exposetheemo
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2003 22 December :: 7.50pm
:: Mood: rejuvenated
:: Music: story of the year, anthem of our dying day
from up here the city lights burn like a thousand miles of fire...
good evening all
this will be noted as the first entry of the newly produced emo community, indiscreetly enough the title reveals the essence of this community
emo lyrics, requests, and shows in the region will constantly posted at this domain, please post a comment as expected to join
3 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 20 December :: 2.41am
:: Mood: Tired/depressed
:: Music: Quin on the guitar
...Stuffsesis
I do beleive you...I worry, but I do beleive you. your friendship is enough...more than enough...more than I can dare to hope for. But right now, I don't feel much pain...not really. I just wish there had been a more pleasant end to the conversation, but yeah. I almost told you...but i caught myself. I guess I go back to the original poem of life.
"and I find myself standing in the moon and starlight, recalling the feeling of her in my arms, her pulse beeting strong against mine. The sweet scent of her hair...and I find myself wondering what her lips taste like, but stop myself and refrain from that arrogant thinking, for I know she loves another (at the time I wrote this that was quin.) But I relax, for I know the fate of all whom resist the war is No other than Life."
Okay then, Pat wants me to go...lol, amazing the things write about when they think now one can see it...lol. Okay, I'll call as many of you as I can over winter break. Later.
6 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 20 December :: 12.20am
:: Mood: Infuriated...this emotion is constant.
:: Music: CKY
Silver angel wings stained by the blood of gods cut by broken dreams...
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 7 December :: 1.14pm
:: Mood: Tired, and hungry. (got to bed at 6:30 am and now
:: Music: Music on the main menue on the first Matrix DVD
Last entry for a while
Well, this will be my last entry for while. Leaving pat's house soon...i miss you all, especially you, Tori. I'll see you tomorrow...I might call later tonight...like sixish...i don't know. I love you.
1 Burn |
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 7 December :: 7.07am
:: Mood: tired, gitty, a little deprived (of someone i'm su
:: Music: Old Aprtment, Me and Mike-e-o!!!!
First entry
Patrick has a journal! ok people, intersted in what this crazy loon has to say? go to http://www.woohu.com/~shroudofrain/...m'kay? jesus, i sounded like a hucster. oh shit, my cane has fallen. look, patrick so kindly retreived it for me! good sausage, good girl. -pats on head-
2 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 7 December :: 6.29am
I took the "what kind of goth are you quiz" i couldn't figure out how to copy paste my results, but i got romantic goth. but whatever, i think (and he's reading this) that me and pat need to go play some good ol' Torok. I'll set him up with a woohu account later...so youknow, he can really be "one of the group"... Later people.
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 7 December :: 6.00am
:: Mood: tired...i miss Tori...my wings.
New layout
look people, i know it's hideous, but it's also 2:46 A.M. on sunday morning, i didn't sleep the night before, I am male, thus have trouble with these things, and i picked one of the hardest pictures to do, though i love this pic...that is Ramza...kinda like Cloud's Multiple personality...but not, but it's confusing...he's the main character of Final Fantasy Tactics...a game that i can place th e glory upon of having a part in saving my life...long story. i love the pic, and i'm still working on the settings...gimme a minute.
1 Burn |
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 28 November :: 7.32pm
-skins own face- "I WANT TO DIE!!!"-evanescence
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 28 November :: 7.09pm
i'm going to schweitzer...i won't be back until sunday...g'bye.
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 28 November :: 7.06pm
so you understand what this is...i just wrote a five page private entry...this is the last paragraph in it.
in that moment in time i fell back into that coma type existance i had been in for so long...and i don't want to come out...ever....i want to hide for eternity....every time i come out of my trance i get fucked over...fucked because i am too gentle...i care too much, i bring too much down on those around me...good bye.....good bye...good bye until i can crawl out of this hole again and brave the tortures of my hell...this doesn't mean i don't love you. this doesn't mean i won't be back for years like the last time. it doesn't mean i won't be back by tomorrow, or in just a few hours...it just means until the one i love...the one i depend on allows me to lean on them again i'll hide...hide like a cowardly little boy...goodbye now....i'd tell you i love you but i know you'd rather not hear it...that you really don't care...
i think i'll be okay...i just need to think...some time to think...i feel like i'm going to break down and cry....just give me a minute.
2 Burns! |
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 27 November :: 8.22pm
"Fascination Street" by "The Cure"...i have to remember that...
7 Burns! |
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 27 November :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: releived
:: Music: rolling by soul couphing
i swear i saw him!
Ok, so i saw him in a dream once, and when i saw that plastic jack-o-lantern it for a moment looked just like the one in my dream. so i placed the copper-plated shot into the pistol, closed the hatch, pumped it TWENTY ONE times, cocked it, put the barrel in it's mouth and turned off the safety, and leaned my face close to it and cursed him for all it had done to her, spat on it...and pulled the trigger. it wasn't until the junk of pink plastic the size of a cherry flew out of the back of it's head that i realized it was not him. maybe i am going insane...i think pumpkins look like him...pink pumpkins...and i seriously thought it was him...he didn't help! maybe it was his fault i though it was him.....well, almost time for dinner...
i miss you tori...we'll talk tomorrow, won't we? i love you...more than i think you know.
later,
Paul
2 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 27 November :: 5.16pm
:: Music: smells like teen spirit, Nirvana
i miss my girl...
one person does know me...and she's currently 120 miles away and can't even get on IM because of this whole "big dead bird day" tradition. man, i miss her already. jesus...lol, alex and maddy are playing video games and alex is attacking a the invinsable and extremely explosive objects causing him to be blown to hell and back. god, this kid is insane (song switches to rooster by alice in chains) yeah, well...life is okay for the moment. it is a battle, a long bloody battle, full of these cycles. but i swear, i'll break 'em, every last shitty-ass cycle is going to get a nice big fuck up the ass. i'm so sick of them, so sick of what they do to people. i can't take it much longer...but if i have her, i can hang in as long as i need to. see, that's what being dependant on someone who actually loves you can do for you. you have this unlimited power source. when i'm around her i get totally rejuvinated. i feel so free and powerful and limitless...the feeling i get in my gut when i can't tell which pulse is mine and which is hers. the feeling i get every time i replay the sound of "yes" falling from her sweet voice. she's the only girl i've ever met that i think looks just as good with her hair up as she does with it down. (song switches to freedom by rage against the machine, i'm listening to accuradio) so here i am, recording my thoughts of her...chewing on the end of the stick of a tootsie pop (i already ate all the candy off of it) and slumping in this chair wearing my preppy quick silver sweater that none of you have ever seen me wear and those light brown pants i have...hey tori, remember when you cut the zipper thingy? well on one side all the strings seperated and are SO bushy right now. well, yeah...you guys saw my gap boxers and teased me about my "preppy cloths"...well, this pair of pants, which i was wearing that day, and the pair identical only darker to thhem are from old navy. all of my boxers are either from nordstrom's, the gap, or old navy. my solid black belt? j. crew. so...any one in the least bit surprised about this? (song switches too basket case by green day...more accuradio) well guys, i should hang out with maddy alex...you guys are awesome. i love you tori. -big huggs-
later,
Paul
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Aaron
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2003 27 November :: 5.07pm
:: Mood: high..irritated by phillip and fiona and this godd
:: Music: sweet dreams, marilyn manson
waterity water water water
"What's your element" - Results:
Your element is Water. You are a deep person and a good communicator. Incredibably loving and loyal when your trust is gained and you are fairly mature.Myterious to the utmost water is in everything. One can be an Ocean or a river but nobody truly knows you.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:
Your element is Water. You are a deep person and a
good communicator. Incredibably loving and
loyal when your trust is gained and you are
fairly mature.Myterious to the utmost water is
in everything. One can be an Ocean or a river
but nobody truly knows you.
What's your element
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wow...well, the description is fitting.
3 Burns! |
backtalk
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Aaron
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2003 27 November :: 1.31pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: ...what do you think? so far away, staind
"So Far Away"
this is my life
its not what it was before
all these feelings i've shared
and these are my dreams
that i'd never lived before
somebody shake me
cuz i
i must be sleeping
now that we're here,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
in all the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day i can forgive
and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today
these are my words
that i've never said before
i think i'm doing okay
and this is the smile
that i've never shown before
somebody shake me cuz i
i must be sleeping
now that we're here,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
in all the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day i can forgive
and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today
i'm so afraid of waking
please don't shake me
afraid of waking
please don't shake me
now that we're here,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
in all the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day i can forgive
and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today
so far away...maybe the world is going to leave. i'll save her from it...i'll break these cycles...but i can't do that if she doesn't trust me. difference between me and those two. we can start with the fact that i love her. yay. now what else...well, i have both the maturity and strength to handle the shit given to me by the world. something they both lacked. i care more about her than anything else. my grades, my music, my horses, even my goddamn life, pathetic as it is, falls so far below her, and her interests, and her needs, and all of her dreams and hopes, that it would seem that i live for her. which, infact, is entirly correct. i do live for her. something they both lacked. now all these comparison's really aren't going to get me anywhere. i am not them, in any way shape or form. i love tori, and i'll keep her forever. no one can convince me other wise. :P!!! so there. now that we have this settled, why don't we move to the events of last night? well...it started with me talking to tori and then my brother wanting to check his email which he done not ten minutes earlier and was perfectly capable of doing elsewhere, he just never did. well, my parents got really pissed at me when i told him to just get off his lazy ass and walk upstairs and check it himself and they unplugged the computer in the middle of our conversation. i got pissed and yelled at them for being unresonable and unfair and pretanding that they were the supreme rulers of my life and they took my crutches and left me standing there and went into their room to talk. well they forgot, obviously, that the only thing between me and walking is a whole lot of pain. so i walked outside of their door and heard them talk about how they thought they should send me to the hospital. well, at that point i barged in and from 9:30 to 11:30 we combated each other verbally, and though they denied it all three of us knew i had kicked their asses (go debaters!) so they didn't take me to the hospital though i think they still beleive i am insane, and maybe i am. but whatever, it doesn't matter. they are not putting me in a fucking straight jacket. in fact, my winning argument was that throwing me into an insane asylim because i have the idea that my parents shouldn't have 100% control over me would be kinda like how they locked up divinci for beleiveing that the world was round. there were two similarities.
1: he got locked up
2: he was right
so there you have it folks, i kicked the asses of my parents. though they refused to admit it, i did. well, i have to go now, but i'll be online at my cousin's house. i love you tori, XO.
later people,
Paul
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