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:: 2004 12 February :: 5.47 pm

i think i've developed some form of sickness to coca cola......pity me

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:: 2004 10 February :: 4.35 pm

http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/?t=archives&date=2002-11-19

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:: 2004 10 February :: 12.35 am

life
just a little bit of thinking about life.....
why is it that life seems to be nothing more than waving what i want in front of me and pulling it away? its like teasing someone with a dollar on a fishing line or something like that.
thats all life seems to have become, is cycles of pain......ane each time around, more shelters from the pain disappear, until eventually, theres nothing left but myself and my agony.

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:: 2004 30 January :: 8.29 pm

i'm considering school transfers to possibly australia, but i risk losing all the AP credit and coc transfer units i racked up....comments people?

further discussion of this topic now unneeded

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:: 2004 28 January :: 7.53 pm

i wish life were like a video game. not so that i could save it or restart it or anything like that, but because then it could be one of those video games that they sell you a strategy guide for. that way, i could look up the stuff going on in my life right now and find out what i'm supposed to do about it rather than just waiting and guessing, since i know i'll guess wrong. i just want to know what i have to do to win, at least this little bit. and as soon as i did, i would so totally save it. the problems now are much too confusing to sort out on my own.

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:: 2004 27 January :: 11.16 pm

this weeks lesson
god is cruel and enjoys creating misfortune for his own personal enjoyment.

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:: 2003 30 November :: 2.03 am

cool subliminial stuff....paul is dead and all
http://webflash.com/indexframe.php?id=560

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:: 2003 28 November :: 3.24 am

thanksgiving
wow....thanksgiving. not much i can really say about the holiday itself. least it had its memorable elements.......i woke up at 1:30....about....an hour before we had to leave. a key part of any good day. saw all the family that i hadn't seen in a while...suppose thats a good thing. and of course, theres always something important in teaching my like 11 year old cousin how to play blackjack and poker, and how to gamble with the first. she did really take to blackjack esp though. i ask you, the journal-reading public, how many times can one person get 20 or 21 while showing more than 16? that just doesn't make sense, nor should it be possible. if i wasn't dealing, i'd have thought she was cheating. that, and playing gin, and gin rummy.....i played a lot of cards for one night, really. at least i cleaned up at gin rummy. no money changed hands in that though. my brother was too chicken for gin and rummy......actually, i think he only played b.s. and crazy eights. wuss.
some of my younger cousins managed to figure out how to play baseball with an axe....a toy one, but nevertheless strange to walk in to a room to that.
as for dinner, filled up on turkey mainly....though once again have increased the amounts of vegetables i've eaten at the meal, which i suppose is good. and after, my cousin closest in age and myself had a sort of drinking contest, albeit with water....i lost. but then my uncle totally beat us all. he drank this bottle of water in about 3 seconds. it was scary. though still cool and admirable. i thnk i should be learning that in school now.

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:: 2003 25 November :: 1.43 am
:: Mood: aggravated

love
i've officially decided that my life is simply the result of god mocking me. or some other force that enjoys kicking sand in my face. how cruel it is to find everything one desires only to have it held out of reach so long....always tempting, yet never able to be fully enjoyed. would it be so wrong for things to go my way for ocne, and to be able to enjoy that which i have yearned for for so long?

6 comments | leave a comment

:: 2003 23 November :: 2.13 am
:: Mood: nostalgic

the past
i'm cleaning off floppies and going back through their contents....i just keep feeling how much i wish i could just stop everything and go back to the past...... they say change is good, but why does it have to be painful? friends of past fade away, and even friends of future times are imperminent.
If i could I'd roll back time, for at least a little while, to those days where I felt like I'd always have somewhere to run to and someone to rely on. Its not so much a decrease in friends, per se......just a distancing in general, and the loss of the friendships I held most dear, the people I relied upon most. Can't help feeling alone now.
Change can't be good.....how can these things be? Its not like I wasn't growing then, or taking risks then, just that there wasn't this unneeded emotion.

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:: 2003 22 November :: 1.47 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Prison Song - System of a Down

you give me 22 minutes, i'll give you the world
so......next semister is going to be torture.....work and and school with 7 hours of dead time at CSUN a week.....this does not bode well. not at all. this is what happens to a state where far left democrats run up the budget high enough that then the schools start cutting classes all over the place. governments always ruin it for those that can't vote, or only recently voted, first.
24 hours at school for 13 units....that is not math that works. at all.
least today i've redone my calculations and i'm pulling a's now in 3 classes for sure.....politics.....who knows whats going on in there.
and so i've finally seen the fabled zoolander. i've heard so much about it, including, thanks to bryan, half the lines of the movie. still, pretty good overall, esp what i expected of it. see, thats the benefit of being a pessimist. if you go into movies expecting the worst, you'll always be impressed. well, usually. some movies are still bad. like the new planet of the apes and scary movie 1. but then, one can't expect something that bad....so what is one to do?
and of course, the news has been interesting of late......bryan's already covered Schwarteneggar taking office and Rush being back on the air.....but of course, the MTA is back at work, now we just need the grocery store workers union to crumble..... and of course michael jackson now in trouble for child molestation again. they say don't judge a book by its cover....but, like, he doesn't have a cover..... or at least, it keeps chaning. at this point, hes terrifying, just in appearance. That should be some law violation. Actually.....knowing how it works in CA, it might be only 10 years before not being visually apealing in public will be illegal. i'm going to have to move. dang it.
and i've only got like 3 weeks to totally clean my room, the rest of the house, and get all the junk in my closet.....this is going to be the most extreme cleaning ever. my mom suggests a garage sale....but, i'm only getting rid of the junk, so i don't think that'll be worth all that much. at least i've already burnt the truely important keepsakes.

finally, after positive support over my last targeted group to kill, i would like to move to my next target, those people on the freeway that go like 5 under the speed limit in the fast lane. i mean, seriously, even if you're going the actual speed limit, move to the right if the speed of traffic is slower! you're just in the way, and you cause problems. if people are passing you on the right too much, you're too far left.
and why is it cops can speed? if they aren't driving with lights and sirens should they have to follow the speed limit too? set an example and all? its like if cops could smoke marijuana on duty and it would be ok just since they're cops. actually....that would be a cool law. and we'd have a lot more cops.

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:: 2003 20 November :: 8.26 pm

wow....today disappeared so fast. nothing like rearranging two and a half shelves of star wars stuff and burning stuff off my comp to free up space. 6 cds worth. and that'll go up tomorrow. cleaning is such hard work.
least i made like $40 today. money is a good thing. i've got all these papers sitting around that i need to throw away too......or maybe i should burn em. that would be fun. they could go the way of the 3 ft wheel.
whats with those people that don't signal? i don't even mean those people that just don't signal when they need to change lanes, but the dumb ones that come up to an intersection where they can either go straight or left, and so you stop because they havn't signaled and you're turning left and so they have the right of way and then half way through the intersection they signal and turn out of the intersection so you have to hurry through in case the next car is going straight then. that should be punishible by death after the third offence or something. its just annoying, dangerous, and proof they should not be on the roads.

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:: 2003 20 November :: 12.50 am

i've accomplished the feat of having two computers signed on to the same aim screenname at the same time. bow before me.

Spirit
Your element is Spirit. You are above most Earthly
things or like to think you are. More
mysterious than any of the other elements and
twice as dangerous. You tend to be a loner and
whatever you belive in it verges on fanatical.
Be careful because Spirit has no true substance
and can get lost.

What's your element
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MOST ACCURATE THING EVER:::
vamp
You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
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