If music be the food of love.

:: 2005 13 October :: 9.33pm
:: Mood: Cynical
:: Music: All the Love in the World, NIN

Love

You have DIVINE love, and it shows in every fiber
of you. If you havent yet graced someone with
your love, dont rush. Not everyone deserves
someone as wonderful as you are because they
dont understand your rarity, but when you find
someone who does you will lead a very full and
wonderful life.

What Type of Love Best Represents You?? (WONDERFUL anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I am beset by the ironies of my life. Time and time again, I am told I am a rarity. a diamond amongst mere stone. And yet, the truth presents itself in the actions of women I encounter; I am simply not worthy of requited love. Indeed I do desire it, and indeed I do search for it, but only to meet rejection after rejection. This is not overly encouraging, but I have a whole world to travel.

"Those of you who suffer because of love, love still more; For to die of love is to live by it."

Later.

7 Burns! | backtalk

:: 2005 11 October :: 12.08am
:: Mood: Alive
:: Music: One day Remains, Alter Bridge

I know this is what you've been singing to me, sorry I ignored it for so long...
As your will is bent and broken
and every vision has been cast into the wind
as your courage crashes down before your eyes
don't lay down and die

'Cause I see in you
More than you'll ever know
And I ask you, "Why
You question the strength inside?"
And you need to know
How it feels to be alive

When every wound has been re-opened
And in this world of give and take, you must have faith
And the distance to your dreams stretch beyond reach
Don't lay down and die
No

Cause I see in you
More than you'll ever know
And I ask you, "Would
You question the strength inside?"
And you need to know
How it feels to be alive...

How it feels
How it feels to be alive...
How it feels
How it feels to be alive...
How it feels
How it feels to be alive...

Cause I see in you
More than you'll ever know
And I ask you, "Would
You question the strength inside?"
And you need to know
How it feels to be alive...
How it feels to be alive...

Later.

:: 2005 7 October :: 3.37pm
:: Mood: PSYCHO!!!! cocaine, cocain, crazy!

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow." Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900...May your soul rest in peace..."es".

14 Burns! | backtalk

:: 2005 7 October :: 3.35pm
:: Music: The chicken dance...IN TECHNO FORM!!!

Wow...this is getting habitual (hah, if you say habitual and take of "ha" and "ual" you say BITCH!!!!!!! MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

You are beyond help. Congratulations,
congratulations, congratulations, and welcome
to the mind of the we. Just remember, your
logic is flawless. (No matter what those idiots
at therapy say.)

How much mental help do you need?(With anime pics)(For screwed up minds only)
brought to you by Quizilla

backtalk

:: 2005 7 October :: 3.17pm
:: Mood: the same as last time I did this...
:: Music: something old...really old

for old times sake...
Katana
Your personality is best represented by the
traditional Japanese Katana. You are brave
beyond words and rarely (if ever) act for your
own personal gain. Your honor is very
important to you, and you strive to better
yourself and help others. You try not to let
emotions get in the way of making a sound
decision, and are usually quite successful.

What sort of Weapon best Represents your Personality? (anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

dude, haven't done that in a while...

:: 2005 7 October :: 11.35am

counting...counting...counting......................................
Got it! 727! wow...that's a big number...especially considering what I'm thinking of.

4 Burns! | backtalk

:: 2005 4 October :: 10.43pm

color
no, i'm not color blind, and no I'm not gay either...I just had to match my journal to the cool rose I found, okay? jesus, give the kid on Hydrocodone a break already!

7 Burns! | backtalk

:: 2005 21 September :: 9.48pm

This is Eric, Paul's best conspirererer partner. We are currently right now, on the phone, and we had a little conversation with kaylee van gelder, the prissiest little gullible little annoying preppy "fun-hating" little "person" ever.

We give proof for this, see below. This is a conversation, thawt I had with Kaylee, with Paul prompting me on the phone.

______________
Eric Mak says:
I'VE DONE IT!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what did you do?
Eric Mak says:
NOT ONLY AM I THE LEAD SINGER OF A KICK ASS BAND, BUT I HAVE MASTERED THE ART OF HARDCORE SCREAMING!
Eric Mak says:
AUIGGHJJHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
awesome!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
lead singer?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is so awesome
Eric Mak says:
lead.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
eric
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
good job!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
LEAD!
Eric Mak says:
lead.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
wow
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yeah!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yaya
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yay
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
lol
Eric Mak says:
I CAN SCREAM.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what is ur bands name
Eric Mak says:
REALLY GOOD.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I know u can scream
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
lol
Eric Mak says:
NO
Eric Mak says:
NO
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what is ur bands name?
Eric Mak says:
I WASN'T ABLE TO
Eric Mak says:
I MEAN
Eric Mak says:
LIKE
Eric Mak says:
REALLY REALLY HARD.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is awesmoe
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I will have to hear u scream one of these days
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
when ur band tours in Spokane
Eric Mak says:
oh yeah, Paul made a bomb threat to Freeman, and he's in juvey now.
Eric Mak says:
isn't that awesome????
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
NO way
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ru seroius?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I am glad u called him tho
Eric Mak says:
yes.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
i remeber talking about that
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
are u serious tho?
Eric Mak says:
yeah, I talked to his mom.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
was he serious about the threat?
Eric Mak says:
today.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
woah
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
was he serous tho?
Eric Mak says:
he had a bomb.
Eric Mak says:
in his backpack.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what!?!?!?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
are u lying
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
plz tell me the truth
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
cuz u know i can be gullible
Eric Mak says:
I'm not lieing!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
wow
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is scary
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
so he is in juvi?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
for how long?
Eric Mak says:
I'm so proud of him, my little boy's all grown up!
Eric Mak says:
3 months.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
eric that is not something to be proud of
Eric Mak says:
oh, but I am.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is dangerous and he coud have harmed or killed someone
Eric Mak says:
I'nm
Eric Mak says:
the one
Eric Mak says:
that
Eric Mak says:
told him to do it.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
if he killed someone would u be proud?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
well u should feel horrible
Eric Mak says:
Well...it was funny.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
no eric its not funny
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
he took what u said serously and it could have ended up hurting sumone
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I personally dont think that is funny
Eric Mak says:
Dude, he totally freaked the whole school out, and caused it to pause for 3 1/2 hours.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
who cares eric...get over it! so what school stopped for like a few hours...he coud have killed someone
Eric Mak says:
You know what's really funny? The cops had to taser him down, and send a canine unit on him.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I dont belive that
Eric Mak says:
Ok...right.
Eric Mak says:
Seriosuly.
Eric Mak says:
I talked
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
canine unit
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
sure
Eric Mak says:
to his mom just today.
Eric Mak says:
Ok,
Eric Mak says:
that'w what they do when the suspect is armed, and running away.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ok well whatever...I just dont think u should be laughint that one of ur bf's made a bomthreat..and u told him to make it..
Eric Mak says:
whatever Kaylee, don't take it so seriosuly, it's not like anyone got hurt, just the school was in the potential of getting hurt. Danger is what makes everytthing fun.
Eric Mak says:
No one got hurt, so it doesn't really matter.
Eric Mak says:
The fact that he did it is hilarious.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yes eric it does...ok they got lucky nobody got hurt..someone could have and now one of ur bff's is in JUVI! Juvi eric...he is in jail practically because he listened to you! do u even care that he is in Juvi? huh?
Eric Mak says:
I'm planning to visit him next week, he called me and told me it was totally worth it. Seriosuly, Kaylee, it's just juvie. No big deal.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I cant belive that you are saying that eric
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ur so inmature
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
"No big deal someone just bought a bomb to school"
Eric Mak says:
whatever Kaylee, at least he had the balls to do it!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
so eric...if that bomb went off and killed someone...would u be saying that "at least he had the balls to do it!"
Eric Mak says:
That is a different story, Kaylee, no one got hurt, and that's all that matters. QUit being so immature.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
and u say...oh I am planning to see him next week...are u really eric?
Eric Mak says:
well...
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
or ru just saying that
Eric Mak says:
the Oct. 7th weekend, if I have time. I'm goign to be hanging with other friends while I'm in Spokane.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ok then
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
but eric ur friends in Juvi
Eric Mak says:
it's only 3 months, that's nothing. It'll hardly go on his record.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I really dont want to have this conversation anymore...its making me mad and upset
Eric Mak says:
you know, he got sentenced to also quit public school, and seek a boarding school, which Valley Christian is considered.
Eric Mak says:
so
Eric Mak says:
he might go back to VCS.
Eric Mak says:
Kaylee, you just don't understand fun.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever eric...my kind of fun doesnt include possibly killing someone
Eric Mak says:
who cares? Serisouly, we're just kids, and making the most out of our childhood.
Eric Mak says:
the killing, yes
Eric Mak says:
it's dangerousm,
Eric Mak says:
so
Eric Mak says:
but
Eric Mak says:
it
Eric Mak says:
didnt' happen, so we don't need to talk about it, damnit!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I am leaving now
Eric Mak says:
ok, be a immature fun hating person and run away.
Eric Mak says:
I only say person, because it's rude to say what I had in mind.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
fine
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
bye
Eric Mak says:
bye bye...person.
Eric Mak says:
kaylee, seriosuly.
Eric Mak says:
have some fun, for once, and forget that peopel cou;d've
Eric Mak says:
been killed
Eric Mak says:
when they
Eric Mak says:
didn't.
Eric Mak says:
because
Eric Mak says:
if they didnt',
Eric Mak says:
it doesn't matter.

_________

The End.

Death to all fun-haters!

~Eric and (on the phone) Paul.

3 Burns! | backtalk

shalee

:: 2005 4 June :: 8.30am

"Things don't come full circle, they spiral."

:: 2005 25 May :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: doubtful
:: Music: Epiphany, Staind

I don't think I can do this...I really don't. I'm too damn weak. Greg's turning into a man though. He stood up to me today. I'm proud of him. But then again, why would he think I'd want someone like Kendra? sure she's nice, but she is a little dull. Though I feel for her. She's been through so much shit It's unbelievable how depressed she is. SHe's totally apathetic...Just like me.

"gray would be the color, if I had a heart..."

"I thought you were the one, I thought you were perfect for me, But you're infected, just like them.

I wanna kill it,
I wanna burn it all,
I wanna skin it,
I wanna watch it all fall

You can stop respecting because I the infection that'll tear down these walls from the inside out.

35 Burns! | backtalk

:: 2005 9 May :: 10.39pm
:: Music: Terrible lie, NIN

Someone
why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God, i think you owe me a great big apology

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

i really don't know what you mean
seems like salvation comes only in our dreams
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme
hey God, can this world really be as sad as it fucking seems

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
please don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold
on to me
hold on to me
don't tear it
please don't tear it
please don't take it
don't take it
don't

there's nothing left for me to hide
i lost my ignorance, security and pride
i'm all alone in this fucking world you must despise
hey God, i believed your promises, your promises and lies

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

(terrible lie)
you made me throw it all away
my morals left to decay (terrible lie)
how many you betray
you've taken everything (terrible lie)
my head is filled with disease
my skin is begging you please (terrible lie)
i'm on my hands and knees
i want so much to believe
i want so much to believe
you fucking promised me

you promised
you promised me
yes you did
you promised me
you fucking promised me

:: 2005 7 May :: 9.07pm
:: Music: Wish, NIN

Charred epiphany
"Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself!!!" He smacked me. I began to cry...not because I was scared...not because it hurt...because I had another epiphany...This life...my life...Is no more than a scar on the face of the earth. Why not erase it?

"Then I come to find, everything's OK. I've seen this all before, and that was yesterday..."

4 Burns! | backtalk

shalee

:: 2005 15 April :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: anxious

Please say something.
Time is going by so slow and I think I might shatter.

backtalk