i hate myself..
hey, well I hate myself. I mean my fuckin god what the hell did i do? Ugh! I cant deal with this anymore, I mean my fuckin god, I cant be dropped then just be picked up again, its not okay anymore, and it never should have been in the fuckin 1st place. This is going to be so fuckin hard but i can do it.. I know that i can.. No, i dont know that I can but IM damn well going to try. I barely ahve anything left.. Alex, Josh, Caitlin, Mowry, and..Liz. And im done.. I mean what do I have to look forward to anymore? Nothing makes me happy..Nothing.. I swear, how in the hell can he do this to me ..again.. How come I fall into it every time? Why?? damnit..
I was just tlakin to Cowboy.. Somehow, he made me feel better..I barely know him but yet.. He seems to care.. Hes goin to look for a job.. So ..I gave him luck.. And he says. I need it.. Im not so sure that luck is all i need.. I cant see the screen anymore.. Everythings piling down.. And then yesterday i had ashely tell me that shes moving.. SO! I then cried for about 45 mins.. why am i alive?

i feel like shit dude..
ugh, i am soo friggin sick, i hate feelin like shit.. on the happy side---Im at Alexs.. i miss her.. Nd i saw Josh last night :o) and he wasnt all like.. shy! well not for the most part at least.. Saw David M for the 1st time in ..wow. a long time. I remember why i didnt miss him, but him and Josh are cousins.. How convient.. Anyways.. Superbowls today.. hearts not in it today.. Not in a lot recently.. feels like the only thing i got left is Alex.. and i think Josh..i think.. hope so.. idk guys.. not much i can do anymore.. Krystals gone, bc of a stupid bitch..
HA!! amusement on my part- according to Justin, I told Danielle that me and Jeremy are having sex.. Thats what Danielle told Justin. im liek really??? thats neat, wtf why would i tell her? logical, REAL logical guys..
fuck the world man.. shits crazy.. I swear, JOey still hates me tho.. oh well, another one to add to the list..I seem to be racking em up these days..Feel bad for Cowboy, hes gettin shit from Jen, seriously tho guys, i could give a fuck what Jen thinks she dont fuckin know Jack-Shit about me, and neither does any of them.. i swear, just when i start to think ppl arent that bad, they allll prove me wrong!
Liz and i are gettin together, fuck guys, i swear..Shes better then em all,... okay, i take that back.. I like Josh..as a matteroffact, i like him alot, dont wana give him up..yet, when i do..im allllll Lizs.. Swear.. okay, im like so rambling now, so ima go. xoxo to the ones who care!

i hate my life
hey well i cant talk to jeremy anymore..and krystal 'cant be my friend' its a conspiracy i swear.. i have alex.. and i think josh.. but he hasnt talked to me in a few days so idk where thats at.. anyway. yeah so thats life.. i gtg tho, bc ..yeah ppl suck..

everything!
okay here goes guys, lots of stuff to say..
PEOPLE
okay, well i have just realized that i dont have to give a fuck on what anybody thinks, if u dont like me then fuck you! if u dont want me to be happy then ur not really my friend. Why do all of u care what im doin anyways? ur not me?!!! if im not happy then i cant make other ppl happy to. if im happy let me fckin be. If ur my true friend, you wont care who im with as long as i AM happy!
*JOSH*
(I CLICKED THE WRONG button so if it says edited then thats why) anyways.. okay~ josh, i like him so much but i just found out that im his 1st gf, and i feel like a huge bitch bc i sat there and judged him expected him to do certain things, but he didnt know that he was supposed to.. im such a bitch..
*J*
hes sick, i told him to go get medcince.. dont think he listened.. oh well hes to stubborn.. i spent alot of the weekend with him a a bunch of other ppl. Hes so cool, i luff that kid, he still means so friggin much to me, i can tell that kid anything..and i do.. he knows me inside and out(no pun intended) but yeah, thats him..
*Krystal*
she started school this week.. bad and good, means shes closer to me more.. but im not seein her much more.. i <3 her so much.. <3
*Dave*
aboves bf.. well, hes pretty cool for the most part, good to her, but picks on me alot and i hate it..like all fuckin sat night, i swear i would have cried if jeremy wasnt there.. ugh! anyways,overall good kid..
*Cowboy*
i like him better then dave,. pretty funny, misses melissa! lol
*Caitlin*
always there for me, i <3 her! shes awesome!
*Ashley*
my babygurl! i <3 u so much and u know whenever u need anything im here. itll get better
i promise. u had fun on friday, we can do it anytime, promise. come chill more! xoxo i love u girlie!
*Mowry*
hey baby, i <3 u and whenever u need me im here okay, u need alot in a time like this, dont let anyone bring u down!

well guys.. thats it for other ppl..now me...

okay! i have decided that i am happy where i am and i dont care anymore if all of u ppl think its not good or w/e but if im happy then im good, i have to make me happy b4 making everyone else happy. so get the fuck over it. and if u dont wana listen to me bitch and complain and shit then dont read this! dont be fuckin stupid.. anyway, im done..
xoxo guys!