percents down cause i didnt do it over the weekend like i should have. during religion as i was writing all 200 of them down ms doherty caught me and told me to put them away. some teachers would have just taken the paper but she didnt so i managed to get them done in time for math.
during p.e instead of playing basketball and not really having to do much work we actually did stuff. first he started us out with 2 laps around the field to get ready for the mile in march or early april (i cant remember which). then we had to play capture the flag. nino and maria were pissing me off so bad during p.e. first nino kept mispronouncing my name. M-A-R-I-L-Y-N--3 syllables. its not pronounced "merlin". stupid ass. is it so hard to say an "a" sound and add an i into it? lots of people mispell (sp) my name too. i can understand that more cause my name is fairly unusual but its annoying when everyone does it. getting back to the nino thing. he kept saying "hey merlin run!" and i said "no i dont feel like it" maria also did the same thing and yelled to brad that i think he runs funny. stupid bitch.
ok i just told jessica about this but i'm going to put in here as well. my parents are i guess "mild alcoholics". that means they dont get drunk every night but they do at least once every week. they act very strange and yell a lot. my mother tends to be very emotional when she's drunk and it brings back memories of when her dad used to beat her mom. my dad gets very mean and yells quite a bit. i remember one time when my sister took me into the bathroom cause i was crying and gave me a hug and i asked what was wrong with them and she said "marilyn, i know this sounds terrible but our parents our alcoholics." The words stung my ears and i began to cry even harder. i never thought they were alcoholics. i guess i kind of thought that everbody's parents drank every night and got drunk. i didnt want to accept that they were alcoholics and from then on i observed and still do observe their drinking habits.
3-4 drinks before dinner. 2 glasses of wine during dinner and then my mom goes to bed while my dad drinks more and eventually passes out.
thats what happens just about every night in my house. i hate talking about it cause its embarrassing but since the only person who sees me and reads this is jessica and occasionally louise so i am writing it.
i'm tired. goodnight

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:: 2004 9 February :: 9.28pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Some movie

My Senshi Colors Are:

Blue: Emotional, Sensitive, Dreamy

Brown: Practical, Intelligent, Stable

Get Your Senshi Colors At SailorOrion.com

Find your Realm of Influence at SailorOrion.com

I got to watch the orchestra people today during choir. It was amazing. I wonder if we will sound like that for OUR music festival.....*hopefull eyes*

Tommorrow I have to take a 2 hour unnecessary math test that is a requirement, make up the mile, and stay after school for an hour to do another timed write. Which means I have to wait for another hour before I can get a ride. BOO.

:: 2004 8 February :: 4.12pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Blink 182 - Miss you... *sigh* I love this song and video. So sweet.

It is coming baaaaackkk!!!
Yup. My AFI-manianess is returning yet again. I got VERY amused when I actually went to the boards(I had not been there for nearly 2 months) and found a post by Jade the guitarist. It goes as such (and I quote):

"Sorry To Burst Your Bubble...
but Davey is not gay. Or bi. Get over it. Just because your friend heard he was gay or you read it on some message board doesn't make it so. However, since I've made posts like this repeatedly over the years and people still refuse to believe he's not gay, I guess we'll have to keep hearing about it ad infinitum. I say we talk about Fritch. Or Smith. They're DEFINITELY gay, I caught them holding hands and plus they went to the prom together.

Also, my friend heard YOU were gay."

I don't know why. That cracked me up for nearly 5 minutes.

I just saw Silver and Cold. Twice. Within 20 minutes = ). And on the FUSE Grammys, AFI won SO many things they were not even nominatd for. It rocked. I clutched a big alligator to me and jumped over the couch and sat immoblile for the entire 4 minutes and 5 seconds of the video. It rocked.

I will be watching the Grammys just to see if they win the ONE (*angry*) award they are up for.

I also watched the History of No Doubt today. They are like my second favorite band.

Call me obsessed and I will reply "Who me? NEVER!" numerous times = )

I also like Finger 11 and Incubus lots.

My computer turned off 3 fucking times in an hour! I got SUPER pissed the third time and through a HUGE temper tantrum = ). Then AFI kept winning stuff, so I screamed more. My voice hurts. WOOO!!!

I want to be a tenor. To bad I can't. Especially since I'm in an all girls choir...

I am bored. This will probably not be read anyways. Strictly for my own enjoyment = ).

Name: Jessika!!!

Where do you live: Montana. Unfortunately. But you all know that, right?

how long have you been a fan?: not sure

What afi cds/eps/vinyls do you own?: BSITS, All Hallows, AOD, STS...

First afi song you heard?: initiation or wester

First afi shirt you bought? and how many do you own?: 1, my beloved purple wings!

are you a member of the despair faction?: not yet = (

favorite afi cd: MAYBE Sts....

least favorite afi cd: Umm....I don't like BSITS as much I guess

favorite afi song: Hmm....Days of Phoenix...But Home is Nowhere..Death of Seasons. SYNESTHESIA!

least favorite afi song: I don't like
Dancing Through Sunday

afi song that most relates to you: Umm..

favorite afi lyrics or lines from songs: My journal Title!

favortie afi quotes: Dunno

what member you would like to meet the most and why: Davey. I used to be obsessed....Glad I got out of that stage

and lastly, what afi tatoo would you get?: Probably the nephilim. It is overdont but looks awesome. Or just a simple "AFI"

:: 2004 8 February :: 2.41pm

random stuff
this morning i am going to complain about everything that i hate so if u dont like complainers i suggest that you not read this.
i will begin by complaining about my sister, maureen. she would like to think that she is my favorite sister or that i really can confide in her about things that are troubling me but the truth is that i need someone else that i can complain to about her. i cant though because almost everything i say gets back to my or dad or spread throughout the family. this morning she came into my room and woke me up at 8:45 and made me get up cause we had to go to church. i hate being catholic. i ate breakfast and did everything like that then i was down stairs and looking through a pile of papers. in the pile there was a book called "band of brothers" (i know its supposed to be underlined). that is also a show that was on a couple of years ago and my dad got it for christmas from "santa" aka my mom. so my dad watches it at night on the weekends cause hes obsessed with anything to do with history. i said "oh i didnt know we had this book" and then i went over to go sit on the arm of the couch so i was across from maureen. i was kinda being annoying and felt like talking so i said "i feel like watching Pearl Harbor." then i said that they are going to have it on network t.v and thats a bad idea cause they will have to cut so much out of it and they will have to add commercials so it will be like 4 hours. then she looked at me and said "marilyn, you are being so obnoxious" isnt that nice. then she said "you are acting like you are so into this war stuff and now you are just magically interested in it all. where were you when dad and i were watching the war stuff before?" its like dude fuck off. i'm not obsessed. i am not pretending to like it. i am generally interested in it now because i read anne frank and this other book for school. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO ASK HER FUCKIN PERMISSION TO BE CURIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING? then i told her that i have always been "obsessed" with pearl harbor and if they have to edit out all the bloody parts a love story with some mild violence will only be left. stupid ass. i hate her a lot when she does shit like that.
another thing that pisses me off is that she is always comparing how big i am to her. she only 5'1 (if that) and i'm 5'3 and she thinks cause shes 5 years older that she should be taller than me. then she says "what size are you" so i tell her that i am still a size 5 and a medium and she says "ooh i'm a small still". this makes me really mad. i dont care if i'm bigger than her cause i'm not fat. stupidass bitch.
i'm done complaining now.

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linkedfantasy

:: 2004 8 February :: 10.26am

i've finally heard it...
i've finally heard it form her mouth.....

"i dont care if he takes the damn medication or not... he can die for all i fucking care"

death awaits me

linkedfantasy

:: 2004 8 February :: 9.03am
:: Music: Evanescence: Everybody's fool

I can stop the pain if i will it all away..... if i will it all away....
Another morning, another day in my life where nothing will appeal to me and nothing will seem right or "fair" in this world. A constant search for a meaning in this twisted and politicial world where lawyers rule.
Anywho.... a stupid candle fundraiser is currently happening and as usual, my mom doesn't care and doesn't want anything to do wiht it. if she's allowed to spend over $400.00 dollars in one store (Victoria's Secret) then why cant she spend $30.00 on a few candles and knick-nacks? so selfish. i hate it.
well..... of to think of a way to sell some stuff, i wanna support my band and give my life a future. unlike then, who don't even want me to go to a school Like Ft.Myers for their I.B program. GOD. they're lazy to drive me over the bridge..... it pisses me off.

angry and gone....and the list goes on and on.....
-robert

5 left their imprint | leave your imprint?

:: 2004 8 February :: 12.04am
:: Mood: depressed/contemplative/tired
:: Music: 17 again. I hate this movie.

Old people are gross. I wanna swing.
Damn Alan got me thinking. Damn you Alan.

My mom won't send me to Florida. If only I could get to Florida then I will be able to go see AFI.

People are stupid. Them and alarm clocks should be pounded with giant mallets till death. Very violently. All of 'em.

Remember the Titans is a good movie.

Fuck George Bush all to hell. He can take his conservative money specnding ways with him. And all of the Iraqis too.

I am becoming a recluse again. You need to get me out of my home. Yes, you. All of you. I will get all depressed and hate everyone soon. It is already starting to set it. Fuck you.

silversoldier

:: 2004 7 February :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: tired (becomming a constant)
:: Music: Asante sana squash banana heemee hoo a weenie a bana!!!

Look. The children are running down the hill...
Sorry, book quote... anywho. I completely screwed this day over. I intended to work on my multiple essays today, but I got lazy... Damn good intentions, always get shoved around. Yeah, then I took a nap, because I still haven't recovered from my 12:00 adventures. So, off to the *exciting* part of my day. Thunderbolts had its first practice today. Our team could do rather well this year, that is, if the rest of the team shows up... But yeah, we looked pretty good (as much as my opinion really counts). And, joy0, I am moving back to my sweeper home. YAY!!! Ahem... anyway. We have a new kid on the team this year... red head *cough cough*... I have to say that would be my only attraction of the moment... and I'd like to stress that... it is indeed only the hair...
Let's see... the girls didn't do so well at the basketball game tonight... um, in fact, we, the band, didn't do so well either... communication problems... But, the game was still fun. Oh, and the little cheer campers did their half time show. All the little boys out there, I was like "Those ones are MY heroes.. :P" Anyways, I was worried for those folks, as they would only call out "READY, LADIES?!?!" All I could think about was the gender issues that will show up later in life from that... poor kids... yeah... so, we had a sax player come in from Glendive. Shawna and I were like *ROAD TRIP*, thinking we'd go to Glendive to play with them, as they play songs from such groups as Cherry Poppin' Daddies (hell yeah!!) ... anyways, then I came home, then I went with my mom to Taco Bell ( :P in a bad way), and came home to the family... and my life is slowly being spelled out on a computer screen. Mildly disturbing? only because I don't know you people :P. Oh yes, I forgot one thing from the basketball game (and I'm too lazy to go add it in above, so I just write superfluous explanations for why I'm not adding it in above here, as I have no real task to do now *excluding essays*) Anyways, after half, when we always get our break, all the little kids and their parents were up around the concession stands. And I was on the other side of the field house when this happened, so as I came back to the stands, I run to Shawna and grab her arm saying, "Oh God, Shawna. Hold my hand and get me through this crowd." I still don't know how this all has come about... but seriously, large numbers of people really scare me... so we ended up dodging through the lockerrooms/bathrooms to get back to the band... I'm such a freak... :P

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linkedfantasy

:: 2004 7 February :: 8.59pm
:: Music: Evanescence: Haunted

Blurring and stirring.... these thoughts in my head. always confusing the thoughts in my ehad so i cant trust myself anymore.........
a breakup...two friends against eqach other...they used to go out, both kool people by my book. that may not account for much but it does for me. i HEART my friends...it may sound...ermm...critical but it's meeh: EMO FOR LIFE. hehe.
but.... i'm forced to be between them, they can't undertstand how i feel....one tells me to not talk to the other and the other tells me that it's okay. i KNOW that i shouldnt be doing any of this but i'm forced to because writing about it helps me feel better. once again, that EMO shows. i feel that i should help...but at the same time i KNOW i shouldnt. what to do?

threads of fate intertwine and i'm left to decide whether i'll be at the end of the strings......

5 left their imprint | leave your imprint?

LoupGarou

:: 2004 7 February :: 3.31pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down (teehee)

Bomwitdabomdebangdebangdiggydiggydiggysaidtheboogiesaidupjumptheboogie
I went to a dance at my old school yesterday with my friend Julie. When we got there it was decorated very nicely for Valentine's Day theme. They had hot pizza and snacks and this was one dance that actually didn't run out of soda! And the cool thing was that it was $5. All other dances are $8 and some of those don't even serve snacks. Evil I say.
Some of the preps hugged me, and I think Michelle only hugged me because Allyssa did. lol.
I saw Natalie there, which was a surprise. Natalie was one of my close friends when I went there, but she left to go to the nearby public school. I guess if you wrote down on the permission slip that you went to some Catholic school you got in. Quite a few people did that for their friends. They just wrote down some random Catholic School name.
David M. asked me to dance. He's a nice guy. I remember sitting next to him in class. He liked to draw mazes. lol. It surprised me when he asked me to dance, but it made me feel loved, even if he was just doing it to be nice ^_^.
And then Vinton kept wandering around like a loner. I felt really sad, but I knew that was what he did becaue he just randomly goes up to people and makes them laugh. He's one of the best actors in that school. I miss talking to him -_-. We try to convince him that the Persians are extinct, but he insists they aren't. Yup. He's proud of his heritage ^_^
I know my writing isn't very good today, but I don't feel like being creative about the dance. Today I'm just going to very un-artistically tell you the facts.

They had a dance contest. DUDE I SHOULD HAVE WON! I was the best dancer there. Ask anyone there. Yes, I should have won. I did such things as the sprinkler, the dosey doe or however you spell it, the robot, the swimmer thing, and some other over-the-top dances. Later I went outside and sang the Sailor Moon song into my water bottle and asked people if they wanted my autograph. Twas fun. *nods*.

Oopsie. Can't type anymore. I'm going to go help babysit my cousins. bye bye!

(I didn't edit this. Sorry if there are any errors)

7 left their imprint | leave your imprint?

:: 2004 7 February :: 3.04pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Beavis and Butthead!!!

Daria!!!
OMG!!!!!!! Daria is on Beavis and Butthead!!!! My two favoriteist shows of ALL TIME!!!! *dies*

*laugh till death* Oh dear, this show makes me laugh uncontrollably.