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2004 29 June :: 11.23 am
blah i hate my mom at this moment because I want to hang out with PJ and she will not let me because she said what he did is unforgivable. If I can forgive him so can she because this is not her relationship.
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2004 29 June :: 10.12 am
wow I feel so much better today. I talked to PJ for 2 hours last night. we talked calmly about a lot of things. he says that he thinks he only loves michelle as a sister and he hasnt known me long enough to love me but with time he could.He just made me feel all around better if that makes any sense the reeason he broke up with me. that is because I told him that he was only with me for a piece of ass. so it was in fact my own fault but maybe just maybe there is a chance that we will get back together. yayness.
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2004 28 June :: 11.02 pm
fuck you i give up
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2004 28 June :: 3.40 pm
i went paper journal today, last entry,
PJ and I went to the mall today. it was awesome, hes such a great guy how did I ever get so lucky...
at what point will this get easier cuz i would like to jump there right now. i went to his house to give him all the letters and stuff that he gave me pictures of him that I had and such. i barely made it. i got out of his driveway and I broke down. I dont even know what happened I think I could feel better about all of this, get over it if I just knew what happened. is it something I did. people dont just decide overnight that they dont want to be with you anymore. It dosent happen. he tried to hug me and I said dont it just makes it harder and it really does because i had gained my composure for like the first time all day. at one point those were arms of love not sympathy. I cant stand having him feel sorry for me. adn I hate knowing that one persons actions can affect me so much.I have to work tonight and I dont know if I can do it. Thank god its amanda cuz if it were anyone else I would just call in. and for wahtever reason Ive just got this hope that he will want me back and like I said for whatever reason Im holding onto that. IF your reading this pj, then you have to let me know if this is a false hope or if there is a chance because i cant live with a false hope. no one has ever hurt me so bad and I can't take this. I wish I was ten and I didnt have this.
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2004 28 June :: 2.29 pm
jays here. his solution to everything is smash the mailbox, well thats not gonna happen at least not to his. i love his mom too much. maybe someone elses I dont know. i dont have anything holding me back anymore. no actually now im just blowing off steam because as it goes. im not into that shit anymore
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2004 28 June :: 10.08 am
theres no chance were done and this is the worst breakup ever because i didnt see it coming and it hit me so hard.
2 stars caught |
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2004 28 June :: 9.57 am
this is way to hard for me
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2004 28 June :: 9.38 am
i dont know why im trying so hard to make this work. its killing me. im sitting here at justins crying over this boy who never loved me. its horrible. i dont know what im doing to myself at this point i just want to say screw it. but i cant because this was the best relationship ive ever had and i dont want to ruin it. but i think he does.
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2004 28 June :: 8.43 am
I guess I wasn't being crazy insecure I was right. he loves her and we broke up.
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2004 27 June :: 3.43 pm
i still feel like something is not right. shit and im trying so hard so maybe i should stop trying. stupid little things surely and im not jealous anymore cuz i was pretty much assured that i have nothing to worry about. but i don't know maybe its just pms or something
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2004 27 June :: 3.20 pm
freaking gah i cant do anything right
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2004 27 June :: 2.38 pm
i feel so insanely much better now that i talked to him yay. now im going to go kiss him because i can
1 stars caught |
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2004 27 June :: 10.44 am
I feel like I am taking the entire thing to far. I haven't said anything to him about it. Im going to. the people I have talked to so far have said that Im not overreacting and Ive got two votes to end the entire thing but that would never happen. This hurts me so much and I dont know why I think it dosent even have anything to do with the staying the night. thats cool i trust him I really do but yesterday I just felt like he ignored me most of the day and that really sucks like most of his family that i met I either introduced myself to or his mom introduced us. I know it was his day like you know yay you finally did it and i didnt want to be a burden and I avoided the clinginess but still i would have liked it if he had like even noticed that i was there. oh goodness I think that im am just going to forget all of this because i know he wouldnt hurt me so bad intentionally and im going to talk to him or give him the letter i wrote whichever is more conveniant. i love him so much and i cant lose him
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2004 26 June :: 8.39 pm
:: Mood: jealous
wow im finding it hard to not cry at this moment. today sucked. it was pjs open house. not because I had to meet a bunch of people and like hang out with people i didnt know but because I am so insanely jealous of michelle. its killing me. last night she stayed the night at pjs and tonight he is staying the night at her house and I just feel like wow what are you worrying about but I am and Im just scared cuz i love him so much. and like little things are bothering me the list of them being, whenever i walked into a room it seemed like he left, i sat on the couch and he sat on the other end, at the table there was a seat next to me and one next to michelle he chose the one next to her. we didnt kiss all day long although i was there for about 7 hours. above all else it bothers me that he dosent know I feel this way and i can't get the nerve to tell him. i know im being some sort of insane insecure but can you guys kinda see where im coming from. i just hate it that I can be so insecure and god its just so incredibly frustrating. i really just want to cry so much. ill talk to him tomorrow and ill see whats up but really there is no way that i could tell him how im feeling without being the bad guy. and I dont dislike michelle in the least. I think shes pretty funny and nice and I definately get along with her but she make me really insecure and jealous and Im not usually like that at all.
11 stars caught |
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2004 25 June :: 2.20 pm
:: Mood: giggly
*giggle*
3 stars caught |
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