Fearing you is nothing new
see me, brake me of this spell
cast me in to the shadows
tare my heart apart
take my breath away
stroke my hair
listen to my crys, have you got
any idea how much i hert inside?
Salty tears drips down my cheeks
i can't trust my self anymore
can you trust me?
My heart seeks the one i love
the one i love in untochable
this is my song of sarrow

The world as a ring of fire


Why am i in this world? There must be a reson. It means nothing to me right now. I see the world as a dark place. People come and people go. They live long years then they die. A candle is burning out, the wick is nothing but a center meter long. The flame fades in to the darkness............... But then as that one flame go's out, a nother ignites, a new candle is lit, so is a life of a new born.
This repedidlie happens, is there no meaning to life? Is there no end? Yes there's an end there must be an end, for if there is a begging there must be an end.
The end grows near to the candle i am holding in my hand, it's flame almost toching me. A calm wind blows so dose the flame.

you know lot of these songs repersents my feelings and my mind if you read the lyrics you'll have a picture of what im tlaking about
Everytime

Notice me
and Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers land
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, your haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, your haunting me
I guess I need you baby

the more i hang out with kaya, the more i get to like him, i love nadia she is such a good friend. I am afraid of getting closer to kaya because he makes me want to brake wit kiki. but that wouldn't be right, would it?

week has been hectic kiki and our relation has gone well, he's going away on the 13 so he'll come back on the 9th of june. carmichael is living on the 26 and coming back t the end of the summer. I really don't want a boi friend right now but i kinda do. Kaya is making me said, the only way he can do that is because he is sad. Damn you kaya don't be sad. Im unsure whats going to happen in the futer, im kinda confused. But i no kaya and nadia will help me though it. I love them so much

SEX BRACELETS

Black: sexual intercourse
Blue: blow job (alternate meaning: lap dance)
Green: cunnilingus (alternate meaning: outdoor sex, hug)
Clear: whatever you want (alternate meaning: hug)
Orange: kiss
Yellow: hug (alternate meaning: analingus)
Red: lap dance (alternate meaning: French kiss, oral sex)
Purple: anal sex (alternate meaning: holding hands, doggy style)
Silver: fisting
White: flash your tits (alternate meaning: gay kiss, French kiss)
Pink: flashing
Gold glitter: make out
Brown: toss my salad, i.e., analingus
Glow in the dark: using sex toys, e.g. vibrators, dildos, etc.

no one dares to brake my black bracelet lol

I wana die

Why is it always, i am feeling so depressed. I slit my rist and put my hand to my chest. My feelings got hurt so many times, why am i making this stupid rime. I lay on my bed and wish i could die. I wish some body would love me, i wish some body would care, that im hurting in side, dispite my disspare. My love for this boy was so veary strong, untill one day it was all over, the love we shared was all gone. My best is moving away, i don't know what i will do with out her, no one can say. I want to be invisble so no one can see me cry, i want to be invisble, i want to die. Why can't anybody see that i am hurting in side, i let my anger out with the cutting of my flesh. It feels good to feel something other then being depressed. The love i had bored for all human kind, is no longer with me, now it is time. Time to say good bye to me, bid your last fair wells, for the place that i might be going to, just might be heven, just migt be hell.

to day was kool, nadia went home that little butt muncher so we couldn't do anything wit the movie and now mis wong changed it all. O well it's all good. I have no clue but i think somthing is going on between me and kaya, just i dono what. Maybe were be commig good friends and all, i dono maybe. I have a hul show to day and me kamaile and kelly are in it, every one else bailed owell thats ok. I dono if its me but i guess im starting to like kaya a little more, mix emostions right now owell. Lets see what happens. Love you all

to day was kinda hetic for me, my left eye hurt like a mother so all through english it looked like i was crying which i wasn't so i my mom picked me up and took me to the docteres and they had to check my eye out and shit, it was fine, something jsut got in there and i guess it got out. It's fine now, then i got chinse for lunch then went back to school, i kinda i guess wanted to go back to school because thats where my friends are. It's boring staying at home and shit. Besides i didn't get to steel kayas hat that moring so i had to go back. lol I think to day was the longest time i had kayas hat, i can out run him, it's fun playing keep away wit his hat, i don't think he gets mad at me, i hope he wont, i love that boi so much, and of cores all my other friends. When i went home to day my friend carmichael called andsaid he couldn't make it to my party, i was so sad, then he said we shouldn't really be friends any more cause he thinks im getting to involed wit him and think i might brake wit kiki for him, like thats going to happen, but then it all worked out in the end we were friends again, i guess he was just frustrated but i still love him. Kiki and i have become really close, kiki kinda wants to beat up kaya, because he heard kaya when i was on my cell phone, he's all like is that boi hurting you, he better not come to srm this friday, im like ummm kiki that guys like one of my best friends beat him up it's over. lol. O well kiki is goign away on the 13 and coming back on the 9 of june, damn 35 day damn, o well i have kaya guys to hang wit me and kaya i think have become pretty good friends, screw all the people who say i shouldn't flirt wit kaya and cheat on kiki, dudes its kaya my friends just because i flirt wit him, dosen't mean i want to brake wit kiki, god get a clue, o well fuck them. love you alls laters

it's so kool that i have a boi friend now, and he cares for me alot. But right now i would be fine wit out one, dosen't mean i want to brake wit him means i am a little unsure of things, teenage stage i guess. I love my friends i have come to relize kamaile kaya safir nadia carmichael tiana and my boi friend kiki, (kikiola) but my freinds are like family to me, so i care for them a lot. Don't know what i would do with out them? For real i don't know.

to day was kinda kool, but jas got sick so kaya guys couldn't come over. Shit o well. There coming over next week. it was funny to day, we all had subsatute teachers sucks butt. Im kinda worried about kaya, but i don't know y, but hey he called me his friend so like i feel speachal. lol

today was kool, i didn't go to school to day. I went to go check out another school, i guess kaya was worried or somthing. Im sry for worrying you kaya. Carmichael wants to go out wit me even though i have a nother boi friend i kinda like him. But i also like kiki .GOD DAMIT i am so confused o well laters

to day was fun i got to show every my pic of my bf, every one was so suprised. I went to gt to day and when i was walking down 2 teachers came and busted me for dress code, im like dude, fuck off just because your cloths suck balls dosen't mean you have to get on mine. I think they were lesbo's i mean y are they looking there anyway, i had my jaket on half way, what ae they jelous i got boobs and i show them off or somthing. I dono there gay. Kaya and ashley filmed another movie thing to day down town, i cought my self a cople of times flirting wit him. Oops. lol but hey he's kool. O Well i miss kiki a lot and carmichael i think likes me but he is kikis best friend so he dosen't show it around kiki. lol

yester day was so kool, i went to srm and played basketball wit a small group of bois and then other people started joing in then this cute boi came in and came on the girls team. SO cute. Anyway when i made shoots he hugged me. His name is kiki and he always was like touching me, but i was ok wit that. After that i was really tired so i went to go get a drink of cores kik followed me and wanted to know where i was going, im like going to get a drink. Then i went out side and sat down on the rap were my freinds were, he also came to and sat byme my friends are like, is that your boi friend, im like no just a friend but they said he was cute. I hae to admit he was cute. Turns out in the end he wanted to go out wit me, he asked my friends if he wanted to go out wit me, im like to them, if he wants to go out wit me, he has to ask him self, do not talk for him, so he pulled me aside and asked me, i said yes and for the whole srm time we were never seprated well only if i had to go to the bath room and shit like that but still it was all good. But there was this other boi who likes me, and when he saw me wit kiki and of cores kiki was holding my hand and stuff he became jelous and didn't talk to me. What ever for him, he can go be jelous. Anyway it was kool, ipo and jakie got in a fight i heard ipo was drinking so ya. Jas got a boi friend tht nite to. Kamailes dad picked us up around 12:30 am so tired, my mom had a shit fit. But other then that it was so kool, maybe i do have to give up cameron and michael if i want to be with my new boi friend, he achally likes me for who i am not what i have and stuff or what he can do to me. Hes the boi friend i guess i have always wanted.

i have to confess something, when i found out Kaya liked nadia a long time ago, and now i see them like playing around, i dont know i just relly don't know, i Know it's not jelousey or that kind a shit, but..... Its strange to see some of my friends flirt wit each other, like reggie and tiana are going out that is kinda odd and brigett and mason. Maybe it's because they went out more then once wit each other. Whats the point of going out anyway. We can't really go any were. I feel like my movie totaly bombed. Now it's kaya who is the directer. My movie was pointless anywa, his skript is much better, besides he has been doing this much longer then i and i couldn't really stand the ms wong anymore i think kaya can take her, i'll just be invisble once more to all. i have no idea why i am writing this i really dont but isn't it better to let out your feelings in typing then cutting your self, mmm much better. Im happy for kaya i don't know why im just am, maybe it's because he and nadia have this thing going on don't no what thing that is just a thing, or could be that my movie got cut, kinda glad though. I miss cameron, he would underdstand all this, or maybe he wouldn't, maybe he's just using me for like somthing, just so he can say he has a girl friend and shit. I hate bois who do that. Safi dosen't talk as much as i thought he would, he is as omost quieter then i am in gt i think im not sure. I have to ssay i really like safirs eyes there a cool color, i havn't notice nadia's maybe i'll get a chance to tomorrow for now laters