:: 2005 18 November :: 12.13 am

do you ever feel like every choice that you make is wrong. like your happy for the moment but fucking yourself over in the long run.
i dont feel it.
im afraid of what i do feel.
its odd.
different.
i dont want to get bored.


i went to meet him at work and he was like so what are your plans for midnight and i was like, sleeping and he was like well there is this movie that i guess you were kinda interested in seeing and i was hoping you would let me take you and i was like.
awww.
i am going to take my little sister on saturday though, and then we were going to go see it anyway.
but then i said no save your money we will go see walk the line or jarhead or a movie that you want to see and he was like, i want to do something nice for you though. i love you and i know youve been waiting for the release for awhile and i was like, sweetie you would not enjoy yourself lets just sleep, you have school in the morning and all.
so here we are and im okay with that.
he is a really great guy.
not sure why he loves me so much.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 18 November :: 12.11 am

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
Lord, it just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right

Oh and i don’t know
I don’t know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, hold me tight

Oh and I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh and I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

Catch a Star

:: 2005 17 November :: 2.21 pm

GOWD
I hate college.
No I hate myself for being such a slacker and not trying at all.
I am totally going to have to retake this stupid ass prereq stupid ass algebra class again.
why?
because I dont try at all and I have put forth no effort and I got a test back today that I got a 36% on.
DAMN YOU LIZZY.
im so upset with myself I am so so SO much better than that. I am smart. not like yeah liz is smart but like SMART.
I should be doing really well in an entry level sort of class like math 110. .
I am just really really upset with myself. I don't know If I can dig myself out of this algebraic hole that I am in but by god I am going to try.
the teacher gave us this big whole lecture too.
he is all talking about how it is his last semester and that if he likes a student he is going to take that into account when he gives them a grade and that policy doesnt matter to him because what is the school going to do? Fire him. nope he doesnt care. so its time for liz to buckle down and start kissing some major teacher ass.
or just study and do good on the next test and ace the final because what the fuck liz you are smart and better than an F.
so angry with myself.
you dont even know the resentment i feel for myself and for being a big old failure at life.
god at least ive got ray.
where is he anyway.
not at school cuz hes just as big of a slacker as I am. he hasnt been to school in like three days.
stupid high school boys ill tell ya.
to bed. i need to sleep. im going to have some pizza with my ma later. so yeah.
i should study instead.
hugs and shit

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 16 November :: 11.20 am

Today is the Liz and Ray do nothing but be in bed all day adn drink hot cocoa and watch gilmore girls and other stupid girly shows day.
Mostly because I got up this morning and it was snowing and I am so not ready for that yet that. mostly because I lost my winter coat. well the outside shell at least and I cannot take that. coat where are you and fuck you snow. silly silly snow its only november.
oh wait i guess it does snow a little in november. sucky suckness.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 16 November :: 12.34 am

well to finish off a good day, i went to the gym.
yeah iknow right.
and on the way home who should i see but.....



i know you want to know who?





jAKE mellema, and jake moerdyke.
and then josh gates.
so i brought them back to my dorm and we ate tacos.
it was cool.
they are all way cool.
jake mellema is way super hot these days too.
my roomate was like that tall guy is HOT! and i was like yeah he is.
it was cool.
we hung out for about an hour and half,
it was a good day.

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 15 November :: 8.16 pm

DDR/TACO Night BIZITCHES.
wOOt WooT.
I am having like the greatest day which is funny because nothing substantially good happened. In fact I forgot to do some English work but whatever It was still a really good day and Im in a super great mood.
*sigh*
well kaylee adn I are off to dance the revolution

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 15 November :: 3.10 pm

bow chicka wow wow
im so bored.
i have class in like 45 minutes.
gotta go hang out with leo.
ray is here, all sick and stuff.
poor guy.
snuffling and such.
i am making some pizza.
just waiting for the time to go to class or to see leo as the case may be.
I got some mail today from my bestest friend in the whole world.
thanks joslyn.
everyone else should send me mail too because mail makes my day all happy.
my address is
11018 Residence Dr. West B 113
Allendale, MI 49401.
so yeah thats like a 50 cent happiness giver right there.
you all dont even know how happy mail makes me.
I got an 87% on my visual analysis paper.
shit yeah.
now take into consideration that my teacher took off 10% because it was late, that means that it started out as a 97%. fuck yes.
that makes me all kinds of excited.
I am getting a B in ARt so yeah that is my best class at the moment. funny since i never go to it. huh.
okay laters.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 15 November :: 10.06 am

last night was good, my mom makes the best pork chops in the entire world. i mean seriously they were so good.
i never want to leave home again. i cannot cook like that. i need to learn and fast because that was some great food right there.
mm.
okay got some stuff to do for school. yeah im trying to keep up now. i know crazy.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 14 November :: 3.57 pm

i hope that i am not as blind as she is.

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:: 2005 14 November :: 3.13 pm

har har.
dinner at home,
you know what that means.
Real food the mom kind.
WooT WooT.
im super uber excited.
i am meeting ray at 430 to head on over.
so i gotta get in the shower and get ready to go. got some stuff to do.
some math and some writing.
ill get er done tonight.
im pretty happy right now.
i mean really happy.
good stuff.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 13 November :: 9.33 pm

I am like living off of ramen noodles.
its okay.
ive been sleeping for the last couple of hours. the phone woke me up but whatever i dont care.
just in time for desperate housewives.
ray is still sleeping, he was so tired.
i was too. morning shit sucks. i thought that i would like it because i would have more time but actually it just gives me more time to sleep which may be okay.i like sleeping.
crazy called my house at 1 oclock this morning. yayness.
it was crazy.
she is crazy.
whatever.
im still kind of waiting for my phone to ring because i shut the ringer off and in ten minutes i was like hey ill see if she is still trying to call as i was turning up the phone the ringer was going.
its crazy.
i feel so stalked.

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 12 November :: 2.35 pm

Fucking christ.
I can hardly take anything. not my life.
im so screwed up.
what the hell was i thinking.
she is so fucking crazy.
she called my dorm
thats right my dorm because somehow she found out where i live.
at 3 o fucking clock this morning.
i had to work at 7 so thats all kinds of great.
i hate it that i love him so much and that everything is so fucking screwy.
why cant we just have a normal relationship.
im so fucking lost.
i need to eat.
i havent eaten in a long time.
i lost three more pounds.
im not very healthy.
whatever.
at least im losing weight.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 10 November :: 8.06 pm

you are silly but i love you anyway.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 10 November :: 3.10 pm

so i totally finished that paper.
rock on for me. and now all the stress in the world is over.
well until next week.
im so glad though.
i have renewed spirits.
no school tomorrow for me or ray and that is cool
only i have to work at 2
that sucks
work sucks.
only one class left today.
iwill probably get more work then but okay.
for right now im watching tv and its the first time in like a month ive gotten to watch tv.
rocking.

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 10 November :: 11.46 am
:: Music: So yesterday

1 stars caught | Catch a Star