xxbabiigurlxx
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2005 20 February :: 5.49am
its almost 6am, im still going. i cant stop.
my eyes are swollen shut.
you;ll never understand what you mean to me
i love you
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xxbabiigurlxx
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2005 18 February :: 12.57pm
:: Mood: chipper
well, iv had some pretty crazy days latley .
i really want to see hitch. and iv tryed numorous times with dann, but its like were not supposed to see this movie !! The other night ..we planned on going --> i get a phone call at the tinme hes supposed to be leaving.." im going to be fucking stuck here for another hour" bla bla bla... some shit happend so im liek fuck, ya kno? so whatever
-----> 20 minutes laster i get a phone call form him. . . "meet me at my house im going to change" im like wait huh? "ASHLEY !!" okay okay im coming lol
so we leave his house and rush over to the boynton theater were five minutes late for the movie 5 no big deal. . . previews and stuff..." were closed" the movie started 5 minutes ago?? "were closed"
..... yeaa
so we get in the car and go to the other boynton theater, we are 30 minutes late, so we just gave up. since we both were hungry we decided we would go out to eat, as were driving to find a place eat . . . he mentions city place... hmm ?!
i call 411 and the guy tells me the last showing is in 20 minutes. soo we get on i -95 and rush down there. 1 mile befor our exit. dead stop. down to one lane. we stat there a good 45 minutes, we finally got out of the traffic mess, and our exit was even closed
so we got off, and back on to go to town.
Ended up at Dennys at 12 at night.. we get a phone call fdrom krystina, her car is broke down all the way back where we were so we go home and wake up his parents and tom and dan left to go help her, i went home.. just when we though the night was ending.. mann
Befor all this i went over to best buy to buy dann a cd, as im pulling in, i fuckin hit a god damn car, i was so fucking freaked, im not going into details, nothing at all happended to his car, mine has a scratch really, but i thought i was gogin to die, and this really nice kidd and his friend helped me out the whole time, thanks "dan" & "trick"
and where was i going with all this ?!?!
--> oh yeah that was that night. lol i dunno, i was inturupted and im so confused now...
....soo i promise, you and i will go together to see hitch
i love you !!
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xxbabiigurlxx
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2005 18 February :: 12.26pm
:: Mood: annoyed
thats why i don't talk about you in here anymore = \
GR
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strawberrie
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2005 17 February :: 6.51pm
:: Music: candy shop!
whats new w/ u?
heyy well whats up??
nm here umm heres a lil breif update 'cause im about to leave...
v-day sucked......untill Mike n John picked me n nikki mike got me this teddy bear its so cute n john got me this bracelt its really nice white gold n gold but yea not gunna get into that
john n them have been shady latly n sellin' out so not much has been goin' on but tomorrow im goin' to josh's for this thing cause the other fine assssssssss Josh their both hott but ya Josh is moving to Ohio imma miss him mucho but i gtg bye
sorry about that i got picked up but yeah back to what i was saying....
just read dee's journal well before but yeah very upsetting and mind boggling idk but im fuckin' beat so there was no point in coming back n updated or editing more
peace out
Heather!
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innocence
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2005 16 February :: 9.31pm
well whats new? valentines day sucked, but who gives a shit because ::
NEWSFLASH :: so did a shitload of other peoples
plans for the weekend fell through, figured they would and im starting to not trust who i trusted before. I realized almost everybody talks shit and when its possible for you to get caught in anything you always point fingers.. always.
Ive been sick since monday which sucks, but eh what can you do? didnt go to school today for the first day this year. Stayed in bed all day and watcched movie after movie. [italian job, oceans 11, a cinderella story, freaky friday, and getting there] My cat was with me the whole time, almost like he knew i was sick. hmph.
ive decided to MOVE ON. Theres obviously not the same amount of feeling coming from both of us, so whats the point of me wasting my time. Im not gonna dwell over a guy who isnt even worth it. Friends, yeah of course i still wanna be friends, but other than that, i expect nothing. and what ive realized is .. his loss, not mine.
The only thing i wish is that this fight between my family would get resolved because i really miss rob and joe. but foreal, i dont know why i let myself cry over a guy. A guy who is being persuaded by a bunch of people who wouldnt know the truth if it hit them on the head. but thats okay, because i have my friends and even tho theyre far away, theyre still there for me. [zach i was almost ready to say fuck everything i dont give a shit, but i just needed one push to get it overwith - and u did it, like u always do, and i love you] im finally ready to say FUCK YOU and move on.
so lets be honest now
fuck you pops for never being there for me when i needed you, and now im being there for you. it killed me for years that you werent a real father, but you know what, i cant change you and i have no desire to try. so heres my new slate. fresh and clean. i forgive you
fuck you all at jfk for not being there when my mother needed you. i cant go back, i cant make my mother here again, but i forbid to hold a grudge on you fucks who have hearts blacker then night, i forbid to let ur faults stay in the back of my mind and drag me down, i forbid to let u make me feel miserable. i forgive you
fuck you alex for being a dick, fuck you mo for being the stalker you are, fuck you mike and christine for mindfucking me, fuck you jimmy for being a tease and letting people get to you and for making me hear shit from the grapevine, but you know what. i pity you all for the bullshit you put me through. but i forgive you
fuck you you bastards who broke into my house and stole from me and my mother while she was on her deathbed. but more then disgust i have in you, i again hold pity. but because you dont matter and you never did i forgive you
and God, i hated you for taking my mother from me, i hated you for taking her the way you did, making her suffer, and me not being ready for her to leave, i hated you for the life i now live and i hated you for not letting me get one last hug, but you know what, she's in a better place, and she's happy, and she's looking down on me always. of course i want her back, but shes not coming back, and i think ive finally accepted that. and God i forgive you
and last but not least
fuck you danielle for letting all these people get to you and for spending nights crying and feeling sorry for yourself, nobodys life is perfect and nobodys ever will be. fuck you for feeling inferior and for holding on to things that cant change. fuck you for holding back feelings and not doing what you want when you want to, but even more then that, fuck you for not letting go and not being yourself. but it all doesnt matter because i forgive you
i finally forgive myself, and im finally going to take a leap and let go. i have to, because denial is no better or easier then the real deal. God help me and please help me to get through the rest of my life, dont let me sell myself short, bc that is something i do easily. help me to stand up for myself and be a strong independant woman.
forgiveness is beautiful. much love to my friends and family
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