I'll give everything I have-To see you again

:: 2006 8 February :: 1.35pm

272
I got a myspace! www.myspace.com/stacyrayj

:: 2006 25 January :: 2.11pm

271
I get $300 back from taxes! Yay! I know it's not much but shit, that's awesome!

:: 2006 18 January :: 3.14pm
:: Mood: content

270
I had a doctors appointment today before school. I'm going up to 150mg of lamictal, which is alright, I guess.

I stopped at Jenny's before class too. She's having a hard time right now. It's hard to see her go through the same things I went through with Justin. I can't really give her good advice in that situation. I don't know. Even though I did it, I have a hard time telling my best friend that she just needs to stick it out when he's being such an unbelievable ass!

So, Jen's gonna spend the next few nights with Justin, Traci, Shorty, and I. That'll cheer her up!!!!

later

:: 2006 17 January :: 5.51pm

269
Things are going alright, I guess. Nothing to complain about.

I really like school. Sociology is my favorite I think. It really makes you think about why you are the way you are. Or why others are the way they are.

Hours have been cut at work because January is a really slow month but that's alright I guess. I wish I were working more than 18 hours a week right now though, without a doubt.

Justin goes back to work pretty soon. I'm kind of excited but not really. I hardly ever get to really see him when it's asphalt season, which has it's ups and downs. Today we had our first real argument in a while. It was dumb. We both need to be kicked.

Alright well I'm doing some laundry so, later.

:: 2006 5 January :: 12.42pm

268
wow, long time no talkie, talkie.

Things have been really great. Work is great, Justin and I are good, I've enrolled in KCC.

Work: It's really fun because I only work 6am to noon so when I get out I still have the whole day ahead of me. Our Dock supervisor is awesome. His name is Cody. We get along great. We have kind of a flirty relationship, it's fun. He actually lives across the street from Justin and I.

Justin: We're doing so well. I'm so relieved that our relationship has finally calmed down! Financially things are getting better too, slowly but surely.

KCC: I've enrolled for 3 classes. Sociology 201, English 151, and Human Services 101. I'm really excited aobut it! And this means I get to keep my insurance!

Over and out. :-)

2 comments | Love me, Love me not

:: 2005 26 November :: 1.23pm

267
Yeah, so things have been pretty good. I haven't had much time to write.. Well, actually I don't have much time now.

The holiday went well. Mom invited Justin over, so that was cool. He didn't come though.. Too many people. He'll come next time.

Alright well I have to go.

:: 2005 8 November :: 8.53pm

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.
People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.
You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.
Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

This made me smile.

:: 2005 8 November :: 8.17pm

266
So, the last few days have been pretty good. My mouth still hurts like a son of a bad word but other than that alls well in tinsle town. :-)

I've had this cold for almost 3 weeks. It sucks. Smoking probably doesn't really help much but, eh.

I think tomorrow Mom and I are going to KCC. I'd like her there with me to enroll and what not. Call me weak, I need my Mom. :-D Wow, it feels damn good to admit that.

I've come to a lot of realizations in the past year. I would make a list for myself but I cry when I think about it.. How ungrateful I've been and what not. I don't really want to think about it right now.

Alright well I guess I'm done for tonight.. Not really too much on my mind right now.

Later.

:: 2005 8 April :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: My Chemical Romance- Cemetery Drive

my mother*-
Okay.. i know its been a huge minute since Ive updated this, but like I had this myspace thing ya know? and my mom found out I didnt think it was a HUGE deal but yet again ladies and gentleman she did, she went threw my computer and deleted the page and invaded my privacy i'm going to be 17 in 11 days and she still has to feel like she's in control yeah Ive majorly fuckedup and she wont see past that, that i have changed I dont do half the shit I used to. and shes being a HUGE cunt about it. she tries to tell me that she loves me, but its kind of hard when all my life she's always compaired me to my older sister-Sara. shes So perfect it makes me sick to my stomach. Im the baby of 5 kids and im 16, my moms beein raising kids since she was 21. this isnt fair to treat me like shit, bring me down because HER life SUCKS. it wasnt MY choice to be born. she thinks im depressed well DUH my friend from my childhood hung himself and the boy that i loved was cheating on me i try to not let it get to me as much. but sometimes i break down and cry and she thinks theirs a huge problem with that. i have no way to express how I feel about certian events, i try to talk to my older siblings but they're too busy with their lifes and their families to stop and talk to me. I feel left out, I feel fucking alone. at school I try to make people happy to make it seem like I'm happy.. its true, I'm happier when im NOT at my house. I feel like theirs something missing, and i cant put my finger on it. ONE of the only people that ive trusted in my whole life is moving away to college and that really sucks. because she gives me motherly advice.. i dunno what im gonna do w/o her:( On another note, the exboyfriend i have was a jerkface. so i moved on to a kid whose a couple of months younger than I am and he's so sweet to me<3TDD<3 hehe

6 comments | Love me, Love me not

:: 2005 4 January :: 9.23pm
:: Music: Alcoholic-Exhibit

who fuckin CARES
I'm frustrated. Sexually-Family. I am SO frustrated. everything is starting to get on my fuckin nerves, okay.. I'm tired of little boys thinking they can get some *ha which they cant get these goodies*, I'm tired of my mom n dad always harping on my ass Sometimes I'd feel GOOD to just slap the FUCK out of my mom * but I dont* I think I need a vacation, from everyone. but on a good note I go back to school tomorrow*- from christmas break-*, yeah friends i'm sorry that I havnt been on here lately, my internet is gayer then a gay kid on gayday..no JOKE!! and yes.. to you bacardi I'm eXciTed:)! haha yea but on new years i was totally fucking smashed I kid you not 6 deuces of beer and 3 shots of 5 o clock and 2 deuces of smirnoff ice and this chick i know puked in my washing machine and I didnt realize it till the next day I tried to do laundry and their was chunks.. i was like wtfff? I guess I eventually passed out, but i was stripping in my basement singing to Livin Lavida Loca .. fuck a ricky martin? how do I remember songs like that? haha but yeah my christmas break was great :) " .. call it what you want to call it I'ma fuckin alcholic" yeah.. I stopped bein a pothead and moved onto somethin else hey I live in BC I mine as well make the use of my wasted time.. hehe bye everyone~ XoXo<3Magi

:: 2004 22 December :: 10.42am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Limp Bizkit-NOOKIE

Venting time ladies and gentleman..!!
Okay- I seriously have a problem this time, I think Im looking for love and it sounds real fucking gay but its true, I am cuz I'm tired of bein so damn lonely. Steve and I talk yeah so what? but I doubt shit will work out, I have to be realistic about this one for sure, things WONT work out he's in college so I'm sure he fucks college chicks so I think I'm just gonna sit back and wait I guess=/. Another thing, my mom what a whorebag? she yells at me constantly about stupid bullshit okay me and my friend Megan went to kalamazoo to go shoppin n shit, I wrote my mom a note and asked my dad if i could go and he said fine, so yeah I went blah blah blah. I come home and shes like wtf its 4 days before xmas and your out shopping? your supose to be helping me! wtF? she never asks me for help she just assumes that I'll go ahead n do shit, when hmm with me.. you have to be specific. seriousLY. I think its just gay but oh well .. its that damn menapause I tell you what,.. I'm sorry for my kids and my hubby when I'm older.. haha but oh well love ya long time<3

6 comments | Love me, Love me not

:: 2004 20 December :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: Slow Motion- Juve<3

::Really good moood::
okay- so not too long ago I broke up with adam and like hes i swear, a fucking stalker cuz like hes always like I love you I could spend the rest of my life with you.. - Yeah I know what your thinkin' WhY would you want to leave that?! Well..It wasnt right nothin' felt good. but OKAY!! so Ive been all mopy so.. I have this thing on Myspace.com that my friend Sami got be hooked on, so one night im surfin around lookin for guys n whatnot and I look at this guy named Steve. So i send him an email and like, he is SO adorable, I kid you NOT and like, He's from MI.. SWEET!! wait.. he's from KALAMAZOO!! HOLLER SINCE I LIVE IN BATTLE CREEK HOLLER!! okay. so we start to email eachother back n forth and shit, and he gives me his sn so I Imed him last night< 12/19/04> so we start talking and its weird. but a.. good weird cuz like we get along So well and we have SO MUCH SHIT IN COMMON like, we both love the same things like music and movies and hes a football player, I dont kno about you girls but I LOVE FOOTBALL PLAYERRRRS!! he he:)- But anywhoo.. We both were talking about like, eachother and I told him that I was 16, he's 18, not that big of a age difference, and hes like I dont care that your 16 and hes like well i hope you like older guys im like Ppppssshhh FUCKYEA!.. and I know what your all probably thinking? wtf you meet someone off the internet how gay? NOT GAY. I think I'll keep him for a minute or two~ talk to ya bitches lata..<3MaGi

2 comments | Love me, Love me not

:: 2004 17 December :: 8.23am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Im not OK-My Chemical Romance

<>
So anyways- things are gettin better and I cant believe that I'm almost done with my junior year, this year has gone mby so fast I cant believe it!! YAY!! last wednesday we had our Showcase for Theater Arts<--acting class at LHS> As soon as they mentioned my name everyone was like YAY!! WHOOHOO GO MAGI- That made me feel so good about myself that people actually came to see me((Even if lauren didnt come I still love herrr!!!)) but yeah it was fun, but I dont think I'll ever take that class again, too much pressure being a fucking mentor with bitches and a bitchy teacher who doesnt want to hear your opinion but THATS OKAY!! adam is becomming more of a stalker now, I told him that I only wanted to be friends because I'd feel bad if I really did hurt him-GOOD LAUREN? haha- and like, hes like Ohh I love you, im like?? WTF?? im 16 I dont want a boyfriend at the moment because I want to be/care about myself without worring about someone else? is that selfish? and I figured out who I can trust. ---Heres my story-- Okay I'm friends with this freshman named Kaitan and her and her boyfriend of like 2 years broke up and she liked someone else blah blah blah, well i never once told her ex BF that she liked someone else, so shes friends with Adam(my ex) and like, she went and told him that I didnt like him anymore and shit like that, what the hell? Sseeeeeeeeeeriously? who does that shit and shes like aww im sorry im like burn bitch, you done fucked up seriously I WONT trust your ass after you did shit like that. But I'm overit I wont be friends with people that I go to highschool now after I get out of highschool.. so fuck it:D!! but I'm out love ya long time<33 MaGi