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2004 16 September :: 4.31 pm
two aps submitted.
now im nervous
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2004 15 September :: 3.17 pm
Grand Valley is GREAT and no I don't just say that because PJ is there. there are more people there that I dislike than like so you know. anyway. I like it. tomorrow Ferris so we'll see. Dufty and I talked. and jos had ricardis. shit is cool. I was sitting in class thinking that I dont have my watch set to the second like I did last year so that says something good at least. oh yeah sent in my aquinas ap. so lets cross the fingers.
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2004 13 September :: 3.42 pm
oh and i forgot im applying to state at duftys request when i get turned down im going to be sad. not that I want to go there but rejection sucks. dufty though is awesome and I truly value his opinions. but i have in fact all but decided.
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2004 13 September :: 3.38 pm
At what point do I wake up and realize that my life is a dream. I did nothing to deserve all the great things that I have. I love everything about it. only Im afraid of growing up. at the same time I want to grow up really fast and get past college does this make sense. I really want to take the jessa route. Only I can't. I have too much to work for and have worked too hard so far. I know that in 5 years it will all still be there and that is the only comfort I find throughtout it all. I love you more than anything.
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2004 11 September :: 5.32 pm
so i have two campus tours this week. the second of which my parents just informed me that i have to go alone. I said well maybe pj will go with me. then my mom says, um i think he goes to school.
shit and duh Lizzy. gah so someone should come to big rapids with me on thursday not that Im going to go there but i should maybe check it out just in case.
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2004 11 September :: 2.02 pm
If i could just skip past everything and be where i want to be at this moment. oh goodness. i love you
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2004 9 September :: 3.07 pm
school rocks.
dufty rocks.
hazel rocks
eilola. not so much rocks but i love that class.
millard cool. and also norkus same as millard.
my schedule equals awesome.
I love pj. and thats all thats really up in my life. but yay. i like having definite plans and knowing where my life is heading.
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2004 7 September :: 11.44 am
I fucking love pj. first day and im in art right now. 16 minutes till lunch
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2004 3 September :: 2.40 pm
fuck you all. alot.
no not really im just in a super bad mood. i want a double cheeseburger i want pj and i want to just not have any responsibilities that involve money. fuck.
4 stars caught |
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2004 29 August :: 4.50 pm
works equals suck.
I got two new guinea pigs which are named kiki and riley. i love them they are cuteness.
and they chirp. I got highlights in my hair. i got my eyebrows waxed. i got new underwear. and i got a cd player for my car from peter.
i like him lots.
so then that equals eveything as goodness all wrapped up in a burrito shell. i cant wait for school to start. only that equals me not having pj around so much and i have deduced that i cannot live without him
we went and saw without a paddle yesterday that was pretty good. got my senior pics in a few days. im going to douglas.
this all brings me to im sorry that summer is almost over and i didnt hang out with youz guys as much as i would have liked. josie osie especially. im also sorry i have called in a few days. ive been vacationing and such with my family. so yeah. someone told me today that the only time im their friend is when i want something and its conveniant for me. this is in fact the second time ive heard that. i hope that im better than that. please tell me i am. alrighty bye.
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2004 25 August :: 10.48 pm
1 stars caught |
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2004 25 August :: 10.42 pm
blah, everyone says woohu is stupid. i miss pj. I want to shave the cactus off my leg, I miss pj... I have things to say that i can only keep to myself and not you guys. pj but thats all. Im completely lost in love with him. safe to say. only i forget the quote god im tired and glad to be home and .............i miss pj.
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2004 20 August :: 10.17 pm
well i feel all around better and i want to go to aquinas only super expensive.
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2004 18 August :: 1.36 pm
IM so super stressed and I dont know why. I woke up this morning and went and woke up pj. i like to do that A LOT. in fact safe to say its one of my favorite things in the world. I have to work in like 2 and 1 half hours. im uber tired. and there is something just nagging at the back of my mind. Im not sure what it is. I think I kinda know but i find it to be kinda selfish on my part and therefore I am denying it and not telling anyone because I dont want to be a nag or selfish in anyway. I think its mostly pms though. im so scared of everything right now. outside of that one thing that im super scared of because ive been doing dum things. im worried about this thing that bothers me because well pj knows it bothers me he just dosent know what it is. like i said im not sure but i have a hunch but im afraid he would be offended by it in some way. also tomorrow i have to go to cmu. this bums me out. im excited but nervous and i still find myself avoiding growing up. Im insanely jealous of jessa at this point because i see how happy she is with marty and she is in fact living my dream of skipping out on school and getting married. but that dosent seem to be an option for me. i find myself here in my family room on the verge of breaking down and for no good reason. ive just got fear enveloping me and more than anything i want to go back to this morning lying in his arms with his warm body pressed against me because even if he dosent say it Im pretty sure he loves me. or maybe im not sure and possibly thats what bothers me??? it could be an untapped insecurity because i find myself investing so much of me into him. to find out that he in fact didnt love me would kill me. or perhaps the impending 6 months that will fall on me in september. this is officially my longest relationship. i also find myself wondering about things. like high school relationships bec
ause how long do they ever really last. sparatically people grow past high school and find that they still want to spend the rest of their lives together. but more often than not people grow apart. not that im thinking of marriage but i am thinking of past high school and i dont want to lose what i finally have.
finally my biggest fear is that ive become clingy and dependant. he was gone for 3 days. i missed him so much. to find myself so dependent on another person is about the scariest thing for a person like me. He could say one sentence and ruin me. we broke up for one day before and i dont remember anything that was harder for me than that . and if for whatever reason he became confused again or just decided that he didnt want to be with me it would tear me apart.
so i guess wow this was a big one for me. im such a rollercoaster today.
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2004 17 August :: 7.31 pm
today was a good day. I went shopping with pj. we had fun well i did. so yay.
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