The Second Star to the Right

:: 2006 19 May :: 11.16am

Solution to illegal immigration laws:
Apply Mexico's immigration law against Mexicans.

Done! End of problem.

2 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2006 14 May :: 8.42pm

i'm gonna keep it simple cause i'm pretty stupid.

hes hotttttttt but we have to be frieeeendss which sucks!!!! oh well. i'll get over it.

2 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2006 6 May :: 12.51am

Favorite names:
Girls: Lorelai, Abigail, Katheryne, Alice, Piper, Deborah (not Debra).
Boys: Nicholas, Sterling, Leiland, Aiden, Tristen, Demetri.

Just as a memo to myself.

:: 2006 30 April :: 10.27pm

I'm getting tired of these random "emo" nights. XD

Enough with all that mess.

Aw, man. I just remembered about the Cyber Flower account I had. I couldn't find my password, and then I lost internet connection for a long while. =[ Sad.

Random question:
Am I the only one surrounded by Mexicans that say "eh"?

7 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2006 24 April :: 1.08am

e.e. cummings - 'since feeling is first'
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

:: 2006 21 April :: 6.10pm

Poor, neglected journal has had a (maybe temporary) makeover. Can't guarantee I'm going to be updating this very often, but I'll update occasionally.

Oh, and "Rent" is a good movie.

:: 2006 11 April :: 7.04pm

wow. 2 days in a row. i'm gonna write on paper but i need to finish my research paper therefore i'm not leaving the computer right now so i'll write in here again..

call me a whiner. fine. it sucks. my mom cancelled my counseling appointment again because i'm "sick" fuck that. i'm so mad. i really love going. its the only time that someone helps me. only me. selfish, yes. but i really love it. she helps me. i'm so sad right now and i really need to talk about some issues i'm having. i have to wait another week. goddamnit. my mom does this all the time. she has cancelled on me like 7 times and i only go every other week. why?! i want to go. i'm so sad right now. i need a hug. i need some serious time for me. time with people i love. i'm doing that thing where i cry almost every day. i havent done that in a couple months. fuck it.

1 Tale | Tell Me a tale

:: 2006 11 April :: 5.06pm

I fell asleep during first period Dance.

Perhaps I should start getting more sleep.

.. Independence.. 1776.. Constitution.. 1787.. triangular prism.. (bh/2) times height.. cells.. protists.. history.. math.. science.. exit level TAKS.. tests you've got to pass to graduate.. arrgghh..

Next. Week.

THEN there's SATs or ACTs or whatever. Scholarships. Colleges. Career choices. Vehicle. AGH!

I just want.. to sleep.. ;-;

:: 2006 10 April :: 7.35pm

I'm sad.
This weekend I was sick. I was stuck inside for 5 straight days. Mary went to Vegas and Maureen and Michelle were both at school. I never see Monica so she is out of the picture. I was home all by myself with mom and dad. It was so incredibly lonely and boring. It made me realize just how important my fucked up family is to me. i love them so much. Just sitting on the couch alone made me realize that if they were there at that moment I'd have someone to sit with and talk to when I couldnt move. Thats what family is about. I love them. Michelle was the only one tehre for me. She called me a lot and I talked to her for a couple of hours. That was so nice. I was so incredibly thankful.. I love my sisters. Mary is going to move out this summer and I'm dreading it. What will I do? Things are gonna be so boring at night. When I come home from school I like knowing I can talk to her when I need to. I feel like crying just thinking about. What if she doesnt visit very often? We hang out together..will we still do that once shes gone? I'm gonna have to find a lot of activities to get involved in to keep myself busy.. I'll miss her a lot. In my family it feels like if you move out then you stop beign a member of the family. Thats how it was with Monica. I dont want that again. I love my sisters.

3 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2006 30 March :: 9.21pm

I hate it so much when my dad drinks. Maureen and I went to get to icecream a few minutes ago. We came back and Mary had returned from her spinning class. She wanted some icecream so i scraped some off for her. Everything was fine except that my dad felt like he needed to be involved. God damn him. he is always looking for reasons to get mad at me or punish me. So Mary wanted some more and I told her I'd scrape it off for her and that she couldn't dig in to it cause I'm very strict about how I like my icecream to be eaten. I know thats really stupid and I should get over it but still. So my dad takes my icecream and hands it to Mary just cause he thinks its funny. Hes been trying to provoke me all night and something as stuipd as this did it. So I got mad cause it looked like Mary was trying to gouge my icecream so I started yelling at her not to. And then i chucked a spoon at her.

This is completely my fault. i know it is. I'm sorry. My dad just wanted to make me angry and he did it. The second I chucked the spoon at her he started yelling all these punishments at me. Fuck that. he was just waiting and i bit at the bait and now he has done it.

I'm stupid.

:: 2006 14 March :: 9.24pm

My sister sucks ass. Maureen. She is home from college. Shes such a bitch. She comes home from college an enlightened piece of shit. She thinks she knows everything now. Maureen is 5 billion times smarter than every other person on this earth because she has been at college for a whole 6 months! It pisses me off. I'm fatter than her just because shes only 5 ft. tall and she never stops reminding me. If I was 5 ft. tall I'd be skinnier! Excuse me for my genetics! I know I'm not as skinny as I used to be but she is just so bitchy. Everytime I come near her she has an attitude. She looks for reasons to make fun of me and shit. Today she had her dumbass ugly acne covered, braces still on teeth even though he is 23 boyfriend over. I walk in the door and 2 seconds in the house she says "So how was Jamie Bell's birthday?" I know she was just doing it so she could make a joke out of it and impress her boyfriend. So i said in reply "It was wonderful until I came home and saw you". I know that was really mean but I couldn't help myself. Whenever I'm near her my brain is flooded with really great insults and they keep leaking out.

I'm gonna finish watching Billy Elliot.

4 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2006 5 March :: 8.51pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Three Days Grace

Seriously: bor-ambl-entry.
Whoo.

I'm going to Dallas with my friends Skye and Drew tomorrow, and staying until Thursday evening. Skye goes to school at the Art Institute there in Dallas. Dallas is about 2 and a half hours away from here, and my brother Jamie lives there with his wife.

There. In-for-ma-tive. (-hugs Mitch Hedberg doll.-)

Man, I really miss my little Woohu journal.. but school keeps me busy nowadays, and I rarely have much of anything to update about except for classes. -_- Hyah.

In other news, I am supposed to be getting a jeep. Well, it's not necessarily mine, but Mom and I are going to claim it's ours. It's Skye's jeep, actually, though it's soon to be ours.

Yeah.

Anyway, I've got to find something to do for a while. I can't go to sleep yet; it's too early.

.. hm.

:: 2006 28 February :: 8.31pm
:: Music: angry shit

My dad sucks. I dont think he likes me. Sure, he loves me. But I dont think he likes me. He got pissed at me tonight for eating chicken the wrong way. Its not like i'm in a fucking 5-star restaraunt and the chicken I'm eating costs $50. THen he got pissed cause I had a song in my head and I started humming it. Sounds stupid really. His excuse? He had a bad reaction to the drugs the dentist gave him today. Well why the fuck is he taking it out on me?! Fuck that. Hes a fucked up dumbass. My sister asked him when the last time he said anything nice to was when she thought I wasnt listening. I was listening. He paused for a few seconds and said "...she makes a good sauce" and that was it. Thats all! Aren't dad's supposed to tell you that they're proud of you and shit? He doesnt do any of that. I get a B he says "that should be an A" I've never had straight A's or even close to that. He fucking knows that I'm not an "A" student and I'm not just gonna magically become one! mother fucker. I am not okay with what hes doing to me right now. Whatever I do is never good enough. I took WHAP cause I thought he'd be proud of me and he was. He was proud of me until I started getting a C in it. THen he was mad. THe only fucking reason I took it was cause of him! mother fucker. He doesnt get it. He doesnt get it that I want him to like me and he refuses. In the car when he picks me up from school its dead silence unless i bring up 1 of 2 things- classic rock or baseball. this sucks. I guess I should be thankful my dad is there cause not everyone has a dad but still. Its like hes there but hes not there (that'd be in italics if i knew how to do them). FUck it. what can i do. nothing i do is ever good enough. fuck it.

1 Tale | Tell Me a tale

littledamion

:: 2006 21 January :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Beyonce *Yes

It goes on.
Life goes well.

How about yours, old friends?

:]

2 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2006 9 January :: 7.05pm

my fucking family wears down on me and right now it sucks. Finals are next week and they are gonna be so terrible because my grades are all shitty. I'm actually not doing as bad I originally thought but they still suck. I have to pass the WHAP final or else I have to do like 2 weeks of summer school to make up for a half a semester which is fucking stupid and a waste of time and money.

Michelle is gone which is good news. My parents are still drinking their normal shitloads and getting drunk and beligerent every night which fucks with my head. Sometimes I forget about it or I ignore it for a while and then there are times like these. It hasn't happened for like 3 months now but its hit me with a vegeance (sp). Last night I started thinking too much about my fucked up family and now I just feel like crying curling up into a little ball for a few weeks. My sadness and frustration with the current state of my family is coming out as angry lashes to anyone that says anything remotely angering or whatever. My mom told me to make the salad tonight and I fucking yelled so much. I know I shouldn't and I don't want to but it just comes out. Something sorta forces it out of me . Now that sounds like a shitty excuse to make my behavior justifiable but I'm serious. I just can't fucking figure out why I'm so damn sad...

Monica...my sister....she makes me saddest of all. I was writing about her in my paper journal last night.