thewalrus
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2008 16 May :: 7.53pm
:: Music: To Make you feel my love - Garth Brooks
I have realized how many people are more incite full than I give them credit for. I have some absolutely amazing friends. I really do. Most of them have great hearts, and their head is in the right place. They love and and care for each other, and it is really hard to see them actually put one another down (Damn it Jake!) *Cough* But yeah. It's them, it's my friends, that really keep me going through life. I am so happy, I am finding God again, realizing his purposeful world and why I'm here, why everyone's here. You know, I am looking out my window, and I see the most absolute beautiful thing. There is a bird with a red breast and head, grey wings. It is sitting on some sort of perch we have in our yard. But it's not the colors that make it beautiful, it's the life in it. It's the force that flows through it, through us. We all connect in this unified way, regardless of whether or not we would like to admit it. Our best of friends and worst of enemies make us who we are, and what we will become. They make us flow. The "Circle of Life" to quote the Lion King. Every living thing is beautiful in some way. Just once, look outside at a sunlit tree. Look at all of it's branches, the curves of the bark, the light reflecting off of the leaves. Watch the air. Yes... watch the air. Look all around. Feel it's presence. You are not alone on this earth, and there are no UFOs coming. There has always been other things on tis earth, and I think one of the biggest problems with the world today is that no one realizes that anymore.
I think you are all beautiful, and I hope you a happy life. Carpe Diem.
Later Days,
Trent
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lordpeter
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2008 14 May :: 8.47pm
I really wish this school year was over. I'm not feeling any inclination to "go out with a bang" or "finish strong;" actually, I feel like skimming across oceans of knowledge on a slimy film of apathy. My two AP courses are, for all purposes, completed for the year and as far as I can tell the only thing left to do in Drama is perform our monologues...but I really don't want to do that. Band will feel done after the collage concert, and the Monday following that will be the last Jazz Band class for several months. Ironically, it seems as though everything but Brit Lit is winding down - which is really funny because that class used to be the last Bastion of Goofing Off in the school, but Mrs. Olsen wants us all to finish A Tale of Two Cities by the end of next week. I am...56 pages into it. I just took a pleasant bath and read half of that and find Dickens to be an honestly fun author, a conclusion I think I only can reach when I escape the distractions of my classmates. Quiz on characters tomorrow. Yeah, I'm screwed.
Mr. Norkus is fulfilling the American History teacher's role of exposing us all to the theories as to the cause and means of the assassination of JFK. Right now we're watching a documentary that Peter Jenning's and ABC pieced together - good stuff, if a little biased against all conspiracy theories.
Kennedy is someone I have been dwelling on a lot lately. I've never been one to dwell in the past feeling that if I were to project myself anywhere it should be in an entirely limitless fictional domain, but almost once a day I find myself wishing that Kennedy hadn't been assassinated. I really wish my generation could find a sense of compassion and even love for their political leaders like the nation had for Kennedy. Its a depressing thing to listen to the totalitarian bigotry we as constituents preach against all politicians as a result of the secrecy about Watergate and the state of the Vietnam War.
Another thing. I don't like that word assassinate...its like political figures have to trade their humanity in exchange for the power to lead us. President Kennedy was murdered. Say that out loud. Then say President Kennedy was assassinated. There is a vast difference - at least to me there is. When I say he was murdered my mind thinks of the fatherless children, the husbandless wife, and the unfulfilled dreams of a man who was ripped away from an unfinished life. To say he was assassinated conjures the image of a leaderless nation, something that does less to evoke sadness within me.
There's a poem someone wrote...I don't know the author, but I've been working on putting it to music. Anyway, I like it a lot:
Two Thousand One, Nine Eleven
Five thousand plus arrive in Heaven,
As they pass through the gate,
Thousands more appear in wait
A bearded man with a stovepipe hat
Steps forward saying, "Let's sit and chat"
They settle down in seats of clouds
A man named Martin shouts out proud
"I have a dream!" and once he did
The Newcomer said, "Your dream still lives."
Groups of soldiers in blue and gray
Others in khaki, and green they say
"We're from Bull Run, Yorktown, the Maine"
The Newcomer said, "You died not in vain."
From a man on sticks one could hear
"The only thing we have to fear--"
And a Newcomer said, "We know the rest,
Trust us, sir, we've passed that test."
"Courage doesn't hide in caves
You can't bury freedom in a grave."
The Newcomers had heard this voice before
A Yankee twang from Hyannis shore.
A silence fell within the midst
And somehow a Newcomer knew that this
Meant time had come for her to say
What was in the hearts of the four thousand that day.
"Back on Earth, we wrote reports,
Watched our children play in sports,
Worked our gardens, sang our songs,
Went to church, walked along.
We smiled and laughed, knew love and hate,
But unlike you, we were not great."
The tall man in the stovepipe hat
Stood and said, "Don't talk like that.
Look at your country, look and see--
You died for freedom, just like me."
Then before them appeared a scene
Of rubbled streets and twisted beams
Death, destruction, smoke, and dust
And people working because they must.
Hauling ash, lifting stones,
Knee-deep in hell, but not alone.
"Blackman, Whiteman, Brownman, Yellowman,
Side by side helping their fellow man!"
So said Martin, as he watched the scene.
Then: "Even from nightmares, can be born a dream."
And down below three firemen raised
The colors high in the ashen haze.
The soldiers above had seen it before--
On Iwo Jima in '44.
The man on sticks studied everything closely
Then shared his perceptions on what he saw mostly
"I see pain, I see tears,
I see sorrow--but I don't see fear.
You left behind husbands and wives
Daughters and sons, and so many lives
Are suffering now because of this wrong.
But look very closely: You're not really gone.
All of those people, even those who've never met you
All of their lives, they'll never forget you
Don't you see what has happened?
Don't you see what you've done?
You've brought them together, together as one."
With that the man in the stovepipe hat said,
"Take my hand," and from there he led
Four thousand Newcomers on into heaven
On this day, two thousand one, nine eleven.
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thewalrus
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2008 12 May :: 8.43pm
Ruh Roh... forgot to get something for my girlfriend for her birthday... which is tomorrow... damn. Is it wrong that I'll give her her gift the next day? I feel horrible for doing this, but it's going to have to be. Gosh... I'm such a horrible boyfriend... oh well... just add it on to all the other dumb things I do, and it blends in nicely. That's right. I've got a smoothie of dumb and it tastes good, I tell you what.
Later Days
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lordpeter
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2008 7 May :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: Invincible
:: Music: The River is Here
On the Subject of Joy
I am so incredibly happy that I want to use the cliche that words cannot describe this feeling...but I love words, so let's have a go.
Its rad, its bad, its mad,
Its ridiculous, its redonkulous, its fantabulous,
Its fantastic, its drastic, its bombastic,
Its immeasurable, its immortal, its immaculate,
Its unmeasurable, its unexpected, its unbelievable,
Life is good. Its not like this all the time, but I believe certain coinciding events might usher in this new era.
School's almost out. Each year the imprisonment of the educational system has become more and more oppressive, but now I can taste the freedom! Just a little bit more, a couple AP Tests, A Tale of Two Cities, a concert, and a monologue. And I'll have two of the most beautiful months all mine.
The Police Sunday. I'm very excited about this. Very. Excited. Its been one of those "big events" that I've been desiring for a long time. One of those that you almost wish would never happen because you fear it'll be impossible to marinate in each moment, that you won't savor enough. But its still going to be fan-freakin'-tastic.
Roshanah and I are back together. I know this will incur mixed responses from everyone, but I really don't mind. I don't really know what else to say about this...we've been dancing around it for a long time, but for a variety of reasons have refrained from anything...real. I honestly believe this is evidence of a good God. Its a funny kinda story, and if you ask me about it I'll be glad to tell you.
I hope you had a Wonderful Wednesday. I know I did.
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fishyrere
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2008 6 May :: 11.58pm
There are few things I want out of life. The first and foremost is peace of mind. I doubt I will ever get it.
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thewalrus
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2008 6 May :: 3.16pm
:: Music: Age - Jim Croce
I got new magic cards last night.
I'm listening to one of my favorites.
And I have the best friends in the world.
You could say life is good.
It's sunny outside.
My Girlfriend is coming back in less than a week.
I'm reading up on star wars (Wookiepedia FTW!!)
And you know something? I've stopped worrying about the future. What does it matter? Sure, I'll worry about a job, college, so on so forth, but there is no ifs anymore. You know what I'm talking about. The "But what if...?". It just doesn't matter. If you don't enjoy what's happening to you now, how can you enjoy the future? Because right now is actually the future, and now, and now. Just chill, relax, and enjoy the ride. Oh yeah, Life is good.
Later Days,
Trent
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shannonw55
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2008 5 May :: 9.30pm
What's a song that you used to love in Elementary, Middle School, or early high school? (Dance-able music)
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lordpeter
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2008 5 May :: 9.07pm
:: Mood: busy
I watched Forrest Gump the other day with my grandparents (they hadn't seen it, and I am of the opinion everyone should see Forrest Gump at least once in their lifetime) and the contrasting views of Momma Gump and Lt. Dan really got me wondering.
How does the whole destiny thing work? Is it predestined as the Puritans preached in the youngest years of our nation, or is one's destiny completely under their control...
Most of the time it seems pretty evident that I am the sole proprietor of this business I call living. Yet at other times circumstance just seems to result in far too fantastic scenarios to be completely random. To have no predestiny makes me feel God is apathetic; to have total predestiny makes me feel God doesn't trust me. I don't like either thought, but to be fair I hardly trust me, so what behaviors could God see that would encourage him to allow me to choose my life? That goes back to free will. I don't know why he did it.
Perhaps he was beginning to feel dictator-ish. I mean even Castro had Che and his brother; its gotta be tough to be on top. That makes the most sense to me. After the whole demonic rebellion of Lucifer's he started to question his self-worth. Even God's bound to have an identity crisis, for are we not made in his image? And aren't we constantly assessing our images? So he made us. The ultimate test of whether he was really a good likable guy. He made us. Gave us the ability to love, hate, or worst of all deny him.
I like that idea. It may be wrong and it may be egotistical, but I'll be darned if it doesn't make me feel important. Plus its way more interesting than my Frankenstein essay that's due tomorrow.
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fishyrere
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2008 3 May :: 8.45pm
Quite a night.
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TheWalrus
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2008 1 May :: 1.22pm
It's a little unnerving, not knowing what's in store with the future. Should I do this? Should I do that? Which job makes my boat float? Do I have enough money to go to college and fulfill that dream? None of this I know, but everyday I convince myself I should just wait and see what's in store and hope for the best. But at the same time, I can't help but worry. Isn't this normal? Do most people feel like this? I'm sure they do... and I suppose I will until the future rushes into the present. So until then, I'll keep worrying, and maybe there'll be a day when I can put all of this to rest.
Later Days,
Trent
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