angel_bob
|
::
2010 10 May :: 1.45pm
I got an invite to my high school reunion. The thought of going makes me want to cry.
I just saw these people. I haven't changed. My hair is a little shorter, I guess. I got new glasses. I've been dating the same guy I dated in high school for almost 6 years now and I've been living with him for the past 3 years. I'm a supervisor in a call center. None of these things make me want to see these people.
Oh and look at what the invite says: "Remember parents, even though children aren't invited, bring pictures!!" SOME OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE KIDS. KIDS THAT I HAVE TO FEIGN INTEREST IN. I'M NOT EVEN ENGAGED. PUKE PUKE PUKE.
Also, if I wanted to reconnect or see any of these people, I'd already have done so.
That being said, I still haven't decided if I'm going.
2 broke me |
I think im broken
|
|
angel_bob
|
::
2010 15 April :: 2.16am
I just want a crappy car (NOT TRUCK) that I can drive to work. Is that too much to ask for?
Craigslist is letting me down for the first time ever. All it has are trucks and winstars.
Nick won't let me get the mustang convertible for some reason.
2 broke me |
I think im broken
|
|
angel_bob
|
::
2010 11 April :: 2.52am
:: Music: SHARKS IN VENICE on SyFy
wuzzupdate
Real quick because I don't really feel like writing but I do feel like you guys deserve an update.
I got a promotion at work after being here for 10.5 months. woo. I will now be making 65 cents more (plus shift bonuses). I've actually been acting in this position for a month so it's nothing new. I did it last November but I just realized I only mentioned this on my other blog so I better link to that so I don't have to explain anything because I'm feeling lazy.
Nick and I got awesome tax returns and put most of it away in our savings account for an engagement ring. So that should happen soon. I don't know, Nick's being vague about it. He's all "I have a plan" and "stop bugging me" and "I want to make it special". It's annoying.
I DVR'd both Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus and Mega Piranha. I've been wanting to watch the former for about a year now and the latter was just too good to pass up. I mean, seriously? Here's the synopsis on my DVR: "Giant mutant piranha escape from the Amazon and head for Florida." You know what? Just watch the trailers:
Read more..
And now I'm watching Sharks in Venice which has terrible Italian accents, Stephen Baldwin and the synopsis "A great white shark menaces the waterways of Venice." Oh and it wasn't even filmed in Venice. That was too hard. This soundstage is terrible and the music is even worse.
So I think that's it. I'll try to write more often but nowadays I sleep and work and I'm lucky if I have the energy to do anything else.
Still love you all, by the way.
P.S. I forgot to mention that today Stupid Cat not only pooped on the only rug in the bathroom but also peed on it right before I went to take a shower. He (it could have been the Other Cat, but I doubt it because he's not dumb) then proceeded to PEE AGAIN in the same spot (and waited until we got home to do it!!) because he is a jerk.
P.P.S. Before you try to diagnose Stupid Cat with some Stupid Urinary Infection or Stupid Bowel Disease, he did the first Stupid Move because their litter needed to be changed and the Second Stupid Dumbass Jerk Move because I apparently didn't get rid of the smell well enough and he's a big meenie.
P.P.P.S. Update from my Adventures in Wikipedia:
"Empire State of Mind got at most 20 million views on youtube (combining all the videos of the song together) They thought that this song was going to be a bigger success; however, only the east coast and the west coast knew about this song. This song was a failure due to the amount of views it got, they were desperate on youtube so they gave it acouple million more views than it originally had. Only 10 radio stations put this song on air in the whole entire world, only 10 radio stations had it on. Due to this, Jay Z quit singing and Alicia Keys retired aswell. Many were shocked and disappointed"
I think im broken
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2010 6 March :: 7.17pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Arcade Fire
wtf.
Here I am, fairly confident because all the normal signs are there; keeping an eye on my fb, unintentional compliments, long phone conversations ending with what sounds like a genuine "nice talking to you, as always".
But the trailing conversation regarding Napoleon's crush and what to do about her leading on kept me thinking all the time: what about my situation?
And so I asked the best friend of my object of affection if things look positively for me. Alas! He suggests they do not and he is merely appeasing me via the expected social niceties.
That sort of tears down any idea I had regarding an approach to the situation. Instead of positively, I feel I can only begin with questions whether it is only for politeness sake or if he truly enjoys conversing with me.
I'm in loop thought and can do nothing but lay down. There isn't any place for me anywhere but my bed and no focus behind my eyes to try to read or attend to a movie.
And despite how up in the air the opinion was (how credible is it if Napoleon hasn't spoken to Danny in some time, and certainly not about the same topic), I can't help but feel a shade of hopelessness and concern. There seems to be no place for me in the world as well as my house. What exactly am I doing?
I think im broken
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2010 14 February :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Moonlight Sonata
St. L trip to forget.
"And is never failed that during the dry years the people forgot about the rich years, and during the wet years they lost all memory of the dry years. It was always that way."
I've started East of Eden. It's very good thus far (75 pages) and has some wonderful quotes. It isn't anything like the movie (yet).
***
Despite my surprise at Napoleon's willingness to help me, I am too thankful to ruin it by questioning him. He might be helping for Danny's sake...Or maybe to repay me for my non-judgmental help with his somewhat dishonourable task.
Regardless, I am again talking to Danny and he seems excited to talk to me, oddly.
I am not yet brave enough to say anything, which I find strange, since that's the only reason I've ever had a bf.
I don't mind so much, though. I enjoy talking to him so much that it doesn't matter what happens and whatever does, I will allow.
***
I spent the weekend in St. Louis with Jessica for Mardi Gras and her birthday. I thought it would be tons of fun, but honestly, it was sort of not. I arrived Thursday night and we went to the grocery store and then to bed. Friday, we woke up and Jess went to class and I read (East of Eden) and almost as soon as I went to the coffee shop down the street, she called to say she'd be home for a bit for lunch. I then went to lunch with Dan and his friends (who are just as unkempt as him and one smelled like a hobo) and we visited Urban Outfitters. After that, he took me back to Jessica's and we went to the Library restaurant beneath her apt. It was pretty neat and the ribs were good (and free). We then went shopping and Danny called me and J got mad at me for talking on the phone too much, which I suppose was warranted, but I don't feel so badly because she rarely actually listens when I talk, usually focusing on something else (i.e. texting). However, the anger and both of our stubbornness meant we didn't talk for an hour in the car (she insists she win everything and I couldn't let her think she had me under her thumb, so I refused to start the talking). Once we got Mindy from the airport, all resumed. That night, David's (her roommate) friends came in as well and they already had the keg opened by the time we got back to their apartment. None of the three of us were really into partying, so we made cookies and only made a slight appearance at the far-too-busy bars to say hello. We went back and after hanging out a little bit, Eileen and Mike came back screaming at each other. Jessica's attempt to mediate didn't work so well, and Mindy and I just talked while that happened. We finally went to bed around midnight, and about 2.30, the party came back. They were loud enough to wake us up, but also Eileen and Mike, who resumed their fight. So I was up til 3.15.
The alarm went off at 6am the next morning. We all showered and David woke his friend up by blasting music at 7. They cooked eggs and we were supposed to be drinking (beer and hand grenades). It was just too early. Mindy napped and I snacked on Goldfish. We went to Humphrey's (bar) at ten to get free tickets for the shuttle to take us down to Soulard for the parade. Jessica was already too drunk and I'd only had one drink at the apt and another at Humphrey's (for the ticket). Soulard was busy and everyone was excited, but we didn't go to the bar the other kids went to, we (J, Mindy, and I) went to another to pee and get J some water. There, Mindy and I got another drink, though Jess decided she wanted to go home and Mindy never finished hers. We left just as the parade was starting; we walked back to where we got dropped off and hailed a cab. J feel asleep in the car and threw up the moment she got back, then passed out.
Mindy and I made Ramyan and tried to watch a movie, but it didn't work, so we tried to nap. She was successful, but I was woken from half sleep four times by people coming in and screaming, so I gave up. Once J woke up, she curled up in the chair (and I tried to sleep again) and started whining that she couldn't breathe. I told her to lay flat so as to not compress her lungs, but she didn't listen. She called all her friends and told them she was having trouble breathing and so, concerned, they insisted on taking her to the ER. I still believe it was because she got three hours of sleep, ate hardly anything, drank, threw up, and slept alcohol induced and her body was working too hard and stressing itself out. She was fine and just whining a lot. She didn't end up even being checked in, but by the time we got back at 7.30, I was done and ready for bed. So Mindy and I slept while J called Dan, who is apparently fine with her now.
We got up this morning and left for the bus. Jessica was nice enough to buy me McDonald's and I still made the bus. The trip was boring, though I sat next to a nice girl and read a lot.
And now I'm home. It was the second crappiest trip I've ever taken (the first being the one to MN to see Jen, where I was in the ER the first night and she slept the entire second day), the redeeming qualities really being Mindy and talking to Danny.
That's all for now. :)
I think im broken
|
|
Angel_bob
|
::
2010 10 January :: 3.01am
I just watched Return to Me and then played some Assassin's Creed. I now have the world's strongest yearning to go back to Italy. Seriously.
I think Italian will be my next language to learn. After I finish my current goals, of course.
Oh, here are my New Year's whatevers:
(Check out that underline, this is official, kids.)
Read the Bible (that I've had since third grade) and blah-g about it.
Read the Qur'an (that I received from the wonderful CAIR) and blah-g about it.
Find a church that I like (and actually go and check it out). Current prospects: Fountain Street Church and Grand Rapids Friends.
Get married (ha ha, a girl can dream).
I love you all.
1 broke me |
I think im broken
|
|
Angel_bob
|
::
2010 5 January :: 3.02am
Things that make me happy
Nick did NOT propose to me on Christmas or on New Year's Eve. I have taught him well.
I have tomorrow off.
I switched a comp day with someone so I can have my birthday off and the guy was SO nice about it that I might make him cookies or something.
I received a cookbook and an apron for Christmas. Both of which I asked for and are awesome.
I still have my Christmas wreath up and I think Nick forgot it was there so I will keep it FOREVER.
I went to bed last night at 10:40pm and woke up at 8am.
My boss asked Nick and I out to dinner with him and his girlfriend.
It is my birthday month!
1 broke me |
I think im broken
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2009 30 December :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Zero 7
But if the adversary of all evil
Was courteous, thinking of the high effect
That issue would from him, and who, and what,
To men of intellect unmeet it seems not.
Where am I?
Where am I?
What am I doing?
Nothing.
I am nowhere doing nothing.
Big
empty
sky,
e----------n----------d----------l----------e----------s----------s
____________ flat____________________
land,_________________
cliche
tumbleweeds
and
d . u ` . s . ` ' , t . ` ' . . ` ,` ' ... `; ' `;` ` .. ` . : . ` `. . ``
No one around.
Distantly,
perhaps, a person?
Nay, only a mirage.
Surely people come here several times in their life; they arrive often in intervals, like Miami and the Bahamas witness during spring breaks and summer vacations.
But always alone.
You are always alone.
Maybe I'm growing up. Why am I doing this? I don't know. I just know that I have and I'm only doing it because it seems right. "Would you like to come over?" Yes. But only because it sounds familiar. The experience, however, is alien. The truth is that I could not be more confused.
I need a job; this I know. But where? Hm. I feel useless, for sure.
And why- why is anyone friends with me? I can easily answer this for Campy or Jessica. Drinking buddy or errand buddy. They call so they don't have to do things alone. We're not truly friends, because when it comes down to it, that's all it is. J could care less about my confusion, particularly because she has an "awesome friend group" and "loves [her] friend group soooo much". Bug and Q are their own. All I really serve to either is someone to hang out with in VH, and the occasional art discussion with Bug. Napoleon has been talking badly about me before he left for China, and now comes back and we're friends again???
I admit, this is probably just how I feel. All of this isn't necessarily true. But I've realised that neither Danny nor Maggie has anything to gain from my friendship. And it's awesome when either call me or hang out with me. I couldn't feel happier than after a good discussion with either.
I've narrowed it down to their understanding of life. Danny doesn't need to drink to feel accepted and is perfectly happy doing his own thing. He's happy with what he has and does his best not to complain. Maggie is happy because she makes sure she is happy. She loves her kids and she loves life itself. These are the kind of people with whom I need to surround myself, not petty, picky people who judge and condescend and treat me badly.
So in the interim, what do I do? Read.
I read to not hear about the shop. I read to learn about somewhere else. To escape. But why don't I just get a damn job and leave? I should.
I will have Jessica come over as soon as my g-ma leaves to help me with my cover letters. And I'll call Ruby Tuesday the day after the New Year. Holidays are not good business days for finding jobs.
Maybe I'll call Danny again. I am super afraid of annoying him. I'd really like to keep him around. He's a good person, and a very good friend.
I think im broken
|
|
Angel_bob
|
::
2009 19 December :: 2.02am
We learned today that we are getting Christmas bonuses! Yay! And then if I get my doing-my-job bonus, I will have money to pay bills and rent and school loans!
yay for crappy job that makes me feel grown up!
1 broke me |
I think im broken
|
|
Angel_bob
|
::
2009 15 December :: 2.33am
I should not eat when Nick is not around to edit my eating habits. He is asleep since he has to work at 7 am tomorrow.
Things I have eaten since Nick went to bed at 1:
Spaghetti with sauce and Parmesan cheese and green olives
Reheated TGIFriday's French fries (reheated in a pan with olive oil and crazy seasonings)
Green olives
Warmed up tortilla with above seasoning/spices and leftover oil along with garlic, sour cream and feta (the sour cream was a TERRIBLE idea... ugh)
More green olives
Snicker's bar
We don't have any food in the house. That is the main reason I ate a bunch of junk. Also I just went with my cravings. Usually Nick stops me before I add the sour cream. I am feeling really awful and would like to just throw everything up, please.
I think im broken
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2009 7 December :: 1.20am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: amelie
So long story-short, I've been super careful not to annoy him and he asked why I'm so formal with him.
-.-
So I'm going to call him tmro. I wish I didn't feel like I have to be so silly about this.
I think im broken
|
|
Angel_bob
|
::
2009 30 November :: 4.06am
:: Music: George of the Jungle
Recent thoughts with added emphasis
I like the idea of Montreal (much like one enjoys the idea having a baby but not the pushing it out of your own vagina part or the human being inside me thing or much like one may love the idea of organizing a bookshelf by color but not actually having said bookshelf (I cannot find any book I am searching for. Surprise, surprise, I do not remember my books by color.)) but that whole French thing always turns me off. Gravy and cheese curds on French fries? I am there. Calling it poutine? Sorry, I'll pass. Maybe next time. With bacon. And a not French name. Losers.
I think I might have mentioned it before but this I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant show is insane. How the fuck do you not know you are pregnant? "Oh I had missed my period two months in a row but I just thought it was stress." "I had a craving for tacos but I just like tacos, you know?" "I thought I had to poop and then a baby was in the toilet." What the fuck, kids? And they never have any prenatal care but the baby is always fine. While people who take care of themselves have sick babies. Also, what sexually-active woman is not hyper-aware of every single thing that is going on with her body period-wise?
I am having more and more dreams that involve someone sending me back to France for some reason. And I'm not allowed to leave for some other strange reason. Like I lose my passport or I lose a piece of luggage and cannot leave until it is found. I suppose that is what I get for speaking French all day.
Speaking of...speaking French, I think I speak more French in my average work day than I ever did during my 8 years of studying it in school. Probably even more than I did in an average day in France. I really hate myself for not speaking more French while I was there but whatever. I went to Budapest, bitches. French didn't matter. Now I talk about having votre numero de reservation and combien des chambres voudriez-vous and sorry, you need a carte de credit and who doesn't have an adresse email these days? My dreams are just filled with more French.
My sister is studying in Innsbruck, Austria next year. For the whole year. My mom didn't want her to go for the entire year because she didn't want to pay for Notre Dame with my sister not even being in the country but somehow they got over that. Also, next year is the motherfucking bicentennial of Oktoberfest so my friend and I were already planning on going to Munich. She lived in Germany for a long time and knows people we can stay with for free. We would only have to pay for airfare and food/drink money. My sister and I are planning a European tour since we can handle most countries with my French and her German.
I need to learn to play an instrument. I am thinking something terribly hipster like a ukulele or organ. I've always wanted a hurdy gurdy.
I have no clue what to get anyone for Christmas. Personne, kids. Not even Nick. It is terrible. I know what Nick wants but I can't buy him a 400 dollar laptop/netbook or whatever. And I can think of things I would like for him but nothing he would actually like. You know how guys are. I can think of about twenty things I think he would like but he would just say "oh, thanks." And not really enjoy them because it's nothing he wants. You know? And of course if you ask him what he wants, he never knows.
Nick does many things to annoy the heck out of me because he thinks it is cute when I'm mad. One of these is not putting the new toilet paper roll on the holder. He knows it drives me insane, so he doesn't do it. Every single time he does(n't do) it, I fake yell at him for it. It's what we do. It's our joke. Anyway, the other day, I was joking with him about it and he said he'll always do it. It's his thing, and it won't ever stop. And I said, "Just like it's never lupus." So today when I went to shout at him about it, he said, "It's never lupus."
I am torn about Monk ending this week. It jumped the shark years ago but it has always been one of my favorite shows. I almost have Nick hooked on it but I think it will be like West Wing, I will talk about it for years and he won't watch it until it's OFN and then he'll fall in love with it and talk about it like it's something new.
I read about the newest game from Team Ico and it looks like it's going to be only for the PS3. This may be the game that forces my hand into buying a stupid PS3. Damn you, Team Ico. DAMN YOU.
Nick's parents got us an electric fireplace for Christmas (and already gave it to us, obviously) and it is awesome. The smart cat has only slept on it once so far but their favorite thing seems to being going behind it for some reason. Silly cats. We totally tripped a breaker with it already too. Which was bound to happen since it's on the same plug with the xbox and the router and the modem and the TV and the cable box and the surround sound and the Wii.
I've typed for about an hour now so I think that more than makes up for my silence. I'm out, kids.
I love you all &c.
P.S. I was watching Zero Punctuation's review of Modern Warfare 2 and the little line he always puts in the credits said, "I wonder what kind of gun fires with a noise that most closely approximates the word 'BANG.'" I read this to Nick and he replied, wittily, "An onomato-P9." This is why I want to marry this kid.
P.P.S. Earlier today, we were eating pizza and watching Away We Go and we couldn't find the TV remote. We looked everywhere but it was nowhere to be found. Finally, after the movie was over (98 minutes after it was lost) and we began a hardcore-retracing-steps mission. This mission was quickly completed when Nick found the remote in his pocket. This is why I will keep this kid around.
2 broke me |
I think im broken
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2009 28 November :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: complacent
I don't really know what to write tonight. I just thought the other day that I should update so I know (later on) what I was thinking about. I want to teach at Santa Maria as an art teacher. I would love to teach and I think it would be easiest to get experience in a subject that isn't required. I just want to do something. Among my list are writing books, one cataloging a complete history of twentieth century pop culture and a series of stories from the lives of people who lived in a time that my generation (and generations after mine) learn about as history. I also want to make knickers. I think they'd be cute as hell with a pair of high-heeled boots.
It's Thanksgiving weekend and I saw Cathy Topor and Jen Castro this weekend. They are both doing well. I realised I know very little about Cathy anymore. Unfortunately, we were separated before we became aware of emotions in any grown-up sense, so we didn't suffer angst the same way at all and know very little about that part of each other's lives.
I wanted to hang out with Danny more than once, but didn't, and he's likely heading back tomorrow morning. I also wished to have spent time with Bug and Q, though they are too busy for me. Most people just didn't answer their phones while they were here, though I saw a lot of people at the mall from high school.
I really miss having people near me and it's worse to know they're near and still be stuck at home. I'm not even feeling sorry for myself. I thought it would be inappropriate to stay home (like I usually do) when people were actually in town. But I've spent most of my time with my parents anyway.
Oh, well. Teaches me not to get excited for things at all.
I need to write a stupid cover letter to get a job. I don't want to work at the shop anymore. I generally don't mind it, but I'd like to get paid every week or every two and not worry about the owner (my dad) trying to pay the bills. Also, it would provide some separation from my mum, which I don't need nearly as much as she does. She's been throwing fits lately about the silliest things. I just don't understand how people get so upset about nothing.
I guess that's it. Good day!
I think im broken
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2009 12 November :: 9.10am
:: Mood: awake
Another dream:
I had just come out of some show or something with some grandparents, and the group of us were walking down a sidewalk in a small-town downtown, squishing and swerving to avoid sidewalk boards and awning poles. We turned the corner and there was a group of people my age hanging outside a bar (enough to make us go single file) and they shouted that I should join them at a party at one of their houses.
So I went. I spent most of the night observing people and talking. There was someone taking pictures with the host's camera and I recalled some conversations regarding day jobs.
It was later on that we began discussing some crime (maybe a murder?) that occurred and the three suspects. After some time of deliberation, and what seemed (without much dream discussion) that all three people had motives and opportunities equal to the other two, we went to bed, resolving to solve it in the morning.
The TV was on, and one of the people I was discussing it with was sleeping on the chair at the end of the bed. I was laying sprawled out (in real life, too) on my back, with my hands around the pillow. I felt pressure at the side of my left thigh (which no doubt was really my dog), but stayed with my eyes closed, convinced it was the cat.
I felt my arm grabbed, and opened my eyes quickly to one of the suspects on the board. He had had his hair cut since the party and left a tiny triangle tuft at the front of his head, directly center. He looked me in the face and said, "It was me and we're going to watch my Target commercial."
Since my face was looking at the ceiling, I asked if I may turn over. He said, "No" quickly, and continued to watch his commercial. I squirmed a bit....and then woke up.
I think im broken
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2009 27 October :: 2.17am
:: Music: tommib help buss
i tried to keep this crush at bay, knowing it was silly from before it's existance, but i'm out of control now. silly, silly me.
I think im broken
|
|