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2007 5 June :: 10.19 pm
Just watched the season premier of Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D-List. Fucking fabulous!
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2007 5 June :: 8.43 pm
Dude, that penis is sweet!
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2007 1 June :: 12.47 pm
How many shots in a fifth? Chug, chug, chug, that many.
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2007 1 June :: 11.22 am
Weekly Grocery Lists for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist--Summer, 1962
WEEK ONE
Beans
Bacon
Coffee
Whiskey
WEEK TWO
Beans
Ham
Coffee
Whiskey
WEEK THREE
Beans
Bacon
Coffee
Whiskey
K-Y Jelly
WEEK FOUR
Beans
Pancetta
Coffee--espresso grind please
Whiskey
2 tubes K-Y Jelly
WEEK FIVE
Some nice fresh Fava beans
Jasmine rice
Prosciutto--about 8 ounces, thinly sliced
Medallions of veal--a pound at least
Porcini Mushrooms
A half pint of heavy whipping cream
One Cub Scout uniform--size 42 long
Five or six bottles of a good chardonnay
One large bottle Astro-glide
WEEK SIX
Yukon Gold potatoes
Heavy whipping cream
Asparagus (only the freshest and thinnest spears, please)
Eggs
Lemons
Gruyere cheese (aged, please)
Walnuts
Arugula
Butter
Olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Six yards white silk organdy
Six yards pale ivory taffeta
At least a case of Chardonnay
One large tin Crisco
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2007 31 May :: 5.17 pm
Hmm, alcoholism as a superpower…
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2007 25 May :: 8.13 pm
:: Music: Asia: Heat of the Moment
Juggernaut Ball Bearings
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2007 25 May :: 1.11 pm
It's a bad sign when the people at the Chevrolet dealership know you by name and have your service folder hanging on the wall.
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2007 22 May :: 6.43 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz5T1EEo8ws&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fjoemygod%2Eblogspot%2Ecom%2F
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2007 22 May :: 6.42 am
From another's journal:
Saturday night I found myself chatting with a guy from Nottingham and a guy from Sydney, when naturally the conversation turned to American imperialism. I jokingly asked a friend nearby, "Quick, name five famous Australians." He hesitated and I added, "Besides Kylie." He said, "Oh, shoot. Um...there's her sister, Danni. Oh, and Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe." I said, "Don't forget Crocodile Dundee." Who actually isn't a person. And that's where we got stuck. I couldn't even come up with John Howard, the Prime Minister. The English guy said, "And who's from Nottingham?" My eyes lit up, but he jumped in, "Besides Robin Hood." Damn.
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2007 20 May :: 7.49 pm
"Firm, well-bolstered, heat up quickly … if only I could find a date like that!"
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2007 11 May :: 5.46 pm
I have a tool that can fix ANYTHING!
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2007 8 May :: 10.14 pm
Hello, my name is Ninja.
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2007 20 April :: 11.12 pm
Is it paranoia that Monica Lewinski was a KGB trained sex agent mole?
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2007 8 April :: 10.46 pm
Zicam is an ingenious product. It causes you to sneeze so many times in a row that your sinuses become clear. Just make sure you’re standing in front of a sink before you take it, there will be explosive emission.
Hi mom, how was your date, with your pimp?
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2007 1 April :: 8.20 pm
"Being gay is not a choice to be made but, rather, a fact one must eventually resign oneself to."
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2007 29 March :: 11.28 pm
Have you ever built, or wanted to build a female robot?
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2007 28 March :: 10.54 pm
I love how Bones mocks god.
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2007 24 March :: 3.27 am
Top Twenty Reasons to Circumcise Your Baby Boy
1. Because all the women's magazines advise it
2. The Doctor offered a "twofer" special for him and his brother.
3. Because Mom's boyfriend is Muslim/Jewish/Whatever.
4. Because everybody else does it
5. So the neighborhood wives won't have yet another thing to gossip about.
6. So he won't look like he has "Gorilla Dick".
7. So he can feel included in the Fraternity of the Circumcised.
8. So it won't look like a rat in a garden hose.
9. So the flap won't get caught in the zipper.
10. To keep him from masturbating later on.
11. So Dad won't be jealous of his son's dick.
12. So the other kids won't call him "cheese dick"
13. If you prune it back, it will grow better.
14. Harvested foreskin provides collagen for cosmetic lip surgery(Did you know that's what you're wearing on your enhanced lips?).
15. Because cleaning it makes Mom nervous.
16. So that when he grows up and drops out of school, he won't be able to transport concealed drugs under his foreskin.
17. Because a circumcised penis always looks ready to go.
18. When he's old and senile, he'll be easier to catheterize.
19. It just looks so much more modern.
20. Because God wants to touch you in your private place.
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2007 16 March :: 11.52 pm
Just saw October Road. I think it's gonna be an excellent show. Plus the lead male is hot.
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2007 8 March :: 10.07 pm
frogie5d: hey, i found this footage of holloween a few years ago
Auto Response from mbenznut: I am away from my computer right now.
frogie5d: you know, the time when i had you dress up as an ewok, but you sorta ended up looking like poo instead. Its pretty funnyfrogie5d: I love that you did that, you'll always be my hero
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2007 3 March :: 12.14 am
Just saw the pilot episode for the Black Donnellys. Great show.
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2007 28 February :: 7.47 pm
Gay marriage is just like yours, only gayer.
http://www.hsiproductions.com/directors/maxvitali/mv013007.aspx
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2007 23 February :: 5.02 pm
Umm... disturbing to say the least. I even used the flag feature for the first time.
http://killbattyman.blogspot.com/
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2007 23 February :: 3.49 pm
The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey = Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
Ending Poverty
Curing Diseases
Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
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2007 9 February :: 9.07 pm
Is this some deranged sex thing?
I got a job.
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2007 6 February :: 10.16 am
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2007 4 February :: 10.37 pm
Ok, so the Bears got raped. Not that I actually watched any of the game… I recorded it, and used scene skip to watch all the commercials and part of the half-time show. Prince was awful, but at least he didn’t have the flappy underarm skin like the guys did last year.
Top four commercials:
Snickers gay kiss
Blockbuster mouse
Chevy semi-nude car wash
Coke’s GTA rip-off
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