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Upchuck

:: 2003 19 December :: 12.24pm

ART-101-C INTRODUCTION TO ART: A-
ED-205-B COMPUTERS IN EDUCATION: A-
ED-225-C DIVERSITY IN EDUCATION: A-
HST-300-A SWS WRITING HISTORY: B+
PSY-301-C CHILD DEVELOPMENT: B

Kiss My Ass


danibean

:: 2003 17 December :: 9.02pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: alkfjagjsdg

wow...the holidays aren't so great when you've got too much to do. it doesn't even feel like chirstmas. i haven't sent out any of my cards yet, i haven't even written half of my cards for my school friends, i haven't gotten any presents wrapped, i still have to buy freaking presents! this sucks big time. oh yeah...i have an assessment in stats tomorrow too and i have not the slightest idea on what we're doing. guh......which makes tomorrow a stressful day!!!!!!!!! plus i went to record today, and i forgot to finalize. woops...so now i have to record tomorrow...but wait!! the cd is due friday!! ahh..and no no no, i'm supposed to go to cedar view after school, and buy more gifts and and and help set up, clean up and go to the NHS party, and go to my piano recitle and sound really good!! yeah freaking right!! i hate how i'm so damn overbooked all the time!!! i never have enough time. oh well, on a positive note, playing at bk was good and i'm in love with champion health and fitness club. it's my new best friend because i bring beans with me, well, we go together...and i love it. friday will be the day to relax. woot. :)

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 6 December :: 11.42pm

Yes, Yes I am definitely afraid of girls.

Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 6 December :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: "Choose Life" - Big Tent Revival

Crushed.
I guess I am crushed. Crushed by the weight of it. Do you know what I am talking about? Do any of you understand the longing? It's so unhealthy, and I know shouldn't be fixating on it. You all can see it too. You all can see how I do this. It does take some time for this to develop. I guess it's been about a year. It's been a year since I let myself be crushed. Is it time again? Is it time for me to venture out there, see if there is a chance, then get rejected and come back here for another year. Of course there may be nothing there. It may just be cordiality. I show respect, and get it in return. That may be all that it is. Somebody thought that it was true though. And I keep living in the fantasy. I guess, I do this more than I would like to admit, but it doesn't go beyond me very much. The first time it did, I didn't have a choice. And that still lingers with me to this day. That's why I went to see that soccer game this fall, because I still feel it. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. The only time anyhting ever worked out, if you can call it working out, this obsession wasn't there. It either wasn't there or it was completely different. What am I to do? Fret, fret, fret. By not exposing myself I only make it worse. I only make this feeling inside me grow until I just want to cry out my desires. I want the tears of frustration come for letting my heart do this to me. But exposing it makes it just as dangerous. So equally dangerous, but at least I should be able to move on. I should, if it really is a fantasy, just develop a hatred for the situation, and let it drift from my mind. I guess that is my problem. I can't think those thoughts about that person right away, and the hatred builds, unconfessed, and I distance myself. Which ends up hurting them. It is better if it stays within.

Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 6 December :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Lonely Road of Faith" Kid Rock

One of Many
For my whole life I have been one of many. In high school I was one of whatever number were in my class. I was one of three tubas, one of three class representatives. I was one of X number of kids in band. Now I am one of 450 history majors at my school. One of 20,000 students. I guess all I really am is one of a larger and larger sub set. It's really depressing to think about it that way.

But through all that I was always one of one. I guess that is what I miss right now in my life. I am not one of anything. I was one of softball assistant. I was one of someone that loved. I was one of someone who was loved. That was nice. I think that may be the only way to get that back. To get back my uniqueness.

You learn so much over so much time, but in history, people have common reactions. Each of us is part of what is happening right now, but we are part of a larger trend. In the future, we will only be one of someone in a trend, none of it really matters unless none of us exist, then there are no trends.

Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 1 December :: 7.46pm

Well on the way down here, I was at DeVos Center in my last post, now I am in Allendale at Kirkof, I was thinking about history. Specifically I was thinking about woohu history. I think someone needs to write the history of Woohu. Of course my little idea centers around me writing, but hey, I'm me. It could be simple, or it could be complicated. One chapter I thought we, or I, should include is "The Day that Woohu was Silenced" In reference to it being blocked by CS schools. Or perhaps another incident, "The day Andy decided to see if Teachers are really Dumb- The Dolbee Affair" Besides that, If we can show that your offshoots, specifically WoohuLyrics, Bzoink, and your new EmotionDump.com, grew tremendously right away, it may generate interest in other Hypodermic Media productions.

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 1 December :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: tada
:: Music: "Live and Let Die"- Paul McCartney

Supple
Supple everything. Supple is like gizmo. O Shintz. Beautiful.

Well, I got my paper written, it's utter crap. I'm so afraid for my tutorial with my professor because he is going to rip me to pieces. I can't believe that I was actually able to put together five pages of BS with notes and everything. I remember at the beginning of the semester I couldn't barely BS three pages. At least I learned a new skill.

I guess I've fallen into the college student doldrums. This semester has not had anything terribly stimulating that makes me want to stand up and SHOUT! C'MON NOW! SHOUT! I digress. Not like last year when I had my liberal arts class and philosophy. I guess I could try to connect it all, but that would be too hard. Next semester does not seem to hold too much promise either. At least after next semester I'll be one class away from being done with my minor.

It sucks that our football team has to play in Texas. I guess Mark and some guys were thinking of going on a road trip if they make it past that. It would be nice to go to another national championship game as a fan, and actually get to see the game and not have to sit in nose bleed seats, sprint down the bleachers with a sousaphone on, only to have to sprint back up them, and see the opposing team tie the stinking game. Does that still bother me? Yeah, a little.

So I got to train at work yesterday. Some whiny 29 year old single mom. Why do we always get the winners? First thing she says to me, go slow because I was in a car accident and I have a slight concussion. I think she thinks I hate her. Of course, everyone at work knows that I am a complete jackass most of the time. Right Connie (well except to the girls I like ;) )?

I've decided to take my weeks' vacation, yes, that's right after 22 months of working in that place I finally get paid vacation, the week after Easter. Mostly because that is also right before the week of exams for winter semester. That, and I don't want to take it during the summer because I probably won't be working there anymore and I don't want to have worked there for 2+ years and not gotten any benefits, save raises, at all.

Am I complaining about work too much? Oh well. Hey and Jones. Hey Jones. Haigh and Jones. The English Reformation(s). Great, paper sucks.

Props out to Liz for making our presentation much better. That was awesome, considering I typed the damn thing up in like 45 minutes last night when I was dead tired and mad because she hadn't gotten online yet. I figure we'll get full credit because Judy is such a good grader ;).

I've got a Pilgirm lesson plan coming up in my Diversity class. Yeah, our "brother" Melvin is doing the PowerPoint. Tammie doesn't think we should trust him to do it, especially since Natalie is going to be involved. I trust them. Natalie did some good work on the Recess presentation, they just can't see it because they're too busy being bitchy. Say that three times fast: Busy Being Bitchy!

Everytime I think I am getting lonely again, I just have to remember to stay strong. Perhaps it's a general trend that I think that girls are more friendly too me when those feelings of loneliness come back. It's like they have to flirt with the guy that they know they don't want, but just want to toture him because he's lonely. Of course if I wasn't such a pansy, then I would take control, flirt back and see if there was some real interest there. But we all know why I can't do that.

I fell like my History class has caused me to view the world like the Giver. That was a great book. It's one of those that I am really glad that they made us read in school. It's a great transition story, even if it is kind of out of this world and science fiction. Actually, now that I think about it, The Giver was anti-communist propaganda. The society that the boy lived in was completely socialist. There were women who were breeders, and others who were assigned children. Sounds like something Hillary Clinton would enjoy since it does take a village to raise a village idiot. No, but then people were assigned careers by the government. Their sexual desires were supressed by the government. Everyone was absolutely uniform. But then the boy steals the little baby, and as he travels farther away, things become more like it is in America. Clear, crisp, snowy, with a mother at home. The American ideal, an idyllic picture.

"Sunshine was he
In the winter day;
And in the midsummer
Coolness and shade."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 14 November :: 10.11am

How do you like to be taken?

Kidnapped in a dark alley
Spirited away in the middle of the night
From an underground tunnel in broad day light
From behind
From on top
In the a##
Slowly and sweetly
Hit me baby one more time!


view results

Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 14 November :: 9.38am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: "Dirty" - Christina Aguilera

Hot, steamy groping sex
why?

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 9 November :: 12.37am
:: Mood: exanimate
:: Music: "Knockin' on Heavens Door" Tom Petty (I know, done originally by Bob Marley, redone by Bob Dylan, th

More stats
As of my last post 107 posts, with the last post being on 11-07-03. Wierd huh?

It's been a journey. This last week has been fun. For all of you who have been yelling at me for talking on your journals, I wouldn't have done if I wasn't in a good mood. For you who are geting pissy about it, get over it. Lifes to short to worry about stuff like that. Is it hypocritical? Yes, but I don't care.

Anyways, got to see Ted Nugent Wednesday night. It was awesome. I was watching "Surviving Nugent" today, and I couldn't believe the idiots. (Music has just changed to "Mary Jane's Last Dance- Tom Petty") I guess I'm just priveleged being a Michigan boy with a little common sense. The man offerred the girl food and she said no, because it comprised her beliefs. Unfortunately, we know and she knows, that they won't let her starve. Otherwise, she would not compromise herself straight out of existence.

Last night we had some basketball players from FHN come into work. Little bitchy stuck up snobs. Ashley wanted to kick their asses because they were saying stuff about us. Sure, we work in fastfood, but c'mon. We do make your food, they could at least respect us for that, the little brats. That's about the time that I start singing "Thank God I'm a Country Boy." Well, except for the fact that I am not.

I just cannot get over (Song change: "Do You Feel the Way I Do- Peter Frampton") those people. I know there are a lot of people from California who have their heads screwed on straight, but most of them are just urban nuts. They don't understand anything. I bet 65% of the people in California have never even seen a farm. No wonder America is going down the drain.

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 7 November :: 9.48am
:: Music: "The Remedy"

Stats
Well, I've been doing my usual random journal commenting again. Between that and my propensity to have conversations through comment sections, I have amassed nearly 450 comments given out. Now I know this might be trivial, and being like user 200 something I've had a lot of time to produce so many comments, but I think it is significant. I will have a special prize for comment #500.

11 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 3 November :: 8.04pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: "Hey Jealousy" Gin Blossoms

Fart
Well. Everyone seems to think it was about suicide. One little sentence, that's what everyone focuses on. It was bound to be misunderstood. It was even misunderstood by someone I was talking to that night, so go figure. Enough about that.

I'm back, all better now, back to my normal self. Well kind of.

The depression can only last for so long with me, and then it's gone again. I swore though, that that night I was going to grind my teeth into oblivion.

So many people. I was thinking about this kid in my Art class a few weeks ago. He said he was from Sparta and his name is Barry. Well when I was, oh, 7,8,9 or something, I met one of Nick Brott's friends named Barry, and he lived over by Lime Lake, which is in the Sparta school district. Well I thought there could be a connection, made a mental note of it. Well, I never remembered to ask Barry if he was Nick's friend. Of course Barry and I met on the first day of classes this semester because it was his first time to the downtown campus and he seemed a little scared. Fortunately we were both going the same place and i got to show him where to go. Fast forward to tonight.
I stop at Taco Bell for dinner (softball seasons coming up and I need to be ready for it when Reed goes there because their food has never set very well with me, I'm not feeling well now). Barry's at the counter with a girl who I later learn is his ex-girlfriend. Anyways, they get their food and sit down and I get my food and sit on the other side of the dining room. It's a small dining room, max 20 people. So he comes over and asks me if I would like to join them. I was slightly embarassed, but he insisted, so I did. Well we started talking about pizza places. He said that he went to school with the sons of Mr. Stein or whatever, at Our Lady of Consulation. That automatically stirred the memort I had because that is where Nick went. So my mental note was called back into action and I completely stunned the kid. He didn't remember that we had met, but I did. We started talking about Nick and it completely blew his mind. He tried to remember me for like 10 minutes and couldn't. It's a small world after all.

Kiss My Ass


Upchuck

:: 2003 1 November :: 10.17pm

This just isn't me. Why should it be?

So much crap to think about. I don't care anymore.

No I do care. I care too much.

I got so mad for no reason. I just want to go out and beat the living shit out of someone. It's violence I know. I hate violence. But it seems that this is a part of me. I want to say it's a guy thing but I'm not sure that would be true.

Maybe it's because I realize that I just don't fit in anymore. That's something you were always good at Michelle. Your so social it makes me sick. Not in the sick kind of way that I hate it, I just don't know how you do it. Don't say anything back. You don't have to, in fact I don't want you to.

No, I just don't fit. I've thought about it so many times, where I come from and where I'm going. I've got too much brains to be content being a working stiff, but I have too much working class stupidity in me to be snooty.

Not that I really want to be either, but maybe it would be easier. It would be easier either way because then maybe I could let my guard down. I'm just a fly on the wall. Sitting there, hoping no one talks to me. And it pisses me off.

Well no, first it makes me feel lonely. Like I'm the only one in the world. You know those creeping thoughts of suicide that we all have in the back of our minds. Would anyone miss me if I were gone? type things. And then I get pissed at myself for being such an introvert. I get pissed because I can't have fun because I stop myself.

No one knows why. I don't know why. And then I get pissed for sounding like a whiny teenager who doesn't know shit.

And after all is said and done, I could sit here and beat myself up, ball my eyes out. I could scream at God and ask Him why He did this too me. I could be pissed at my parents for raising me like they did. But it still gets me back to the same place: I hate myself for the ass I am. I hate myself for what I've become. I hate myself for my own thoughts. And when it occurs to you that you would be willing to cut off your own nose, just to spite your face, it's either change willingly, or die hating yourself and the rest of the world because you can't survive in it.

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass


danibean

:: 2003 28 October :: 9.38pm
:: Mood: cranky

this makes me happy:

danibean05: i'm sitting in a lion costume and i'm having fun
plymouthrr383: hmm
danibean05: yeah..see...you wish you were me in the costume
plymouthrr383: ha
danibean05: then you'd be having more fun
danibean05: and you'd be fuzzy
plymouthrr383: and i wouldnt get my homewor k done
danibean05: this is true
danibean05: but really, who needs homework?
danibean05: we can ditch school and run off and be lions together....it would be way more fun
plymouthrr383: hahaha
danibean05: good idea huh?
plymouthrr383: i dont know if my parents would approve
danibean05: oh...well, you don't have to tell them
plymouthrr383: i think they might get worried
danibean05: hmm...this could cause confusion
danibean05: and distress
plymouthrr383: yep
danibean05: what could we do?
plymouthrr383: elope to las vegas
danibean05: oh gosh let's do it now!
plymouthrr383: k you drive down here and pick me up
danibean05: oh i want to!!!!!!!!!!!!
plymouthrr383: then do it
danibean05: right now
plymouthrr383: yeah
danibean05: yikes...is sooooo very tempting

and jessie and i playing christmas music at the voight house....yay!

things that don't make me happy:

people doubting me
ass wipes
blah blah blah...............

4 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass


danibean

:: 2003 23 October :: 8.09pm
:: Mood: apathetic

hey everyone...just a quick favor to ask. can you all please pray for my grandpa and our family? he's in ICU right now and we think he'll be okay but we're not sure. my dad and i were up there yesterday at 3 am because the doctors told us that he might not make it. the hospital he's at is 4 hours away and my family is scattered about the country so it's hard for us to be with him at this time. thanks to anyone who can help by the power of prayer. it is much appreciated by my family.

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass

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