shannonw55

So I guess he just couldn't commit. He's not the right guy for me. But I will miss it.
I think I'm okay now. I'm kinda mad though, cuz I made this big long list on woohu that I was gonna privitize anyway of all the stupid reasons I didn't like him anymore. It ended up being kinda funny. Andrea and I would have a good laugh if it hadn't gotten DELETED! arrg. whatever.
This really isn't explaining how I feel.
It would have been cool if he had told me what was bugging him.
I'm sorry I'm not "fun" and that I'm "happy in the morning". I bet you had a field day when I cried this morning. I'm glad I've finally made you smile. We really could have talked this out. You're missing out, Josh. You're not a good breaker-upper. Way to let me down really hard a week after I thought it was going really well.
I know you'll never read this, but I still care about you. And if you ever need somebody, I'm still here.
I'm completely pathetic. I'm going to go puke. I was wondering if I should jump out my window. That would be fun. Straight into the pool. I wonder which would kill me first? Impact or suffocation? I'm sorry I said that. I wouldn't do it. I'm just being emotional.
But ya know what bugs me? I left 1st hour because I was upset and didn't wanna be all upset in front of the whole world. So I came back 4th hour in time for lunch so that I could talk to Josh about it. I was telling myself that I was so tough for coming back. So, so tough. But really, I'm a wimp. I'm a stupid wimp for caring that much to talk to him. I still want to talk to him, but I'm not gonna go beg for him back. I guess there just had to be one time in my life that I have to learn that I can't love hard. I loved too much and he was just looking for a damn fling. I'll definetly be okay in time. I refuse to get myself sick over this. I'm drinking orange juice. lol. Whenever I get upset I get ill. But this isn't gonna do it. Sigh..-hence the reason I haven't been sick all that time I was going out with Josh. I wasn't upset.- ugg. And he doesn't care. So. I need to shut up. One day he's gonna look back and wonder why he ditched such a good girl. I'm a good girl. Maybe that's just not what he's into. So I guess he'll never regret it. Nevermind.
I hope we can still be friends and this isn't gonna be some "oh-crap-i-see-you-in-the-hallway-must-avert-eyes" kinda deal. I still care about him.
I'm an idiot. I really hate myself. I must be a damn moron for him to only last 2 months w/ me. I'm being dumb. I'm done with this entry.

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