:: 2005 22 December :: 7.22 am

You don't fuck with a Wyoming queer because they'll kick your ass.

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:: 2005 21 December :: 5.46 am

"[My friend Laura and I] are convinced that if we have children, we're going to do everything in our power to make them gay. Like maybe drinking a lot of extra soy milk while she's pregnant, or anything that would work to make that happen. I'd just rather have a really sharp, interesting, smart gay son than some big dumb hetero meathead."
-Moby

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:: 2005 19 December :: 8.49 pm

If you have any poo, now would be the time to throw it.

Found an ally in an odd situation and found out who wasn’t.

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:: 2005 19 December :: 7.25 am

Two down, four to go.

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:: 2005 18 December :: 7.43 pm

TOP 10 REASONS WHY SEX AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT IS NOT AN ADVISABLE FORM OF PROCREATION

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10. Penile length contraction:
According to the relativistic theory of length contraction, this is an inevitable consequence of performing sex at the speed of light. An average penis of length 13cm traveling at 99% the speed of light will contract down to a length of only 1.8cm (this is about the same length as the smallest functional penis officially recorded). At the speed of light, length contraction leads to an interesting paradox in which the penis seems to have no length at all, but is still managing to have sex somehow.
9. Penile black hole formation:
At the speed of light, relativity also predicts that the penis will attain infinite mass, essentially becoming a black hole. When its owner realises that his penis has turned into a black hole, he will become profoundly depressed and overcome by a feeling of loss. John Bobbitt would understand; but Mr Bobbitt had his penis sewn back on, whereas a penis lost to a black hole is a penis lost forever.

8. Penis vaporisation:
If the penis is not lost to a black hole, it will be lost to the uncaring force of friction. A penis traveling in and out of a vagina at close to the speed of light will be subjected to enormous resistive forces. Since resistive forces are proportional to speed, this will heat up the penis enormously. The temperature of the resulting internal environment will be so high that the penis molecules will actually undergo a phase transition into a gas, vaporising the penis almost instantaneously.

7. Relativistic flaming semen:
In the unlikely event that a vaporised penis can perform ejaculation, then the relativistic semen will create enormous air resistance, burst into flames almost instantaneously, and generate enormous impact forces. These forces will be sufficient to pierce a small hole straight through a woman's lower torso, just like a speeding bullet, only incinerating the surrounding tissue as it passes through.

6. Time-dilated necrophilia:
Unfortunately, the woman will probably be dead before ejaculation anyway. According to the relativistic theory of time dilation, then if the man is to actually thrust in and out at a speed infinitesimally close to the speed of light, then from his point of view, his partner will be ageing extremely quickly, and will be long dead before he ejaculates. Legally, he will be committing necrophilia.

5. Lack of visual appeal:
Time-dilated necrophilia, flaming relativistic ejaculation and penile black hole formation are all very dramatic, but unfortunately they don't translate well onto the big screen. In reality, relativistic sex would only last for a fraction of a second, and would appear as a sort of muddy grayish white smudge, since the eye merges all images together at such high speeds. This is probably not visually appealing enough to make a porn-at-the-speed-of-light series out of.

4. Religious values:
Certain branches of Christianity would view porn-at-the-speed-of-light immoral anyway. It's in the Bible.

3. Property damage:
A penis is made up of a collection of charged molecules, and accelerating charged molecules emit radiation. To accelerate charged penis molecules up to the speed of light in a single thrust requires enormous acceleration. This will produce a frequency and intensity of radiation similar to that produced by a small nuclear explosion. It may be worth hiring out a hotel room if you don't want your own room obliterated.

2. Deafening sonic booms:
As a penis accelerates up to the speed of light, it will inevitably surpass the sound barrier, producing deafening sonic booms with every inward and outward thrust. If the neighbours haven’t already been woken by your moaning, they will be now. Or then again maybe not, because they will be conveniently deafened and unable to hear you.

1. Excessive dietary requirements:
The amount of energy required to accelerate an average person up to 99% the speed of light for a single inward thrust is approximately equal to 16 million billion kilojoules. This is equivalent to the amount of energy gained by consuming 78 trillion weetbix. But 78 trillion weetbix will increase an average person’s mass by approximately 1.2 trillion kilograms, requiring them to eat even more weetbix just to accelerate this additional load up to the speed of light. Nine out of ten nutritionists may recommend weetbix, but this is slightly more than the recommended daily intake.

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:: 2005 17 December :: 9.57 pm

Twisted Wild Grape is pretty good.

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:: 2005 16 December :: 5.11 pm

My research paper. I wish I'd spent more time on it, but it's decent enough.


When you hear the word gay, what is the first thing that comes to mind? For many people it is just a feeling of indifference. But what about all of the other reactions of violence, hostility and hatred? No matter what people believe about homosexuality, it can be agreed that violence is not the answer. The ignorance of Americans is what leads to the hatred of homosexuals.

The opinions of most people are formed in their youth by their parents. As people age, they usually learn to form their own opinions and in some cases second-guess themselves. Sometimes this is not the case. Parents can be very dominating over their children and force them to conform to their beliefs. Children can also be influenced by their heroes and role models. If parents do not take special care in raising their children, they will be influenced in ways that they do not realize and can be detrimental to the child’s individual development.

Religious organizations will sometimes force their beliefs upon you. Religions usually transfer from one generation to the next. While it is becoming more common today for children to have a different religion than their parents, it is still not especially common. This can cause people to blindly follow the teachings of their church. In most cases, this is not too much of an issue. As a rule of thumb, churches teach respect and tolerance. But the minority of the churches is where the problem arises. This minority is one of the most vocal. They preach that man should not lie with another man as he would with a woman. A version of this is written in the Bible, but it is taken too literally. There are many different versions of the Bible; all of which were translated from another language. A lot of meaning is lost in translation. For someone to hold to the exact wording of a translation is unreasonable. No matter how much you try to convince this group otherwise, they will not budge from their beliefs. It can be brought up to them that the bible states women are beneath men and worth less than men. They will not take that passage literally, so why should any other? For example, “Sodomy is an abominable sin, worth of death” (Westboro). I find this quote especially amusing because of the wording. Sodomy is any sexual act that does not lead to procreation. This suggests anyone using condoms or birth control deserve to die. Rationality is often not a sensible approach when it comes to homosexuals and religion.

Parenting is not only done by the parents but also by the schools. This is a problem because 85% of teachers do not want to include homosexual material in their courses (“Statistics”). If the teachers will not even bring up the idea of homosexuality, where will the students be educated about it? Children are taught to be accepting of people of different races in school. I find sexuality to be of a very similar nature. It is not something you can just change. Why should students not be informed about sexuality just as they are about race or any other subject for which discrimination occurs? Homosexuality is a controversial subject, but that is one of the main reasons why it needs to be addressed. If no one brings it up, sexuality will continue to be swept under the table and be ignored.

A disturbing trend seems to be happening in schools; gay bashing. Many boys are trying to prove that they are men. They are doing this by asserting their dominance over others. An easy way to do this is to pick someone weaker than they are that nobody will feel sorry for. The targeted group has become gays. They can easily be singled out and people are usually too hesitant to stand up for them for the fear that they will be picked on themselves.

The biggest reason that there is discrimination towards homosexuals is that there are very few policies in favor of them. Equal opportunity laws do not apply to sexuality. It is not even legal for gays to marry. This is one area where the separation of church and state does not exist. Marriage should be defined as the union of two people. Why does it have to be one male and one female? If marriage were simply expanded to include gays, far fewer laws would be required. Some states have laws allowing insurance for same sex partnerships. If marriage were just allowed, this law would not be necessary. Estate settlements would be far less messy if the partner were just allowed to assume ownership as they are in heterosexual marriages. Often times there are very good policies put into effect by corporations. But there is not always follow-up to these policies. Just because the policies are there does not mean that they are followed. A survey done by a group in New York shows that 27% of companies would refuse to hire someone if it was known that they are homosexual (“Statistics”).

Why should any straight person care about gays? While many college-aged people think they do not need to, they are wrong. Soon they will be graduating, and chances are that there will be at least one gay person in the office. They need to know how to act around that person and how to treat them. The obvious answer is to treat all of your coworkers the same. But how many prejudices will they continue to hold against that person because of how they grew up? Not only will people have to deal with homosexuality in everyday life, they will also have to in their personal lives. When people have children, they do not know whether their child will be gay. If their child is gay and comes out to them, they will need to know what to do. Many parents do not and will often alienate their child. Sometimes home life can be so severe that the child will run away. A study in Seattle, WA showed that 42% of homeless children were gay (“Statistics”). This is a far greater percentage of gays than exists in the general population.

The problems that homosexuals face are fairly well known. What is not known is what needs to be done to eliminate these problems. MTV decided to bring attention to the problem by airing the names of hate crime victims for 17 commercial-free hours (Edwards). The entire 17 hours were without sound. It was a very dramatic move for a music channel to show nearly a whole day worth of programming without sound. While attention being brought to the issue is very helpful, action needs to be taken. All laws limiting rights of gays need to be overturned. Any laws favoring heterosexuals need to be eliminated. If everyone is legally equal, it will be much easier for the public to accept that they are in fact equal. It is not acceptable for the government to sponsor the degradation of homosexuals.

America is said to be the land of tolerance. While this is true in many respects, it is not when it comes to sexuality. It is up to the younger generations to change the ways of our nation, but until we raise our children to be understanding and tolerant this will not occur. Ignorance needs to be eliminated in order to ensure equal treatment of homosexuals.

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:: 2005 15 December :: 9.55 pm

Following Ford Motor Co.'s ad commitment to gay media outlets on Wednesday, the American Family Association (AFA) said Thursday it is considering reinstating a boycott of Ford products.

AFA chairman Donald E. Wildmon issued a statement stating that the AFA considers Ford's move to be a violation of an agreement it had with Ford and Ford dealers. "We had an agreement with Ford, worked out in good faith. Unfortunately, some Ford Motor Company officials made the decision to violate the good faith agreement. We are now considering our response to the violation and expect to reach a decision very soon," said Wildmon. "All we wanted was for Ford to refrain from choosing sides in the cultural war, and supporting groups which promote same-sex marriage is not remaining neutral," Wildmon stated. A Ford spokesman said this week that no such agreement was struck with the AFA.

Wildmon claims that Ford agreed to pull ad support of gay media and organizations in exchange for his group canceling plans to call on its members and followers to boycott all Ford products. Ford had decided to pull Jaguar and Land Rover ads and sponsorships from gay organizations as part of a broader cost-cutting move. But Volvo, which also advertises in gay media, never changed its plans. Nevertheless, the Jag and Land Rover moves gave the AFA room to publicly claim a victory over gay advocacy groups. On Wednesday, Ford announced it would buy a corporate ad schedule in gay media so its position would be clear and unambiguous.

Ford dealers, already facing slumping sales, are not anxious for a boycott by the AFA. Garland, Texas Ford dealer Jerry Reynolds took the lead in asking Ford to meet with the AFA recently. Reynolds, who has run ads on such issues as protecting "Under God" in the pledge of allegiance, did not return a phone call at press time. But Reynolds and Wildmon conferred Thursday, according to sources. Reynolds, like many Ford dealers, are worried about losing any more sales in the Midwest and Bible Belt where Ford sales, especially truck sales, are strongest.-Jim Burt

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:: 2005 14 December :: 10.15 pm

The cat is my mother.

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:: 2005 13 December :: 5.15 pm

My professor on vibrators: The advertisement, “can you feel me now?”

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:: 2005 12 December :: 6.01 pm

If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons.
-- James Baldwin, The Price of the Ticket

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:: 2005 11 December :: 9.52 pm

Two old men crashed their carts at work today. How can they drive cars if they can't even master shopping carts?

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:: 2005 10 December :: 9.04 pm

Searching for a boy is useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.

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:: 2005 9 December :: 8.35 am

Diane Olson is the best professor ever!

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:: 2005 8 December :: 9.57 pm

This is why I hate religion:

http://www.godhatesfags.com/featured/20050831_thank-god-for-katrina.html

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:: 2005 8 December :: 9.22 pm

This paper provides many ways to inform us about the subject of homosexuals. I like how you made the paper from how we become gay, how gays are treated, and how homos affect us in our future lives.
I think this paper is way too one-sided. Throughout the paper, I feel I’m being persuaded to think a certain way on this issue. I also think there should more proof to back up the points in the paper to give it more of an effect.

Gregory Mair

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:: 2005 7 December :: 10.55 pm

Shawn! Stop chewing on the monitor!

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:: 2005 7 December :: 10.43 pm

Ok folks, if all goes according to plan I should arrive in K-Zoo/GR December 29th late night, and leave January 2nd late in the day sometime.

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:: 2005 5 December :: 11.31 pm

Jaguar and Land Rover will no longer advertise in gay publications, a Ford spokesman told a prominent gay magazine, in the wake of a boycott by the American Family Association. A report in The Advocate says the brands have stopped advertising in gay publications due to pressure from the AFA, a staunchly anti-gay rights group led by Rev. Donald Wildmon. Earlier this year the AFA had threatened to boycott Ford over the company's advertising in gay publications through its Jaguar, Land Rover, and Volvo brands, the Advocate reports. A Ford spokesman told the magazine's Web site that the company would stop running ads for Jaguar and Land Rover in gay publications but that the decision was made strictly for business reasons. The Volvo brand, a prominent advertiser in the niche, is expected to continue to advertise as in the past. Ford Motor Company, the Advocate says, has been a strong supporter of gay causes and has made contributions to groups like the Human Rights Campaign. The AFA had insisted that Ford stop donating cash and vehicles to gay causes and stop endorsing activities such as gay pride celebrations. Those donations might continue, the magazine says, but the AFA warns it could reinstate its boycott if its demands are not met.

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:: 2005 4 December :: 8.02 pm

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/

Look at 178.

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:: 2005 1 December :: 12.35 am

Like stop eating the paste special?

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:: 2005 1 December :: 12.22 am

A customer actually came in complaining that their product instructions were in Spanish. Should we actually be required to tell them to turn the page over?

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:: 2005 30 November :: 11.22 pm

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

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:: 2005 29 November :: 4.01 pm

I just showed up for class now and realized we have an exam. Who has an exam the first class after break? Grr.

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:: 2005 26 November :: 10.20 am

Just finished watching a movie “Naked Fame”. I found it very amusing for some reason. Just a biography about a porn star leaving the business.

Movie previews on it:
Beautiful Boxer
Straight-Jacket
Sex, Politics, & Cocktails
All three looked great, I’ll have to see if they’re on video yet, and available in town…

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:: 2005 26 November :: 8.56 am

Interesting song lyrics… bite down, crawl into my sling, don’t scream…

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:: 2005 24 November :: 8.22 pm

"Men are weak, except for soldiers. Soldiers are sexy."

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:: 2005 23 November :: 11.27 pm

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:: 2005 23 November :: 2.02 am

My apartment is finally becoming a home.

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:: 2005 22 November :: 12.58 am

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=1333

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