:: 2004 10 November :: 8.51 pm

my daddy is my best friend.
i finally understand what he has been saying all my life. He always says " The only guy you'll need in life is me." It's so true. i love him so much.
linds

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:: 2004 9 November :: 6.41 pm

ok so justin is double bastard. i can't belive a guy did that to me! ooh!! oh well. i'll get over it. i pretty much am.. ijust have to put him in his place first. so yeah boys are gay.. never touching one of them agian.
ok thats all i have to say.
linds

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:: 2004 6 November :: 10.19 pm

i'd like to apoligize for all the bitching and complaining i do on here... but it is my journal so yeah sorry. i'm still going to bitch and complain like right now!
ok so i have figured it out. who wouldn't want someone from college like you? and who wouldn't all that.. i mean its just me on the other side. well i'm not going to stand on that side.
why do i feel as if i'm always left out. i don't really feel in place all the time. i just got back from langdons and i get along w/ the guys but idk. some of the time the girls just make me so mad i just wanna hit them! so i just left... i don't feel good also but yeah its just like what the fuck!! so yeah. i know i have friends but like i don't always feel as if i do and that i have a group of people i can run to. key word was group.
i shoudn't complain i'm sure there is someone else who has a worse life than i. well yeah sorry. i just can't WAIT!!! to see my girls thanksgiving. like that is what is seriously getting me through these school days and stupid days of high school. i'm reminded everyday of how much i just wanna leave. at first i was like oh hopeyeah i wish i could go there then it was like oh i wanna but proally won't. now its like i must go there.. i want it i'm going to get it. i can be aggressive when i really truly want somthing. i really wanna get out of here and go to hope. being at calvin last night i was just like wow... can't wait!! lol. but yeah I AM going to hope. no matter what my dad says. i'm going there. and if i don't well idk. lol but i'm gonna work my ass off now because why shouldn't i? theres nothing else to do... look forward to other than getting out of cedar. i'm going to leave this place. i just wanna leave high school. i wanna move on!!! i honestly understand what my brother was feeling. argg it is aggravating because you know you HAVE to wait 2 years. theres nothing out of it. well actrually less than 2 years. we have about 19-20 months left of being a high school student!! yeah this is sad. it really is. oh well.
i'm out tired and sick.. going to bed
linds

1 comment | comment

:: 2004 6 November :: 11.16 am
:: Mood: better than before

after school yesterday i went shopping... yes i went shopping on my own will but i went by myself. I'm such a dork! lol oh well. i got clothes and chaptstick.. i'm happy... oh but you know what else i did???? i stopped and saw isaac! yeah that was totally out of the blue. lol. we didn't hang out that long... only a half an hour. but yeah... he is still hot. I think the part that made me so much more happy is the fact that i saw someone from summer. One of my summer friends who i havn't really saw or talked to in a long time. it just was so great seeing someone who ISN'T from cedar. i know that sounds bad but i really can't stand a lot of people at cedar. maybe if there wasn't too much stupid drama it would be better but there is! so yeah isaac is hot lol. very hot. he thinks he is some great and cool guy cause he is in college... but i can see right through that.. he is deff. the same. lol. yes, still conceited. and other things. so i call kierra... she started laughing when i told her that i saw him!!! she was like no way!! i was laughing too causeit was so out of the blue but yeah!! it was so funny!! it is so nice to talk to her. she was like i can see fight this summer. and i'm like what?? shes like yeah peter and isaac are gonna fight it out. lol what is going through her mind? lol. so yeah we talked for a bit. then i called annie and left a message she called me back and was liek i had to listen to the message twice to see if what i heard was true. lol. yeah so i know for a fact that peter likes me a lot a lot. she talked to him and it came up. so yeah we talked for a bit. she finally confessed about being at pats house that one night. so yeah we talked. isaac is hot lol. i really wanted to bring isaac to jusin's fire.. how bomb would that be!! i could be like bam! look at this! lol but i'll just wait and see. isaac will most likely want to get drunk tonight. so yeah ok i'm out
i have to help out at church.. oh they have the best soup ever!!! ok bye!
linds
oh i say i feel better than before but i'll proallly get in a bitchy mood tonight when i see him.

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:: 2004 4 November :: 9.54 pm

I am so stupid. Everyday i relize how much more stupid i am. I am so nieve.. i'm sostupid! Everyone makes me mad.
linds
... i don't feel good :(

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:: 2004 1 November :: 7.52 pm

God Bless Nick!

linds

1 comment | comment

:: 2004 31 October :: 9.01 pm

Once agian... Halloween does not fail. It was another terrible halloween weekend for lindsey. This is like the 4th in a row? wow it's sad.

i hate being angry and bitchy... but i just don't know what to do with my anger. i get tears in my eyes all the time. i start screaming in my pillow for no reason. i hit things.. why? why do i have to be so pitiful? well i really don't learn from my mistakes to begin w/. why do i think that someone from cedar could actrually care about me and not screw me over? It's like last year never happend. i was so blind to do it all over agian. I never "work" out w/ any guy. It never "feels right". well then what does feel right? i liked being with isaac. we talked all the time about sailing and different kids that we loved and hate. i have to admit he didn't really feel like a boyfriend boyfriend at all times, he was more like a friend. a friend that i had started clean with. He didn't know my past and he didn't really care. it was so nice to actrually have someone who isn't in my normal circle.. like frommy yacht club and cedar. Maybe guys from other schools are for me? or maybe guys just arn't for me right now.... like i don't really need one. but i want someone so bad to fall and run to. like right now! when i'm so sad. i wish i had a someone to that i could run to and we could just cuddle. oh well... guys just arn't for me right now. i'm pitiful...

linds

3 comment. | comment

:: 2004 31 October :: 9.01 pm

Once agian... Halloween does not fail. It was another terrible halloween weekend for lindsey. This is like the 4th in a row? wow it's sad.

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:: 2004 30 October :: 11.27 am
:: Mood: upset

GUYS ARE FUCKING GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just wrote the longest entry ever!! and ofcourse.. it got deleted!! ahh i'm so mad.. whole idea was justin broke up w/ mebecause of wrestling and worki think? idk i'm really confussed.
i was crying before he called because iw ant to be 12 agian. i miss being that age..and having someone to look up to and wish you could be apart of them and that one day you will be as cool. i have no one to look up to. i just started my period and god knows whats happening to nick.. ahh!! yeah so he's stupid i hate justin
this is the second fucking time this has happend. lets see here isaac said the same exact thing. there must be some inner meaning... its me. they give me compliments but really they are just lying out of their ass.
so if any guy reads this... what does this mean.... *It isn't fair to you. you are amazing. you always make me laugh. its not fair to you. * what does that mean!?!?!
ok talked to peter last night for like 2 hours... absolutly love that kid. he is so nice. it was so nice to talk to a guy who isn't from cedar. someone who doesn't know whats going on and won't judge me. i love it. this is what i wrote down when i was bawling about everything lsat night.. ooh i don't think i was crying because of one thing in particular.. i think it was just because everyhting sucked!
- why are you such a pansy.. talk to me in person.
- Thur. night you were all nice and all over me.. what the hell happens within 24 hours?
- What are you trying to say? you either like me or you don't.
- This is the 2nd time this has happend. you obviously don't like.
- You reassured me THREE!!!!!!!! times that youwanted a relationshipt on tue. you even said you thought about it.. well i guess you dind't think hard enough.
- When did you start thinking this way?
- God YOU'RE retarted! i'm on my period, god knows whats going to happen to nick, i want to be 12 agian!!!! i was crying BEFORE you called!!!
- Is it really me you don't like? If it is I understand.. no one else does either.
- Word of Advice
- sit down and figure out what the hell you want and what the hell you are gong to do.
- ME
- Wrestling
-Work
- school
-I want to move on if you dont like. JUST TELL ME!! I've become pretty good at forgeting guys.
-I'm way confused
- I dont understand anything!
- Am i retarted?
- Thank god for Peter... he's so nice.. Wait he's a guy... soon he'll be retared also.
-I thought i saw somthing in you. I've felt this way for along long time. But this actrually took less time to figure out your flway... YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT!!
-I know wrestling takes up a lot of time... i unerstand that my brother wrestled too! If we truly like each other then we will work through it. I'm no like most girls. We DON'T have to be together 24/7. i want to have my own life too.
- stop giving complimetns you don't mean.
- You're not sorry... you are a typical guy
- don't say things you dont mean

well thats my venting session for now. sorry you had to read that. i even left things out.
"worrying is like a rocking chair.. it never gets you anywhere"
linds

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:: 2004 27 October :: 4.37 pm

ahhh
he asked me out yesterday! i'm excited lol
linds

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:: 2004 17 October :: 11.22 am

Homecoming was great... it was really fun. it was fun and being w/ him made it even better. i don't really have any words... other then i'm very very happy... and he's so nice! and yes... lol. i'm just in a great mood from last night. spending all that time w/ him made me happy lol. ok so i like him a lot lol. yeah i have no words.... i just have this feeling that i havn't felt in a longlong time. hehe
ok well i'm out bye!!!
linds

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:: 2004 8 October :: 6.49 pm

oh no he didn't just do that!!
i'm heated!!!
no way did she do that and no way did he have the guts to do that!!! oh i'm heated!!!
linds

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:: 2004 5 October :: 9.07 pm
:: Mood: angry

i swear... if anyone were to walk infront of me right i would kill em in an instant!
my goal of the week was to not cry... well thats broken... i had breakdown #1 of the week.
people just don't know when to stop being gay. i mean honestly! arggghhhh i wanted to turn around and PUNCH them!!!
linds

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:: 2004 25 September :: 9.56 am

The pagent is tonight!! ah!!
linds

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:: 2004 13 September :: 8.51 pm

i feel retarted... no thats not the word.. either is used.... OLD! old news thats what i feel like. oh well i guess it happens
linds
that proally makes no sense.. its bout isaac

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