:: 2005 24 May :: 10.17 am

BLAH I just woke up and i am pretty damn tired. body convulsion tired. like when i yawn i cant control it sorta thing. i dont know. game tonight though. against coopersville I guess we will see how that goes. hopefully better than last nights crappy ass practice. i mean as far as practices go it was okay i just couldnt stand being there you know. anyway i need to clean my room and wait for pj.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 23 May :: 8.47 pm

alright i was totally over being mad about reed and then BAM!
he did it again! he screamed at me for something asinine and this time i really didnt do anything wrong.
gahhh.
so now im burning some cds for trisha and i hope that she enjoys them.
i like to think that i make alright cds. these ones have on them old greenday, clutch. eve 6, jet.
stuff like that. foo fighters. cant forget the foos.
pretty excited about graduation though. only a few days away. bomb.
well i suppose that would be all i got.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 23 May :: 1.57 pm

updating from duftys
bored so i came back
gah. never thought id do that.
oh wait yes i did. i love this place too much.
csps I love you.
that includes you staff like pj.
hehe
well my computer at home seems to be down cuz my family room thing is getting painted. bummer. pj. i hope that practice is short or nonexistent. because if it is you should come hang out with my tonight, if not then there is lunch tomorrow. well either way. i love you a lot. and lets hope all goes well at practice because im still pissed off. only i will probably just keep my mouth shut like i always do. ill get over it. ive had the weekend to stew. love you

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:: 2005 17 May :: 12.36 pm

god blah and suck
this is my last day, ever.
thats really super cool only then the full effect hits me that hey im not going to be seeing anybody as much except for pj.
and that now i have to grow up.
it really sucks
and im so damn tired.
so tired
and in brit lit we took our test and i got 57%
she showed me the test and i cried
because I am not a 57% kind of girl
and i hate crying but i do it all of the time
it just sucks
my overall grade is a B which is cool but not an A which is not cool.
I did make academic all state though.
yay.
i guess its not that big of an honor though really. either way school is almost over.
the rest of econ, two arts and then done...
sad.
i went to the 6:50 group this morning and i felt really good about that.
about being in the presence of people so committed to their faith and then hazel hugged me because he was so happy that i came to it. it was a really great feeling. i finally feel like im making clarifying decisions.
then at lunch jay and sam said that they saw pj. i wish i would have seen him.
I love him,
more than anything in the entire world.
i just wish that he would trust me a little more.
give me some credit for being responsible.
im not who i was before. i can control myself


now i want to go home and wash the nasty bonfire smoke smell out of my hair and my teeth and my entire body. its seriously disgusting.
once again i love you

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 16 May :: 12.01 pm

UPDATE
LIZ THORINGTON IS A LIAR AND THE WORST JOURNALIST THAT EVER LIVED.
I HOPE SHE BURNS IN HER INFERNO OF FLAMING BAD ARTICLES.
AND DOES NOT i REPEAT, NOT, REST IN PEACE

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 16 May :: 11.57 am

so we did okay on our little titan test.
im super bored. tired
too
thinking that i would like to go to Kims for that little all night gig that will be going on.
yeah it should be cool
seniors rock
one more day.
the day should be over except that the little homo.
grrrrrr
and then christa
grrr even more skank.
class is so boring.
i cannot take it anymore
and then i have 26 hours this week which is cool because me plus money equals good. i could definately use some money.
yeah. well either way.
pj i love you and i will see you later
After practice tomorrow??? since youll be in town and all after teh work.

I love you

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 13 May :: 11.58 am

blah blah blah.
thats how i feel. except im pretty hungry. probably will eat when my mom gets home. game set to leave at 2 only maybe not if it gets cancled. you never know though.
i guess a few girls dont have their uniforms or gloves or cleats or any on the essential things that it takes to play softball because they are in the school. bah.
ryan you ass clown.

ugh either way, back to pj. who i love.

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:: 2005 12 May :: 11.42 am

yuck i have a stomachache and softball practice and neither one sounds too great.
shoot.
i love pj

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:: 2005 12 May :: 10.05 am

well i am just pissed, RYAN GORTER YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSWHOLE YOU DIRTY TERRORIST.

I have to go to school on monday probably and that super sucks cuz monday was a plan filled day. a sleepy, spend some time alone with my boyfriend who starts his new job on tuesday, kinda of plans day. and he ruined it, just like my day ruined it like two weeks ago. always ruining, im pretty sure the world is only thinking of me when they do stupid things and ruin my very important plans, only not really its just a shitty side effect. thats life isnt. well i guess i can chersish the few days that i have left of high school either way. shit.

oh got an interview at meijers. and thats pretty cool.

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 11 May :: 3.16 pm

I am a girl who is looking for love

ridiculous

inconvenient

cant live without each other

LOVE

5 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 11 May :: 3.03 pm

well i think its funny how irony works.
today i took my radioactive iodine treatments.
then i went back to school. against what my doctor says because apparently radiation is dangerous. either way im pretty radioactive.
but cooper wouldnt let me in, because there was a chemical spill
now that is some sort of coincidence.
so now, no softball,
no school tomorrow and all that good stuff,
only that kinda sucks.
at least in this capacity that little pansy and his loudmouthed friend and finally going to realize that they are in fact not invincible.
well either way. i guess that, that is all ive got for the day. later guys.
love pj

Catch a Star

:: 2005 9 May :: 7.50 pm

alright so, softball
gotta love it.
I devote 6 days a week to this sport.
my blood and tears and all that good shit.
what am I getting in return ladies and gentlemen oh yes thats right
im tired.
im irritated.
and after every game its become routine to fight with my parents because i hate playing so much that i have nothing but a pissy attitude all of the time
im so burnt out and there is nothing to be done about this.
maybe if i felt like at least my physical state were getting better, but its just not. im so dragged out all of the time and i know that this is because of the whole noduel thing but seriously im dying here.
i threw the bat and coach reprimanded me. great
he apologized because he said that he had to because the ump was there. and i know its really none of my business but why didnt he tell mary in the last game when she threw the bat.
gah. sometimes seriously its so obvious who the favorites are.
its easy to see because the rest of us cannot do anything right.
i try so hard and i feel like everything is wrong, if i finally get one thing figured out then we move on to something different.
its killing. and poor pam just get yelled at all the time for absolutely nothing. she wont play next year, thats certain to me at this point. why would she. i wouldnt if i were her,
she isnt playing the position that she wants and she is constantly scrutinized. larissa quit today but once again who can really blame her. i would have been gone a long time ago if i were her.
i remember when i loved this game. i dont feel that anymore. like going to games and practices. just being there and feeling like a team was enough and now im just too too tired to enjoy anything at all. i thought that i would like to try college ball but im just not good enough. and im not strong enough. pretty much everything blows at this time.

i love pj though.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 9 May :: 11.43 am

Im in econ and it is really really hot in here. im like dying. ahh
just finished a test up and i really cant wait to get out of school. well at least get out of econ.
oh by the way. if you want a senior pic. let me know cuz i really lost track of who got one and who didnt.
my open house is
JUNE 18 ONE Till FIVE
be there.
or dont.
i dont really care one way or the other.
game tonight.
its gonna be a hot one.
shoot dog.
i wish i would have brought my reading with me cuz im super super bored.
cant wait for monday and cant wait for no school.
econ sucks and i cant wait to not have this class anymore. SEriously.

i could really use some contentment right about now.
cuz im not feeling it.

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 9 May :: 9.20 am

im struggling.
to stay afloat I guess.
i need something.
im feeling empty
i know that nothing is right.
only everything is right at the same time
im pretty sure i believe that god exists but at the same time. i feel like im just swallowing the same pill that my parents have been handing me for years.
then i told my parents that I dont believe that jesus is any sort of savior and they then criticized me. and made comments about it the rest of the day. until i told them that judgemental people like them were exactly what has turned me away from christianity.
its not that i dont want to believe its that i just cant. im trying to.
i started to read the bible. just for the sake of reading it. and the maybe it would give me some sort of clarity. then I found a flaw already on the first two pages.
it says that on the sixth day god created man and woman.
then later he puts man in the garden of eden. yet he has to create a companion for adam out of his rib. what happened to the woman he created on the sixth day?
pj said that in the flaws that are presented that, that is where the faith comes in.
how can i have faith in something that I find flawed. and on those lines, why would i want to worship something that I fear.
god-fearing that is how some people refer to themselves. i dont understand. respect dosent equal fear. I want to be respecting the essence that I worship not fear him.
i dont even know what to think anymore. but unless i believed in my subconsious then why would I be so concerned about finding an answer. I need something. so i intend to keep educatiing myself until i find some sort of answer.
out

Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 May :: 4.17 pm

the weekend is almost over now. i could go for some softserve. i need to clean my room. the tournament went pretty well i guess. it had its moments. im pretty burnt out though. ive been sleeping since pj left at 1. so theres that.i cant wait until we are done with school. only down to 4 days now. five for most but i have my radioactive iodine final deal on wednesday so at most ill be there for a few hours. well see i guess. game that night though. i really need a new job. one where i can get some hours during the day. that would just be nice to have some money for a change. ive got about forty buck, so combined with mondays check ill have 20 left after i finally get around to paying my insurance. im okay though. i will definately make it. i always do. i applied at meijers though. for third shift so maybe that would be cool if i got a job there. for those of you about to comment. yes i know ramiro works there. but im not catty. i like ramiro. hes an okay guy and a job is a job. mitch works there as well, not too big of a deal really. im pretty mature and i can handle myself. i dont have to e a big baby about things that i did in the past. especially things that were my own doing. but ive really got to clean my room. so there you have it.
pj i hope your having a marvelous time at your bbq. i love you./

3 stars caught | Catch a Star