chuckitatthewall
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2005 4 April :: 10.35pm
Stupid crap has happened that is really annoying and mean and horrible.
My sister is evil. This weekend she said that she will never come over to our house again because we have issues. I know we have issues but so does she therefore she has no right to say that. It hurts. I called her today because thats what my phsycologist (Sp) said to do. So I told her that I really missed her and how much it was hurting me never to be able to see her. I even read her some stuff that I wrote in my paper journal. I wrote her a letter in there that I never mailed because it was more of a letter that was helping me organize my feelings about the whole situation. The letter talks about how we used to have so much fun and I mentioned the things we used to do and talk about, our deep bond that we had that was broken because of her. Its so awful feeling like she hates me. Enough people hate me as it is. Why should my sister hate me too? In the letter I wrote "I hate feeling like I have dropped to the bottom your list people you love." I read her that and she said "Marilyn, you know that you haven't dropped to the bottom of my list but things are going on that you can't understand." Its stinking ridiculous. I'm old enough to understand a lot of things but she doesn't know me anymore so she doesn't realize that I am smart and mature for my age when I need to be. Its so frustrating. She hardly knows anything about me anymore because she doesn't bother to find out. I try to find out about her by asking questions but there really isn't anything to know because everything about her is on the surface. What you see with her is what you get and I hate it like that. This summer she said that we do will do more things together but I know thats a lie. Last summer, when she wasn't pregnant (well barely pregnant), we only saw eachother twice because she was always busy. Busy doing what? I don't know. I'll never have a clue what she does in that fucked up house of hers that really isnt hers. Its James' parents house that is on the property of their other house and bigass recycling company thing. I wish I could dive into her brain and untange it so that I can figure out what is wrong with her so I can tell everyone else so they can help her. Oh this feeling is truly horrible.
Other things. Cynthia's mom is mean because she won't pay for their cat to go to the vet for its sickness. That makes me sad.
I'm depressed or something. I dunno. I keep crying for no reason or for stupid reasons. I started crying because of the cat thing and then I was in the middle of doing math that I didn't get and I almosted started crying cause I didn't get it. Damnit. It sucks. I hate being sad and not being able to control it. In fact, just talking about it chokes me up. I just wanna write this in here because I don't feel like putting it on paper so shut up if you find my talking about crying annoying. Don't read it! Anyway, while I was talking to Monica I started crying just because I missed her. Just in the middle of when she was talking I started crying. Its fucking screwed up. This has been going on for like 2 months now. Well..actually since February around the time of the baby shower but not as bad then. I realized that I really have a bad example of what a good mother/ daughter relationship should be. I had to ask Mary because I started to think it was normal for you not to talk to your mother or even family every week. How pathetic! Thats so screwed up too. My mom hates her mom. Monica hates mom. I love mom. I guess I'm the one with the issues, right? When you move out you are supposed to talk to your family every day or every couple of days at the very least because you need them. Never adopt your husband/boyfriend's family because whether or not you want to admit it, you need your own flesh and blood a lot. You need their support and their love more than someone else's family's love and support.
I just hope things change....
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xThisTimeImperfectx
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2005 3 April :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: File 13//AFI
Photoshopping.
Read more..
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xThisTimeImperfectx
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2005 1 April :: 10.23pm
I'm really fucking TIRED of all my friends doing drugs.
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chuckitatthewall
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2005 28 March :: 7.26pm
:: Music: Who else? The Doors
Hey guys. YOU KNOW WHAT! I SAY "HEY" TOO MUCH NOW! arg..I gotta stop that.
Ok I really really can't stand braggarts. My goodness. Shut up about how great you are and show us. If you have to brag about it then youre probably lieing. I love compliments. NOT FOR ME! I love to give them. I think that compliments are the best thing a person can get. Braggarts never get compliments. Not genuine ones at least. THis is because they are constantly fishing for compliments so if they do get some they are fake. People compliment them to make them shut up.
People these days really piss me off. In fact...the way things are today piss me off in general. Dont get me wrong. I like being alive but I hate the way people are now. So many rude people. Everyone has issues (including me) but we make such a big deal out of them. Maybe the reason your kid is so mean and violent because you dont know how to discipline them. Maybe its your fucking fault. No no no. Its always they need medication. Today, medication solves everything. There is a medication for just about anything you "have". If you cant sit still we'll put you on 5 medications that will cause you to become a zombie but at least youre "dealt" with and no one has to worry about you. Fuck that. Fuck all these medications and shitty ass things doctors have come up with. "Oh no! My kid sneezed! Doctor do something! SHES NOT SUPPOSED TO SNEEZE!!!!" and then the doctor puts the kid on some antibiotic cause the mother is such an over protective bitch who cant let her kid sneeze.
Another thing. (I need to sepertate this even though this probably isnt a new paragraph spot.) Do you know how many things there are for babies? How many toys and clean up things and protective shit? HOLY FUCKING COW! Whatever happened to letting a kid roll on a blanket outside with some stuffed animals? NO fucking way. First) you cant let your kid outside cause they will get a disease. Second) Stuffed animals don't allow a kids brain to develop correctly because they will get bored. Well, parents and doctors, maybe if they are bored when they are babies all the education in school will be interesting and they will put effort into their learning because all this new crap is so darn exciting! PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID! Children today are fat and stupid. Back in the days before all these new brain developing toys were invented, kids were smart. They succeeded. They tried and they became the great leaders of our country. Maybe we should take a look at what they were doing and go back to that style of raising children. We might actually be able to save the kids of today and tomorrow. FUCK ALL THE STUPID DOCTORS AND THEIR THEORIES BECAUSE THEY ARE SCREWING THE NATIONS CHILDREN INTO THE GROUND. WE ARE CREATING A GENERATION OF LAZY CHILDREN WITH NO INSPIRATION TO DO WELL.
Yea ok. Nice to get those things off my chest..
bye
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xThisTimeImperfectx
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2005 26 March :: 11.17pm
Y - Yes
N - No
O - Of course (obviously)
* - Already have done it
( ) go out with me?
( ) hold my hand?
( ) give me your number?
( ) let me kiss you?
( ) have sex with me?
( ) play an SM scene with me?
( ) watch a movie with me... even a really sappy one?
( ) let me take you out to dinner?
( ) drive me somewhere/anywhere?
( ) take a shower with me?
( ) be my gf/bf?
( ) have a fling with me?
( ) listen to me if I called you, crying, even if you were out with all of your friends?
( ) buy me a drink if I didn't have money?
( ) take me home for the night?
( ) let me sleep in your bed?
( ) sing car karaoke with me?
( ) sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
( ) come and pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
( ) dance with me in the rain with no music?
( ) re-post this for me to answer your questions
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xThisTimeImperfectx
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2005 26 March :: 9.48pm
:D K so I don't remember how pathetic I was, i'm deleting some past enteries.
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xThisTimeImperfectx
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2005 26 March :: 9.48pm
Hm
I wish I could go back in time so that Blanket was mine again.
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LoupGarou
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2005 24 March :: 10.48pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: So Close - Evanescence
Power and things like that
Gen.ius-
1. a. Extraordinary intellectual and creative power.
b. A person of extraordinary intellect and talent.
c. A person who has an exceptionally high intelligence quotient, typically above 140 IQ.
2. a. A strong natural talent, aptitude, or inclination.
b. One who has such talent or inclination.
What do people think of when they think of the word "genius"? Albert Einstein, most likely. The man was indeed someone very intelligent. So intelligent that he couldn't even memorize his own phone number. But who are the other geniuses?
I want to bring up some points that I need to get out, not because I want people to agree with me, but because I at least want people to understand where I am coming from. Here I have the freedom to argue it more viciously than I allowed myself to in the discussion I had about this with someone. I asked six different people who they thought of when they heard the word: "genius".
4 - Einstein
1 - Steven Hawkings
1 - Mizuno Ami (Sailor Mercury)
Then I asked them if Abraham Lincoln was a genius:
- "ya. he signed the emancipation proclamation and helped point to the direction of civil liberties for all."
- "i guess lol"
- "Hai!"
- "Yeah"
- "no, just a good pres"
- "no"
And one more. Was Hitler a genius?:
- "Yes indeedy!"
- "yep"
- "yes"
- "yeah"
- "I guess.. but i dont consider him as... i think he's juss nuts.. and crazy."
- "no"
Now you are probably wondering where the hell I am going with this. Most people, when asked, as shown, immediately think of Einstien when they think of a "genius". But Einstein is only one type of genius. He is a genius IQ wise. Opinions vary when it comes to other people. If you asked someone if Einstein was a genius, almost everyone who knew who he was would say "yes."
But what about people without scientific smarts? What about people with a vision? The person I was discussing this with which has now given me the urge to talk about it in here, stated that they believed that Hitler was not a genius, and most people don't think someone such as Walt Disney was a genius because when they think of the definition they think of someone who was smart and that hitler was a "stupidass" or a crazy person.
People who aren't smart, however, can be geniuses just the same. Abraham Lincoln accomplished some great things in his presidency, but his education wasn't nearly at the level as someone's like Einstein's. Because of his accomplishements, and because he had a vision, he has gone down into the world as someone who kept his eyes on those dreams and accomplished them. Whether he personally accomplished them, such as going into battle and personally defeating the enemy is not the case, it's that he had the dream to do it and hired sufficient people to take care of the job for him. What he couldn't do himself, he found people who could.
"There is no such thing as a genius in the sense of animation." Walt Disney created the first full length animated feature film in the history of the world - Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. For the movie Bambi, he had deer brought in, not trapped, to the studio so that the animators could study the way they moved and the way they looked. He discovered Julie Andrews. He had the vision to create an amusement park completely different than any ever before. By doing these things he advanced animation like no one before, including entertainment and its whole new form, and created something completely new for entertainment.
And people can still say that there was no genius involved in that.
On the issue of Hitler being a dumb as psychotic nutjob, that he was. But he was a genius. Anyone that can convice a good part of Germany and Europe that his ideal vision for his country included torture, experiments, and ethnic cleansing in general has got to be one clever man.
A person can be a genius without being a good person. After all, don't we often hear about the villain in a story being an evil genius? My point is, I suppose, that people can be considered a genius without them actually being a smart person academically. There are geniuses of different types everywhere. J.K. Rowling, J.R.R. Tolkein, C.S. Lewis are all geniuses of literature. Alfred hitchcock of horror films, and Steven Spielberg of films in general. Martin Luther King Junior was a genius. Jhonen Vasquez is a genius ^.^
I guess I wanted to try to explain this whole thing better, but i got distracted and my thoughts became chopped up. But I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Geniuses aren't always people that are smart, they are people that pursue a vision that they have.
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xthistimeimperfectx
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2005 24 March :: 11.19pm
:: Music: Death of Seasons - AFI
Mm.
Im thinking of making a new username on Woohu. What do you think?
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xthistimeimperfectx
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2005 24 March :: 4.07pm
Laaaa.
Wicked Game
By: HIM
The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you
And I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna brake your heart
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna brake your heart
..with you
What a wicked game to play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
What a wicked thing you do
To make me dream of you
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna brake your heart
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna brake your heart
..with you
The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
No and I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you
I'll never dream that I lose somebody like you, no
Now I wanna fall in love
This world is always gonna brake your heart
Now I wanna fall in lust
This world is always gonna brake your heart
..with you
Nobody loves no-one
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xthistimeimperfectx
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2005 24 March :: 1.01am
:: Mood: sad
updating.
Hm. So Im sorry I forgot about that survey thing. Ill find it now and do it.
[my name is]: Allison
[in the morning i am]: a bitch
[love is]: painful.
[i dream about]: weird things.
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: hair.
[last person u slow danced with]: ..um one of my friends
-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: Hmmmm.
[is easiest to talk to]: I dunno.
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: Yesss.
[been in love]: I guess.
-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: Sakura.
[hugged]: ...Deborah.
[you instant messaged]: Amaya.
[you laughed with]: Steph.
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer?]: Yeah.
[what's your favorite food?]: Hm. Panera Bread's Chicken noodle soup.
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: I like a bunch of fruits.
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: Emotional.
[trust others way too easily?]: At times.
-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: Hm
[of hearts i have broken?]: ..one?
[of boys i have kissed?] : HAHAA. None.
[of girls i have kissed?] : HAHAA. None.
[of drugs taken illegally?] : One. I guess.
[of tight friends?] : Like.. a few.
[of cd's that i own?] : 29?
[of scars on my body?] : A couple.
[of things in my past that i regret?] : A lot.
O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
[i know]: that I am Allison
[i wish]: sometimes, i wasn't.
[i hate]: stairs.
[i miss]: being with blanket.
[i fear]: stairs.
[i hear]: my typing
[i love]: someone
[i care]: about people.
[i will always]: dance.
[i dance]: in misery (AFI SONG. )
[i cry]: in my day dreams. (haha. instead of 'die')
[i write]: my first love song.
[i confuse]: people.
[i can usually be found]: at home.
[i need]: blanket.
-Concerning.The.Friends.(You.Claim.To.Have)
[wish you saw more often]: Lauren
[most sarcastic]: Lauren
[knows you best]: Mandy.
[most entertaining]: Steph
[love to be around]: Steph
[nicest]: Karen.
[gives the best advice]: Andrea.
[you are with most often]: Steph.
-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
[your best feature (personality)]: Eyes.
[annoying thing you do]: Lots of things.
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: Hm. Not visiting my grandma as often.
[describe your personality in one word]: Different.
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: Eyes.
[height]: SHOOORT.
[a smell that makes you smile]: Vanilla. o_o
[a drink you order most often]: sprite?
[a delicious dessert]: hm
[a book you highly recommend]: -shrug-
[the music you prefer while alone]: Um.
[your favorite band]: AFI
[a film you could watch over and over]: The Crow.
[you live in a(n)]: messy two-famiily house.
[your transportation]: feet/car.
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: oo; bed.
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xthistimeimperfectx
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2005 23 March :: 3.29pm
:: Music: Nothing.
...o_O Im so tired and stuff.
I wanna make ramen. ...So I am. :D
It's snowing. oO; I hope it snows moree and stays there so I can not go to school tomorrow.
HM. I need to start that game I downloaded yesterday. It's all ready. I think I just need to sign up. o_O Ill just wait for Alexis.
Lalalalalllllllaaaaaaa..
K Im gonna make ramen, find a survey, and then update woohu for the second time today. :D Yay.
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xthistimeimperfectx
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2005 22 March :: 2.08pm
o.o Im so gonna start writing in this again.
Heh. Everytime I say this it doesn't happen.
...
But this time Ill make it happen. -goes off to make a new layout-
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chuckitatthewall
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2005 21 March :: 7.15pm
:: Music: MORRISON HOTEL C.D
Yo dudes.
Today was so fucking awesome. I talked to an English guy who was 25. He was really polite though. He asked me how old I was and most American dudes would be like "oh Youre too young I'm not gonna talk to you anymore" so i said "yea i know i'm young.blah blah blah" then he said "Youre age doesnt change who you are." HE IS SO NICE! So I was asking him questions about England and people there and stuff. He said that most people dont really like Scottish people and he has a few Scotish friends but he generaly dislikes them. Then I said I was Scotish but I like English people and he said "Thats nice to hear" It was like 2:30 over there but he was being nice and doing his best to keep up with my questions so that was cool. I LOVE ENGLISH PEOPLE! Oh yea. I mentioned 80 degree weather and just now I have remembered they use celcius. So they were thinking its like 500 degrees over here. Hmm...Unless they are stupid they will have figured that out I hope.
AH! I MUST GO. I'LL SAVE THE CRAPPY STUFF FOR LATER.
DUDE ENGLISH PEOPLE ROCK THE WORLD AND THEY ARE SO POLITE AND I LOVE THEM. I WANNA GO THERE AND MARRY ONE OF THE HOT GUYS AND LIVE THERE WITH HIM AND HAVE CUTE ENGLISH B...NEVER MIND DUDES. TOO MANY DETAILS. BYE BYE
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loupgarou
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2005 20 March :: 4.20pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Tobacco Island - Flogging Molly
The color of Crayons and their pathetic little lives
Hm. Well I'm updating.
I was looking at Jimmy's journal and realized I don't know how to get to it. I realize that it's closed, but I thought he was going to make it password protected. I don't know how to do that though.
We're going as a family to see Robots today. It's been a long time since we've gone to see a family movie. I think it will be fun. It's been a long time since I've gotten together with Julie and Ashleigh as well. Not to mention my other friends too. I should set something up.
My sister is looking for flashcards right now.
It's cloudy today, and I'm not very articulate today at all now am I?
I'm trying to figure out if the screen name that says: "TheMaureen" on my buddy list is really Marilyn's sister or marilyn. Judging by it having a profile though and it being a "new motto" I'm guessing it's actually Maureen.
Wow this entry must be very boring to read. Maybe if I danced around with bread up my nose it would be more interesting. Unfortunately I'm not going to do it. I am sockless.
i don't understand factoring equations. Maybe if she had explained it to us a bit better i would have understood. Or if i had had time to ask one of the people in my class during free block. so I guess technically it's my fault, but every once in a while it's fun to blame it on the teacher.
You know, I remember when I was little and we would go to movies we would arrive there early and I was so excited that I would ask my dad when the movie was starting every two minutes because I was impatient and didn't like all of the bustle behind us or the elevator music playing in the background out of the theater speakers. Now I amuse myself by reading out every character on the advertisements. When I say that I don't mean I read them in different voices and play different characters, I mean when I see a "Can your advertisement do this?" I read it as "Can your advertisement do this questionmark"
Now that I think about it though technically that is not every character, if it was I would say "space" for every space. But occasionally I do that too.
I must be damaging my eyes by sitting here staring at the bright moniter while the room is dimly lit because of the closed blinds and no overhead light on. But I don't like the lighting in this room when the light is on. it's too yellow and artificial. I guess I should just open the blinds.
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