:: 2006 26 January :: 6.56 pm

Your ignorance cramps my conversation. ~Anthony Hope

"Ya, it's the goth kids"
"no,it's more of the emo kids that do it"
"ya, fucking always want attention"


What little arrogant bitches.

Do you know?

:: 2006 20 January :: 9.23 am

Last day of the semester! I'm very excited.

No more AP Biology.

Now: Bioethics

An interesting switch.

I had a lesson with linda last night. It went better than I expected. I'm doing very well on my solo now, a lot better :).

I have an english test today. Five reading assignments in two days and then a test. Odd?

I just had some bacon and mushroom pizza and a cup of mountain dew listening to banter abroad. Pep band tonight, I'm not going home after school, but rather staying after with my flute ensemble to practice and going to subway and then coming back to school for pep band. It's going to be long day. But, that pizza WAS good.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 12 January :: 7.57 pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Syrinx by Debussy

1 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 12 December :: 3.38 pm

I've been so tired lately. I've gotten an average of ten hours a sleep a night, and still it does not seem to be enough. I don't have time to sleep, I have too many things to do. Too much homework, working, blah I have to call them. Blah Blah.

I want to cry. My body hurts. All I want to do is sleep. I'm drinking a mountain dew in hopes of staying awake until five.

I have an essay to write. I hate fricken ap lit. what a bitch.

1 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 26 November :: 11.20 pm
:: Mood: cold

So many things to do, so little time to squeeze them all in. Everything is crazy busy, and I need to get together with my english group. I have a feeling we're going to be half assing our way to a B.

I swear I can hear music comming from somewhere in this house, but everytime I walk around I can't find the source. Maybe I'm finally going crazy. Maybe my house is haunted. These things I do not know.
Whatever it is, it has a good beat.

I think I figured out the reason why I shake when I drink. See, I get cold really easy, and when you drink you're body thinks it feels hot, and your blood vessels open up to let off the heat, which isn't really there, so it cools you when you're not hot, making your normal body temperature go down instead of a hot temperature go to normal. Then I shake because I'm cold. Just shivering, that's all that it is.

This imaginary music is driving me fucking nuts.

I want to be done, I want to be out. I'm not quite sure what I want to be doing instead, but just not this. All this shit. I hate it. I don't want to be stuck anywhere, I want to do what I want. I guess that's what everyone wants, but, as in Ethan Frome, "only the smart ones get away."

I hope I'm one of the smart ones.

3 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 3 November :: 5.58 pm

I've been accepted to CMU. They sent me a t-shirt today. It's a very bright white. I like its newness.


So much as been going on lately. I leave for school in the morning when it's dark out, and I get home when it's dark outside. It's almost as if there was never a day at all. But of course that would be false, because even if I don't see it, it's still there, right? I hope so.

All state band auditions are saturday. I'm not sure I'm as prepared as I should be. I've been practicing between three and five hours a day for a little over the past week. My tone is getting a lot better (recovering from the horridness of piccolo). I'm still nervous, though. I guess I've talked myself into believing that it doesn't matter if I get in or not, but it does. It's one of the only things that I'll be able to do. I can't go to CMU's workshop, I can't go to CMU's honors band, I can't go to EMU's honors band. This is about the last thing that I'll be able to do where I'll be challenged and not have to play horridly easy music with people who don't know how to play their fucking instrument.
But I rant.

My eighteenth birthday is a month from tomorrow. Work will be happy because then I can sell lottery and tobacco at the service desk. As much as I want to kill people who run that place, I still can't help but fantasize that someday I could get a degree in marketing or something and be a higher executive than all of them and fire them because they're stupid. I don't think that they realize that they expect too much out of people they only pay six dollars an hour to. I see so many people there that are intelligent and should be doing something, but no, they work for a measly six dollars an hour and will never do any better. The waste of potential disgusts me.

Whenever I am there I feel as though some goodness, some intelligent part of me is dying. Everytime someone yells at me because meijer screwed them over I feel like saying "You know what? They're screwing me over too. I get paid fucking six dollars and hour to stand here and take your shit for them, and guess what, they don't care, even if I do get a manager and they listen to you and assure you they'll 'look into it', nothing is going to happen. You standing here yelling at me is doing neither of us any good, and nothing is going to change because frankly all that corporate does care about are numbers, their profit, how many defective items they can pass off you to, how many times they can screw you over by not pricing things and you aren't a number, you're a real person, just like me, and therefore, they don't care. So fuck off."

End rant.

5 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 25 October :: 10.19 pm

No more marching band. It can't be true! O the happiness.


Use another fucking pan. I can't fucking wash it out, remember, I'm the one who doesn't know how to do anything. I'm the one who has to be told to do something all the time because obviously I'm too helpless to think for myself. That's it.

Wash out your fucking coffee cups then. I might want to use them to make hot cocoa. HA fucking ha.

They have disappeared and it is so.

2 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 29 September :: 6.53 pm

Getting all fired up for all that fun college stuff and deadlines and blah blah blah.

My three choices:

1. CMU
2. Grand Valley
3. Eastern Michigan

I know that I'm going to get into all of them, just which one will give me enough scholarships to go?

All in due time i suppose.

In the mean time, many things for english to do.

Fruit flies are breeding just fine. My F1 generation is taking over the vials!

They twitch when i nap them. It's scary. I put them on the t.v. screen. My fruit flies are famous now.

Indeed.

2 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 22 September :: 5.36 pm
:: Mood: discontent

School is getting to me, i'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner. The only good thing coming up is homecomming. I like planning for that, it keeps me occupied.

We'll see..hmm...
:)

I love you Jessie!

4 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 8 September :: 8.59 pm

I like having an hour of independent study. I like being able to play piano and flute and think about music for an hour every day except band. It's relaxing. Yes, i know....freakish. it happens

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2005 8 September :: 6.23 pm

You think about what you DID too much.

And as a result you don't DO as much as you think you DID because you overanalyze and it seems bigger and more important that what you really DID.

So get out there and DO something instead of dwelling on what you DID.

It's called living.

Do you know?

:: 2005 5 September :: 10.50 am
:: Mood: cold

Freshy year
Last first day of high school tomorrow. That's exciting.

Eh, I can still remember the first day of my freshman year clearly. I went up to my locker to put my backpack in it before first hour, and I couldn't get it open. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, so I went and got Ms. Scott, and she was like, "are you sure you know how to work a combination lock?"

That got me pissed. Yes, I was a freshman, not an inferior human being (although sometimes those ARE one in the same I realized later). So, she tried it and it didn't work. That was one of the best moments of high school right there, and it seemed to set the trend for the rest of high school, always having to prove myself, prove that I can do it. Well, it turned out that one of the numbers in my combination was 10 numbers off...so I got a note during first hour with the right one, and I haven't had any problems since, for three years.

Hmm. Just thought I would put that in here before alzheimers hits, I am almost 18 ya know.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2005 29 August :: 3.03 pm

Listening to Karl talk makes me want to shoot someone. He has the oddest way of talking and yelling at the same time.

My schedule is as follows:

1 Marching Band - Robuck
2 JA Economics - Busen
3 AP Statistics - Andrus
4 AP Literature - Dolbee
5 Independent Study - Robuck
6 AP Biology - Fornier

3 easy classes, 3 hard classes.

I don't have seminar period on my schedule...does that mean I don't have to go?......

michelle

4 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 21 August :: 10.01 pm
:: Mood: calm

Every day that I get up and drive to work (which is almost every day now) I walk into the place and everything just melts together. Nothing really changes there, maybe subtly.
I always punch in on time, get my drawer, wait on people, punch for all my breaks, feel bad if I spend too much money on lunch, because I'm not making that much money in the first place, punch out, go home. Next day: repeat.

I feel like I'm wasting my life. It's an awful feeling.

I guess the only saving graces are the weird people that I laugh to myself about, like the lady with the mustache or the really big older guy that always hits on lisa.

The people who get really angry are a source of my laughter too; the people who get so angry about not being able to return their $2.00 light bulbs because they don't have their receipt and yell at the manager thinking it will make a difference. Those people are just pathetic. The funny part is that when they get so angry their blood pressure rises, and I bet in the future they'll end up having a heart attack because of stress like that and have a hospital bill over $4,000.

Rueben just left a while ago. I'm putting off going to bed; when he left there was a creepy little glow worm attatched to his pant leg, and we were cuddling in my bed. Even if it just randomly attatched itself to him when he came in, just the thought of it crawling around in my bed is reason enough for me not to sleep half the night. Ehh....creepy crawlies.

Tomorrow night is band, Tuesdays are lessons. Piano is comming along nicely. I can't do anything too complicated yet, but we'll see by the end of the year how good I can get.

It's nice and cold, perfect sleeping weather.
Good night (all).
michelle

3 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2005 14 August :: 9.51 pm

It's starting to get cooler out. That's nice.

I lost touch for a while. That was nice too. Fall is approaching; that makes me relieved.

This moth flying around my screen on the other hand is making me annoyed.

1 think they know | Do you know?